Listen, the tears are flowing! I was just texting with my daughter about her plans for her birthday and she mentioned that it was a milestone for me as well. Y’all, the fact that she recognizes her 30th birthday as a milestone for me means a lot. It makes my heart smile. She doesn’t have to keep reminding me to celebrate myself as well, but she does.
I remember when I first felt her move. At that moment, I was committed to becoming the best mom that baby could possibly have. Now, don’t think I was a laid-back, “do whatever you want to do” kind of mom. No, I was, and always have been, a real momma. She had rules to follow, and I never allowed any disrespect. However, I allowed her to be who God created her to be. I gave her room to express herself (believe me, she has never been one not to express her opinions), and I tried my best to make sure she could do whatever she aspired to do. Of course, we didn’t always agree on everything and still don’t (smile), but that doesn’t make me love her any less. I actually believe I love her even more because she’s who she is and has never tried to be like anyone else. I love watching her move through life. It’s so beautiful to watch. Y’all, I can’t believe I am so blessed.🥰
Be sure to give people their roses while they are still here. Let them know they are loved and appreciated.
Before my mom passed, my siblings and I gave her her roses, especially during her last few months of life. During that time, we were intentional about letting her know she was so very loved and appreciated. Y’all, there was no way we were going to let her leave this world wondering. Now, don’t get me wrong, we loved on her before then, but it was nothing like those last few months. Everything was different. Maybe because she was different. It was almost as if it had finally resonated with her that she was actually loved and appreciated. Imagine going through life never truly knowing if you were loved or appreciated. Hmmm… Another topic for another day.
Well, unlike Momma, I don’t have to wonder. I know my two love me. I feel it through their actions. Not through receiving material things like physical roses or gifts, but through their affection and words of appreciation, affirmation and gratitude. Yes, I am one loved mother. Smiling
Not only am I grateful for my roses from them, but also from others. I am so grateful for those who pour into me and let me know that I am appreciated and loved. I receive, accept, and appreciate my roses.
Hmmm… Maybe that’s the key. Roses must be accepted after received. Again, another topic for another day because I haven’t always accepted my roses, either.
Anyhoo… If you are reading this, please accept your roses. Please know that you are truly appreciated and loved. Thank you so much for taking time from your day to drop in and visit my world. In Tupac’s words, you are appreciated. Sending you virtual hugs. Praying God blesses you many, many times over. Love you!♥️
Today is the first anniversary of my mom’s passing. I still remember her screaming “Hallelujah” over and over again before she had her last seizure—which was the day before she officially passed. I honestly believe she left us at that moment. However, we waited for her to recover as she had done before, but she never did. She was in a coma.
I mean, we knew she was passing. We weren’t naive. For months her appetite had been slowly decreasing. Her blood levels were steadily declining. Almost every other week she was getting a transfusion. Her stage 4 wound wasn’t healing and she had become septic…again…as she had become every couple of weeks. Yes, we knew she was dying but we just wanted her to look at us one more time. We kept trying to wake her up by singing her favorite songs, talking to her about her favorite shows and meals, washing her face, everything. But nothing worked. No eye movement. No sign of irritation whenever they came in to change the dressing on her wound. Nothing. The only signs of life were the numbers on the monitor that were gradually dropping.
On the morning of her passing, the doctor told us it was time for us to make the final decision. The oxygen and blood pressure medicine were the only things keeping her alive for us. Basically, she was already gone. They had tried taking her off several times before and her oxygen and blood pressure levels plummeted. Because she was a DNR, they wanted to make sure we were ready for what was to come before disconnecting everything.
After they removed the oxygen and IVs, we waited for something dramatic to happen. Thought she would immediately go into cardiac arrest. According to several nurses, the end wasn’t always pleasant. But nothing happened. The nurses asked if we wanted them to give her some pain medicine and we declined. She had been in severe pain for years and that was the first time we had seen her at complete peace. They told us to let them know if she became uncomfortable or began to moan and they would give her something. Again, nothing happened. She just appeared to be asleep. Which is how she said she wanted to die. She told us she had prayed and asked God to let her die in her sleep. And she did.
From around 2 PM until a little after 9 PM, we sat with her as her numbers slowly decreased. We took turns holding her hands and rubbing her forehead until they became cold and grayish. We didn’t immediately call the nurse in after we knew she was gone. We just sat there in silence.
Our momma…
Dorothy Ree, we miss you!
Didn’t realize it last year, but on this day 10 years ago (May 9, 2014), we were preparing for Momma’s graduation. On May 10, 2014, after numerous attempts (started in 1976) she finally received her bachelor’s degree.
We have all been dreading this day. Been grieving for a whole year. Some days have been better than others. For me, last night was really rough. The tears just kept flowing, as they are now. I’m not bawling but the tears just seem to be flowing from nowhere.
Think I will end here. I may or may not share a second post today, or I might share several. I’m just going to go with the flow.
Once you realize you’re responsible for your own survival, you begin to move differently.
That’s what I shared two years ago after watching one of Lisa Nichols motivational videos. Everything she said about making a way for herself and her son to live a better life resonated with me. But to be honest, I never looked for someone to rescue me. I always knew I was my rescue. Often, I was so much of a superwoman that I turned away help. Sometimes much needed help. Mostly because I never truly trusted anyone to help without there being a hidden agenda.
From what I witnessed, even from childhood, the only reason people helped was to go back and tell others how they helped you or for you to return the favor. Back then it was my mom needing help, whether with babysitting or financially. I saw how she was treated. Even heard what others said through their children. My mom never asked for help often. She was always very independent and a very hard worker. When my sister and I were babies, she picked cotton during the summers to take care of us (yes, in the 1970s). With that being said, she also graduated high school a year early and immediately went to college, and took me and my sister with her. She refused to leave us behind. She was her own rescue. So, whenever she did ask for help it was because she really needed it. For reference—My mother was a teen mom. Had me at age 15 and my sister at 16.
As an adult, I swore I would never ask for help, and rarely accepted it. Whatever I needed, I learned to get it on my own. One of the hardest things I had to do was ask for help after becoming a single parent. And most of the time it was because I needed a babysitter. I never asked for financial assistance, even when I needed it most. So, that statement did and still does resonate with me. I am my rescue, but now with God’s guidance. I have found there is a huge difference between doing things on my own and doing things with God.
Didn’t intend to write this much. Wishing you a wonderful day!♥️
Today is my bonus mom’s birthday! Didn’t quite know how I would feel when today came since my biological mom is no longer here. Plus, it’s also a reminder that my biological mom’s birthday is coming up (February 21) and I won’t be able to celebrate it with her. Yep… I am feeling pretty emotional this morning.
My Jewel—her name is actually Jewel—is one of a kind. She has been in my life since I was about three weeks old, so my entire life. She tells everyone I was her first baby, even though she was pregnant with my late brother at the time of my birth. I have always loved her just as much as I loved my mom. Sometimes I feel guilty because I still have a mother here with me and my siblings do not. I feel so guilty that I rarely mention her around them. Like today’s her birthday and out of respect for them, I am not going to post anything on Facebook. However, I will celebrate her here. When God blessed me with her, He blessed me with a gem. So, how can I not celebrate my blessing.
My jewel.♥️
I have to take some updated pictures. Been using the same one for years. My sister and I have so many pictures with my dad, but not many with Momma. Gotta change that…TODAY! Yes, I will be seeing her in a few hours. I am working an hour away from her today so I am planning a surprise visit. Can’t wait to see her and love on her a little.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading. I pray y’all have a great day.
Love you,
Shaun
But y’all, I miss my Momma.I miss her soooo much.♥️
It’s Shaun’s World 
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