My Journey With God, No. 130

The past few months have taught me to walk in my light. To walk in everything I was created to be. I was not created to fit the narrative of others. I was created to stand in my own unique space.

I’m expressive—often overly expressive—in a good way (very joyful).

The simple things make me smile, laugh, and feel BLESSED.

Y’all, I can find a speck of gold in a mound of dirt. I see the beauty in things people often overlook. It’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been.

I recently realized (like a few days ago) that my social anxiety was attached to trying to conform and fit in. I had read a journal entry about an incident that happened when I was around 5 or 6.

Short story…

I was a very expressive child (much like I am as an adult). Whatever I thought sometimes came out. I didn’t always think before I spoke. One day I was playing with my aunt and uncles (we were all around the same age) and I said something inappropriate. Someone told my older aunt what I had done and she locked in one of the bedrooms. She made me stay there until my grandma came home that evening. I remember wondering why I couldn’t be like the other children. Why was I so different?

After that day, I realized the same grace I gave others to be themselves wasn’t the same grace given to me. Over the years, I learned to watch what I said and how I said it. I became very aware of my behavior, sometimes too aware, which caused my anxiety.

Yesterday, I attended a few events, and at each, I stood in who I was and am—the person who loves life, loves people, and gets excited about the simplest things. I stood in my truth. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, but I’m the right cup for the right people. At the last event, I met my people.

Y’all, I’m a down to earth kind of person. Always have been, and probably always will be. I’m at an age where you either accept me as I am or you don’t. My recent experiences have also shown me where I belong and where I don’t, making it easier to say “No” no matter how good the opportunities may be. I’m no longer trying to change cultures and atmospheres at the expense of my own peace and well-being. That was the old Shaun, not the over 50 Shaun.

Anyhoo…

As you can see, I woke up with a lot on my mind and felt like writing. Now, I’m sleepy. Was going to watch Tyler Perry’s Joe’s College Roadtrip, but I’ll have to watch it later when I can fully enjoy it. Been waiting for a Joe movie for YEARS!! Lol. Can’t wait to laugh!