What is most important to you? For me, it’s my family and healthy relationships.
The last few days, actually months, have been quite challenging. Not sure if this is the most difficult season I have had to endure, but it’s pretty close. Although things have been a little crazy, I personally believe I am handling things well. I know that if any of this would have happened a few years back, I would have had a mental breakdown. Thanking God for growth. Thanking God for the smaller challenges – the ones I did not believe I would make it through – they prepared me for what I am facing today.
I believe I am doing better this time around because I am only focusing on, as well as holding on to, things and relationships that are most important to me. They are keeping me afloat.
I pray you are focused on what’s most important in your life. Love you!♥️
Change is not always easy. Sometimes we have to let go of what’s comfortable and familiar in order to get to better. This requires courage.♥️ ~ Shaun
Change is necessary.
Note: It is so important to know where to make changes and how much of a change to make. Over the years, I have learned that some things just need to be tweaked, not completely modified or abandoned.
Fathers, you are loved and very much appreciated.♥️
I hope you are doing well today. I have something I feel the need to write about; however, it is so deep and complex that I feel like I should leave it for another day and time. Save it for when I am not emotionally attached to the subject, at least not as emotional because I feel I will always be attached to it. The subject is fatherhood and fathers, specifically Black fathers, being present and active in their children’s lives while mothers are put in situations where they have to choose what that looks like. Y’all know I love my Tyler Perry shows and this particular subject was brought up in another one of his shows, House of Payne.
As I mentioned, the topic is too deep and complex to tackle without me becoming emotional. However, I would like to say this before sharing a short story. Being a parent is a balancing act between making sure your child(ren) are properly cared for and loved, and you having and maintaining proper self care. And by proper self care, I am speaking holistically. In most cases, we as parents will always choose our children’s wellbeing and happiness over our own.
Short story…
When I decided to get my divorce, I thought about this same subject. What would I be doing to the relationship between my son and his father. My daughter was already out of the house but my son had about 7-8 more years to go. Honestly, I was in that relationship much longer than I should have ever been, even during the divorce process (believe me, it did not have to take over four years) because I was concerned about my son’s wellbeing. Y’all, I never said anything negative about his father in his presence. I was so intentional about not letting my thoughts and feelings tarnish their relationship. Well, a few weeks before my husband moved out, my son (then eleven) asked to have a conversation with me. His father had already told him about the divorce after we agreed we would tell him together. I had no idea. Well, he asked me if I no longer loved his dad and if he would get to see him again. I was honest about both — “No” and “Yes.” When I asked him how he felt about the situation he told me he just wanted us both to be happy even if that meant us not being together. Y’all, I was floored! I don’t know too many kids his age who would have put it that way. Talk about wise beyond his years. When I asked where he wanted to live, he told me wherever his sister would be. Listen, if he would have chosen to stay with his dad, I was prepared to let him do it and pay child support. One thing I knew from living separately from my father and my mom making sure I had a relationship with him was that I would always make an effort to be in my child’s life no matter what.
Anyhoo… That conversation sealed my decision to move forward with the divorce. Had he asked for me to stay with his dad, I would have. I was dying on the inside, but I would have. As I said in a previous blog, the day my ex moved out it was like a weight had been lifted. The entire atmosphere changed. A few years later, my son said he hated hearing me crying. Y’all, I didn’t even know he knew. I didn’t even know he knew I was sad.
Okay… I’m going to go ahead and end this now. I have so many personal and family stories about relationships between children and fathers – me and my dad, my parents and their dads, my stepdads (mom was married three times) and my children and their dads (which I would never share beyond my interactions with their fathers).
Y’all, managing our own lives is already hard. Then throw a child in the mix… Whew! I will leave you with this, a whole parent is able to love and give more than a broken parent. In return, the child thrives. Believe me, I have seen it!
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Tried to keep it light. Going to visit my mom in a few hours. She’s still in the hospital but no longer in ICU. Y’all, life is short, don’t overthink or make things complicated. Keep it simple – love unconditionally and be kind.
Yesterday I shared the quote, “Humbleness is where ego ends and God begins … Humbleness looks good on you.” I actually shared it a year ago and decided to reshare it yesterday. Little did I know that I would need to take my own advice so soon. Ha! I had no idea I would have to put my ego aside and apologize for unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings.
Everything happened so fast. Words were said out of emotions that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. It was me responding emotionally to something this person – okay, it was my daughter – does all the time, which should not have surprised me. However, it did. Y’all, I am not even sure what triggered me, but the way I responded made her feel like she was being attacked. Honestly, I did not believe I was in the wrong. I felt the way I responded was appropriate and justifiable. However, in the end, we both felt hurt.
After taking a step back and replaying the entire interaction, I actually heard what she was saying. I apologized even though I could not fully understand why she was offended. She then apologized too.
I have this wall hanging that reads, “In this house… we never give up, we say I’m sorry, we like to have fun, we give hugs, we are family.” This basically sums up the tone of our household. It is a tone I intentionally set after my divorce; and it is up to me to make sure it stays this way, even when I’m not feeling it.
Y’all, I did not grow up in a household where apologies were made or anyone’s point of view was taken into consideration. If you felt hurt, that was on you. It has taken me years to break this way of thinking. If I want this world to be a better place, it has to first begin at home.
Again, humbleness is where ego ends and God begins.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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