Tag: Monday

Life

Obedience Takes Courage

Shaun Bradford

Being obedient is not always easy, but necessary. Spiritually, I have struggled with being obedient for some time. Although the struggle has became easier since intentionally allowing God to lead, I still struggle with it. I still question whether the moves are right for me, especially when those moves cause uncomfortable shifts. So yeah, I am still working on being obedient. With that being said, I can also proudly say that I am becoming better at listening and complying. Yes… patting myself on the back.

Yesterday, Bishop T.D. Jakes said the following during his sermon – “Your gift will get you there, but your obedience will keep you there.” If I want to stay where I’m going, I must be obedient. Period.

This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook memories and there was the word, “Obedience,” again. This time it was associated with last year’s blog, Hello Sunday July 31, 2022. That particular blog was about me logging off one of my main Twitter (X) accounts.

For several years, I had been struggling with the value I had placed on that account. Basically, it was my life. At first, it allowed me to get away when life became a little too much, but it did not stop there. Later it became my obsession (being very transparent). Sadly, I did not see it at the time – you know it’s hard to see things when you’re right in the middle of it. Y’all, I was obsessed and addicted to it. I was addicted to the interactions and feedback and impressions (yes, I’m a numbers person and Twitter analytics was my best friend). Well, God told me I needed to let it go (I explain all of this in last year’s Hello Sunday). I was never told to deactivate the account, nor delete it, I was simply asked to log off. To log off so that I could get my priorities and focus right. Listen, the way I reacted you would’ve thought He had asked me to throw away my entire life. Y’all, my priorities were not right. All of the glory and praise I should have been giving Him was going elsewhere.

Over the past year, I have logged off, logged on, logged off again, then logged back on… currently, I am logged on. This time I logged back on because I was instructed to do so. I was obedient. Won’t go into detail but the account wasn’t the problem, my obsession and addiction to it was. Until I had learned how to properly handle it, I could not log back on.

Y’all, I am so grateful God loves me. He loves me so much that He even protects me from myself. Honestly, I would not be where I am today had I not been obedient. I would’ve still been stuck where I was, doing the same things and getting nowhere. I’m so glad I listened and obeyed.

I am so much stronger and better equipped because I listened and obeyed.

Be obedient.♥️

Shaun

Life

The Journey Continues

Shaun Bradford

I’m not sure what I want to write about today so just follow along as I figure out.

So, first thing this morning I attempted to finish a drawing I had been working on. However, the more I worked on it the uglier it became. So I set it aside. Right now I’m really contemplating whether or not I should hit the delete button and start over or work on it later. I named it “Salvage.” Because is it worth salvaging?

Recently… like last week… (by the way, today I have been 50 for exactly ONE month – woohoo!)…

Anyhoo… Last week it dawned on me that as much as I wanted to close the door on so many things associated with the last 50 years, I couldn’t – and boy did I try. Y’all, I was almost there, then my heart, and definitely the Holy Spirit, kicked in. One of the things I could not do was bring the baggage of “unfinished business,” “shutting down,” and “I don’t give a … care,” into my fifties. Honestly, I truly thought closing those doors would give me a fresh start, but I was wrong. Closing those doors only prevented me from feeling every single emotion I needed to feel – specifically the pain of hurts and disappointments.

Last night I received a call from one of my older cousins (actually my mom’s cousin). During our conversation, he began telling me how he always looked up to me. Said I always had my stuff together so he was shocked when he heard I had gotten a divorce. He said that for as far back as he could remember, I had had my life planned out. And he was right, I did. I had everything planned right down to when I would get married and how that marriage would flow. I had written the perfect story. Then life happened. You see, he knew the teenage Shaun. The Shaun who had been hurt but not really hurt. The Shaun who was determined to achieve every single thing she set out to achieve. However, as I mentioned, life happened. One blow to my plan led to another, then another. Pretty soon I no longer had a plan nor confidence.

Eventually, the way I dealt with it was to shutdown emotionally. I believed that the way to get my life back on track and make the most of it was to write another story and control the narrative. One thing I was dead set on was leaving my heart out of it. The goal was to not feel anything, not even anger or sadness. Any time I could feel those feelings creeping up, I would suppress them. Then my forties happened. Y’all, my forties hit and I felt everything! From anger to love, I felt it all.

Now, here I am at the beginning of Year50. If you have been following my journey you know that I tried to close the doors to my past. I wanted to shutdown and do a hard reset, but couldn’t. At the beginning of my forties I was searching for ME, well, last week I actually saw ME. It was like this book of my life was opened and I could see ALL of me including the disappointments and hurts I tried to bury.

After last night’s conversation with my cousin, I realized there was more things I needed to address. One was my desire to control everything to include timing. In one of last week’s blog I wrote about how whatever didn’t happen before 50 was basically a lost cause. Had written another story. Even though I was saying I trusted God’s timing, I really had given Him a time limit, and since He had not met it, I was about to do me. Ha! The joke was on me. You see, while I was going through all of those feelings and emotions during my forties, I was actually building a stronger relationship with God. So although I wanted to do me, I couldn’t and can’t. I belong to God. Period.

As you can see, a lot has already happened on this side of 50 – all good things, things I need for growth. I am so grateful for the wake up call. Looking forward to continuing this journey with God. My focus is finally where it needs to be, on Him and the calling He has for my life.

Before I end, I am also celebrating 800 consecutive days of blogging – 200 to go!

Thanks for reading my real first random rambling from this side of fifty. Praying you have a wonderful week!♥️

Shaun

Facebook Memory: July 24, 2017

It’s uncomfortable but necessary.