Have you ever wanted to cry but can’t. Like, you feel this ache deep down in your gut, and there’s this sharp pain in your throat, but the tears won’t come. It’s almost like they’re waiting for the perfect moment to start flowing.
I don’t want to talk. I just want to be alone so that I can process everything. However, that’s almost impossible when nurses and techs are constantly coming in and out of the room. Then there’s interacting with Momma– turning her, feeding her and making sure she’s comfortable. PLUS, I don’t want her to see me cry. I’ve already been wiping her tears. Don’t want to make her feel worse than she already does.
As I mentioned in last week’s Hello Sunday, this hospital visit is different. This time I feel like I’m protecting and caring for my child, not my mother. I refuse to leave her up her to fend for herself. Yeah.. this time things are different.
Going to go pick up dinner after the nurses change shifts. I’ve already fed Momma but I need to eat. Y’all, I really need to cry. Just praying that the tears hold until I make it to the car.