As I’ve mentioned many times before, October 2019 was probably the worst month of my life. Now, here I am feeling like I’m somewhat reliving it again. I wrote the following a day or two before my brother was rushed to the ER.
Facebook Memory: October 9, 2019
So… I just read an article about Bernie Sanders’ daughter-in-law passing. She was 46 years old. For some reason this has had me bawling. I’m 46. All year long I’ve been seeing the quote “Everything happens for a reason.” It’s really got me thinking. Am I living my life to its fullest? What am I doing to make this my best life ever? Work is stressing me out. School is overwhelming. I tend to veg out on social media to get away from it all. Then that becomes overwhelming. All I keep thinking about right now is my birthday motto- #46andFree. Am I really free? Am I doing what I want to do? Am I truly happy? Am I living? Time to rethink some things. She was 46, y’all. I’m still crying. That could’ve been me. I have sooo many things I desire to do before I leave this earth. Prayers for her family. I think it’s time to log off for a while. Need to focus on my next moves. I’ll still post on Mississippi Thriving IG. I love y’all.🙏🏽♥️
That was three years ago. Never in a million years would I have guessed my brother would die ten days later.
This morning was another bad one for my mom. This time she cried for a while saying she can’t take this anymore. The irony of this whole situation is everyone’s praying for her to stay with us while she’s praying to leave. My prayer is that God’s will be done; and if that means it’s time for her to go, that everyone will be okay with it.
A few days before my brother died, everyone was praying for him to make it. When he started mumbling that he was tired and wanted to rest, they prayed even harder and kept telling him to “be strong” and “fight.” I remember thinking I just wanted him to be at peace. Y’all, I truly believed he would pull through, but he didn’t.
Momma has been preparing us for a few years now for this time. A few weeks ago she told us that she had accomplished everything she truly wanted out of life. She said that it wasn’t what everyone else dreamed of, but it was what she dreamed of.
I pray this isn’t a repeat of October 2019. I so love my momma and want what’s best for her. I know God is a healer and restorer. However, I also know that sometimes He relieves people of their pain by calling them home to be with Him.
This is all I have for this Sunday. Please keep my mom and family uplifted in your thoughts and prayers.