loneliness – It’s Shaun’s World

Feeling empty… alone… lonely… or abandoned?

Lean on God. He is always with you.♥️ ~ Shaun

Time to chase and love on God like He loves on me.

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a blog I had written either last year or a few years ago about how my months seem to flow. In January, everything seems new. In February, I start planning how to execute whatever new ideas I have come up with. March is my happy, kind of carefree month. It’s when I seem to hear God the most. Then April comes… There is just something about April that’s not so shiny and bright. Yeah.. for some reason April is always gloomy. It’s the month where I begin to feel ghosted by God. Like, did He pour so much into me during the first quarter of the year that He has to take a breather and regroup? What is it about April that makes me feel abandoned, alone, and empty?

Thankfully, the blog reminded me of what was to come. At the time, I kind of blew it off. Told myself it was just a phase I went through in the past; that I was no longer in that space. Well, low and behold I am there!

So, how will I handle it this time?

I am going to lean in to God. I am going to pester and praise Him even more. Unlike us mortals, He won’t mind the pestering. Maybe that’s the part that I have been missing. I am supposed to chase Him, not retreat from Him.

Yes… I just need to focus on God and get through this month. May is when things miraculously brightens. Then June happens. June is when I’m the most happiest. Still can’t believe I will be 50 this year.

Lately I’ve experienced bouts of loneliness even with my kids in the house. I’m not sure if I’m bringing it on myself or if it’s happening naturally. Sadly, all I think about is what’s to come. Pretty soon I will only have to care for myself and this makes me feel lonely.

This weekend I attended a fundraiser, then treated myself to lunch. For years I have eaten alone, traveled alone, gone to the movies alone and never felt lonely. But this weekend I felt lonely.

Everything seems to be happening so fast. One minute I’m with my son 24 hours for months without a break (virtual work and schooling for almost 2 years). And I loved it! Now he’s preparing for graduation and college.

The other day I was telling my daughter that I’ve only felt this way once and it was when I was pregnant with her. I had just moved from Germany to Florida and didn’t know anyone. It was just me and my baby bump living alone. Didn’t have a phone and when I got one, I couldn’t make many long distance calls because it was expensive. Oh.. and it was a while before I could purchase a car. Had to walk to work or depend on someone else for a ride. Outside of work, it was just me. I was alone and I felt it. Which is something I never want to feel again.

Fast forward to now. I have a phone but hate using it for talking. I’m a texter. I’m not into pets or people that need constant attention. I don’t like hanging out. However.. I know this sounds weird.. I do like attending events and conferences and socializing. Not sure why. My kids know me so well and are kind of like me. We love our space. We love our quiet time. However, we also love having long, thought-provoking conversations as well as singing, dancing and cooking together. Oh.. and we text each other all day long! I really do love my mini-mes.

Anyhoo.. I know I’ll be just fine. I just need a minute to adjust.

Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderful rest of the week.

Shaun

Tag: loneliness

Lean on God

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