Sooo… I just watched a video snippet of Pastor Mike Todd talking about dating. This particular snippet said, “You gone be alone for the rest of your life because God will not date for you.”
So you’re telling me he won’t be my matchmaker? He won’t be my fairy godfather? He won’t send a frog for me to kiss? Sigh.
Confession– Recently, I downloaded Hinge (a dating app) and created a profile. Yep.. it was one of those days when I was like, I’m tired of being alone. I need some male companionship! Y’all, I wasn’t on there a good eight hours before I deleted the app. Had two likes. One was cute but a little too young.
Here’s a little background on me and dating. I have never really dated. Like.. NEVER! Y’all, I don’t even know how to date. My first boyfriend literally came by my house on his motorcycle and claimed me. I was like, “Okay.” My daughter’s father (2nd boyfriend), I pursued. It was something like, “I want YOU!”. And I got him. Shaking my head. That was definitely the wrong move. Same with the guy after him. Then my ex husband.. Well, I was trying to get over number 3 and fell for the saying, “the best way to get over a person is to get.. with someone else.” Now, THAT is a lie! You don’t play with people’s emotions by using them as a way to cope, heal or make someone jealous. Believe me, nothing good will come from it. Plus, you’re mishandling God’s child.
Now, I’m back at square one.
Oh! And don’t let me get started about DMs. Oh my lord! I get so many DMs. Listen, interact with me on my timeline before you hit my DMs. And please don’t talk about how cute I am. Let’s talk about whatever topic we’re commenting on. And don’t just think one or two conversations gonna get a response in my messages. Baby, it takes a good minute.. maybe months to years.. before I’m comfortable enough to go there with you. I just don’t trust people like that. Like, who are you and are you really who you say you are? Too many fake profiles out there! Send me a video (a clean one- lol) and let me know you’re real.
Okay.. So maybe I’m not that desperate for companionship. Laughing. Also, I don’t date to date. Just being honest and transparent. I date to settle down. When I was a little girl up until I had my first boyfriend, I always had the dream of being with one person. Now, this doesn’t mean I didn’t crush on a lot of people. Baby, every other month there was someone I was crushing on. However, there was always someone I really liked. There was always the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It’s crazy because one of those forever crushes lasted a good twenty years or so. Blue Eyes. For years, I just knew we would meet again and live happily ever after. Honestly, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I stopped looking for him. I finally let him go. Even saying it seems strange. For years, I held on to the thought that maybe we would find each other again. Then, one day those feelings were gone. Like, nothing. Y’all, life is strange. My world is strange.
Anyhoo.. back to this dating thing. I know me, and dating around just isn’t for me. So, if being alone for the rest of my life is what I have to do, so be it. At this moment, I’m really okay with it. Yes, I had dreams of finding someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Also.. I do believe in fairytales. Yep! Always have and always will. Not the storybook fairytale– the princess (even though I am a Queen) and the castle– but being with someone, only one, that I wholeheartedly wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with. That’s my fairytale. That’s my dream.
Honestly, I was really messed up after my first relationship ended. I believed I had ruined my chances of having the life that I had always dreamed. I tried to recreate the dream with every relationship afterwards but it never worked. Y’all, it has to happen naturally. And if it doesn’t, I’m good. I believe we’re all different and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for someone else. God’s taken care of me this far and has provided everything I’ve needed. I refuse to believe that He won’t do the same in this situation. When He gives me the okay, I’ll move. I’ll respond to those DMs. Laughing
Okay.. that’s it for today. Had to get that off my chest, now it never has to be said again. Been holding that in for years!
Thanks for letting me ramble. I love y’all! Enjoy your day.