Category: Uncategorized

Guess I’m calling this an awakening because a few hours ago I was hit with a rush of emotions. Honestly, I’ve been more emotional than usual over the past few weeks. Like really anxious. I hate feeling anxious.

So over the past few weeks I’ve been traveling for work, almost daily. I typically leave before sunrise and by the time I return, I’m exhausted. Five to 10 years ago, I would have loved it. Now, not so much. I’m currently working on four projects. Multitasking used to keep things interesting. Now I hate it. I would love to focus on one thing. I believe it’s because I’m in school. Since I’ve been going to school, all I want to do is focus on school. However, most of the time I’m so exhausted from work that I can barely complete assignments. I refuse to give up on school so I need to rethink my work situation.

Then, Momma ended up in the hospital again. She probably doesn’t know how much of a mental and emotional roller coaster my sisters and I go through every time she’s admitted. We just want her to take care of herself. She needs 24-hour care but chooses to stay at home where she barely has help. When she was in rehab, she looked so much better. She was doing so much better. She had people to talk to. She got her nails and hair done every week. She ate three meals a day. Honestly, we didn’t really worry about her. Despite her typical complaints, she seemed happy. So, worrying about her is pretty draining.

I guess the turning point came last night when my mom told me my uncle, who’s the same age as I am, was rushed to the hospital. That did something to me. All I could think about it we’ve been together our entire life. My 15 year old mother was pregnant at the same time as her 30 year old mother. My mom had me a little over a week before my grandma had my uncle. My uncle and I played “cops and robbers” together. We used to race barefoot down the gravel road in front of my grandma’s house. I can still feel the pain of the rocks. Lol. I remember him building miniature fish ponds, complete with filtration systems, out of scraps we found in the trash. We would catch minnows and put them in the pond. So many fond memories. He has to live to be 100+ just like me.

Then, while I was thinking about him, I saw tweets about Bernie Sanders’ daughter-in-law passing at 46. Forty-six. I’m 46. Like, wow! I started bawling. I immediately began to ask myself of I was truly living. I’ve been celebrating Tyler Perry’s accomplishments for days…actually for years, but the last few weeks have been astronomical. I’m still in awe!!

Okay.. back to me. Lol!! I asked myself have I been living. My birthday motto was #46andFree, but have I been living a free life? Shoot, have I been living? I’ve been so consumed with everything around me, including social media, that I haven’t taken care of Shaun. What is it that I want and am I doing it? Not waiting to do it, cause clearly life is short, but actively living in the moment. I’m not. I’ve been living in everyone else’s happiness and success. I love watching God work, but what about watching Him work in my life. Hmmm…

Girl, you better get a grip and start living!!! Everyone’s doing their thing while you’re sitting back watching and aging. WAKE UP!!!

Hopefully my inner being heard and felt that. I really need for her to have and will act on the plea, IMMEDIATELY! I’ve already logged off social media. I love celebrating others but it’s time to celebrate me. I created another Twitter account in June. Been trying to get away from the other. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll log back on to it. I also can’t not log on for the premieres of The Oval and Sistas. I’m excited about those shows. I know Tyler Perry is going to do so well with BET and Viacom. I foresee him owning a company like Viacom. He’s truly amazing. This is such a great time to be alive. Now it’s time for me to pursue my dreams.

Let me close and go to bed. Have to get back on the road in a few hours.

Shaun

#Ready2Live
#MyPurposeIsTooGreat
#Grateful

P.S. Please forgive any errors. I’m too tired to proof. Love y’all!

Earlier this year, the song “For a Reason” by Zhane kept playing over and over in my head. For weeks I woke up with it on my mind. I didn’t understand it then, and I have to admit, I still don’t.

Yesterday, I reposted a quote that referred to everything happens for a reason. A few days before that, I shared a Facebook memory from last year that said the same. So this only leads me to believe that I need to face the fact that some things happen for reasons that I will eventually understand and others that I will never be able to explain.

I have to be okay with the unknown. Learning to relax and take everything in stride. God’s plans are better than anything I will ever imagine or dream.

This year has been fabulous! God has granted me all kinds of favor. I’m blessed. I’m so very blessed. Looking forward to all God has planned…the unknown.

Shaun🦋

#Relax
#EverythingHappensForAReason
#ForeverGrateful

Woke up with the song “Savior More Than Life To Me” by Kirk Franklin and The Family, on my mind. Here are a few of the lyrics:

“Savior more than life to me
You are the joy and air I breathe
No other lover shall there be
That makes my spirit sing

Hold me close don’t let me go
You’re the only friend I’ll ever know

That is why I love you so
More than life to me
More than life to me”
(Courtesy of Genius.com)

There’s nothing like God’s love. Yesterday I was telling my daughter how sometimes God’s blessings are a bit overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for His blessings. They just catch me off guard. I don’t expect what I think about, or ask for, to actually happen. Most of the time they’re just passing thoughts about what I desire, and then He just drops a blessing on me like, “Here you go. What else you want?”

Y’all, I have NEVER experienced this kind of love before. NEVER. He’s just so good to me! Whew!!

Right now I’m so full of praise. Thank You, Lord, for ALL You’re doing in my life. Thank You for loving ME- Shaun! You’re more than life to me.

Y’all, I don’t praise Him to receive blessings. I believe He blesses me because I praise Him. I dare you to try it. He’s just so gracious.

