It is not even 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I am wide awake. Actually, I have been up for a couple of hours, now. Today I was supposed to go to Mobile to continue my birthday celebration with my sisters. They had a day full of wonderful COVID-19-safe events planned. Unfortunately, the celebration must be postponed.
You see.. yesterday I began feeling sick. More than likely it is sinus issues, but I do not want to chance it. The day before yesterday, Mississippi had a spike in new COVID-19 cases. Y’all, over a 1,000 new cases were reported in one day. Yesterday there were half as many. As much as I want to celebrate with my sisters, I have to stay safe and make sure they remain safe, also. Y’all, this virus is something serious!
Right now I am having an early morning jam session. Zhané’sVibeis currently playing.
Oh… before I go, we did decide to have a video call later today. So the celebration will continue, just not in person.
Yesterday was so AMAZING! I laughed.. and danced.. and sang.. and ate.. took selfies.. and danced some more. Yesterday I let loose! As the old people used to say, I cut a rug!! LOL! I had no worries or complaints, ONLY laughter and love. Yesterday, I was me– authentically ME!
Before I end, I have to give a shout out to my two. Y’all, I know I say it all of the time, but I truly have the BEST children in the world. They know me so well! They embrace my quirkiness, which allows me to be free. I am so blessed to have children who love ALL of me.
Here are a few pictures from yesterday. Y’all, they made me a selfie wall. Lol. For those who know me, know I am the worst photographer but I LOVE taking pictures, especially selfies.
My babies and I celebrating my 47th birthday. Selfies!
Please allow me to interrupt my usual “Hello Sunday” blog with a tribute to my father. I must say, it is truly an honor and blessing to spend Father’s Day with my dad. After suffering from two strokes over the past two years, I did not think he would still be with us. Y’all, God is so good!
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to get to know my father better. To get to know the man behind “Mr. Sutton.” For as far back as I can remember, all my dad has ever done is work. He was a teacher (now retired teacher), a truck driver, the snowball man, the fireworks man, the Valentine’s Day man, the tombstone man, and now the graveyard man. Yes.. my father has a tombstone and graveyard business. Y’all, he is always working.
On Father’s Day 2016, I interrupted his work schedule. That morning I informed him that I was going to work with him. He was not thrilled to hear it, but allowed me go anyway. Y’all, I was a grown woman going to work with my daddy. Lol! And you best believe he put me to work. He does not believe in people just sitting around talking and watching. If you are with him, you better be prepared to work or be prepared to leave.
Here is what I wrote and posted on Facebook the following year:
It’s amazing how you think you know someone, but in reality you only see what’s on the surface. Last Father’s Day, I discovered so much about my dad. After we made snowball juice and bagged ice, we had a long conversation about dreams and goals.
Throughout the years, we’ve had conversations about his childhood and people, but never about his dreams. After showing me the picture below (the prototype for his first snowball business), he tells me that he never thought he’d go to college. He stuttered constantly and had dyslexia (back then they didn’t know what it was). He was able to go to college on a track scholarship (yes- my daddy could run!). He said he studied so hard to make it through college; while selling snacks from his dorm room (what can I say, it’s in his blood 😁). One of his most prized possessions is his thesis. He said he worked his butt off to complete it.
Prototype for Sutton Rolling Store 1978. He said all he had was a bike and a dream. On that day, he also showed me the concept behind his tombstone/monument business.
He ended our conversation by telling me to go after what I want in life. He told me to never give up on my dreams no matter how impossible they may seem or who doubts me. He said people will laugh, but keep trusting God. It may take years, but it’ll come to pass. NEVER give up!
On that day, he gave me the boost I needed to pursue all of my dreams. So, if you see me reaching for other galaxies, you know where I got it from. Yes- I’m my father’s child. Happy Father’s Day, Alton Sutton!
Y’all, I love my Daddy! I cannot wait to spend today with him.
Character: the mental or moral qualities distinctive to an individual
Over the past week, or anytime something major happens, and I do not respond or react the way others do, I begin to question myself. Like– Am I not normal? Is there something wrong with me? Why am I not visibly outraged like everyone else? I care. I feel. I am angry. I am disgusted and disappointed and frustrated. I am all of these things. Yet, people may never know it because I do not show it. Why? Hmm… It finally dawned on me that I am not that person. That is not who I am. So why force myself to respond like others if it does not come naturally. Y’all, it is not my character.
