I originally wrote something different for my first post today than what I shared. After I had written what I wrote, I heard that still small, almost faint voice say, “Delete it.” And I obeyed. When I clicked on YouTube to watch something inspirational, this video was there—a message from the late Dr. Charles Stanely. The title says it all, “Listening To God.” Here’s the video and link:
Me at my “man’s” (he was 21—barely a man😂) dorm room. We had no idea what we were doing. Lol. Life…
Thought I’d be asleep by now but I am wide awake. The Facebook memory above has me smiling because in 10 days I will have a 30 year old!🎉
When I took that picture, I had no idea my life would be totally different two years later. You couldn’t have told me I would be pregnant, single, and broken, and I’d believe it. There was no way!
I’m smiling because I remember that young girl who was pretending to be a grown woman. She had so much to learn about people and life, but she thought she knew it all. Couldn’t convince her otherwise.
I smile at her innocence.
I smile at her perception of life and people. She believed in everything good.
I smile because she was once me.
I was once her.
I’m still her.
Just older, wiser…and a little lot heavier.☺️
What a journey this life has been. I am forever grateful for the experiences, good and bad, because both made me who I am today. I’m not going to lie, I do miss her.🥰
So, this year is already starting differently. I decided to watch something I believed would set the tone for this year. Well, what I wasn’t expecting was the tone I received. Laughing because I thought I was watching something that would empower me, but instead, I was introduced to the kind of husband (yes, I’m getting married again) I desired. Y’all, I’m looking for my Jimmy Carter!
Talk about an “Aha” moment!
Before 2024 ended, I said I was going to focus on my personal life this year. Well, I guess this is the beginning.
When I think about it, Jimmy Carter was the kind of person I’ve been seeking since I knew what love was and could be. I mean, why not? He’s been my inspiration since I was in grade school. My purpose—to make this world a better place through love, hope, peace, kindness, and service—began with him. And his relationship with Rosalynn was what I’d always dreamed of having. So many doubt that kind of relationship and love is possible. However, I have never doubted it. I’ve always believed it to be possible. Because I truly believe in love.
Soooo… it’s been Jimmy all this time. Wow!
Here’s an Instagram trailer for the Hulu and Disney+ special I just watched—“Jimmy Carter: A Full Life.” Enjoy!♥️ ~Shaun
Sitting here trying to reflect on my 2024, but everything seems a blur. I have journal entries and posts marking moments, but everything seems to have happened without a thought. As if I just flowed through it—which is what I asked for, right? I mean, I did say I just wanted to go with the flow. Laughing because God will give you exactly what you ask for. Gotta love life…
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had many memorable moments, but nothing was a real highlight. So, maybe I need to change my ask this year. This year, I don’t want to just go with the flow. This year I want to experience the spectacular! This year, I want to make memories and moves that I will be talking about for ages.
A week or so before the year ended, I said I was taking the limits off myself and God. Well, they’re off, and I’m challenging myself to stretch beyond what’s familiar and comfortable. I started implementing a few changes before 2024 ended. Ready to see where they take me!♥️ ~Shaun
Shaun, I’m rooting for you, Girl! I got you and God’s definitely got you! Happy 2025!🥂
While looking through an old notebook that I was using as a journal and as a study guide (not sure why I was using one notebook for both😩), I found a letter I had written but never sent to my sister. Here’s a snippet of what I wrote.
30 January 1993
At the time, I was 19 years old and stationed at Ramstein AB, Germany. Y’all, I was just a baby. However, even back then, I made note of gems that I still live by today:
True happiness can only be found within. (Thanks, Master Splinter)
God will place us where we desire to be, but it’s our responsibility to make things happen. (A good one, right?!)
Life isn’t easy… but it’s so worth living.
As I mentioned in the letter, I was where I had always dreamed of being, but I wasn’t doing anything with the opportunity I had been given. Looking back, I realize no one in my circle had the same or similar goals or dreams. So, instead of venturing out and doing my own thing, I adapted to their world. From what I had written—“I don’t have any goals anymore.”—I believe I had lost hope.
How sad…
But very eye opening.
It’s so important that we surround ourselves with like-minded people or our dreams and aspirations will suffer. Or…we must be strong enough to venture out and do our own thing to keep our dreams alive.
For several years now (since December 24, 2018), I have shared the same quote from Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming”–
“Am I good enough? Yes, in fact I am.”