#Favor
#Blessed
#Loved
#Grateful

Shaun

Moments ago I watched a clip of Will Packer speaking at an event. He listed three things we should have as entrepreneurs – great work ethic, a clear vision, and passion. Hmm…

Years ago, everything was so clear. I had one goal, to bring hope to those in despair, in particular, those in the Mississippi Delta.

As a teenager, I imagined opening a place in my hometown that catered to the needs of children as well as elders. I wanted our children to have the same opportunities as children living in high-income areas. I also wanted to connect them with other children all over the world. As for the elders, I wanted them to be able to sit back and enjoy life and not worry about food, medication, or housing. It’s how I imagined my grands living out the rest of their lives.

As a child, I went to school in Kansas and had opportunities most children in Mississippi didn’t. I had the opportunity to attend school with foreign exchange students and even had a pen pal as a child. Oh, and books… I loved reading. The library was my favorite place to visit. Books always took me different places. And so did my imagination.

Well, when I graduated from high school, I was fortunate enough to visit the Dominican Republic for a few weeks. My goal was to learn about their culture and practice speaking Spanish. It’s an experience I will never forget. It’s what I envisioned for others.

As we all know, life never goes exactly as planned. My vision never changed; however, ways of achieving it, did. Honestly, this journey has been harder than I thought. I’ve listened to people say only focus on one thing and make that happen. Well, my one thing is multifaceted. I can’t focus on health and wellness, if educational and financial needs aren’t being met. Things aren’t that simple. This is why we see so many failed programs. This is why we haven’t been able to achieve sustainable programming. Something different has to be done.

So, that’s what I’m doing now. Community-based research will never make me rich, and working in the public health field definitely won’t. When people say, “follow your passion,” they’re often referring to becoming wealthy. Everyone wants to be rich. I, on the other hand, only want to see people thrive. To me, that’s wealth. That’s where my passion lies.

At the moment, I’m working on my DrPH (Doctor of Public Health) degree. My focus is on public policy and program development. I’ve worked on enough community-based research projects to know what works and what doesn’t. Unfortunately, in the world of research and politics, credentials speak louder than experience. However… fortunately for me, and those I serve, I’m gaining more knowledge through each course I take. When it’s all over, I will be properly prepared to fulfill my vision.

This hasn’t been an easy task. I’ve wanted to quit so many times, but I know my purpose is greater than any discomfort I’m experiencing. God is working. I will make it. My people will not only survive, but they will THRIVE, and so will generations to come!

God is good!

Shaun

About to go to sleep. Up thinking as usual. Actually chastising myself. Nothing new.

I’m kind of disappointed in myself because I’m not as disciplined as I used to be. I have allowed distractions to consume my time. I’m becoming comfortable with being comfortable at a time when I need to be working. I have some serious decisions to make. No one is going to make them for me. No one is going to complete tasks for me. It’s up to me to get things done.

Bishop Jakes’ message Sunday was “The Door Prayer Won’t Open.” Basically, it was about being ready when what you’ve been praying for happens. Will you recognize it’s happening and open the door (grasp it), or will you allow it to pass you by while you continue to pray. The fact is, some things aren’t going to drop in our laps. Some things we actually have to work for, or as he put it, turn the knob and open the door for. In other words, we must take action.

Tonight/this morning God reminded me that what I’m encountering is the blessing I’ve prayed for. It’s at the door. He’s brought it to me. I can either get up and open the door (grasp it), or I can allow it to pass me by. This is one of those blessings that will not be placed in my lap. It will not be handed to me. I actually have to work for it.

Mind over matter. It’s a mind game.

Discipline over comfort. Have to let the distractions go.

Progress over stagnation. My purpose is too important to remain where I am.

It’s my choice. I must choose wisely.

As usual, excuse any typos, missed words, or incoherent ramblings. I need to be asleep.

Good Night

Shaun

Character: the mental and moral qualities distinctive of an individual

Just watched “Why Did I Get Married Too?” I’ve watched it many times and today was the first time I felt Patricia’s (Janet Jackson) anger. All of the other times I’ve always sided with Gavin (Malik Yoba). I used to feel like he was just reacting out of anger. You know what they say, “hurt people, hurt people.” He was a good person who responded out of hurt and anger. I mean, that wasn’t his true character, right? Patricia blindsided him with the divorce. How else was he supposed to react? That’s how I used to feel, until today.

Today I saw things differently. All she wanted was to get out of the marriage. Why couldn’t he just give her her freedom? He should’ve just let her go. In the end, she decided to let her anger get the best of her, which ended in tragedy.

I don’t agree with the way either decided to handle their anger. If it were me, I would’ve split all of my assets just to have my freedom. You know..

In my last blog I wrote about being so angry because my ex wouldn’t sign the divorce papers. I felt exactly the way Patricia’s character felt. I felt like I was going to explode. I had given him everything he asked for. I was so furious! I’m so grateful God intervened and I’m so glad I stayed in character. To this day I still don’t know how I made it four years without losing it. But God!

Anyway, I said all of this to say, don’t allow anyone or any situation make you lose character. Be strong enough to recognize it for what it is, and move above it. One thing about people, they never really remember the good you’ve done, but lose your character and that’s all they’ll ever remember. Think about it, when you’re with your family, the first thing they bring up is something crazy you said or did. Or maybe that’s just my crazy family. Lol!

As Mrs. Obama always said, “When they go low, we go high.” Stay in character.

Shaun