Tag: grace

Before you say “I do,” check your motives or reasons for getting married. Here’s what I wrote five years ago when reposting a video that motivational speaker, Trent Shelton, had shared. His caption was, “Marriage will change the title but it won’t change the person!”

Facebook Memory: May 20, 2019

Not sure if I shared this video before. If so, I’m gonna share it again, because it’s on point! Before you get married, ask yourself why you’re getting married. And be honest!

For me (I KNOW I haven’t shared this before), I got married because: 1)I had a set timeline – had to do it before I was 30, 2) listening to others’ thoughts of what was considered a “good” spouse, 3) I was a single mom- single moms rarely found men who would treat someone else’s child like their own, so I thought (learned this from others and from my experiences with step fathers), and 4) I wanted to be seen as someone who was worthy of marriage, because I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like my past mistakes had made me unworthy and I should’ve been happy that someone wanted to marry me. I had no clue of what I was getting myself into. It wasn’t like God didn’t send warnings. Just thought I knew best.🤦🏽‍♀️

Before you say “I do” be honest with yourself. Don’t let the thought of getting married, or wanting to feel “worthy,” have you make the wrong decision. That one mistake can be costly- financially, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Here are some of the things I learned. Heed God’s warnings. Believe me, He’ll send plenty. Trust your gut. Don’t try to make the person fit your future. If they don’t fit, THEY DON’T FIT! And if you weren’t happy before you said “l do,” you definitely won’t be happy afterwards. You can only pretend for so long.

Lastly, I knew things were off when I could never picture us growing old together. I could never see a future with him. Honestly, I tried, but I just couldn’t. Life. Life lessons.

That was actually written 11 days before my ex finally signed the divorce papers. Whew!! What a time that was. Here’s what else I have learned since I have had years to reflect:

Marriage is sacred (for real) and shouldn’t be entered into without love. Period! So many marry for reasons other than love. I know because, as you can see, I did. Then, reality sets in. It’s when you realize you made a lifelong commitment to someone you 1) didn’t love and 2) it’s for a lifetime (you don’t go in with divorce on your timeline). So here’s what you do. You first try to make things work to save face, especially if you’ve made sure everyone knew it was the best decision you ever made. However, no one knows you are slowly dying on the inside because you entered a commitment you knew you shouldn’t have. Then, you long for the real thing. You want to love and be loved, but now you’re stuck. Ha!! Oh, to be stuck or feel trapped is one of the worst feelings in life.

Listen, the next time I get married (because I will remarry—ain’t no doubt about it) it’s a decision I will not take lightly. Next time I am marrying for love, AND that love must be mutual. No more one sided relationships. I was once fooled when a person who had been married for years had told me “that love thing wears off so do not marry for love.” Well, that was definitely a lie. What they should have said was the newness may become a little dim (if you allow it to), but love doesn’t go away. If it does, it was never true to begin with. It was either infatuation or all for show. And I say this because for one I have been there, and secondly if that were true, love in all relationships would eventually fade away. Nah… it was never love.

Here’s part of my marriage story I don’t believe I ever shared.

If you know me, you know I love a great love story. Well, my ex and I were in his aunt’s wedding—a little over twenty years before we got married—as ring bearer and flower girl. We were on pictures together. Y’all, when I tell you it was the perfect story. You see, we briefly met that summer in Jackson, MS. My mom and his aunt were good friends. We participated in the wedding, then about a month later my mom moved us to Kansas. A little over 20 years later, we reconnected through the same aunt. Talk about the perfect Hallmark story. Ha! But it wasn’t a movie, it was reality. Y’all, believe me when I tell you reality will always trump the fantasy.

Again, think long and hard before you say “I do.” Listen, marriage is a realm of its own and should be kept sacred.

Guess what?! I’m getting married!! (Manifesting it!) Smile

Wishing you a wonderful week.

Be Blessed♥️

Shaun