Feeling Some Kind of Way

I have had a headache since yesterday. Finally took something for it. What was supposed to be a fun extended weekend has turned into a weekend of reflections and questions. Nothing new, just the same questions I tend to ask myself when someone close passes. Basically, am I living or am I wasting time. On one hand I feel like I’m exactly where I need to be because when I rush things I tend to make bad decisions. However, I feel like if I don’t move, I might not live to see my dreams come to pass.

Today is one of my sisters’ birthday. I am so grateful she is still here. Today should be a joyous occasion for her, instead she is trying to cope with our sister-friend’s loss. God please give her peace. Give her family peace.

Life is precious and so short. I have a lot of decisions to make. I do not want to find myself in the same place and predicament this time next year.

Next month would have been my brother’s 47th birthday. Yesterday my dad finished his tombstone. My stepmom had to push him to get it done. We know this was the hardest one to make, but he had to do it. None of us want his death to be real, but it is. Yesterday my stepmom said that her girls are her angels. That she could not have made it without us. Life.

Just felt like writing. Going to go back to sleep, now. My headache seems to be subsiding. I cannot wait to get on the road to head home. I miss my babies. Can’t wait to hug them, if I hug them. I cannot ignore the fact COVID-19 is still here. Everyone I have interacted with have taken proper precautions, but I will not take any chances with my babies. So I will skip the hugs for now.

Good night, y’all. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

Shaun