For years, I questioned my worth. Seeing Michelle Obama (who’s #4 on my infamous list of people to meet) mention it in her book gave me hope. If she also questioned her worth at times and still surpassed her wildest dreams, then I could, too.
In 2018, I began a doctoral program to earn my DrPH (Doctor of Public Health) degree. I decided to pursue this degree after experiencing one of my most crushing moments professionally. Before then, I was always on top of my game. Personally, my life was in the pits, but professionally, it was taking off. Y’all, I was “The Research Diva!” I was so confident and sure of myself and where my career was going. Other professionals and organizations had begun contacting me because of my experience and expertise. However, I hadn’t accounted for some only reaching out because of the fact that I was Black. Once I realized I was only being used because of the color of my skin and my ability to reach populations some couldn’t, I was crushed.
After this realization, every project I was asked to work on, I questioned why I was asked. Was it because of the color of my skin? Did they truly recognize my worth? That’s when I felt if I had my doctorate, my race wouldn’t matter. But I already knew the answer to that, too.
So, for six years, I pursued the DrPH degree. I started strong, but then life happened…COVID happened…then life again. Last year, when I shared her quote, I had just finished another semester of the program, and I had a decision to make—spend more money working towards a degree that I was only pursuing to be deemed worthy or to withdraw. In May of this year, I finally withdrew from the program. Part of me felt like a failure because I couldn’t push past the fact that I was only doing it to prove my worth. Like girl, still get the degree! Then, the other half felt relieved because I could finally focus on the things I wanted to pursue, my real goals and dreams. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be referred to as Dr. LaShaundrea B.; however, I know I am worth more than a title and credentials.
Soooo…
Am I good enough?
Baby, YES! I’m more than good enough!
I now realize I needed to go through all of that craziness to get to where I am today. I can see where my ego and pride could’ve eventually been my downfall and at a higher level. Life is truly a journey.
Well, that’s all I have at the moment. Listen, if you are currently questioning if you are good enough, this is assurance that you are. You are more than good enough. You’re the best!♥️
Lately, I have been a little more emotional than usual. It took me a minute to figure out why, and I finally have. A rebirth is happening. At least, that’s what it feels like.
Some may think what I’m about to say is weird, and it’s perfectly fine, but the timing of “The Six Triple Eight” movie and my daughter’s upcoming 30th birthday are so intertwined. The 30 years hit me while I was visiting her a week ago. Then, seeing the movie this weekend brought back memories of my experiences in the military around the time of her birth (almost 30 years ago) and the first few years of her life. Y’all, I’ve been crying nonstop this weekend. It feels like I am finally releasing everything I have held in for decades—the stress, uncertainties, and pressure I placed on myself to be a great mother to a child who did not ask to be here. I chose to bring her into this world, which meant I was responsible for making sure she always felt loved, protected, supported, and never like a burden. Those were the things I needed as a child, and I was determined to make sure she had them. And then the song “The Journey” by H.E.R. gets me every time I hear it. Y’all, these past 30 years have definitely been a journey.
Here’s what AI had to say about 30 years—
“It can be a turning point in a person’s life or a time when a historical event’s long-term effects can be seen. … It can be a time when someone realizes who they are, gains self-awareness.”
Whewwww… y’all, this is a lot.
I now realize that 30 years ago, I shut down part of my life to become the best mom I could be, and I know exactly when it happened. That’s a story for another time. Last week, I finally saw the woman my baby girl has become and know that my mission has been achieved. Now it’s time for me to live.
My life definitely changed 30 years ago, and I have absolutely no regrets—I never have. I just adjusted. Seeing my baby girl’s smile today lets me know all my sacrifices were worth it.
Here are two pictures… A lot can change in a year.
Squadron Christmas party in Germany (December 1993).Squadron Christmas party in Florida (December 1994). Almost 9 months pregnant.
What a journey…
Thanks for allowing me space to exhale and release. I pray you have a glorious Sunday!♥️
Yes… I’m back. Hopefully this is the last of my posts about the movie and my military experience.
As a soldier, airman, or seaman, the mission always comes first. You don’t have the luxury of being in your feelings while working. No, you suck them up and get the work done. I was one of the “lucky” (written with lots of sarcasm) ones like the women of the 6888 battalion because my job was mission essential. Meaning, we worked around the clock, 24/7, no weekends or holidays off. We were blessed to have superiors like Major Charity Adams who were generous enough to work breaks in. Morale was everything!
