So here’s one of my randoms.
This morning I had dream about Guy. You know, Aaron and Damion Hall and Teddy Riley. I was watching one of their videos (that doesn’t even exist- lol) called Real Love. It was so vivid. It was set in the nighttime. The group was in a vacant parking lot just singing their hearts out. Oh– I can’t forget to tell you what they were wearing. You know the nineties was all about style. Aaron had on his signature black leather pants and vest set, no shirt (umm hmm). Teddy had on a burnt orange Adidas outfit with a black hat (looking fly). Unfortunately, I can’t remember what Damion was wearing. Oh well…
Anyway, they were singing about love. I felt it in my dreams! I woke up with love on my mind. Honestly, it could be because I fell asleep with love on my mind. I fell asleep after watching the preview of OWN’s new series, “Love Is ____.” So my question this morning is, “What is love?” Meaning, love between spouses, partners, companions, etc. What is love?
As a little girl, I thought love was all about the fairytale. I can’t lie, I still love the beauty of the fairytale. Fairytales do exist. By the time I was a teenager, my perception of love had changed. I realized people fell in and out of love quite often. I never had a boyfriend in high school. However, I was in love. I still get all tingly when I think about my “Blue Eyes.” That’s what I called him. That was high school. Lol
The day I graduated from high school was the day my first boyfriend found me. Yes, he found me because I was not looking. Nowadays I hear people talking about the love of your life will find you. Just know, you have to be leery of them too. Just because he finds you doesn’t mean he’s God sent. And this boyfriend wasn’t. In my mind I tried to make him a prince. He was eight years older than I was. So we were on two different levels. Mentally, I was still a child and he was looking for a woman. I was not there.
After that relationship ended, I decided to do the finding. Ha! It wasn’t any better than being found. Eventually I settled. That word, settle, really makes me cringe.
Over the years I received love advice from people who had been married for years. One person told me that the tingly love feeling wears off after the first couple of years so commitment was most important. I had others tell me to look past faults and forgive. The best one, and most deceptive– find a good hard working man and settle down. No one mentioned love in terms of longevity. Were they right? Are they right? Is love only temporary?
Honestly, I don’t think there’s one definition for love. Love is different for everyone. That’s why God made us unique. What I’ve learned is, if you don’t love yourself, you cannot fully love someone else. Self-love is so important. I also believe the person who truly loves you will love you unconditionally– just the way you are. If they want you to change (I’m talking personality wise), it’s not love. You shouldn’t have to change who you are based on “ideal” relationships. You know, those “relationship goals.” Please! Trying to live like others will have you so off course. Do you!!
People try to make love complicated. My definition of love is simple. Love is love. Period. No ifs. You know, “if they were this,” “if they did that,” “if they said this,” “if they looked like this” (now that’s a hard one to let go of– ha!!)… What I’m trying to say is, either you love the person or you don’t. Mixed feelings will make you miserable.
I would like to end this with positive vibes. Positive vibes for everyone (in my Oprah voice). My wish is for everyone to experience the fairytale kind of love. The kind that makes you tingly all over with happiness. The kind that makes your hear melt when you think about sitting on a porch at 90– not talking, just smiling, humming and enjoying each other’s company. Smile– that’s my fairytale.
Remember, the fairytale will always be tailor-made for you and your love. Forget those “relationship goals.” Make your own goals!
As I said, this was random. I’m random. Either you love me or you don’t.