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It’s 2:00 a.m. Laying here thinking about the next phase of my life. Letting go of things that really don’t serve a purpose. Things that aren’t helping me grow.

I’m a helper by nature. I love it. It’s who I am and what I do. I see an area someone needs assistance in, and I volunteer to help, even when they don’t ask for my help. Sometimes I think it’s the mother in me, or the nurturer. Y’all, I really cannot help it. Which is probably one of the reasons I volunteer for EVERYTHING! Ugh, I really need to stop! Lol

Well, I think it’s time to stop trying to fill voids in other people’s lives. It’s time to be selfish and only focus on myself and my needs. Thought I was doing this, but obviously not! The only beings I’m obligated to help are my two. I’m not married (calling it what it is, forget a signature). My baby girl is an adult doing her own thing. So technically I don’t have to worry about her. I guess my son is my only concern. Ha! I have basically narrowed my circle down to two people, myself and my son. Lovely! The next person/people I allow into this very small circle, has to bring support in order to get support. My one sided assistance is gone.

This morning I’m declaring my freedom from all of the things that are holding me back. It’s funny how most of the chains were placed here by me. I made the connections. I linked up. I shackled myself to people and causes. Honestly, it’s the embarrassment of letting go that’s keeping me bound. “What will people think or say if I changed?” That’s the same mentality that kept me in a relationship that ended long before I said “I do.” I should’ve let go!

So now that God has shown me this (clarity), what will I do? Will I listen and let go, or will I continue and repeat the same old stuff (I really wanted to cuss but I can’t even say the word, let alone write it. SMH). The decision is all mine. It’s up to me to break free.

The word coexist came to mind the other day. I’m searching for connections that will allow me to coexist with others. No chains. No obligations. I need mutual support and understanding. Yeah…everything has to be mutual. I’m worth it!

xoxo

Shaun

Springtime is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s when everything thing awakens. The flowers start to bloom, and tiny creatures start to resurface.

I have to commend myself, I’m reacting pretty well to the little creatures. Haven’t freaked out yet. Even walked in a room where a lizard was inches away from me, and I didn’t panic. Have to give credit to the animated creatures and the Geico gecko. Lol.

Okay… got a little sidetracked. Y’all know how I am.😉 In my last blog I wrote about letting things go and clarity. Well, the clarity has continued. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin before, but I realized I had a lot to work on, and I still do. However, I’m finally coming out of my shell. I’ve begun owning my uniqueness. It’s one thing to embrace it, but owning it is POWERFUL! I’m no longer timid about using the platforms I’ve been given, to support my vision. I’m learning from the best!

I’m so excited about what lies ahead. #Year45 isn’t over yet! God is working!

Shaun
#IAmPOWERFUL💪🏽

Over the past few years I have done a lot of soul searching. Been trying to figure out who I am. Trying to find my true self. It has definitely been a journey. Have I accomplished my goal? Um… NO! However, what I have discovered is helping me become the best version of myself.

Recently I started reading old journal entries from the 90’s. I can’t believe there were so many things I had forgotten about– past relationships, accomplishments, heartaches, and dreams. It’s been like reading someone else’s story. My life has been full of experiences– good and bad, juicy and dry… basically a mess. Lol. But they were my experiences and I thank God for all of them. They’ve shaped who I am.

This year I asked God for clarity. It’s amazing how one little request has revealed so much. The Bible says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find. . .” (Matthew 7:7). Well, I’ve found out a lot about myself. Some things I’m not too thrilled about, but I needed to discover them to help me become a better person. There are patterns that I have repeated over the past 20-30 years that have to stop. Then, there are others that I need to strengthen.

Honestly, I needed the revelations. I needed clarity. I’m not too thrilled about letting some things go, but I know that I have to. They’re really holding me back. I guess you can say, I have always used them as crutches for not moving on, for not growing, for saving myself from hurts and disappointments. Yeah… it’s time to let go and move forward. Here’s the first…

Farewell, Blue Eyes (SWR)😥

Letting go and moving forward.

Shaun

New year, same old barriers. Lol. I didn’t make any declarations for 2019. However, I did expect to wake up with a new attitude. Didn’t happen!

