Thanking God for life. I had written an entirely different blog and decided to save it for another day or space. Today I would like to focus on God’s greatnesses.
Y’all, I am always amazed at how God works. How He connects the puzzle pieces of life. This is one reason I write and document everything. It allows me to go back and review past events and follow God’s work. If you do not journal, search your social media posts or look at old photos. See where you were a year ago, three years ago, or even ten years ago and compare it to where you are today.
Some of you might believe life is worse now than it was before. While some of you are finally living your best life. For me, life is definitely better. However, even during my lowest moments (documented in journal entries), certain aspects of my life were really good. When I suffered financial losses, my relationship with my children became stronger. During relationship problems, I grew closer to God. Problems at work, I expanded my knowledge. Y’all, there were always positive moments during adversities, heartbreaks and disappointments. I could not see it then, but I do now. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.
Now, do not get me wrong, I am not saying that life is so good that I do not have disappointing and heartbreaking moments because that would be a lie (in Maury’s voice- lol). It is in those moments that I refer back to where I was, compared to where I am now. God saw me through everything then and He continues to do the same today. So yeah.. life is definitely better.
Today’s Hello Sunday is very random! So, I have this one song by Kirk Franklin stuck in my head– Love Theory. Woke up with it on my mind and it will not go away. Honestly, this happens to me quite often. Sometimes I have a song stuck in my head for days. Most of the time, the only way I can get rid of it is to put it on repeat until I am tired of hearing it.
Well, before I put this song on repeat, let me give you a little background about this song. If you have seen Kirk perform the song, then you know that he and the singers use sign language during the the second chorus.
Confession– I am so uncoordinated. Every time I hear this song, I cannot get the signs right. It is almost like dancing. Yeah.. I cannot dance either. Y’all, I cannot even line dance, or do aerobics or Zumba. It is so embarrassing. I consider myself a seated dancer. I can dance while seated, but when I stand up… that is a-whole-nother story. Again, embarrassing! Anyhoo…
The chorus to Love Theory goes like this:
I don’t wanna love nobody but You I don’t wanna love nobody but You I don’t wanna love nobody, love nobody but You
Well, let me listen to this song. Perhaps I will finally get the signs right. One day I would love to show my skills in public. As for dancing. I need an instructor like T.I. and Tiny’s daughter, Heiress, to teach me. Y’all, she is so patient and her instructions are so easy to follow. Anyway, y’all stay safe and enjoy your weekend!
As usual, my Hello Sunday’s are random. This Sunday’s topic surrounds the Jada and August “entanglement” situation. No.. I refuse to give my two cents their story. It is theirs, not mine. However, I will talk about my experiences with “entanglements.” All I have to say is, it is complicated.
Y’all, I was so emotional after watching this past episode of Red Table Talk, Here’s to the Journey. I cried for hours. No lie. Shoot, I am becoming emotional, now. I can pinpoint times in my life where I felt lost, felt so far gone that I did not know who Shaun was. For me, every past relationship left me feeling like I was drowning.
Not sure if I ever wrote about this, but in my 47 years of existence, I have only been in 4 relationships. My first one, Mr. W initiated the relationship. I was 17. Had just graduated from high school and was ready to conquer the world! Then along came Mr. W on his Honda Ninja. It was so unexpected. NEVER in a million years did I expect him to be interested in me. But that’s another story for another day. Anyway, after a few months of dating, I guess he became bored with me and went back to a couple of his exes. Maybe he never really left them. Yesterday, someone made a video about the third party victims in relationships. The person the broken person reaches out to to make them feel good. Well, looking back, I was probably that person. I was the one who filled in the void until he decided what he wanted. So some of my feelings also resonate with August’s. My response to Mr. W leaving me hurt was to get as far away from him as I could, so I joined the Air Force. Y’all, be careful for what you ask for. My first assignment was in Ramstein, Germany. When I tell you God will give you what you ask for! Whew!!
