Choose kindness, even when handling yourself. Always, always, always be kind.♥️ ~Shaun
You deserve kindness too.
So let’s talk about yesterday. Yesterday I found myself dealing with an issue I thought I had mastered– loving and accepting ALL of me.
Yesterday, I allow someone’s words, spoken with good intentions, make me feel like the weird little girl who always spoke before she thought. Yes, that was me. Whatever I thought came out, and always at the oddest moments, especially when I was excited.
Well, it still happens today. My siblings and kids are always reminding me that I sometimes say weird or unfiltered things. The crazy thing is I have absolutely no idea when I’ve said something wrong or weird until it’s pointed out. So now, I always try to think before I respond, especially when I am excited.
Let’s just say, yesterday was one of those days. I was happy and excited and I retweeted a tweet without knowing if the information was factual. Then someone saw it and asked me if I was going to delete it. Y’all, they didn’t know about the blog I had written about it or my fangirl behavior. I’m laughing now, but yesterday, I was a mess. I allowed that person’s comment to make me feel like that weird little girl again. So I unpublished the blog; however, I did not delete the tweet. It wasn’t like I was the only one who had tweeted it.
Anyhoo… yesterday I wrote another blog after I unpublished the original one and I ended it with this–
I went from being happy to feeling weird. This is definitely something I need to work through. Living a life where you feel you can’t fully express yourself isn’t really living, is it?
Less than two weeks to 50. Will I live my life out loud or continue to box myself in because the real Shaun is too much for most?
Not even two hours later I republished my original blog with the caption – “DECIDED TO LIVE!!” I realized that that weird little girl feeling I had was something I had placed on myself. I created the “weird girl” box ages ago and was about to retreat back into it. As I say so very often, I am so grateful God loves me and will not allow me to stay down. After thinking about how I allowed one comment to take me back to a place I thought I had passed, I decided I had a choice, I could keep carrying that box around or destroy it. I decided to destroy it!
I told y’all I’m dropping baggage before I head into this next half of my life. Either I’m going to embrace ALL of me or stay bound. Y’all, I am choosing ALL of me!
Ten more days! Only God knows what other baggage is still left to be released or destroyed. One thing I can say for sure is He’s bringing all of it to the forefront saying you either release it or remain where you are. So, yeah, the ball is definitely in my court.
Okay… I did not intend for this blog to be this long.
Message – Remember to be kind to yourself and embrace ALL of you!
Was looking through Facebook memories and old journals to find inspiration for today’s blog. I could not find a journal entry from this date 20+ years ago, so I decided to include my Facebook post from last year, June 4, 2022.
“Just me being me.🤷🏽♀️😁 Y’all, life is good and God is sooo amazing. I’m so grateful for His mercy and grace. And the way He loves me – INDESCRIBABLE!! Whew! Getting emotional just thinking about it.☺️ Twenty days until #Year49, and I’m going to enjoy every minute because I KNOW #ImBlessed! 🙏🏽♥️”
As I mentioned, I could not find an entry written on this date over 20 years ago. However, I did find several entries between 1991-2002 written either the day before or after June 4. Y’all, I weep for that young lady. She was so lost, hurt and broken. For years, even decades, she accepted any and everything that was thrown her way because she felt unworthy and unlovable. When I tell you her self esteem was shot. I can see now that she was punishing herself for that one decision she wish she had not made. That one decision caused her to enter a downward spiral that led to self hatred and mental abuse. She consistently punished herself by allowing others to misuse and abuse her. She felt she deserved the pain because she had not lived up to the dreams and goals she had set for herself. Y’all, she did not know she could recover. Sadly, it would be decades before she realized that one mistake did not define her and that all of her dreams and aspirations were still in tact.
Now, here I am 20 days before Year 50. As I mentioned last year, I am so grateful for God’s love, mercy and grace. Y’all, it is truly INDESCRIBABLE! Today, I can happily say that my life is drastically different than it was 30 years ago. That young lady is finally a woman who understands that that one decision was just part of her (my) story. Smiling
Year 50 is loading. Excited to see where this next journey takes me.
I am going to try not to make this one very long but I have a lot to say. It is so ironic that my favorite show, Tyler Perry’s Sistas, returns tonight for its sixth season and the caption on the trailer is, “A new day brings a new beginning.” I love the new look. Everything seems so refreshing. Which leads me to what I am about to share in today’s blog. Not sure where to start so I will begin with one of the first “new beginnings” in my 40s. You know I’m about to turn 50, right?! Smile
Today’s date, May 31st, is significant in so many ways. It’s the day before I begin celebrating my birthday month, but it is also the day that marks the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.
