Tag: relationships

Life

The Storms

Shaun Bradford

Storms are designed to make us stronger. They’re preparing us for something greater.

Moi. October 26, 2022. Facebook Memory

How many of you have experienced storms that you now look back on and know you are stronger because of them? I know I have. Now when I look back, I see how those storms made me a stronger person.

Story time…

Here is one example of a storm I honestly thought I would never make it through. It wasn’t until a recent conversation with my daughter that I realized that storm was only one small part of my life. Guess I should give her credit for that revelation. She reminded me that that was only two years of my life. Now, those two years did have lifetime consequences but they were worth it because she’s here.

So, thinking about the quote above and Karen’s situation on Tyler Perry’s Sistas, here’s a real story.

Back in 1992, I met this guy I was attracted to. I pursued him and we became a couple. (Giving y’all the short version.) Well, about two months into this relationship I discovered I was actually in an situationship—I guess you can call it an entanglement. Yep… I discovered he had a pregnant girlfriend. We were stationed in Germany at the time and the girlfriend was in the U.S. For years I blamed myself for not leaving when I found out. Why the heck did I stay? When I asked him about it (found out through someone else), he confirmed it and asked if I was going to stay or leave. I chose to stay. I mean, I really liked him. Y’all, that ended up being the craziest two years of my life.

A year later, he went home on leave and married the other girl. He blamed his parents for pressuring him into getting married because of the baby. Said he was getting it annulled but never did. He apologized. I stayed. Then just when I couldn’t take it anymore and was about to leave—had just gotten orders to Florida—I found out I was pregnant. What a crazy time. Of course the drama didn’t end there but that’s all I am going to write about. One day I’ll write a book because that was one wild ride.

Now, about Karen and her situation. One night she and her ex, Zac, had sex and now she’s pregnant. She had wanted to get pregnant while they were together but it never happened. Well, now that he’s with Fatima, who’s also pregnant (she announced it on Zatima but the news hasn’t made it to Sistas yet), she’s finally pregnant.

During last night’s episode, Karen let Aaron, the guy she was seeing, go (see my previous blog, Aaron). You see, when she found out she was pregnant she really didn’t know who the father was; however, she wanted it to be Zac’s. Last night she revealed that the baby she’s carrying is indeed Zac’s. We’re still wondering how she found out when she’s only 3-4 (Tylerland) months along. What tests did she have performed? Anyhoo… that’s a discussion for another time. After breaking the news to Aaron, she asked him to leave. Although he didn’t want to go, he left. Sadly, he would have stayed just like me. I guess this is why he’s my favorite. He told her that he didn’t care if the baby wasn’t his, he was still going to be there if she needed him. Even though I was only two months into the relationship when I found out about the pregnant girlfriend, I was prepared to do the same and basically did.

Unlike Aaron’s story (and maybe it’s still being written), my ending had an amazing plot twist. I ended up with the best blessing ever, my daughter. About a year after I left Germany, I found out he had gotten a divorce and that the other baby wasn’t even his. Life…

Those two years of heaven and hell—I can’t lie, I had some really good times with him—produced something so beautiful, my baby girl. Y’all, that was some storm! But because of her, I became a stronger woman.

Side Note: As for our entanglement. His girlfriend knew we were together before they got married. His parents knew. I had talked to all of them several times. Was even sending the baby clothes and gifts. Basically, I was being a stepmom without the marriage. Then, he married her. Broke my heart… but I stayed. He did try to come back after the divorce but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have anyone else but I just couldn’t. Like I said, one day I’ll write a book.

Let me go back to sleep. Lol. Guess I’ll mark this as my first true rambling on this side of 50. Laughing. I am so very grateful God got me through all of that. Can’t say it enough, I am truly blessed.♥️

Shaun

Life

Finding My Tribe

Shaun Bradford

A few months ago when I declared the next 50+ years would be nothing like the last, I had no idea what was coming. Right before I turned 50, I began noticing areas of my life where I had become stagnant. Where if I did not make adjustments, I would never move forward. After I turned 50 (coming up on 50 yrs. 4 months), I thought I would be happily celebrating all year long; instead, I was hit with more revelations about changes and adjustments that were needed. The only way to describe it is I was being pruned. Everything that was holding me back needed to be adjusted or removed. It didn’t feel good. Even had me questioning God, something that I seldom do. However, I listened and did what I needed to do.

A few days ago, I was thinking about how much my life has changed in only a few short months. No more anxiety. No more comparisons. No longer caring what others think. I finally feel free to just BE.

While watching Jada Pinkett Smith’s interview, it dawned on me that I needed to find people with similar beliefs. For far too long I have been trying to fit in spaces that don’t fully embrace me. I’m not going to lie, it can be emotionally and mentally exhausting at times. Since I do not want to spend the next 50+ years alone, I really need to find my people, my tribe. My daughter is getting married and my son is creating his own path. It’s time for me to continue my journey to becoming who I’m destined to be. I can only do this with the love and support of people who truly understand, embrace, and appreciate all of me.♥️

This is Year50

Shaun

Life

I’m Blessed

Shaun Bradford

I am so emotional right now. Crying so many happy tears.