I have to admit that I’m very stubborn. If I don’t want to do something, I’m probably not going to do it. Or if I do it, I’m not going to give it my all. Pretty pathetic, huh. Well, it’s time to override this stubbornness because, frankly, I’m getting on my own nerves. I have work to do…PERIOD!

So, Shaun, I’m saying to you, “Bye Felicia! Ain’t nobody got time for your stubbornness. It’s time to get moving!”

Back to my schedule. As much as I love spending countless hours on social media, it’s time to get it back under control. I only use it to procrastinate, anyway. Whatever notifications I get during my off time, will still be there when I log on. I don’t have to be the first to know everything. Lol!

My purpose is bigger than me. I have to set priorities. Life isn’t going to pass me by just because I set priorities. No, life is going to be better because of them. Thanking God for clarity. Yes, my heart is a little hurt (guess I should say ego, not heart). But I need to get back on track.

What’s for me will always be for me and nothing or no one can block it. However, I can prolong it by refusing to do my part, and make the necessary sacrifices, to get there. Amen

I’m kind of loving speaking to the universe. No one reads these blogs. Lol. I know God sees them and perhaps other species and beings throughout the galaxy. Yeah, I believe in all of that. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Shaun

Lately I’ve been writing and not sharing my blogs on social media. Either people are going to read them or not. Honestly, I’m not sure if I really want anyone to read them. I just need to write.

Last night was the FIRST time I’ve ever brought in the new year, solo. My daughter was doing her own thing. My son is with his father. I usually go to the Delta and spend it with my father and bonus mom, but not this year. I had too many things to reflect on. I needed the time alone. I just pray this doesn’t become routine every New Year’s Eve.

I didn’t even bring in the new year watching The Potters House. I fell asleep around 8:00 p.m. and some notification woke me up around 10:30 p.m. Today, Bishop T.D. Jakes posted, “The sign of maturity is balance.” Balance. It’s what I need. It’s what I was doing when I made my schedules and stuck with them. Now I’m all over the place.

It’s really time for a change. What comes, comes. And what goes, goes. I have to stay focused on my purpose. I cannot repeat the same mistakes as I did in 2018. I can’t. This year I’m asking God for clarity. Please God, show me where I’m going wrong and help me correct it. Clarity and Balance.

Happy New Year

Shaun
#DayOne
#Clarity
#Balance

I need to vent and I’m tired of journaling. I need the universe to hear me.

In a few hours I’m going to put on a happy face and sit with someone I really don’t want to be in the room with. For the last four years, this has been my life. I smile and make small talk. I try to avoid eye contact because any contact or friendly gesture makes him think there’s a chance of us getting back together.

I am so frustrated right now. Everyone keeps saying, “Trust God’s timing.” I keep trying to be positive, but it’s becoming harder and harder. All I want for Christmas is for this divorce to be final. I feel like I’m a prisoner who’s pretending to be free. I’m not free!

Yesterday my son asked me if I was okay. He said I seemed depressed lately. He said that I’ve been crying more often and he just wanted me to be okay. Shoot, I hadn’t even noticed my mood had changed. I blamed it on frustration with school, but in reality, all I want is to be divorced. But of course I couldn’t tell him that.

So, in a few hours, I’m going to dry these tears; put on my smile; and be the most positive person on earth…because that’s what I do.

Merry Christmas 🎄
Shaun

What keeps you motivated? After all the hype dies down. After the Amen corner becomes quiet. What keeps you motivated?

For a few years now, I have fed off of others’ energy. Seeing them excited, made me excited. Seeing them prosper, made me want to prosper. However, when your source of energy is no longer present, where do you draw your energy? Asking for a friend. Lol

Music used to get me pumped. I love music. I’ve tried it lately, but it’s not the same. Perhaps I’m listening to the wrong music.

According to Cheryl Wood, everyone needs an energy source. And she’s absolutely right. The energy that person pours into you, you tend to pour into others. Lately, I’ve poured and poured until I’ve become empty. My source is gone. Maybe I need a conference to attend. Conferences always seem to work. I need to be around energy and positive vibes.

“Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be and doing the things you want to do.”- LJBrad (yep- me!)

