Life

Time, Please Slow Down

Can you believe 2020 is almost over?
What a year!!

If you have been reading my blogs for a while, then you would know I began this year without any expectations. Which was a pretty good idea because the pandemic did not have a chance to put a damper on my plans. Ha! Because I did not have any. Well, over the past ten months, sooo many unexpected things have happened. Nothing bad. Actually, everything has been pretty good. The only downside is I often feel like I am in a never ending whirlwind. As if things are always moving much too fast. As soon as I think I have a grip on one thing, something else comes along. One day I will write about it all. But for now, I will continue to go with the flow and adjust to whatever comes.

Y’all, we have a little over two months left in 2020. Only God knows what the rest of the year will bring. Hopeful.

Life

Hello Sunday!

Today’s a new day!

Hello.. Hello.. Hello! Today’s a new day!

Have you ever woke up feeling rejuvenated? Like a brand new person? Well, this morning I did. Now, don’t ask me what I was dreaming about because I don’t really remember. All I remember is buying white and gold fabric from some gigantic fabric store, and the fabric was UGLY!! Lol. Anyway, after waking up, the word “new” kept coming to mind. So I referred to the Bible. Several verses with the word “new” appeared, but this one resonated with how I woke up feeling.

Revelation 21:5 (NIV)- He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

For me, this feeling of newness and rejuvenation means that I can start over. I am not confined by yesterday’s thoughts or decisions. Thankfully, every new day comes with a fresh start. Now, it’s up to me to accept the new start or revert back to the same old thing.

Honestly, I am anxious to see what I do. Will I do something new? Will I accept God’s gift? I certainly hope so.

As I said, today’s a new day! Not only for me, but for you, too. What will you chose? Will you accept God’s gift and do something new? If not today, maybe tomorrow. Just remember that every day is a gift and it comes with the same opportunity, the opportunity to start anew.

Enjoy your day!

Shaun

Life

Life & Love

Up thinking and just had to write. 2020 is something else. It is the year for the unexpected. I’m not sure if I’m prepared for what may come next. Praying I am.

Well.. that’s not what I wanted to write about. Last night I watched the most amazing Verzuz battle ever! It was between Brandy and Monica. Y’all, it was like I had stepped back into the 90s. As if their story had picked up from where it left off 20 years ago. I know they said that it had been eight years since they last saw each other, but to me it felt like the 90s versions of themselves meeting up for the first time. The tension was so thick at times that I caught myself holding my breath. I mean, one wrong word and they could have set it off! Y’all, it was really that tense.

Anyway.. for me.. this is where things really became awkward. Brandy decided to read a poem before her song “Missing You.” I believe the first name she read was Kobe Bryant’s. Y’all, for a moment I stopped breathing. She went on to mention GiGi, Chadwick Boseman and a few others. But to mention Kobe knowing his widow is still deep in mourning, and with 1.2M people streaming, was not the time. Believe me, I understood and still understand her pain. If I was in her shoes, I would have wanted to do the same. Well, Monica’s next song was dedicated to Vanessa Bryant. Y’all, it was crazy!

Okay, that was Brandy’s story. Monica had a few awkward moments of her own. The whole Corey “C-Murder” Miller thing was entertaining, yet weird. She was going hard for this man. Said she wanted to wear the t-shirt she had made for him. I believe she kept saying something like she wanted people to say his name until they were saying it backwards. Whatever that meant. Lol. Bae-bé.. she that ride or die for real!! Okay!! Y’all, Free C-Murder now! Ya heard me!

Whew!! Anyway, the entire thing was entertaining and so worth watching. If they do decide to go on tour, it will probably end up like the Bobby Brown and New Edition tours, a hot mess! Lol! Somebody is definitely going to be Bobby.