On this day in 2014, I was preparing for a trip that I believe changed the entire trajectory of my life. It was definitely a pivotal moment. A couple of days before, a friend reached out and asked if I wanted to attend a chef’s media training in New Orleans on June 1st. Y’all, this kind of thing was no where on my radar. Had never even crossed my mind. Little did I know that my life was about to change. At that time, the only thing I knew was that my marriage was ending; however, I had no idea of what the future held. Well, I accepted the invite, attended the training, connected with people who were where I once dreamed of being, and began living. Accepting that invitation set things in motion. It was a leap that I was afraid of taking but deep down I knew I had to.
When I tell you the rest of that year was indescribable! I would think things and they would happen. For years I wanted Bell Biv Devoe (BBD) and the entire New Edition (NE) to perform at one of my birthday parties. Listen, I was serious! When it didn’t happen on my 35th or 40th, I was crushed. I’m telling y’all, I might be a little crazy because I just KNEW it would happen. Like, how, Shaun? Imagine sitting in Hattiesburg saying… not wishing… but saying BBD and NE are going to perform at my birthday party. Well, this particular year I was fed up with not having them perform for my birthday and had told my daughter I would settle for them performing at my funeral. Listen, if I couldn’t have them perform for my birthday, the least they could do was perform at my funeral. Yes… I was being very dramatic. Y’all, I am so ashamed. It’s all documented in my journal. Anyway, the day before my birthday, I entered a daily drawing for tickets to a Rhythm and Blues festival and was notified that evening that I had won. Y’all, up until that point, I had NEVER won anything outside of door prizes. Baby, when I tell you I was screaming. Guess who was going to be there…. BBD!!!!!! God must have said, “Let me go ahead and give this child what she wants.” It was two months before I actually got to see them, but I knew that was my gift, all mine. Y’all, God did that just for me.
The next unforgettable moment occurred that October. I was attending our national dietetics conference in Atlanta and did not realize I was actually staying in the same hotel as Chef Marcus Samuelsson. Yes… THE Marcus Samuelsson! Y’all, I was sitting outside of the hotel waiting on the airport shuttle and I happened to look up just as these tiny legs (yeah, he’s small) hurried across the driveway and enter a black SUV. All I saw was the socks and my heart leaped. I just knew it was Marcus. Didn’t even have to see his face. A friend of mine confirmed it was actually him with a text, “I just saw your boy. That chef you be talking about.” Hilarious! By that time I was already on the plane. Little did I know, he was doing a cooking demonstration for one of vendors at the conference.
Later that week, I almost missed another opportunity to see him and my other fav, the late Chef Leah Chase, when our department chair called an impromptu meeting. The meeting was scheduled for the same time I was leaving to attend Chef Leah’s dedication ceremony in New Orleans. When I tell you I was so discouraged. Felt so defeated. After the meeting, I heard that still small voice say I could still go. Listen, I was about to go home, then at the last minute I hit the highway and headed to NOLA. When I got there, the event hadn’t even started. I arrived just before Chef Leah did and had time to meet her, have a real conversation with her about my goals as a dietitian, and take pictures. What a year!
Five years later, and four years ago on this day, May 31st, my ex husband finally signed our divorce papers. Tearing up as I write this. I had waited over four years for that divorce. I believe him signing it the day before I entered my birthday month was another gift from God. He knew how badly I wanted to be free. Then, the judge signed the divorce papers exactly one week–SEVEN days–before my birthday. So I entered that next year of my life completely free! What a gift.
Now here I am; another May 31st with a new outlook on life. For a few years now, I have been asking God for a mentor and I believe He has finally sent me one. I have known of her for years but only met her a few months ago. To me she is me, 30 years from now. You heard me. It’s like I am experiencing my future self in real time. She was in the Air Force–retired officer and flight nurse. It’s beautiful because we both understand each other when discussing our former lives and careers. Most Air Force nurses know nothing about the airfield or my career; however, she does. Plus… we are both health professionals. Another thing is she’s that ambassador and liaison I have always longed to be. Over the past two days I have watched her gracefully interact with local leaders and community members.
Yesterday, someone came to her for help because she heard that my mentor could connect her with the right people. Y’all, I feel like a sponge soaking up everything. Believe me, I have been taking notes. I told my daughter I feel like one of those armor bearers in church, following her every move. Oh! And the icing on the cake is her husband was an artist, a real artist. I told her that I drew too. Haaa… That’s when she showed me some of his work. Y’all, I was blown away. His work is incredible! After seeing his art, I vowed to take my journey to becoming an artist seriously. If I desire to be a world renowned artist as well as a global ambassador, it’s time to stop playing. And today is that day.
Tomorrow I begin celebrating my 50th birthday month. I was reading a journal entry from a few years ago where Pastor Cynthia James had mentioned year 49 is considered the year of restoration and year 50 is the year of jubilation. I feel it! A new era is dawning.