Y’all, when I became a mom at 21, I had no idea what life would look like almost 30 years later. I had no idea what kind of mom I would be. I had no idea what kind of child I would raise. All I knew was the kind of mother I aspired to be; however, I didn’t know if I could live up to it.

I was a single mom working mostly 12 hour shifts alternating days and nights, rarely had weekends off and holidays were just another day. I was living in a 700 square foot mobile home and barely making ends meet. At the time, I was living in Florida and my closest family was over 600 miles away. Fortunately, I had my coworkers and a couple of friends I met along the way who I could trust enough to babysit for me. Yeah, that was a big thing for me. I didn’t trust everyone with my baby.

I was this single mom who never missed a day of work, even when my baby was sick. Didn’t want to be viewed as the stereotypical single mother. I had already been called a statistic by one of my superiors. So I tried to be a perfect airman while attempting to be a perfect mom. I had no idea what I was doing. I was just trying to make it.

Now, here we are almost 29 years later and she’s doing the same for me. She’s my biggest supporter. My biggest fan. She’s witnessed all of the good times and all of the bad. Along the way I didn’t know if she would resent me because she didn’t have some of the same opportunities as some of her peers. I just didn’t know.

All I ever wanted was for her and my son to live their lives to the fullest and be kind and compassionate people. Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re outspoken and opinionated (we have great conversations and debates), but they are always respectful.

Y’all, I am still in awe of how God blessed me with these two. It’s been decades and I still look at them with amazement. I cannot believe I am a mother. And I had absolutely no idea that they would love me like they do. As a little girl, I prayed for children who would love me unconditionally (of course I didn’t use that term back then but it’s exactly what I wanted). Honestly, I really didn’t believe it was possible because I had never witnessed that kind of mother/child relationship before. I just knew that was what I wanted. So, while they were growing up, I tried to make sure they knew without a doubt that they were seen, heard, appreciated, and loved. Now they are doing the same for me.

This morning—the reason behind the tears—I received my grades on several assignments from last week, and all had perfect scores. After I texted my two the good news, my daughter sent me money to treat myself to lunch. Y’all, that’s what I used to do for her. Now she’s doing it for me. And that Beyoncé concert! Y’all, I didn’t have to spend a dime. She took care of it all. I know it may not sound like much but it’s everything to me. So thoughtful.

Okay.. enough crying. I have things to do. Just wanted to share my blessing with you.

My baby girl. My princess.♥️

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Y’all, let me tell you how MY God works! Listen! I am forever in awe of Him!!! When I tell y’all He loves me!

Okay… so I was just about to share an entirely different Hello Sunday. Had written about a few things that were on my mind. Nothing deep but some self-reflections I was having at the moment. Then, as I was finishing up, I was reminded of one of the gems I found in my Facebook memories this morning. Baby, when I tell you I immediately stopped writing! Here’s the gem I found. Didn’t know I would need this message so soon.

Facebook Memory: October 15, 2018

‪Good Morning! A friend shared this with me, so I’m sharing it with you. Everyone’s not in your corner. Some people can’t wait to see you fail. But God’s got you!‬

Discernment is so important, as well as listening to that still small voice.

Listen, I was definitely about to share a few of my weaknesses. As the song says, “God blocked it!” Whew!

Y’all, we really have to be careful about what we share and with whom. For years, I have freely shared my stories. I have had one crazily, adventurous life and I love sharing it. With this being said, there are certain parts that I only share with people I feel I can trust, or with those I believe would benefit from those experiences. I mean, other people’s experiences have helped me so why wouldn’t I use mine to help others. Well, I am finally learning to listen to that still small voice. When it says be quiet, I hush.

It wasn’t until recently that I finally realized that people will actually use your weaknesses against you. I know I sound naive but I honestly did not believe this to be true. I thought because I would never use someone’s weaknesses against them, they wouldn’t use mine against me. Again, I am learning.

That’s all for today. So glad God stopped me before I shared my other blog. Again, it wasn’t anything deep but something that did not need to be shared. At least, not at this moment. Wishing you a wonderful, peaceful day.

Be Blessed!♥️

Shaun

Life

My Heart is Full

Shaun Bradford
Y’all, I am truly blessed.

Today has already been a pretty amazing day. My daughter decided to take this morning off and spend it with me. We talked and reminisced about how much our lives (mostly mine) have changed over the years. I cannot say it enough, God is so good.

By the way, my top two love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. Most of the time we associate love languages with romantic relationships. At least I always have. And I know I’m not the one! Well, today God showed me that what I have been longing for I already have. I have it in my two. He blessed me with two beautiful souls who provide me with both. Smiling. My heart is full.♥️

Sooo… Should I count this as another level of freedom? If not, it’s definitely another level of awareness. I’m really beginning to love Year50.

Shaun