I can think of so many incidents throughout my life where people have told me how they would have reacted differently to the same situations. For example– just because I feel like writing– when I was in my early twenties, I had gotten off work early and stopped by my boyfriends place to surprise him. Little did I know, I was the one in for a surprise. I found him in bed with another girl. I stood beside the bed and causally asked them a few questions, like- “What are y’all doing?” “Why didn’t you lock the door?” You know, questions anyone would ask. After receiving my answers, I sat down and waited for her to leave. Y’all, I remember this big brass lamp being on the nightstand. For a second, I considered bashing his head in. Yep… I could visualize the entire scene. However, I chose to remain calm. Even our conversation afterwards was calm. He kept saying things like, “I know you want to hit me,” and “Just let me have it!” If “Boy, bye” was a phrase back then, I would have definitely used it. Every time I tell someone this story, they tell me that they would have responded differently. Most say they would have fought him and the girl. But why?? Was I hurt? YES!! I thought I was in love with him. But, the consequences that would have resulted from that moment of gratification, would have been costly.
Now, have I ever acted out of character before? HA!! Of course! When I was ACTING! Whenever I have to give people what they expect, it is called acting. And y’all, I hate acting. Whenever I have to cuss to get my point across, that.. my friend.. is acting. You see, whenever I am hurt or angry, I become very quiet. I do not say much. I just act. Y’all, this is my character.
I decided to write this because it is something that has been weighing on me for a while, even before George Floyd’s murder. As I said, after something major happens, whether national or personal, my response is always a little different from others. Hence, the reason I always refer to myself as being unique or quirky. The way I react or respond may not be what is typically expected. Y’all, I was going through a crazy divorce for over four years and I rarely said a word about it or spoke badly about my ex. There were so many things I could have said or done, but chose not to. Shoot.. I can barely cuss when writing, because again, it is justnot in me.
Today, I am so grateful for those who choose to accept me for who I am. Those who understand and respect my true (not the act) character, as I do theirs. From this day forward, I will no longer question myself based on how others think I should react or respond. Y’all, people will have you angry with yourself only to come around and agree with you later. Honestly, in the end, the only opinion that matters is God’s.
This picture only represents a snippet of the relationship I have with my friend, T. Only using her initial because she does not like people in her business. Believe me, I am not crazy! Anyhoo… T and I met in culinary school 20 years ago. Yes, in 2000. Honestly, I do not know how we became friends. She was a comic book collector and loved Fred G. Sanford, Redd Foxx’s character on Sanford & Son. Y’all, Fred was hilarious! So, when I think about it, maybe it was her references to Fred that drew me to her. I mean, not a day went by that she did not say, “You know what Fred would say.” That was 20 years ago. To this day, Fred always ends up in our conversations. ALWAYS!
As with my other friends, I believe our friendship has lasted because we give each other space; or, maybe it is because they give me space. Hmmm…something to think about. Anyway, most people would not believe that T and I live 20 minutes from each other and only physically see each other once a year. Sometimes it is longer than that. We keep in touch through texts. Y’all, I am so happy texting was invented. For real! However, unlike my other friends, T texts me daily. Every morning she texts me a scripture from the Bible, and sometimes she includes inspirational messages. Now, I am not going to lie, I am not that consistent. I might text her something once or twice a week. But she ALWAYS sends me something inspirational, daily.
This morning, she sent the text in the picture along with a scripture. When God placed us together 20 years ago, He knew we would still be friends today. Forever grateful to have her in my life.
Since I am up thinking about it, I might as well write about it.
The other day I wrote about trust. I admitted that trust was my biggest issue and that trust in romantic relationships was probably the worst. Well, last night on Tyler Perry’s If Loving You Is Wrong, one of the characters, Natalie, was dealing with the same exact issue– trust. You see, Natalie and Lushion (her fiancé) have been together for several years now, and she still does not trust him. During last night’s episode, she allowed someone to put doubt in her mind about Lushion’s faithfulness. Instead of remaining calm, and thinking things through, she allowed doubt and fear get the best of her. Which caused her to make a few irrational decisions. I know that was only a show, but things like that happens in real life, every day!