Hello World! Sitting here in tears… happy tears. No, nothing miraculous has happened. Just visited my Facebook memories (had been logged off for a few days and about to log back off–loving this peace) and the Hello Sunday I had written last year was the very first post. I am sharing the link to the entire blog, below. Here is a snippet of what I wrote.
“Yesterday I shared the quote, ‘It WILL happen.’ This morning I checked my Facebook memories and last year, on this very date (May 29, 2021), I posted the exact same thing. Not in blog or quote, but as a response to someone else’s dream/vision. Y’all, at this moment, I’m so overwhelmed with emotions. I can finally see my dreams coming to fruition. My life is nothing like I imagined at all – it’s better!”
Fast forward to the present and nothing has changed outwardly. I’m still living in the same house, driving the same car, eating the same food–nothing visibly noticeable. However, internally… y’all, internally my life is completely different. I wish I could explain the joy and peace I feel within. When I tell you it’s greater than anything I have ever imagined. Y’all, I feel like a completely different person. Listen, if you only knew…
Y’all, God is absolutely amazing. I am truly blessed. My It WILL Happen has actually become, It IS Happening.
Singing– “When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all He’s done for me, my very soul cries out ‘Hallelujah!’ I thank God for saving me.”
I have so much to be thankful for. The fact that I am still alive, sane and living is worth a lifetime of praises. Amen
I am also thankful for the gift of motherhood. Many of you already know how much I love my two. They are my hearts and smiles. To love them and be loved by them is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It absolutely blows my mind that God chose me, Shaun, to be their mother. I am truly blessed.
We don’t always get it right the first time. Perhaps, it was not meant for us to. Maybe the first time was a dry run just to see how we would fare. Gotta love life.
Fathers, you are loved and very much appreciated.♥️
I hope you are doing well today. I have something I feel the need to write about; however, it is so deep and complex that I feel like I should leave it for another day and time. Save it for when I am not emotionally attached to the subject, at least not as emotional because I feel I will always be attached to it. The subject is fatherhood and fathers, specifically Black fathers, being present and active in their children’s lives while mothers are put in situations where they have to choose what that looks like. Y’all know I love my Tyler Perry shows and this particular subject was brought up in another one of his shows, House of Payne.
As I mentioned, the topic is too deep and complex to tackle without me becoming emotional. However, I would like to say this before sharing a short story. Being a parent is a balancing act between making sure your child(ren) are properly cared for and loved, and you having and maintaining proper self care. And by proper self care, I am speaking holistically. In most cases, we as parents will always choose our children’s wellbeing and happiness over our own.
Short story…
When I decided to get my divorce, I thought about this same subject. What would I be doing to the relationship between my son and his father. My daughter was already out of the house but my son had about 7-8 more years to go. Honestly, I was in that relationship much longer than I should have ever been, even during the divorce process (believe me, it did not have to take over four years) because I was concerned about my son’s wellbeing. Y’all, I never said anything negative about his father in his presence. I was so intentional about not letting my thoughts and feelings tarnish their relationship. Well, a few weeks before my husband moved out, my son (then eleven) asked to have a conversation with me. His father had already told him about the divorce after we agreed we would tell him together. I had no idea. Well, he asked me if I no longer loved his dad and if he would get to see him again. I was honest about both — “No” and “Yes.” When I asked him how he felt about the situation he told me he just wanted us both to be happy even if that meant us not being together. Y’all, I was floored! I don’t know too many kids his age who would have put it that way. Talk about wise beyond his years. When I asked where he wanted to live, he told me wherever his sister would be. Listen, if he would have chosen to stay with his dad, I was prepared to let him do it and pay child support. One thing I knew from living separately from my father and my mom making sure I had a relationship with him was that I would always make an effort to be in my child’s life no matter what.
Anyhoo… That conversation sealed my decision to move forward with the divorce. Had he asked for me to stay with his dad, I would have. I was dying on the inside, but I would have. As I said in a previous blog, the day my ex moved out it was like a weight had been lifted. The entire atmosphere changed. A few years later, my son said he hated hearing me crying. Y’all, I didn’t even know he knew. I didn’t even know he knew I was sad.
Okay… I’m going to go ahead and end this now. I have so many personal and family stories about relationships between children and fathers – me and my dad, my parents and their dads, my stepdads (mom was married three times) and my children and their dads (which I would never share beyond my interactions with their fathers).
Y’all, managing our own lives is already hard. Then throw a child in the mix… Whew! I will leave you with this, a whole parent is able to love and give more than a broken parent. In return, the child thrives. Believe me, I have seen it!
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Tried to keep it light. Going to visit my mom in a few hours. She’s still in the hospital but no longer in ICU. Y’all, life is short, don’t overthink or make things complicated. Keep it simple – love unconditionally and be kind.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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