It’s Shaun’s World

Didn’t know if I should add this one to the “My Journey With God” series or make it a standalone post. We shall see what I decide. Smile

Before I dive into what I’m feeling at the moment, I’m going to share today’s post from Shaun’s Daily Inspiration:

You are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to do. YOU GOT THIS!

I just saw a clip from Jay Shetty’s interview with Hayden Panettiere, where she read one of her journal entries about her partner’s abuse and how it affected her life and the lives of those around her. She compared her partner’s behavior to those of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He was nice and loving when he was sober and a completely different person when he drank. She said she kept wanting to fix him…

That right there… fix him… brought back so many memories and emotions of watching my mom and other women in my family stay in abusive relationships because they believed their love could repair whatever was wrong with their partners or husbands. My mom lost one of her babies because my stepdad hit her in her stomach while she was pregnant… and she took him back. She took him back several times after he had done so much more. The thing is, no one believed he was abusive because he was so attentive and caring around others. The funny thing is (not funny at all), she saw herself as being stronger and different from other women around her who were being abused. She believed her fighting back made her less weak. But it took a toll on her. It changed her.

Then, there was my granddaddy, my mom’s dad, who everyone was afraid of. He was a drug dealer and I’m pretty sure he was a pimp too (just keeping it real). I believe my grandmother was his only wife. They got married as teenagers and only stayed together a few years. I remember having a conversation with my grandmother about their relationship. I asked her if he’d ever beat her like he did the others and she said he had hit her a few times.

I could go on about the abuse I witnessed because I witnessed a lot. Fortunately, I never experienced any physical abuse. I was threatened, but by the grace of God, I was never hit or shot. Yeah, someone threatened to put a hit out on me…BUT GOD said “Not so!” Now, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and financially abused, I’ve been there. And when I say those are just as detrimental, if not more than the physical abuse. Physical wounds heal pretty quickly, but the other can take years to recover from.

Anyhoo… I’m going to end here. I appreciate Hayden sharing her story because I really needed to share mine. Today, I’m releasing the shackles of the blame I placed on myself for allowing myself to be abused. Yes, I blamed myself for being too nice, too loving, too understanding, too forgiving. As much as I tried to change who I was, I couldn’t and I blamed myself for not being able to. Today, I release all of that. I’m a good person. I’m a loving and caring person. And I will continue to be so. These are not my weaknesses but my strengths.

Okay… I’m done. I’m pretty sure someone will think I’ve over shared, and that’s okay. This is Shaun’s world, right?

I’m not going to go back and re-read or revise anything, because I know if I do what I needed to get out would probably be deleted. Whew… life… my life.🙏🏽♥️

Shaun

**I hope you can follow my rambling. I’ll go back and revisit and perhaps edit it another time,

Y’all, I have adult children!

As in, I no longer have babies.

As in, my children are self-sufficient and living their own lives.

Yep…

I’m having a moment.

I’m not even sure how to feel in this moment.

It’s not like they haven’t been adults for a few years now.

Maybe my sisters preparing for their kids to return to school triggered these feelings. Plus, I did spend the weekend with one of my sisters and her four very active kids. Lol. Now there’s silence.

It’s a little too quiet.

Yep! I’m having a moment.

But…

I’ll be okay in a minute or two.

I just need to let this moment pass.

How did they grow up so fast?!?!