Then, this morning, as I was laying in bed, I kept replaying the scenes over and over in my head. For those who know me, know I love to tweet during my shows. Well, last night I was tweeting things like, “Natalie, trust your man!” and “Trust Lushion!!” Which is so ironic because I have trust issues, too. Hilarious! It is funny how it is easier to give advice to others, but so difficult to follow that same advice.
When I think about it, my trust issues began long before I was in a relationship. It began while watching other women in relationships– my mom, stepmom, grandma, aunts and family friends. As a child, I watched their relationships like I was watching a good soap opera. Basically, I was all up in their business. You know the phrase, “stay out of grown folks business”? Well, I believe it was coined just for me. I was ALWAYS up in somebody’s business. I used to watch how the women would light up when their significant others would do something special for them. Unfortunately for most, it never lasted long. Eventually, I saw them down, and sometimes depressed. You know… whenever he looked at someone else or stopped calling or visiting. During that time, I also witnessed a lot of abuse. So when I decided I was ready to give love a try, I proceeded with caution.
The first guy I seriously considered dating was this guy in my church. Back then, he was dating almost every girl in the church. So when he finally became interested in me, I was reluctant to take the bait. So reluctant that while I was contemplating giving him a chance, he got with another girl. Talk about heartbreaking. But in the end it was all for the best. Let’s just say, I dodged a major bullet. He had a lot of issues.
Side note: Here is a prayer I used to pray: “Lord, if it is not for me, please do not give it to me. I do not care how much I beg and plead, do not give it to me. And let me be okay with it.”
Well, God always kept His end of the deal. However, I overrode His warnings so many times. Look, I will admit, sometimes I just want what I want. I will ignore the warnings and go after whatever it is. Yes.. that’s me– Shaun. With that said, I am finally learning to listen to and wait on God. Y’all, I am so grateful for His mercy and grace.
As usual, I got sidetracked. Ugh! Trust. I have only been in four relationships. The first three left me wondering what was wrong with me. Why did they choose someone else? My first boyfriend went back to his ex. My second boyfriend married his ex. But then again, I am not sure if they ever really broke up. Guess I was always the side chick. The third… now that was just a bad decision all together. So many lies. But you know what, I cannot be mad. Again, I dodged all kinds of bullets by them leaving me. Today, none of them are with the person they left me for. All I have to say is, God is so good! Of course I was hurt at the time, but looking back, and now seeing how things turned out in their lives, I am so grateful God removed them from my life.
Now the fourth relationship was with my ex-husband. As I have written many times before, he was the rebound guy. He was the total opposite of the others. I was not in love with him. I saw him as the safe guy. My thought was, if I get with him, I will never be hurt. That was a lie. During our first year of marriage, I went out of town for a week only to return home to several calls from a number I did not recognize. As I scrolled through the caller ID (we had house phones back then) I noticed that several calls were received around 2 and 3 a.m. I was like, “I know this is not happening again!” Unlike with the other guys, I confronted him. I asked who was calling him that early in the morning. He said it was the wrong number. I was like, “Really?? Several times?!” So I called the number and his little friend picked up. The first thing I did was ask for her name. Of course she gave me some bogus name. But I already knew who she was. You see, he had been talking about her a few weeks earlier. Crazy, huh!! Well, the joke was on me. The safe guy was not so safe after all. Lol! Unfortunately, I was around five months pregnant and decided to stay. I mean, what were my chances of finding someone who would want to be in a relationship with someone with two kids (my daughter was 8 at the time). A few years ago, he told me that he got me pregnant on purpose because he did not want me to leave him. Wow!
Today, I am looking for a person without any red flags. I know, I am probably not being realistic. However, I am looking for someone who is God-fearing, honest, dependable, trustworthy, and loves me and only me. HA!! Sounds like a want ad– BUT it’s not. And of course I have to love him, too. Y’all, I am just too old for infatuation or lust, so it has to be real love. (Can’t y’all hear Mary J. Blige singing Real Love. I can. Lol!)
Anyhoo.. this was much longer than I expected. Probably going to delete a few things before I publish it. Or perhaps I should publish it as written. I believe the unedited versions are always better. Enjoy your day!
It’s Shaun’s World 
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