I’m so emotional right now! You’re probably thinking, when is she not. Lol! I am just going to drop this gem right here and I dare you to use it!
Matthew 7:7. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
I DARE you to ask!
I DARE you to seek!
I DARE you to knock!
When I tell you God will give you the desires of your heart. Whew!! Gonna share this story with you real quick. I have to go soon and get my blessing!
Not even 30 minutes ago, I shared an event on Instagram that I wanted to attend this morning. After sharing it, I went to register for the event. Well, it was $97 for one day. I was like, nah.. because I only wanted to hear and support the keynote speaker, whom I have heard speak numerous times. Well… let me show you how God works! So, I decided to check my Messenger inbox that is connected to a Facebook account I rarely use. Why was there a link to a complimentary ticket to this EXACT event sitting there in my inbox?!! Talk about MIND BLOWING!! Y’all, I am registered and ready! God is so good!
This is only ONE example of how God works in my life. I have this one friend who always says that it seems like whoever I want to see I get to see. So she started putting in a few requests. Lol! The crazy thing is, she is right. I have had the opportunity to see and meet some of the most amazing people all because I asked. And it never happens because I spent days and nights praying for it. Most of the things God has given me have been based off a simple thought of wanting something. Nothing dramatic, just a simple, “It would be nice if…” Then, BAM! There it is. One day I will have to give more examples. As I always say, God is so good! All you have to do is ask. Whew!!
I really wish I were asleep, but as you can see, I’m not. Y’all, I have one bad habit… and no, it is not a man!
HA!! For a moment I heard Angie Stone singing “2 Bad Habits” when I mentioned “one bad habit.” Lol. My life.
Anyway… my bad habit is falling asleep on the sofa. I know it sounds trivial, but it is affecting my quality of life. On average, I probably spend half of my nights on the sofa 3-5 days a week. I usually wake up somewhere between midnight and 2:00 a.m. (this morning it was 4:00 a.m.) and then go to bed. However, once in bed, I never go back to sleep. I lay awake thinking or writing. Y’all, it is so frustrating. It throws my entire day off. Falling asleep on the sofa is okay on the weekends, but definitely not, on weekdays. You see, on weekends, I can always take a nap. However, on weekdays, I have to be awake and alert for work.
I know this blog seems random.. because the majority of them are. Lol. Just wanted to share my “Aha” moment with you. I never considered this to be a habit. Honestly, I always assumed I suffered from insomnia; and whenever I felt sluggish, I thought it was some kind of vitamin or mineral deficiency. Never connected any of this with the quality/lack of sleep or rest.
Anyway, I need to break this habit. From this day forward, I am going to make a conscious effort to fall asleep in bed. Thinking I may need to set a bedtime. Hmm…
Raw, unedited, and probably does not make sense. Publishing it anyway. Enjoy!
As usual, my Hello Sunday’s are random. This Sunday’s topic surrounds the Jada and August “entanglement” situation. No.. I refuse to give my two cents their story. It is theirs, not mine. However, I will talk about my experiences with “entanglements.” All I have to say is, it is complicated.
Y’all, I was so emotional after watching this past episode of Red Table Talk, Here’s to the Journey. I cried for hours. No lie. Shoot, I am becoming emotional, now. I can pinpoint times in my life where I felt lost, felt so far gone that I did not know who Shaun was. For me, every past relationship left me feeling like I was drowning.
Not sure if I ever wrote about this, but in my 47 years of existence, I have only been in 4 relationships. My first one, Mr. W initiated the relationship. I was 17. Had just graduated from high school and was ready to conquer the world! Then along came Mr. W on his Honda Ninja. It was so unexpected. NEVER in a million years did I expect him to be interested in me. But that’s another story for another day. Anyway, after a few months of dating, I guess he became bored with me and went back to a couple of his exes. Maybe he never really left them. Yesterday, someone made a video about the third party victims in relationships. The person the broken person reaches out to to make them feel good. Well, looking back, I was probably that person. I was the one who filled in the void until he decided what he wanted. So some of my feelings also resonate with August’s. My response to Mr. W leaving me hurt was to get as far away from him as I could, so I joined the Air Force. Y’all, be careful for what you ask for. My first assignment was in Ramstein, Germany. When I tell you God will give you what you ask for! Whew!!
