Tag: divorce

hope

My Journey With God, No. 83

Shaun Bradford

This morning, I’m so very thankful and grateful I am not in the same space I was six years ago. On April 11, 2019, I reclaimed my life by sharing my fears with the world. Before then, the only ones who knew, and I feel cared, were my two hearts. When I tried to share my fears and concerns with other close family, I was told I was overreacting. That the fear was all in my head. I’ve said this many times before, when I say I’m so grateful to still be here, believe me, I’m grateful to still be here. Y’all, God is so good, merciful, and gracious. Here’s the mental and emotional space I was in six years ago.

April 11, 2019

That day, I stopped living and moving in fear. A little over a month later, my ex finally signed the divorce papers. Although I felt somewhat free, it wasn’t until a week before my 46th birthday, when the judge signed my papers, that I knew I was actually free.

When someone tells you they are afraid, believe them. I don’t care how nice or good you may believe someone to be, believe the person who is afraid. They’re not overreacting. My ex did not want to let me go. We had been separated and going through the divorce process for over four years and he was still texting me saying I would always be his wife (kept the communication open because my son was still a minor). It was a very scary situation to be in. Again, I am so grateful I am still here. I’m so grateful I’ve been able to watch my babies become thriving adults. Y’all, I do not take my life for granted at all.

I’m still here!

Beyond Blessed♥️

Shaun

hope

Lord, Guide Me

Shaun Bradford

Good Morning☀️

Ten years ago, I ended my journal entry with, “Lord, please guide me.”

Ten years ago, my entire world changed. During the final days of March 2015, I experienced my greatest heartbreak but also my greatest relief. My ex-husband had finally moved out. That was the relief. However, the greatest heartbreak came from those I always thought would have my back but instead turned their backs on me.

Y’all, it’s been a very long ten years. Not only did I have to rebuild a life for me and my two (my hearts and rocks!), but I had to rebuild relationships. I’m not going to go into details, but just know that when I say I made it, believe me—I MADE IT!!!

I am forever indebted to God. I know I wouldn’t be here had it not been for Him. I am so grateful for His love, mercy, grace, kindness, patience and GUIDANCE. I asked for His guidance, and He answered.

Today, I’m celebrating.

Yes, I’m celebrating!

I made it!!🎉

Thank you so much for your love and continued support. I pray you have a beautifully, blessed day!♥️

I love you,

Shaun

Life

Done For The Day

Shaun Bradford

Don’t you just hate it when you respond to an email before daybreak and end up working instead of getting a few more hours of rest. That’s what happened this morning right after I posted my first blog saying I was tired. UGHH!!! Can’t blame anyone but myself. Well, I am about to call it a day and relax and…….

Watch Divorce in the Black!! It’s Tyler Perry’s latest film. Now, if anyone should be tired, it’s him. They used to say Tom Joyner was the hardest working man in radio. Well, Tyler has to be the hardest working man in the television and film industry. The man is forever releasing something.

Here’s a link to the movie trailer. Check it out!♥️ ~Shaun

Life

Nine Years

Shaun Bradford

Earlier I shared, “Here I Am.”

Five years ago (March 26, 2019), I wrote the following in my journal:

“Today is the day we separated for good. I can’t believe it’s been four years. Four years. Didn’t think I’d make it four years off of patience.”

Actually, it was patience and a lot of prayer that got me through that time.

Just the day before—March 25, 2019—I was finally able to sign the divorce papers. It had been four long years of me patiently waiting for everything to work out. Of me trying not to rock the boat. Of me being kind, thoughtful and considerate. Yeah… I was all of that. Four years of suffering in silence; biting my tongue; allowing others (those who I thought loved me) treat me like trash for deciding to divorce a “good man” (their words). For deciding to listen to what God had been telling me to do for years, but I was too afraid to. I was never supposed to marry him, yet I did. I knew this. Tried to explain this, only to be treated like I was the most horrible person on earth. So, I waited. I waited four years for him to come to terms with the fact that we were actually divorcing. His lawyer said he was finally ready. I was so happy. Signed the papers, and he refused to sign them. Y’all, I had never experienced anger in my life until that point. Never… and I had had some pretty messed up stuff happen to me before then. However, I never got to the point of anger, until then. Whew!!

As I shared earlier today—I am here, and I am still standing! Y’all, what was meant to destroy me did not take me out! I made it!!!

Forever grateful for God’s love, mercy, and grace. I made it!♥️

Shaun

Life

Fear

Shaun Bradford

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

The Facebook memory I’m sharing below is from four years ago, April 11, 2019. It was written a few weeks after I signed the divorce papers that my ex refused to sign. Up until that day, not many of my friends or family on Facebook knew I was getting a divorce, let alone the things I was going through. And this was over four years after we had separated.

