After dealing with death, I often wonder if my dreams and goals are worth pursuing. Like, am I wasting too much time focusing on the unknown when I should be spending more time on what I already have. Then I am reminded that I could actually live to be 100 years old. My dreams and goals are so worth pursuing.
No matter how much I would like to give up at times, or settle where I am, for some reason God will not allow me to. He constantly shows me that there is so much more worth living for, worth pursuing. I have to keep going, even when those I thought would go with me are no longer here or decide to choose a different path. I cannot give up.
Here is a Facebook memory from September 13, 2018:
Good Morning! Here’s today’s social media find. Y’all, persistence is everything. Even when your deadline has come and gone, keep going. The thing you’re working towards will eventually happen. There are moments that I really want to give up (like last night- lol), but God steps in and pushes me forward. He’s persistent!☺️ If it’s meant to be, it will be.
There is no timeline, only God’s timing. Keeping going!
As you may have read, I was feeling pretty down a couple of hours ago (Hello Sunday). Well, a couple of things happened afterwards. I was led to watch/listen to the first YouTube video I saw. This happens quite often when I need a message. The first video was a message by Bishop T. D. Jakes, “How to Prepare for a Shift.” It was only eleven minutes long and when I first started listening, I didn’t think it was for me. By the end of the message, I knew that it was. Message: Be quiet and listen. Listen for God’s voice. As soon as I became quiet, I remembered a program I had been thinking about enrolling in for my new venture. Well, after looking into it, I enrolled. I also received a 75% discount! Woohoo!!
Mentally and emotionally I’m still not back to normal, but I do feel so much better. After finally feeling up to journaling, I was led to read last year’s journal entry. Y’all, this is actually how God works in my life. It’s how I make it. Here are the first two sentences of that entry.
God’s got me; therefore, I know everything will be okay.
He works pretty fast doesn’t He? I’m so grateful He loves me.
I’m awake. Can’t sleep. What do you do when you have absolutely no idea of what to do when your heart hurts? I know I have to push through. I know that in a few days I will not feel like this. I know that eventually the pain will fade. However, at this moment, I’m hurting.
I really hate writing sad, depressing blogs. I don’t feel like journaling. I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like making a social media post. I chose to blog because somehow I actually feel like the universe hears me this way. Maybe… just maybe, by writing it here the universe will hear my pain and make everything okay.
I know this is just a moment I’m going through. I know it will pass. I know God’s got me. However, right now, I’m sad and my heart hurts.