My next relationship was with Mr. X. This is really funny because the letters actually defines the person in certain ways– cool! Mr. X was minding his own business when I approached him. He seemed like a great guy. Didn’t know he was in a relationship. Again– another story. Well, I was still hurt from Mr. W and decided I would alleviate the pain by pursuing a relationship with Mr. X. Boy was I wrong! He caused more damage than Mr. W.
Fast forward to several years later, I had begun to have feelings for this one guy. I already knew a relationship with him would never work, but it did not mean my heart was not in it. Yeah.. my heart was there. This particular relationship is not part of the four. He has his own special place in my heart. If he ever reads this, he will know it’s about him. So this part was written especially for him because I know it will make him smile.
Anyhoo… as Jada said, I needed to feel good again. So I found someone to make me feel good. That was probably the worst mistakes I made. Now that one was complicated. The only way I got out of that relationship was to do what August did, cut all ties. Believe me, that was one of the hardest things to do. That relationship was toxic! I went into the relationship thinking I would not develop feelings for Mr. Y, but in the end, I did. This is where my ex-husband came in.
I will not go into details about my relationship with my ex-husband. Just know that by the end of our relationship I felt lost. I pretending to be someone he wanted me to be and that was not me. You know, you can only pretend for so long before your true feelings and character come bursting out. As Will and Jada did, we separated. For me, the separation was final. However, for him, he thought we would get back together. Before we separated we had a conversation about what the separation would look like. We discussed starting over. We discussed dating and perhaps actually falling in love. Because we both knew he was the rebound guy and that I was never in love with him. During that conversation he asked, “What makes you think you will fall in love with me if we date again if you haven’t fallen in love with me in the past 11 years?” It was light a light switch came on. I was like, you are absolutely right. Why even waste our time. Despite what anyone believes, God had already told me years prior, to let him go. But I kept holding on because I was afraid. I did not know how I would survive. Now I am all off topic and getting into another story. Sorry…
Okay, let me refocus. I was discussing my “entanglements.” Well, he was the last. Honestly, after separating, I thought I was going to lose my mind because I did not have anyone to run to to make me feel good again. I needed that 4 1/2 years of separation/divorce period to chill. To actually discover Shaun. That piece of paper (my marriage license) kept me from starting any new relationships. Maybe this is the reason my ex refused to sign the divorce papers. He knew I would never move on even if I was only married on paper. Life.
From now on, no more entanglements for me. I refuse to be the third party in anyone’s relationship. And definitely no more rebound guys for me. I am finally off to a new start. Open to what God has in store. Not my will anymore but His. I am staying out of it!
Now, I probably should go back and revise this. You know… omit a few things, but I’m not. I am going to click “Publish” without re-reading it. Bold move, right! Y’all, this is the raw version of this blog. So if it doesn’t flow.. it is what it is.
I am really struggling with this hair. Social media star and actress, Tabitha Brown named hers. Perhaps it is time for me to name mine. Maybe something like Charlene, Missy, or Tina. I am kinda feeling Charlene. Can’t y’all hear Anthony Hamilton singing Charlene? I can. Lol
So, once again, Charlene and I are not getting along. Guess I need to confess. She is probably mad at me. You see, the day before my birthday, I decided to relax my hair. If you read part one of Hair Woes, you would know I had Dark & Lovely on standby for two years. Well, thanks to my birthday, Dark & Lovely was rescued from that shelf and ended up on Charlene.
Y’all, I just could not take being natural anymore. I believe most of my problem came from not being able to get a haircut. I am more afraid of getting COVID-19 than trying to have my hair styled. Also, I had three different textures going on and it was driving me crazy. Needless to say, I was fed up! I knew that I wanted my hair to look halfway decent for my birthday pictures, so I relaxed it. I was feeling good as I blow dried it. My hair was as light as feathers. Then I curled it with the flat irons. Y’all, I had forgotten about the smell of burnt hair and how I hated it. I could not get rid of that smell. Now, that was, and still is, what I hate about having straight hair– the smell of burnt hair.
