Y’all, I’m sitting here in awe because I didn’t have to think of something to write about this morning. You want to know why? Because it was already written (well, partially written) three years ago– August 24, 2019. I just love my Facebook memories and journal entries.
Journal Entry– August 24, 2019
“Trust and loyalty are my two greatest fears. Yes, fears. If I trust you, will you hurt me? If I’m loyal to you, will you leave me? Right now I’m learning to trust. Trust isn’t something I’ve ever given to someone easily. It’s sad to say but there are only a few people I completely trust. Really only two, my two [kids]. I know they have my back.”
Now, that was the first part of my entry. Today, I can happily say that trust and loyalty don’t bother me as much as they used to. I believe it was this exact year when I realized trust should be given a chance to be earned (believe me, I wasn’t handing out trust passes) and loyalty didn’t have to be reciprocated. Before then, I didn’t really give many the opportunity to earn trust. Had been hurt too many times before. Same with loyalty. I had been hurt and disappointed too many times. Life
Well, this next part I was kind of hesitant to share because it seemed a bit too personal. However, I decided to share it anyway because it is part of the story, my story. So here it goes. One of my transparent moments. I’ll let you know if my thoughts have changed any, afterwards.
“Will I trust my mate completely? I’m praying that I will and he does the same with me. Complete trust. Complete loyalty. Meaning NEVER talking about the other in ways that degrades the other, or causes someone to look at them unfavorably.”
“Complete trust.” “Complete loyalty.” Are those even possible?
Ironically, I’ve been thinking about the two (trust and loyalty) a lot lately. I told y’all a few blogs ago that my life follows a pattern– same month, different year, same thoughts. How weird is that? Anyway, a few days ago, I actually had a conversation with God about the two. Then, not even a day later, I had a conversation with someone else about the same exact things- trust and loyalty. As I mentioned earlier (in my journal entry), the lack of trust and loyalty were my two greatest fears.
This time when I asked God the same question I asked three years ago– will I be able to trust my mate completely?– here’s what He had to say. Yes, He talked and I listened. (Smile) He said that He would never entrust me to anyone I could not trust or who wasn’t loyal. He explained that I’m wise enough to know the difference between intentional and unintentional harm, and that I would have to use this wisdom as a guide when assessing true loyalty and trust. People are not perfect, they’re human. They will make mistakes. Also, He assured me that He would never send me someone I cannot fully trust or who wasn’t loyal. It would be beneath Him to do so. Y’all, that last part!! Whew! Listen, God ONLY sends THE BEST! You already know His answer made me smile.
Trust and loyalty.
Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday and fabulous rest of the week.