Short story– I took a break from social media because the atmosphere wasn’t right. I no longer felt myself growing. I had plateaued. I was giving out my last bit of energy and receiving nothing in return. After about a week or so, I decided to get back on Twitter, but only under TheResearchDiva account. I felt good because I was surrounded by things I cared about– health equity, human rights, eradicating poverty, etc. I was in the global realm. I felt like I belonged.

So, for a week or so, I only operated there. My mind was there. My heart was there. Then, I slipped back to my personal Twitter account and started checking my Facebook page. Things that used to excite me, did, but not like before. Things had changed…I have changed. It’s crazy because one part of me feels like I’ve lost friends; however, the other part feels like I’ve gained the world. How do I balance the two?

I guess I’ve found my answer. It’s not the answer I wanted to hear. I have to let a few things go. Letting go doesn’t mean I don’t care. It just means that I can’t grow where I am. TheResearchDiva is where I need to be right now in order to stay focused on this degree and my purpose. I need to immerse myself in global health. I know that if I make the sacrifices now, I will be in better position to serve others. I cannot serve anyone on empty.

I just needed to write- to get my thoughts out. Thanks for reading. I’m not going anywhere. I just need to reorganize how I handle things.😘

Shaun
#BeBlessed💕

Be still.
God is working.
Amen

Shaun

Last week was trying. I had so much on my mind. So many unresolved issues were weighing on me. All throughout last week I kept receiving messages like “Be patient,” “Trust God’s timing,” and “Do not settle.” When I tell you I’m so happy I listened to God! I’m so happy I did not settle!

I’ll have to share my testimony in another blog. Just know that it pays to listen to God. Don’t doubt what He says. If you know He’s said something is for you, believe Him. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. I say this all of the time, “God is ALWAYS working behind the scenes.” What’s for you, is for YOU! As the song says, “He may not come when you want Him, but He’ll be right on time”~ Dottie Peoples.

Side Note: The things that excite me may not necessarily excite you. Lol! So when you see me praising God, it’s not because I’ve come into a financial blessing. LOL! For those who know me, know money doesn’t get me excited like that– now food… Lol! For example, the other day I was the only one in my class who completed the discussion correctly. One time I got the last parking space in a parking lot minutes before a meeting. Shoot, hearing a rooster crowing early in the morning does it for me! Y’all, it’s the small things that have me praising God for days. For real! And don’t let me receive a confirmation message!! Whew!!

I’m so happy God loves me! He loves you, too!!

Be Blessed,

Shaun

#BePatient
#GodIsWorking
#DontSettle

Up thinking about the excuses we make for “the way we are.” You know– “I’m like this because so and so made me like this,” “I’m like this because of the way I was raised,” and so forth. Those are just excuses for not changing. I know, because I’ve been there.

Whenever I didn’t want to change a behavior, I would blame it on someone else or some past hurt or disappointment. “I hate cleaning up on Saturday mornings because my momma made me do it” or “I’ll never fall in love again because so and so hurt me.” Just threw that one in cause I couldn’t think of anything else– shoot, I’m sleepy– lol. Anyway, there are so many more that I’ve used.

When I finally realized they were just excuses, my life began to change. I wasn’t emotionally scarred. I just didn’t want to change. I actually liked being miserable. There’s something about emotional hurt that’s comforting. Sounds crazy, but it’s true. It allows you to put the blame on someone, or something, other than yourself. Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re in control of our feelings. We choose the way we respond. Even if it’s only for a split second, we think “Should I be mad or not? Um.. yeah, I should be mad! I’m gonna be mad, act mad, and look mad!” Didn’t you feel good just thinking about it? Lol! Crazy, huh!

Now, I’m not saying that I’ve mastered this, because I haven’t. I still allow people, things and situations upset me. However, it never lasts long. I like being happy. Believe me, life is so much more pleasant when you’re happy. Oh— I can’t act like I did it all by myself. Nope. It was God! All God! I’m so happy He loves me! He introduced me to the power of positivity. Yep. He loves me!

Okay, I’m going to sleep. This was very random. Hopefully some of it made sense. If not, oh well. Life is short and I felt like writing. That’s why it’s called “It’s Shaun’s World.”

Shaun
#StayPositive
#BeBlessed