That’s the quote. Nothing more. ~ Shaun
That’s the quote. Nothing more. ~ Shaun
Happy Sunday! Today’s blog is based on a Facebook memory, a post that I shared a year ago–
What do you want? Simple question, yet not always easy to answer. Most of the time when we’re asked this question we respond based on our desires at that particular moment or where we are in life. Quick and easy answers will suffice in the moment; however, deep down we know there’s so much more. When was the last time you asked yourself what it is that I truly want out of life?Shaun Bradford, Facebook Post, June 12, 2022
As many of you know, my son graduated from high school last month. Although I thought I would be a total mess, I was actually fine. More than fine! Instead of being sad about my stint as “Mom the Caregiver” ending, I immediately began celebrating my new role, “Mom the Advisor.” Yes, I’m an advisor now and loving it!
Even though the tears never came, the thought of “What am I to do, now?” did. For over 27 years, I have made decisions based on someone else’s livelihood. Now, it’s all about me; which, to be honest, feels weird. Y’all, I’m actually at a stage in my life where I can focus on myself and I feel completely lost. I’m no longer that 18 year old joining the Air Force. I am a 48 year old who has already “done it all,” trying to figure out what’s left to do. Lately I’ve been asking myself, what do I still want out of life?
Fortunately, God has given me time alone to ponder my next chapter of life. You see, a little over a week before my son’s graduation, one of my sisters got the opportunity to spend her summer in California and asked if I would doggie/house sit while she was gone. I said yes, but then started having doubts. Mostly because I was worried about my son’s wellbeing. Then, he and my daughter assured me that he would be fine and encouraged me to live! They told me this was my time to do whatever I wanted. They’re so funny. I believe they’ve been trying to get me out the nest for the longest. (Shaking my head)
So, I’m in Alabama. Been here almost a week. It took me a few days to adjust to having a dog around because I am not an animal person. Especially animals that need constant attention. I’m more of a fish– just one– kind of person. Well, it didn’t take long for the doggie, Pepé, to train me. I think I like her.
The other thing I’m trying to get used to is cooking for one instead of going out to eat. I used to eat out a lot when my son would visit family for the summer. It was just more convenient, plus it made me feel like a teenager splurging on treats. Yeah.. I used to live it up! So, now that this is going to be my new lifestyle, I have to learn how to prepare meals for one and resist the urge to eat out.
I also found a temporary space for my office. Still haven’t gotten used to the perks of remote work. For some reason I feel like I need a designated workspace. Yeah.. I’m working on changing this perception.
As you can see, life is changing. I have absolutely no idea of what’s to come. However, what I do know is I have a little time to decide on my next move. As for the question– “What do I want?” Honestly, I believe I’m already living in it. I’m living in the freedom of peace, love and choice. But of course there are other things I desire– to fall in love with someone who loves me just as much as I love them, to grow old gracefully, to be that princess/queen I’ve always dreamt of, to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary, to travel, to eat, to spread love and hope to every part of the world, to continue being the best mom, sister, daughter and friend I strive to be, and most importantly to honor God with all that I have and am. Yes.. this is what I want.
As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read my random ramblings. I really do appreciate you. Enjoy your week!
Gift yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Understand that you will not always get things right. Yes.. YOU are going to make mistakes. (Did you really believe you were perfect?😉) Be Blessed♥️ ~ Shaun
Yesterday I shared the quote, “It WILL happen.” This morning I checked my Facebook memories and last year, on this very date (May 29, 2021), I posted the exact same thing. Not in blog or quote, but as a response to someone else’s dream/vision. Y’all, at this moment, I’m so overwhelmed with emotions. I can finally see my dreams coming to fruition. My life is nothing like I imagined at all – it’s better!
For years I did things afraid – if I did them at all – because I was always afraid of failure or being ridiculed. Now, the fear is gone and it’s been replaced with peace. I’m not sure how it happened or when. I’m just grateful it’s gone. Y’all, I’m really loving this space I’m in.
Thank you so much for reading. Wishing you a wonderful day and fabulous week!
