Had a dream about turtles last night. Not just one particular kind but several different turtles. Two, in particular, stood out. There was this huge turtle with a turquoise shell with a baby turtle beside them. Then there was this other turtle that I first thought was a new kind lizard. It kept following me in a playful way. Now y’all, I am afraid of lizards but I love turtles. Well, I wasn’t afraid of this particular lizard. I finally turned my attention to it and discovered it wasn’t a lizard but a turtle whose shell had come off. It led me back to its shell and I attempted to put it back on. I taped it together with some clear packing tape and it was happy. Then it really followed me everywhere I went. There was also a tiny snapping turtle in my dream but I ignored it.
Of course I googled the meaning of seeing turtles in a dream but there were so many that I decided to interpret it on my own. Well, this is what came to me while I was attempting to draw a turtle and while this one particular song kept playing over and over in my head. Hadn’t heard it in forever… I Don’t Have the Heart by James Ingram. Talk about weird.
My interpretation:
It’s okay to protect your heart. However, you have to also be open to be loved. You cannot be so protected that you do not let love in. I am now realizing that that particular song is the song that has kept me from letting love in because in my experience, that was how the relationships I wanted always ended. “I care about you but…”. I have to stop assuming my story will always end that way. Guess I will never know if I stay guarded. Time to see what happens…
That’s all I have. Supposed to be getting ready to attend a conference, but know I couldn’t miss a day of sharing. I’m now on day 814, I believe.
I actually slept all night! Believe I fell asleep around 11 PM and didn’t wake up until 5 AM. I needed the sleep.
Yesterday, one of my friends drove down to have lunch with me and we talked for hours. Y’all, I needed the company. I needed to feel like an individual again. I needed to feel like Shaun again. It felt so good to be able to freely express myself without judgement or tiptoeing around feelings. Grateful for true friendships.
I’m going to leave you with a few gems from August 6th (wish I could share them all):
Facebook Memories
All it takes is ONE.There’s only ONE you. Chosen.♥️I have loved basketball for decades (since high school). Went to one BIG3 game and knew I wanted to own a team. Optimistic.😊Trust God’s plan.
I’m not sure what’s going on with me waking up around 3:00/3:30 AM nowadays. Like, I’m wide awake. Then around 5:30/6:00 AM, I find myself falling back to sleep. At first it was annoying, but now I just start everything two hours earlier, then take a nap before officially getting up. Anyhoo…
After waking up with Marvin Winans’ song, Draw Me Close to You/Thy Will Be Done, playing over and over in my head, and much needed prayer time with God, I received my answers. I know what’s wrong. Not going to go into details because those revelations were just for me. Now that I understand what the problems are, I can deal with them. Now, how I choose to do it is totally up to me.
Here’s what I’ll call one of the “solutions” to the revelations. Listen, it had me shaking my head and smiling at the same time. Y’all God is so good. It’s an excerpt from one of my journal entries from this date. Debating whether or not to share the entire entry. Will let you know what I actually decided before I hit publish.
Shaun’s Journal Entry: August 4, 2014
So I’ve decided not to fight it any longer. I may as well give in and just let things be. No, I’m not happy, but as I’ve told others many times before, make yourself happy. So life has given me a barrel of lemons & grapefruit. Time to make sour punch (sounds gross huh?). Oh well…
God will work it out. Turn it over to Jesus, he will work it out! He can, he can, work it out. You won’t even have to touch it. Hallelujah!!
Although that entry was about something completely unrelated to what I am currently going through, I believe it was written for this very moment. Nine years ago, God already knew exactly what I would need to get through this time. So yes, I’m smiling and now tearing up. I needed those words of encouragement. I’m turning everything over to God. I won’t have to lift a finger or touch a thing. He will work it out. Amen
By the way, I shared the entire entry. All of it was relevant. I keep telling y’all God loves me. Smiling
Praying you have a blessed weekend. Thanks for reading. Love you!♥️
It’s a new month, a new week and a new day. Today’s the PERFECT day to give that project, goal, dream or relationship that didn’t work out before, another try. Yes.. Try Again!
Wishing you a wonderful month!
If it’s something you truly want to achieve, don’t give up, try again.
This message is so timely. Lately, I have circled back to a few things I had given up on. Things that I felt were too challenging and/or time consuming to achieve at the time. Said I would give them one more try before completely giving up and moving on. One day I’ll share… probably after they are achieved or well established. Trying to stop over sharing but remain transparent.
Anyhoo… That’s all I have for you today. Wishing you a fabulous month! Remember to take care of yourself and enjoy life. Love you!♥️
Being obedient is not always easy, but necessary. Spiritually, I have struggled with being obedient for some time. Although the struggle has became easier since intentionally allowing God to lead, I still struggle with it. I still question whether the moves are right for me, especially when those moves cause uncomfortable shifts. So yeah, I am still working on being obedient. With that being said, I can also proudly say that I am becoming better at listening and complying. Yes… patting myself on the back.
