UGH!

Why does this feel like déjà vu? One part of me is celebrating success while the other is grieving a loss. No one has passed. My mom is still here but she’s not the same.

What is it with successes and griefs always happening at the same time. For real.. It’s almost like I can’t have one without the other. Like they’re meant to happen simultaneously and it’s my job to figure out how to cope with them both without losing it. Is this a test? What is it preparing me for?

I’m celebrating when I want to scream, and screaming on the inside when all I want to do is celebrate. Y’all, this really is the story of my life. So what do I do? What am I supposed to do? Do I do both? Maybe that’s it! Maybe I’m supposed to scream and get it all out, then celebrate, or vice versa.

Oh how I wish it were that easy. Perhaps, I’m just supposed to inhale, exhale, then turn everything over to God. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m tired of my emotions being all over the place.

For real.. who knew this would happen to me again? My life…

Lord, I’m going to inhale, then exhale, and rest in You. I’m going to celebrate when I feel like doing so, and scream whenever I feel like screaming. Yep… I believe that’s the plan.

I’m home for a couple of hours before I head back to the hospital. My mom is doing much better. Now it’s time to make short term and long term care decisions. Y’all, there’s so much paperwork involved. UGH!!!

Y’all know how I do. Just needed to rambling randomly. Had to get it out.

Shaun