Disclaimer: I have decided to publish the unedited draft of this blog. Not going to change a thing. Talk about completely random! Laughing. Y’all, I’m so fascinated by how the mind works.. how my mind works. Yes, today I’m going to let it be. So, two, 10 or even 30 years from now, I’ll smile when I re-read it. I’ll definitely cringe too. But I’ll smile and say, “That was me. This is me. I love you, Shaun.”
Hello! And Happy Wednesday!
Today is another random blog. Was reading journal entries from 1992 and decided to write about those writings.
On May 20, 1992, I wrote, “Love is so powerful and strong, but when it’s one sided, it’s not so great.” I was 18 years old. Two weeks from enlisting in the Air Force and a little over a month from my 19th birthday. And I was in love. Well.. at least I believed I was.
His name was Will. I usually don’t include names but hey, it’s been 30 years. Yes, Will was his name and I was in “love.” Looking back, what did I really know about love besides what I saw in movies and read in novels. I had to be in love because love hurts, and I was hurting. I mean, the deeper the pain, the deeper the love. Right? Boy, was I confused.
Now, here I am sitting here 30 years later wondering if I have ever been in love. Real love. Or was it that make believe kind of love. Here’s my theory, which I shared with my ex-husband when he would ask if I was in love with him. I would say, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. Because if you fall in love with someone, you can always fall out of love with them.” Hmm.. It sounded good; however, in all honesty, I didn’t want to be in love because I only remembered the pain associated with it. I never wanted to feel that pain again.
I once read, it’s not love that hurts but the rejection and heartache we associate with love. When I think about it, I believe I have only been in love once.. maybe twice. I say this because they’re the ones I still smile about when I think of them. The ones that still make me feel all warm inside.
I believe when you fall in love with someone, you never fall out of love with them. You can relabel it as, “I care for them,” or “I love them like family,” but deep down you know there’s a difference. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be during this lifetime, or perhaps it happened during a past lifetime, but it happened and you know it because you still feel it.
Today makes 361 consecutive days of blogging! For some reason, I assumed the one year mark was closer to my birthday, in June. Well, I actually began this journey on May 14, 2021 with this blog, Just Dropping In To Say Hello.
After reading what I wrote almost a year ago, it seems as if I have a pattern of logging off social media around the same time every year. It’s always around this time (April/May) and the end/beginning of the year. Makes me wonder what it is about these specific times that I need to take a break from social media, a.k.a. chaos.
Back in December, I officially logged off my main twitter account, the one that was beginning to make me feel like I didn’t belong and had my anxiety levels through the roof. Imagine feeling like you don’t belong, on your own account. It was crazy!
Well, after logging off, I reverted to my secondary account. The account that I once referred to as “boring.” Shaking my head. I only invited people who I believed I made a positive connection with, to follow me to this account. You know, real people with real lives. I no longer wanted to be in that pretentious, competitive space. I needed calm, boring (anything but.. Lol) and real.. real conversations. Every now and then I get the urge to discuss my shows or a good movie, and I’ll provide a comment or two. However, I will never go back to where I was. I didn’t like it there.
Today, I’m happy where I am, in the spaces I’m in. In last year’s blog I mentioned the Facebook group, We Are Sistas (private group based on Tyler Perry’s Sistas). Well, I’m still there. For a minute though, I was thinking about leaving the group. It was becoming too much like my old Twitter account, too many negative vibes. Then I thought about the people I’ve connected with over the past few years and decided that my bond with them far outweighed the other stuff. Now, Instagram (IG).. I still have a love-hate relationship with it. However, I believe I have unfollowed all of the accounts that used to trigger my anxiety. Either that or I’m becoming better at managing it. Currently, I mainly follow people/accounts that feed my soul. Sorry but I don’t want to hear bitter rants or about how awful people are. I’d rather have a calm, uneventful, inspiring timeline. Oh! And I do follow my shows on IG and Facebook. So I still get to comment on posts and replies whenever the urge hits me. Yes, it’s still my happy space.
Okay y’all.. I did not intend for this blog to be so long. Guess I felt like writing. Hope you’re having a wonderful week thus far and wishing you an even better rest of the week!