Life

Love

Or until you read old journal entries. Lol!

I have been writing a lot lately. Guess you can say I have had a lot on my mind. Those darn journal entries! Lol.

Last year during quarantine, I found a few journals I had forgotten about. Well, last night I decided to read one from a couple of decades ago. Have you ever been in love with someone who did not feel the same? I’m not talking about being in a relationship where love is clearly one sided. I’m talking about being in love with a friend. A friend who, from what I read, sent out so many mixed signals. From everything I wrote, one would assume he was somewhat in love with me too, or was he just teasing me – if so, how cruel! The reason I say this is because of some of the things he did and said were not things you would do and say to a friend, but to a lover. Eventually, I told him I loved him. Y’all, I don’t remember doing this and cringed while reading it – how embarrassing! The only reaction from him, that I recorded, was him ghosting me for a week or so then he was back like I never confessed my love for him. And we carried on as usual – late night phone calls when we couldn’t sleep. Going places together. Him cooking for me. Teasing each other. I mean, nothing changed except I learned to keep my feelings to myself.

Eventually, I left that duty station and we remained in touch. After I found myself missing him like crazy, I decided to find someone who would make me forget about him. Boy was that a mistake – a big one! Word of advice, don’t listen to people who tell you the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. From my experience, that NEVER works. Believe me, more than likely you will end up regretting it.

Today, I still talk to my friend, who is now happily married. Until last night, I honestly had forgotten about how in love I was with him. Years ago, when we reconnected, I felt like I had found an old friend. Never once did I think, “I was in love with him.” Now, I will say, I always told people he would have been the one I would have married had he asked. Honestly, I would have done it without hesitation because he was my best friend. I loved being with him and everything about him.

Side note – Y’all, I was really in love with this guy and completely forgot about it. Hilarious!

Anyhoo… talk about transparency. I’m pretty sure if he were to read this, he would know it is about him. It’s okay, though. Those feelings are long gone. I am just happy to be his friend and so happy he found love. One day, the same will happen for me.

Okay.. I believe this is enough transparency for today. Maybe for the year. As usual, thanks for reading my ramblings. Wishing you a fabulous week!

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

I’m awake. Can’t sleep. What do you do when you have absolutely no idea of what to do when your heart hurts? I know I have to push through. I know that in a few days I will not feel like this. I know that eventually the pain will fade. However, at this moment, I’m hurting.

I really hate writing sad, depressing blogs. I don’t feel like journaling. I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like making a social media post. I chose to blog because somehow I actually feel like the universe hears me this way. Maybe… just maybe, by writing it here the universe will hear my pain and make everything okay.

I know this is just a moment I’m going through. I know it will pass. I know God’s got me. However, right now, I’m sad and my heart hurts.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Just woke up from a disturbing dream. I was working at my old job and dealing with some of the same people and issues that eventually led to my resignation. While laying here thinking, l began hearing the song, How I Got Over. The song says:

How I got over
How I got over
My soul looks back and wonder how I got over

Whew! Y’all, God is good. I am so grateful that stage of my journey is over. As I think about the last thirty years of adulthood, I can’t help but smile. I made it through some difficult times. And y’all, I’m still here! Again, God is so good!

My soul looks back and wonder how I got over.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you a fabulous week!

Shaun

Life

What Makes You Smile?

What started as a simple social media post is now a blog.

Smile: a pleased, kind, or amused facial expression.

I believe genuine smiles come from the heart. They are not just facial expressions. They are expressions of pure joy and happiness. You must admit, although brief, when you smile you are completely content. Not a single worry in sight.

Me, I tend to smile a lot. I guess you could say I experience a lot of smileable moments. Earlier, while scrolling through social media, I noticed that I kept smiling. So I stopped scrolling and asked myself why. Why so many smiles? That’s when it hit me, I really do love watching God work. I know I say it all the time, but sometimes it does not fully register that I really love watching Him work. Y’all, God is so fascinating! I am forever amazed by the things He does. How He transforms lives. How everything falls into place exactly at the right moment in time. It’s like watching a movie with so many storylines and characters. They are all interconnected but don’t realize it. What I find most interesting, and humbling, is God allowing me to witness it all in real time. Unlike the movies, I actually get to cheer people on as I watch them grow and use their gifts to help others. Y’all, this is what makes me smile.

Honestly, when I think about it, I truly believe this is how God expresses His love for me. His desire is for all of us to live happy, fulfilled lives and this is what does it for me. Not money. Not success. But watching Him work. Y’all, this kind of joy and happiness is pure. So I smile. Grateful

Question- What makes you smile?

Shaun