Yesterday, Bishop T.D. Jakes said the following during his sermon – “Your gift will get you there, but your obedience will keep you there.” If I want to stay where I’m going, I must be obedient. Period.
This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook memories and there was the word, “Obedience,” again. This time it was associated with last year’s blog, Hello Sunday July 31, 2022. That particular blog was about me logging off one of my main Twitter (X) accounts.
For several years, I had been struggling with the value I had placed on that account. Basically, it was my life. At first, it allowed me to get away when life became a little too much, but it did not stop there. Later it became my obsession (being very transparent). Sadly, I did not see it at the time – you know it’s hard to see things when you’re right in the middle of it. Y’all, I was obsessed and addicted to it. I was addicted to the interactions and feedback and impressions (yes, I’m a numbers person and Twitter analytics was my best friend). Well, God told me I needed to let it go (I explain all of this in last year’s Hello Sunday). I was never told to deactivate the account, nor delete it, I was simply asked to log off. To log off so that I could get my priorities and focus right. Listen, the way I reacted you would’ve thought He had asked me to throw away my entire life. Y’all, my priorities were not right. All of the glory and praise I should have been giving Him was going elsewhere.
Over the past year, I have logged off, logged on, logged off again, then logged back on… currently, I am logged on. This time I logged back on because I was instructed to do so. I was obedient. Won’t go into detail but the account wasn’t the problem, my obsession and addiction to it was. Until I had learned how to properly handle it, I could not log back on.
Y’all, I am so grateful God loves me. He loves me so much that He even protects me from myself. Honestly, I would not be where I am today had I not been obedient. I would’ve still been stuck where I was, doing the same things and getting nowhere. I’m so glad I listened and obeyed.
I am so much stronger and better equipped because I listened and obeyed.
Woke up with Smokie Norful’s, “I Need A Word,” playing over and over in my head. Here are the lyrics courtesy of LyricFind and Capitol Christian Music Group.
The noise of my day The depression that steals my voice The confusion that arrests my life So I can’t even make a choice
Life seems so loud I’ve been too proud So Lord, what do I do? I just need a word from You
Oh, I need a word Tell me which way to turn I need a word Tell me which way I should go I need a word To tell me just what to do Please send a word God, I need to hear from You Drown out the noise Let me hear Your voice I need a word from You
Ooh, oh, I just got bad news Life just darkened my day My family is in need And I just cant seem to make a way, oh
Life seems so loud I’ve been too proud But I’m asking you now Lord, send a word from You
I need a word Tell me which way to turn I need a word Tell me which was I should go I need a word Tell me what should I do, Lord I need a word I need a word from You Drown out the noise Let me hear Your voice Oh Lord, I know need a word from You
I hear You Lord, I hear You say
Stand still and know that You are God Stand still and believe You’ll work it out Stand still and see my victory walk right in ‘Cause with You, I will win
I need a word Greater is He that’s in me than He that’s in the world I need Your word No weapon formed against me shall be able to prosper Drown out the noise Let me hear Your voice I need a word From You
It’s growing season. You are being pruned. Lean into God.
Praying you have a wonderfully, blessed week. Love you!♥️
Last night, my daughter and I were discussing timing and how we can now see that if things would have worked out according to our timetables, we would not have been properly prepared to handle the things that came along with them. That was when it dawned on me that we were and are being protected.
If things have not happened yet, accept that it’s not time, and that you are being protected. Stay under God’s protection.♥️ ~Shaun
Stay protected.
On another note (gonna try to make this short by using screenshots where I can)…
So, a couple of days ago I forgot to check my Facebook Memories. Y’all, I rarely forget. It’s like part of my morning routine. Well, sometime Thursday evening a memory popped up that prompted me to check my other memories. When I tell you God is always on time! Here’s what I shared based on one of the memories:
Facebook Post: July 27, 2023
Can’t believe I am just now looking at my Facebook Memories from July 27th. I usually look at them first thing in the morning, but for some reason I didn’t today. Had forgotten all about them. Thankfully a story I shared last year popped up and jogged my memory. I needed to see this particular post today. When I reshared it in 2019, I shared it with Tyler Perry’s quote, “When you pray, believe.” Back then, that quote was relevant for where I was.
Today, another quote taken from his caption has resonated with me. It is a question he asked himself, “God, why would you put all of these dreams inside of me and not show me a way to accomplish them.” Y’all, I feel him on this. I have so many dreams. Some would probably say I have too many. That I need to narrow them down, but I can’t. I want to accomplish them all.🤷🏽♀️😢
As Mr. Perry did, I am going to continue to work towards them until something happens. I know God is working behind the scenes. I KNOW that one day everything will happen. In today’s blog I wrote the following:
“Here is what I have learned and am still learning – my job is to lean into God, allow Him to lead, move when He says move and be still when He says be still. AND I must do ALL of this while operating from a space of peace. Talk about challenging, but if He believes I am capable of doing it, then I can do it.”
I will continue to stay in prayer while waiting and listening for my next moves.♥️
That was two days ago. Here are a few screenshots from today’s Facebook memories.
