It’s 2:00 a.m. Laying here thinking about the next phase of my life. Letting go of things that really don’t serve a purpose. Things that aren’t helping me grow.
I’m a helper by nature. I love it. It’s who I am and what I do. I see an area someone needs assistance in, and I volunteer to help, even when they don’t ask for my help. Sometimes I think it’s the mother in me, or the nurturer. Y’all, I really cannot help it. Which is probably one of the reasons I volunteer for EVERYTHING! Ugh, I really need to stop! Lol
Well, I think it’s time to stop trying to fill voids in other people’s lives. It’s time to be selfish and only focus on myself and my needs. Thought I was doing this, but obviously not! The only beings I’m obligated to help are my two. I’m not married (calling it what it is, forget a signature). My baby girl is an adult doing her own thing. So technically I don’t have to worry about her. I guess my son is my only concern. Ha! I have basically narrowed my circle down to two people, myself and my son. Lovely! The next person/people I allow into this very small circle, has to bring support in order to get support. My one sided assistance is gone.
This morning I’m declaring my freedom from all of the things that are holding me back. It’s funny how most of the chains were placed here by me. I made the connections. I linked up. I shackled myself to people and causes. Honestly, it’s the embarrassment of letting go that’s keeping me bound. “What will people think or say if I changed?” That’s the same mentality that kept me in a relationship that ended long before I said “I do.” I should’ve let go!
So now that God has shown me this (clarity), what will I do? Will I listen and let go, or will I continue and repeat the same old stuff (I really wanted to cuss but I can’t even say the word, let alone write it. SMH). The decision is all mine. It’s up to me to break free.
The word coexist came to mind the other day. I’m searching for connections that will allow me to coexist with others. No chains. No obligations. I need mutual support and understanding. Yeah…everything has to be mutual. I’m worth it!