Anyway, the reason I chose the title, Life & Love, is because I believe both women are living wishing they “would’ve, could’ve, or should’ve” done things differently. Boy have I been there, and trying so hard not to go there again. I’m pretty sure many of you have wished you would have made different decisions about a person you were in love with. Now you are living with the reality of the consequences of your decisions. Last night was really difficult to watch because I could feel what they felt. Like I said, I’ve been there and it still stings!

Okay.. One short story.

There was this guy I was in love with all throughout high school. He rarely paid me any attention until our senior year. That’s when we actually started having conversations. I used to love it when he would stop to say Hi or spend his lunch period in the library talking to me. Made me feel all special. To this day I believe the only thing that kept us from moving forward, besides his girlfriend (hehehe), was my race. I remember him asking if I was mixed with another race. Which was odd.

Umm… Since I never mention names, I’ll just call him “Blue Eyes.” Only a few know who that is, including my kids. They tease me all the time for putting Blue Eyes in the “friend” zone. Life…

Okay.. got sidetracked. Well, during our senior year, I went to several of his football games and all of his home baseball games. Y’all, I loved watching him play sports. Most of the time I was the only Black person at the baseball games. So I kind of stood out. Believe me, he couldn’t miss me. Lol! It was there that I met his mom. One day he approached me and told me that his mom thought I was nice. It’s crazy just remembering these things.

Well, the relationship I had dreamt of never happened. However, I did meet up with him in college. I sat out fall semester, but attended the next spring. During my extended summer break, I met my first boyfriend. That’s when my life became a little complicated. It was a mess. So by the time I attended college, I was so ready to get away from him and his baggage.

I remember walking into my first class, a lecture hall that held 300 students, and seeing two familiar faces and one was Blue Eyes. Y’all! How did that happen?? Hands down it was definitely God! Just thinking about it has me smiling and tearing up. I was so happy to see him. Talk about butterflies! During that semester, after class he would walk me halfway across campus to my next class. Y’all, I was in heaven. But that was only at school. Our relationship never made it off campus. Once I left campus I returned to my dysfunctional relationship with my boyfriend, and Blue Eyes returned to his girlfriend. We were both playing games. He had told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend, and I told him I had done the same with my boyfriend. Which was actually true at the time. You see, we broke up and got back together every other week. Anyway, one evening I happened to pass his girlfriend’s house.. NO, I was not stalking her. Her house was on one of the main roads to Walmart.. As I passed her house I noticed his red Honda CRX in her driveway. Maybe this is too much info. LOL! So he had not broken up with her. It was all a lie. Days following that I decided I had had enough and of everyone and needed to get away, so I scheduled an appointment with an Air Force recruiter. In April 1992, I signed up to join the Air Force after the semester was over.

Afterward making my decision, I remember avoiding Blue Eyes at all cost. I didn’t want to talk to him. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. But why? It wasn’t like I was actually available. Before the semester ended we had our last conversation. I don’t know how we ended up in that stairwell. I remember us sitting there talking and I told him that I was joining the Air Force. Y’all, he said something that pierced me to my heart. He said, “All you’re going to do is end up pregnant and alone.” Guess what, I did.

For years I tried to find him. As far as I know, he’s not on social media. He was always a very private person, so this is not surprising. I did find an address and phone number. I never called. Was too afraid he would be like “Umm… I don’t remember you.” Y’all, up until last year, he was my “would’ve, should’ve, could’ve,” guy. I had to let him go. Praying he’s okay.

Unfortunately, Brandy’s opportunity ended many, many moons ago. Kobe met the love of his life and moved on. Ouch!! Monica.. well, her and Corey both made decisions they probably wish they wouldn’t have. But he’s still here, and now she has the opportunity to try again. I pray this turns out better than she’s ever imagined. Although Brandy insists that she’s good being alone, something I find myself saying often, I hope she finds someone who will love her like the queen she is. Y’all, we all deserve that kind of love.

No time to edit. Hope you enjoy my ramblings. Love y’all!

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

We matter!

Another week down. Moving on to the next. Last week was a bit much. It began with another shooting of a Black man by police officers. Another one! Just thinking about it is stressing me out again.

