Was looking through Facebook memories and old journals to find inspiration for today’s blog. I could not find a journal entry from this date 20+ years ago, so I decided to include my Facebook post from last year, June 4, 2022.
“Just me being me.🤷🏽♀️😁 Y’all, life is good and God is sooo amazing. I’m so grateful for His mercy and grace. And the way He loves me – INDESCRIBABLE!! Whew! Getting emotional just thinking about it.☺️ Twenty days until #Year49, and I’m going to enjoy every minute because I KNOW #ImBlessed! 🙏🏽♥️”
As I mentioned, I could not find an entry written on this date over 20 years ago. However, I did find several entries between 1991-2002 written either the day before or after June 4. Y’all, I weep for that young lady. She was so lost, hurt and broken. For years, even decades, she accepted any and everything that was thrown her way because she felt unworthy and unlovable. When I tell you her self esteem was shot. I can see now that she was punishing herself for that one decision she wish she had not made. That one decision caused her to enter a downward spiral that led to self hatred and mental abuse. She consistently punished herself by allowing others to misuse and abuse her. She felt she deserved the pain because she had not lived up to the dreams and goals she had set for herself. Y’all, she did not know she could recover. Sadly, it would be decades before she realized that one mistake did not define her and that all of her dreams and aspirations were still in tact.
Now, here I am 20 days before Year 50. As I mentioned last year, I am so grateful for God’s love, mercy and grace. Y’all, it is truly INDESCRIBABLE! Today, I can happily say that my life is drastically different than it was 30 years ago. That young lady is finally a woman who understands that that one decision was just part of her (my) story. Smiling
Year 50 is loading. Excited to see where this next journey takes me.