Being a single mom in the military added another level of stress to a job that was already stressful (if you only knew all that my job entailed—whew!). I remember my desire to always overachieve because I didn’t want anyone to use my status as a single mother against me. I never missed work. I always made sure I had a babysitter even when my daughter was sick. I never wanted to be the burden to the group.
When I received orders to go to Turkey, I asked if I could turn them down and accept another location stateside. I was told I couldn’t. That if I didn’t accept the orders I would be forced to get out. So, I had to make a decision—to leave my daughter with my mother who was already struggling to care for my siblings or out process. I told the person handling my case that if I could not take my daughter with me, I would out process. After reviewing my enlistment papers and the orders, I was told I had exactly enough time remaining on that enlistment to do an accompanied tour, which meant I could take my daughter with me. Y’all, that was God! Because I was ready to give it all up if she couldn’t go with me. Then, when I got Turkey, I had 30 days to find someone—a stranger—who could escort my daughter back to the states if a war broke out. Whew! Just thinking about it all brings back so many memories and feelings. I was 24 years old with a little one. I remember walking around base with her in tow trying to get things done. I had a car but it was being shipped over, and I didn’t have the money to keep taking taxis. I would make our little trips adventures so she wouldn’t complain or cry. Most of the time it worked but not always. She was still a child, and when she got sleepy it was over!
I remember this one time when missiles were launched towards our base (yes…Turkey is in a war zone) and the sirens were going off (again, I can relate to the movie), I had to choose between grabbing my chem gear to protect myself or not. I was at home at the time. Had just gotten off of a 12-hour night shift and my daughter was at daycare. My thoughts were if she’s not going to survive, why should I? Fortunately, the missiles were intercepted and life went on. Those were crazy times.
Y’all, I actually made it through those times. This is why I praise God. I have soooo much to be grateful for. So much! I made it and my baby girl made it. We’re here!
Okay… THIS is the last of my military story…at least for now.
Thanks for allowing me to spill.♥️ ~Shaun
To lighten the mood, here are a few pictures from our stay in Turkey. She was 3 when we arrived.
With my friend Destiny (Kader). She owned a tailor shop.She loved taking pictures…and I loved taking them of her.Forever posing.ChristmasIn Cappadocia. Nothing like the Cappadocia today.In a hotel in Cappadocia. This was taken after a 6.3 earthquake hit Adana. I was stationed at Incirlik, which is 5-10 minutes from Adana. We had just arrived at the hotel, which was about 3 hours away, and we felt the earthquake there. I had just checked in and was sitting on the bed when I felt the tremors. The electricity went out. And this was 3 hours away! Talk about divine timing on my part! We could’ve been at home when it happened, or on the road. The only damage I had was cracks in the wall and pictures knocked down. Others had it worse. So many in the city of Adana and surrounding areas lost their lives. The next week, we had another one but it was only about 4.5.
You are in God’s hands. You’re covered. Right now, I can hear Marvin Sapp singing, “He Has His Hands On You.”
Marvin begins his song with these words—
“A lot of us in this house tonight, we are on the potter’s wheel right now and it’s not comfortable. It doesn’t feel good. But we need to just take solace in the fact that even though it may not feel good right now, as long as I’m in His hands I know that everything is going to be alright.” –Marvin Sapp
In God’s hands is such a wonderful place to be. After I shared my last post, “My Journey With God, No. 38,” God led me to read my journal entry written two years after I made the Facebook post (see previous post for reference—the journal entry date was December 18, 2020). After reading that entry, I heard, “There’s life after heartbreak.” He went on to show me a few other things. Things that gave me a sense of peace and hope.
This is what happens when we’re in God’s hands, when we’re covered. He will always send comfort, we just have to be open to receive it. And what I love about God—because He’s had to do this with me many of times—is that He doesn’t force us to receive the comfort when it’s offered. Instead, He holds it until we are ready to receive it. Today, I needed comforting after I saw that Facebook memory. God knew I was open to receive it, so He gave it to me. Beyond Blessed
Despite how crazily unpredictable life can become, I know that God has me covered. I am in His hands.
And so are you!♥️
Love you always,
Shaun
This post was shared today on Instagram. A word, indeed. Gotta let the past hurts go and step into the great things the future holds.♥️
It’s Shaun’s World 
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