For those saying, “Just wrap it or use rods,” umm… focus on your own hair. I am having a pity party right now. Let me be.
Anyway.. Do I like my hair any better than before? Not really. I am still having the same issues– minus the three different textures. Honestly, there is not much I can do with my hair besides– curl/flat iron it (again, I hate the smell), wear a headband, hat or scarf/bandanna, or let Charlene go wild. Most of the time I choose the headband.
So what is next for Charlene? I do not know. Last week actress/comedian, Tiffany Haddish shaved her head after her big chop. I am not going to lie, I have thought about doing the same plenty of times. But why? Only to wake up one morning with the same problem– Charlene… rather.. missing Charlene. Lol.
As I stated in the beginning, the saga continues. Will I ever be happy with my hair? Probably not. But at least she now has a name. Thanks, Tabitha!
Impromptu Zoom meeting. Threw on the headband and some lipgloss. Gotta keep that lipgloss handy, too! Oh.. and I keep eyeliner near as well. Lol
A few days ago, I decided to check my website (TheResearchDiva-RD.com) to see if I was ready to pick up where I left off two years ago. As I wrote in my most recent version of Hello Sunday, two years ago I allowed one bad experience to discourage me from moving forward.
Story time… and as always, full transparency.
So, not even six months prior (October 21, 2017, to be exact) to my botched presentation, I introduced my new business to the WORLD!! Well.. not to the world, but to fellow registered dietitian nutritionists (RDN) at our annual conference (FNCE). That year was special because our association was celebrating its centennial. It was also special because I got to celebrate it with my best friend, Shawn. Needless to say, I was HYPED! New business.. 100th year celebration.. and hanging with my best friend.. PRICELESS! Oh! And not to mention, the night before I got to see the premiere of Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween. Bae-bé… you couldn’t tell me nothing! I was on cloud 9! That first day, I handed out my fancy business cards like I was a celebrity. Y’all, I was happy.
Then April 2018 happened, and it all went down hill from there. After that presentation, I began second guessing my worth, my credibility. Then July came. After celebrating my birthday with friends, I decided to apply to a doctoral program. I was eager to– 1) enhance my career and 2) prove my credibility. I felt like it was something I had to do. Was my heart in it? Honestly.. no. Recently, my sister and I had a conversation about my decision to pursue my doctorate. She said that she wondered if my failed experience led me to the doctoral program. The answer was “Yes.” Y’all, I could not lie. How could I? She already knew. Transparency.
I have written all of this to say, my two year hiatus (I like to refer to it as my sabbatical) was much needed. I can truly say I needed that time to make mistakes, expand my knowledge, and rebuild my confidence. I cannot say that I am fully where I want to be, HOWEVER, I am back on track.
Right now, I am sitting here smiling as I think about how God works. He actually builds us through adversity. I have already noticed that I am a much stronger person than I was two years ago– mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, intellectually and somewhat physically (work in progress- lol). Y’all, it was worth it.
Now, on to moving forward. Please check out my blog below, Pursuing My Purpose. I wrote it on this day, two years ago. It is the last blog I wrote under A Research Diva’s Journey. Destination– The United Nations.
I used to believe we chose our purpose. However, I have finally realized our purpose chooses us. Today I embark on a journey to fulfill my purpose– …
Nonchalant’s 5 O’clock is ringing in my head. Yes, I took it ALL the way back!
It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I’m up thinking about all of these senseless shootings. I heard someone say we have two wars going on in Black communities. And they are absolutely right! If our people aren’t dying by the hands of those who are supposed to protect us, then they’re dying by the ones that are supposed to love us. When and where does it end? Thinking about all of the babies and bystanders who have been killed by arrogant idiots all because their feelings were hurt. Y’all, get out of your feelings and take a timeout!!
Unfortunately, the only way I believe this will end is when those behind the destruction decide enough is enough. When their “so called” leaders are man enough to put an end to this mess. Honestly, community leaders and celebrities can talk until they are almost dead and nothing will change. Change has to come from within.