“I love who I am Becoming,” July 29, 2022July 29, 2022–Response to the next screenshot originally shared on July 29, 2018.July 29, 2018
Y’all, I can’t help but tear up. I’m doing exactly what I set out to do. Yes, I have a lot of dreams, and guess what – I’m achieving them ALL! AND I have many, many more to achieve.
Listen, if God has put dreams in your heart, please don’t allow others’ success or progress make you feel like you are:
Behind – Girl, you’re 50 and just now getting started.
On the wrong track – You should be doing XYZ and making money.
Your goals are unattainable or unrealistic – Girl, you are nowhere near qualified for what you want and where you want to be, and never will be.Get your head out of the clouds.
Block distractions and silence those voices (yours specifically) that tell you your dreams are too big, unrealistic or impossible. For we know, and must remember, that with God ALL things are possible.
That’s all I have to share today. I know it was a lot. Praying you have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for reading.♥️
I’m not sure what I want to write about today so just follow along as I figure out.
So, first thing this morning I attempted to finish a drawing I had been working on. However, the more I worked on it the uglier it became. So I set it aside. Right now I’m really contemplating whether or not I should hit the delete button and start over or work on it later. I named it “Salvage.” Because is it worth salvaging?
Recently… like last week… (by the way, today I have been 50 for exactly ONE month – woohoo!)…
Anyhoo… Last week it dawned on me that as much as I wanted to close the door on so many things associated with the last 50 years, I couldn’t – and boy did I try. Y’all, I was almost there, then my heart, and definitely the Holy Spirit, kicked in. One of the things I could not do was bring the baggage of “unfinished business,” “shutting down,” and “I don’t give a … care,” into my fifties. Honestly, I truly thought closing those doors would give me a fresh start, but I was wrong. Closing those doors only prevented me from feeling every single emotion I needed to feel – specifically the pain of hurts and disappointments.
Last night I received a call from one of my older cousins (actually my mom’s cousin). During our conversation, he began telling me how he always looked up to me. Said I always had my stuff together so he was shocked when he heard I had gotten a divorce. He said that for as far back as he could remember, I had had my life planned out. And he was right, I did. I had everything planned right down to when I would get married and how that marriage would flow. I had written the perfect story. Then life happened. You see, he knew the teenage Shaun. The Shaun who had been hurt but not really hurt. The Shaun who was determined to achieve every single thing she set out to achieve. However, as I mentioned, life happened. One blow to my plan led to another, then another. Pretty soon I no longer had a plan nor confidence.
Eventually, the way I dealt with it was to shutdown emotionally. I believed that the way to get my life back on track and make the most of it was to write another story and control the narrative. One thing I was dead set on was leaving my heart out of it. The goal was to not feel anything, not even anger or sadness. Any time I could feel those feelings creeping up, I would suppress them. Then my forties happened. Y’all, my forties hit and I felt everything! From anger to love, I felt it all.
Now, here I am at the beginning of Year50. If you have been following my journey you know that I tried to close the doors to my past. I wanted to shutdown and do a hard reset, but couldn’t. At the beginning of my forties I was searching for ME, well, last week I actually saw ME. It was like this book of my life was opened and I could see ALL of me including the disappointments and hurts I tried to bury.
After last night’s conversation with my cousin, I realized there was more things I needed to address. One was my desire to control everything to include timing. In one of last week’s blog I wrote about how whatever didn’t happen before 50 was basically a lost cause. Had written another story. Even though I was saying I trusted God’s timing, I really had given Him a time limit, and since He had not met it, I was about to do me. Ha!The joke was on me. You see, while I was going through all of those feelings and emotions during my forties, I was actually building a stronger relationship with God. So although I wanted to do me, I couldn’t and can’t. I belong to God. Period.
As you can see, a lot has already happened on this side of 50 – all good things, things I need for growth. I am so grateful for the wake up call. Looking forward to continuing this journey with God. My focus is finally where it needs to be, on Him and the calling He has for my life.
Before I end, I am also celebrating 800 consecutive days of blogging – 200 to go!
Thanks for reading my real first random rambling from this side of fifty. Praying you have a wonderful week!♥️
You already know what you have been called to do. You have seen the vision and it is very plain. However, you are hesitant to move forward because it will take you completely out of your comfort zone; you feel like there are too many uncertainties to take the risk. Believe me, I understand. I am right there with you. But now is the time for us to step into our callings. No more excuses. No more delays. Those who need what we have to offer need it now… TODAY. Let’s do this!♥️ ~Shaun
It’s time!
Side Note: This consecration time with God that Bishop Jakes suggested Sunday is THE TRUTH! Listen, I thought I was already spending time with God and following His guidance, but clearly I wasn’t. Over these past few days, things that I thought I had handled resurfaced and I had a choice to either bury them again or face them head on. Well, I decided to face them. Listen, if you want to KNOW about yourself, spend a little time with God, real time with God and I guarantee He will show you who you really are. Y’all, it was not easy, but it was so necessary. Grateful
It’s Shaun’s World 
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