Well, on this particular day I had had enough. For years I was afraid he would kill me. In the memory I used the phrase, “my life would be taken,” to soften the blow for my readers. But it was sooo much deeper than that. I was scared. Like really scared for my life. The more he would tell me he wasn’t going to let me go, or send random texts about how much he loved me – and this was up until he finally signed the papers – the more afraid I became. It was rough. We hear about murder-suicides all the time, and for years, I just knew I would be a victim.

On April 11, 2019, I stopped being afraid. That day I declared my freedom.

Facebook Memory: April 11, 2019

Good Morning! No social media find, just my testimony. Warning: For those who hate when people put all of their business on social media – stop reading NOW!

For over four years I’ve been walking on eggshells. Trying to do everything just right, out of fear. I’ve been afraid my life would be taken at any moment. If not mine, my babies, or he would take his own life (what would that be like for my son). I prayed about it. Started working on my goals. Created a new life for me and my kids. However, there’s always one thing looming, fear. I keep my office door locked at work when no one’s there. I’m never alone with him. You may think I’m overreacting, but I don’t care. It’s what I feel. I’m tired of walking around in fear because he won’t let me go.

Today…today I’m releasing the fear and I’m going to live. That sheet of paper did not give him control over my life. Whether he signs the divorce papers or not, I’m living! And I’m living without fear! Life is too short to always be afraid.

Listen… I am so happy to be on the other side of that fear. To read the words and not feel the same sting feels absolutely amazing. For years, I could not imagine getting to this point, yet here I am. Y’all, God is so wonderful. I am truly, truly blessed.

Thanks for allowing me to share my story.♥️

Shaun

** Note: Never diminish someone’s feelings about being afraid. When they tell you that they fear for their life, believe them. Please do not act like they are overreacting. Sometimes they see and experience things you can’t understand. Also, what you may see as acts of love, another may see as torture. Be Blessed

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Hello. Hello. Hello!

Fathers, you are loved and very much appreciated.♥️

I hope you are doing well today. I have something I feel the need to write about; however, it is so deep and complex that I feel like I should leave it for another day and time. Save it for when I am not emotionally attached to the subject, at least not as emotional because I feel I will always be attached to it. The subject is fatherhood and fathers, specifically Black fathers, being present and active in their children’s lives while mothers are put in situations where they have to choose what that looks like. Y’all know I love my Tyler Perry shows and this particular subject was brought up in another one of his shows, House of Payne.

As I mentioned, the topic is too deep and complex to tackle without me becoming emotional. However, I would like to say this before sharing a short story. Being a parent is a balancing act between making sure your child(ren) are properly cared for and loved, and you having and maintaining proper self care. And by proper self care, I am speaking holistically. In most cases, we as parents will always choose our children’s wellbeing and happiness over our own.

Short story…

When I decided to get my divorce, I thought about this same subject. What would I be doing to the relationship between my son and his father. My daughter was already out of the house but my son had about 7-8 more years to go. Honestly, I was in that relationship much longer than I should have ever been, even during the divorce process (believe me, it did not have to take over four years) because I was concerned about my son’s wellbeing. Y’all, I never said anything negative about his father in his presence. I was so intentional about not letting my thoughts and feelings tarnish their relationship. Well, a few weeks before my husband moved out, my son (then eleven) asked to have a conversation with me. His father had already told him about the divorce after we agreed we would tell him together. I had no idea. Well, he asked me if I no longer loved his dad and if he would get to see him again. I was honest about both — “No” and “Yes.” When I asked him how he felt about the situation he told me he just wanted us both to be happy even if that meant us not being together. Y’all, I was floored! I don’t know too many kids his age who would have put it that way. Talk about wise beyond his years. When I asked where he wanted to live, he told me wherever his sister would be. Listen, if he would have chosen to stay with his dad, I was prepared to let him do it and pay child support. One thing I knew from living separately from my father and my mom making sure I had a relationship with him was that I would always make an effort to be in my child’s life no matter what.

Anyhoo… That conversation sealed my decision to move forward with the divorce. Had he asked for me to stay with his dad, I would have. I was dying on the inside, but I would have. As I said in a previous blog, the day my ex moved out it was like a weight had been lifted. The entire atmosphere changed. A few years later, my son said he hated hearing me crying. Y’all, I didn’t even know he knew. I didn’t even know he knew I was sad.

Okay… I’m going to go ahead and end this now. I have so many personal and family stories about relationships between children and fathers – me and my dad, my parents and their dads, my stepdads (mom was married three times) and my children and their dads (which I would never share beyond my interactions with their fathers).

Y’all, managing our own lives is already hard. Then throw a child in the mix… Whew! I will leave you with this, a whole parent is able to love and give more than a broken parent. In return, the child thrives. Believe me, I have seen it!

Well, that’s all I have for you today. Tried to keep it light. Going to visit my mom in a few hours. She’s still in the hospital but no longer in ICU. Y’all, life is short, don’t overthink or make things complicated. Keep it simple – love unconditionally and be kind.

Love you!

Shaun