Now the babies… I still believe there is hope for the babies. That is, if they live long enough to experience it. Y’all, I will never give up on the babies.
BLACK KINGS, please understand, we ARE an endangered species. We need YOU. Please, get yourself together!
Nonchalant:
5 o’clock in the morning. Where you gonna be?
(Outside on the corner)
You better get yourself together
While you’re wasting all your time
Right along with your mind
Lyrics of Nonchalant’s 5 O’clock Courtesy of Genius.com
Yes, it is Sunday again! Seems like time is passing at warp speed (Star Trek- lol). I would love for it to slow down a little. I need time to process a few things.
Woke up thinking about the turn of events over the past month or so– personally as well as professionally. Even though I have been blogging since 2018, it was not until May of this year that I was ready to share my blogs with the world. In May, I also started volunteering again. It had been ages since I last volunteered. And, when I woke up this morning, I logged onto my professional social media accounts and began updating them. Also, this morning, it finally dawned on me why I had neglected those accounts for so long. Y’all, I did not want to be that person anymore.
Okay… moment of full transparency.
It all began two years ago. Whew, I never thought I would talk about this. At the beginning of 2018, I was asked to do a presentation for an association that was having a conference in Mississippi. I was so honored and hyped about it. I was given a topic, asked to come up with a few objectives for continuing education credits, and told I would be working with a local chef on a menu and food demonstration. Y’all, it was like a dream come true! It was everything I imagined I would be doing at this point in my career. I was ready!
The first hit I took was when I found out the association I was presenting for was not a diverse association but a national, all-Black association. Some would say I should have been honored. However, it was like receiving a blow to the heart. You see, I was asked by a predominately (99%) white company to deliver the presentation.
Just to give you some background on my relationship with this company. For several years, I had been invited to attend their sponsored events. At that time, I knew the state and regional directors well enough to contact them personally whenever I needed a sponsor for one of my events, educational materials for health fairs, or incentives for community projects. So when asked to give this presentation, I automatically assumed it was because they valued our relationship, not because they needed a Black registered dietitian to present to an all Black audience. That stung!
The second thing that happened was they changed my entire presentation. I was initially told they wanted the session to be fun and interactive. Which was right up my alley. I hate boring presentations! Well, after submitting my presentation for review, it was returned to me butchered. Y’all, the entire flow was all wrong. They kept the objectives but added random information. Even the fonts were inconsistent. They also added pictures that did not go with the text. Now, I might write crazy things in my blogs, and make all kinds of grammatical errors, but when it comes to my professional work, it has to be almost perfect before I present it. Honestly, I felt like my work had been sabotaged. Y’all, I cried.
The third thing that happened, and what finally made me question if I even wanted to be in that space anymore, happened during the night of the event. As I said– FULL transparency. This was a month and a half before my hysterectomy. My cycle had just started. Which meant I was extra irritated, cramping like crazy, and blood was pouring out of me. I wore a navy blue suit, and put on an adult diaper lined with two overnight pads, to hide or prevent any accidents. Y’all, I did not want anything going wrong. Well, I arrived at the venue and EVERYTHING was white. I mean— EVERYTHING! The floors were white. The linens were white. And ALL of the chairs were white– white cushioned chairs, that is. Talk about anxiety!! All I could do was pray– “Lord, please don’t let me have an accident on all of this white.” I kept thinking, what would I do if I stained one of the chairs? I tried to remain calm, but I was all nerves. So when I got up to present, no matter how professional I tried to be, it did not happen. Here is how the night went.