Last week I could barely concentrate for crying. I actually became physically ill. It was too much. I was mentally and emotionally worn. I kept asking myself– Why are we, Black people, still fighting for equality? To be seen as worthy? Why is it that our Black men are viewed as a threat at first sight? Why are we, Black women, “angry,” when do not feel like smiling, or are having a bad day, or just simply being? Why are little Black kids handcuffed for acting out? Why are we not loved? Why are we not valued? Why do we not matter?!!!

Last week, Doc Rivers, a former NBA player and now head coach of the Los Angeles clippers, voiced what we have all been feeling. Emotionally, he said, “It amazes me why we keep loving this country, and this country does not love us back.” I felt that. Just thinking about it now makes me want to SCREAM! Doc Rivers’ Interview.

We have been used, abused, and murdered. Yet, we still love our country. We have fought wars and given our lives for this country. Yet, we are seen as animals (usually monkeys), second class citizens, dirty, nasty, unworthy, illiterate, thieves… Believe me, I could go on and on! No matter what we accomplish, or how pleasantly nice we are, we are never good enough. We are never quite there.. Ha! Almost there.. but not there.

So for those still wondering why we are screaming, “Black lives matter!” it’s because, unfortunately, our lives do not matter!

Praying for a better week– a safe week– a week without tears (unless they are happy tears).

Be Blessed

Shaun

Life

Trusting God’s Plan

The song, I Understand, by Smokie Norful has been playing over and over in my head since yesterday morning; and this particular verse seems to be stuck on repeat:

One more day, one more step
I’m preparing you for myself
And when you can’t hear my voice
Please trust my plan
I’m the Lord, I see and yes, I understand

The part that mostly stands out– well, for me that is– is “I’m preparing you for myself.” To me, this says it all. Too often we forget that God created us to fulfill His purpose. Y’all, it is not about us. It is all about Him.

Honestly, who knew 2020 was going to be this WILD! I know I didn’t. HA! God definitely has a sense of humor. I was just reminded that I entered 2020 without expectations (Happy New Year! Let Go and Let God). All I can do is smile. Y’all, God has receipts! Lol

Yep… I am trusting His plan.

#BeBlessed

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday!

Hello Sunday!

Y’all already know what day it is! I have not been blogging much. It is not because I do not have anything to blog about. I am just trying to find a steady rhythm for blogging. Something that is sustainable. Outside of blogging on this site, I also keep a journal, and I am finally beginning to blog again under A Research Diva’s Journey. So yeah, I need to find a rhythm.

Yesterday’s blog, Aimlessly Passing Time, was about losing the passion I used to have for my profession. Y’all, being a registered dietitian nutritionist (RDN) was life! I mean, all I talked about was assisting people with making healthier lifestyle choices. Over time it became tiresome. Especially when I found myself constantly competing against the newest fad diet, anything Google or Dr. Oz said, or what worked for their best friend’s friend’s friend. Ugh!! Talk about too much!

Then two years ago, things began to change. Honestly, it was before then. Have you ever felt like you were running on a hamster wheel? You know, like the more you ran, or the faster it turned, you never moved? Well, that was how I was beginning to feel. Everything had become too routine. So I decided to go the Public Health route thinking something would rekindle my passion. It did for a while but not as much as I thought it would.

Umm.. Just thinking.. Some of my happiest moments involved nutrition education sessions. Whether I was providing the sessions or training others to do the sessions, I loved the interaction. I thrived off of it! There is something about watching a person’s face light up when they learn something new, or even watching them process the information. I particularly enjoyed educating and interacting with children and young adults. From toddlers to college students, they were all like sponges. They soaked up EVERYTHING and were very inquisitive. Yeah.. that is what I miss.

Anyhoo… I guess my passion is not completely gone. I just need to find ways to continue doing what I love.

Y’all be blessed and enjoy your Sunday!

Shaun