Hello World! Sitting here in tears… happy tears. No, nothing miraculous has happened. Just visited my Facebook memories (had been logged off for a few days and about to log back off–loving this peace) and the Hello Sunday I had written last year was the very first post. I am sharing the link to the entire blog, below. Here is a snippet of what I wrote.
“Yesterday I shared the quote, ‘It WILL happen.’ This morning I checked my Facebook memories and last year, on this very date (May 29, 2021), I posted the exact same thing. Not in blog or quote, but as a response to someone else’s dream/vision. Y’all, at this moment, I’m so overwhelmed with emotions. I can finally see my dreams coming to fruition. My life is nothing like I imagined at all – it’s better!”
Fast forward to the present and nothing has changed outwardly. I’m still living in the same house, driving the same car, eating the same food–nothing visibly noticeable. However, internally… y’all, internally my life is completely different. I wish I could explain the joy and peace I feel within. When I tell you it’s greater than anything I have ever imagined. Y’all, I feel like a completely different person. Listen, if you only knew…
Y’all, God is absolutely amazing. I am truly blessed. My It WILL Happen has actually become, It IS Happening.
Singing– “When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all He’s done for me, my very soul cries out ‘Hallelujah!’ I thank God for saving me.”
I have so much to be thankful for. The fact that I am still alive, sane and living is worth a lifetime of praises. Amen
I am also thankful for the gift of motherhood. Many of you already know how much I love my two. They are my hearts and smiles. To love them and be loved by them is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It absolutely blows my mind that God chose me, Shaun, to be their mother. I am truly blessed.
We don’t always get it right the first time. Perhaps, it was not meant for us to. Maybe the first time was a dry run just to see how we would fare. Gotta love life.
Fathers, you are loved and very much appreciated.♥️
I hope you are doing well today. I have something I feel the need to write about; however, it is so deep and complex that I feel like I should leave it for another day and time. Save it for when I am not emotionally attached to the subject, at least not as emotional because I feel I will always be attached to it. The subject is fatherhood and fathers, specifically Black fathers, being present and active in their children’s lives while mothers are put in situations where they have to choose what that looks like. Y’all know I love my Tyler Perry shows and this particular subject was brought up in another one of his shows, House of Payne.
As I mentioned, the topic is too deep and complex to tackle without me becoming emotional. However, I would like to say this before sharing a short story. Being a parent is a balancing act between making sure your child(ren) are properly cared for and loved, and you having and maintaining proper self care. And by proper self care, I am speaking holistically. In most cases, we as parents will always choose our children’s wellbeing and happiness over our own.
Short story…
When I decided to get my divorce, I thought about this same subject. What would I be doing to the relationship between my son and his father. My daughter was already out of the house but my son had about 7-8 more years to go. Honestly, I was in that relationship much longer than I should have ever been, even during the divorce process (believe me, it did not have to take over four years) because I was concerned about my son’s wellbeing. Y’all, I never said anything negative about his father in his presence. I was so intentional about not letting my thoughts and feelings tarnish their relationship. Well, a few weeks before my husband moved out, my son (then eleven) asked to have a conversation with me. His father had already told him about the divorce after we agreed we would tell him together. I had no idea. Well, he asked me if I no longer loved his dad and if he would get to see him again. I was honest about both — “No” and “Yes.” When I asked him how he felt about the situation he told me he just wanted us both to be happy even if that meant us not being together. Y’all, I was floored! I don’t know too many kids his age who would have put it that way. Talk about wise beyond his years. When I asked where he wanted to live, he told me wherever his sister would be. Listen, if he would have chosen to stay with his dad, I was prepared to let him do it and pay child support. One thing I knew from living separately from my father and my mom making sure I had a relationship with him was that I would always make an effort to be in my child’s life no matter what.
Anyhoo… That conversation sealed my decision to move forward with the divorce. Had he asked for me to stay with his dad, I would have. I was dying on the inside, but I would have. As I said in a previous blog, the day my ex moved out it was like a weight had been lifted. The entire atmosphere changed. A few years later, my son said he hated hearing me crying. Y’all, I didn’t even know he knew. I didn’t even know he knew I was sad.
Okay… I’m going to go ahead and end this now. I have so many personal and family stories about relationships between children and fathers – me and my dad, my parents and their dads, my stepdads (mom was married three times) and my children and their dads (which I would never share beyond my interactions with their fathers).
Y’all, managing our own lives is already hard. Then throw a child in the mix… Whew! I will leave you with this, a whole parent is able to love and give more than a broken parent. In return, the child thrives. Believe me, I have seen it!
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Tried to keep it light. Going to visit my mom in a few hours. She’s still in the hospital but no longer in ICU. Y’all, life is short, don’t overthink or make things complicated. Keep it simple – love unconditionally and be kind.
Our life needs balance. There is no way we can truly live our best lives without it.
Yesterday, a friend of mine shared her personal journey with being self-disciplined. How at one point she was so disciplined that it became unhealthy. If you read either of yesterday’s blogs, that’s exactly what was happening with me. Now, I wasn’t as disciplined as her, but I was on my way there. For the longest, I have been trying to force myself to stay focused on my work by eliminating “distractions.” However, all I was doing was making myself sick. I cannot eliminate things from my life that actually bring we joy. I just can’t. So I have to find a way to balance it all.
A few moments ago, I liked a tweet that said, “In this very moment, my life is perfect.”
Hmmm…
In this very moment, my life is muddled.
Yep..
Right now.
In this very moment.
Muddled.
It’s kind of difficult to explain. I feel somewhat detached and alienated from the world. I can hear people saying, “Hush, don’t tell anyone how you really feel. Keep that to yourself. You’ll get over it.” And I will get over it. I always do. However, in this very moment, this is my life and this is how I feel. Honestly, I’m not even sure how I got to this point. My goal was to block out distractions and focus on my business; but it seems like the more I do, the more I feel alone.
Today is my designated wellness day. I believe I need to take it. No work.
Why did my heart just drop when I wrote “no work”? It’s like I cannot afford not to do anything.Ugh!
But, yes, today I just need to be. Wish I could go on a picnic or to the beach. I need to be one with nature. I need to really connect with God, and I can’t do it from where I am. Plus, today it’s too rainy and too cold to be outside. Sigh
Anyhoo..
I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow. I promise it will be something uplifting. Enjoy your day.♥️
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