When my audience arrived, they were tired from attending hours of educational sessions. I was later informed that they thought my presentation was supposed to be entertaining. HA…so did I! Y’all, they had access to an open bar, and boy did they drink. Some, a lot more than others. Needless to say, I was giving a presentation to a room full of tired, tipsy people. As I said, my presentation had been changed. What I did not mention is that I had only received the revisions a day or two before the event. Which was not ample time to thoroughly review the changes, so I felt unprepared. I also did not have a microphone so I had to walk the room so that everyone could hear me. Funny story- There was this elderly lady that kept yelling, “I can’t hear you!” The night was a mess. When I tell you this crowd asked questions I had “zero” answers to! LOL! Funny, but sooo not funny. Y’all, I felt like a failure. Most of the night I deferred the questions to our host, the one who revised the presentation. At one point I stopped presenting because a few people would not stop talking. Y’all, one thing I hate is rudeness. And when the entire audience can hear your conversation, you, my friend, are being rude. So I stood there and glared at them until they stopped talking. Was I unprofessional…HECK YES! Y’all, I was fed up, I was sick, and I felt humiliated. I felt like an imposter– WOW! I just pinpointed when I began feeling like an imposter.
After that night, I swore I would never attend another one of their company’s events. That was also the last time I really posted anything of worth on my professional pages. I went into my shell and never wanted to come out. Honestly, I had given up. I had lost my confidence. That was two years ago.
As I mentioned, May was my turning point. Slowly, I am regaining my confidence. Maybe I did need two years to Reflect, Regroup, Refocus, and Rebuild. I do believe I am wiser and better prepared to handle the unexpected. I am also working on the way I deal with my imperfections. Recently, I attended a Zoom call with a lot of unknown attendees. At first, I was not going to turn on the camera. You know, leave the nice, edited picture displayed. At the last minute I was like, why not! I did not have on makeup. I had on a t-shirt and my hair held back with a headband. And my lighting was bad. But, I decided to show the world me. Part of my personal and professional growth is about me becoming comfortable with my imperfections. Slowly, but surely, I am growing.
Y’all, I am so grateful God loves me. Moving forward.
I believe Frederick Douglass’ descendants reading his “Fourth of July” speech is just as powerful as the speech itself. It is up to us to continue the difficult conversations surrounding racial issues, even on Independence Day.
Honestly, I considered not sharing this video. I did not want to interrupt the happy celebrations. But are the celebrations truly joyous? Because after the fireworks, BBQs, SAFE social gatherings, and “Happy 4th of July” pictures and posts, racial inequality remains. I mean.. only a few days ago Mississippi finally removed its racially divisive flag— in 2020!! What year did the United States gain its independence? Umm..1776. What year was slavery abolished in the United States? Supposedly 1865. And what year is this, again? Hmm.. 2020 in the 21st century.
Y’all, we cannot continue to pretend everything is okay, because IT IS NOT. Change is happening NOW, and WE must keep up the momentum. We cannot sit back and wait for another great leader to come along and tell us what to do. They have already done that. They have already equipped us with everything we need. Now it is our time to follow through. Not tomorrow or next month, but NOW!
Who’s with me?!
P.S. Be sure to watch the commentary at the end of the video. POWERFUL‼️ #HappyFourthOfJuly
I’m in my feelings right now. What do parents do when their children leave home? I thought I would be okay, but evidently I am not. I have always wanted my children to be independent. I do not believe in kids staying at home and leeching off their parents. I will help, but I refuse to be their caretaker for the rest of my life. Anyway.. I am not an empty nester just yet, but the time is quickly approaching. My son will be a junior in high school and he has already become so independent. Between spending time at his dad’s and with his cousins, he is only home a couple of weeks before he’s gone again. This time he was home for two days, now he’s off living his best life, again. Don’t worry, he’s not out hanging with a bunch of people. He’s hunkered down with family who are taking proper COVID-19 precautions. Anyway, here I am at home trying to adjust to being alone. I always said once my two left I would do this and do that. Well, I guess that was a lie. Did y’all hear Maury? I did! Lol. Maybe if I could travel freely, things would be different, but I’m not sure if they would. I am not going to complain too much. At least God has granted me a couple of more year to adjust. I guess I will consider this my transition period.
Anyhoo… just felt like sharing. Does anyone have any advice? Over the past month, I have signed up to volunteer for different events and serve on a couple of committees. So I will definitely be busy. I guess I’m missing him so badly because he just left a few hours ago. I am pretty sure I will be better tomorrow. Lol
Don’t feel like editing, so it is what it is. Thanks for reading.
It’s Shaun’s World 
You must be logged in to post a comment.