My next relationship was with Mr. X. This is really funny because the letters actually defines the person in certain ways– cool! Mr. X was minding his own business when I approached him. He seemed like a great guy. Didn’t know he was in a relationship. Again– another story. Well, I was still hurt from Mr. W and decided I would alleviate the pain by pursuing a relationship with Mr. X. Boy was I wrong! He caused more damage than Mr. W.
Fast forward to several years later, I had begun to have feelings for this one guy. I already knew a relationship with him would never work, but it did not mean my heart was not in it. Yeah.. my heart was there. This particular relationship is not part of the four. He has his own special place in my heart. If he ever reads this, he will know it’s about him. So this part was written especially for him because I know it will make him smile.
Anyhoo… as Jada said, I needed to feel good again. So I found someone to make me feel good. That was probably the worst mistakes I made. Now that one was complicated. The only way I got out of that relationship was to do what August did, cut all ties. Believe me, that was one of the hardest things to do. That relationship was toxic! I went into the relationship thinking I would not develop feelings for Mr. Y, but in the end, I did. This is where my ex-husband came in.
I will not go into details about my relationship with my ex-husband. Just know that by the end of our relationship I felt lost. I pretending to be someone he wanted me to be and that was not me. You know, you can only pretend for so long before your true feelings and character come bursting out. As Will and Jada did, we separated. For me, the separation was final. However, for him, he thought we would get back together. Before we separated we had a conversation about what the separation would look like. We discussed starting over. We discussed dating and perhaps actually falling in love. Because we both knew he was the rebound guy and that I was never in love with him. During that conversation he asked, “What makes you think you will fall in love with me if we date again if you haven’t fallen in love with me in the past 11 years?” It was light a light switch came on. I was like, you are absolutely right. Why even waste our time. Despite what anyone believes, God had already told me years prior, to let him go. But I kept holding on because I was afraid. I did not know how I would survive. Now I am all off topic and getting into another story. Sorry…
Okay, let me refocus. I was discussing my “entanglements.” Well, he was the last. Honestly, after separating, I thought I was going to lose my mind because I did not have anyone to run to to make me feel good again. I needed that 4 1/2 years of separation/divorce period to chill. To actually discover Shaun. That piece of paper (my marriage license) kept me from starting any new relationships. Maybe this is the reason my ex refused to sign the divorce papers. He knew I would never move on even if I was only married on paper. Life.
From now on, no more entanglements for me. I refuse to be the third party in anyone’s relationship. And definitely no more rebound guys for me. I am finally off to a new start. Open to what God has in store. Not my will anymore but His. I am staying out of it!
Now, I probably should go back and revise this. You know… omit a few things, but I’m not. I am going to click “Publish” without re-reading it. Bold move, right! Y’all, this is the raw version of this blog. So if it doesn’t flow.. it is what it is.
Please allow me to interrupt my usual “Hello Sunday” blog with a tribute to my father. I must say, it is truly an honor and blessing to spend Father’s Day with my dad. After suffering from two strokes over the past two years, I did not think he would still be with us. Y’all, God is so good!
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to get to know my father better. To get to know the man behind “Mr. Sutton.” For as far back as I can remember, all my dad has ever done is work. He was a teacher (now retired teacher), a truck driver, the snowball man, the fireworks man, the Valentine’s Day man, the tombstone man, and now the graveyard man. Yes.. my father has a tombstone and graveyard business. Y’all, he is always working.
On Father’s Day 2016, I interrupted his work schedule. That morning I informed him that I was going to work with him. He was not thrilled to hear it, but allowed me go anyway. Y’all, I was a grown woman going to work with my daddy. Lol! And you best believe he put me to work. He does not believe in people just sitting around talking and watching. If you are with him, you better be prepared to work or be prepared to leave.
Here is what I wrote and posted on Facebook the following year:
It’s amazing how you think you know someone, but in reality you only see what’s on the surface. Last Father’s Day, I discovered so much about my dad. After we made snowball juice and bagged ice, we had a long conversation about dreams and goals.
Throughout the years, we’ve had conversations about his childhood and people, but never about his dreams. After showing me the picture below (the prototype for his first snowball business), he tells me that he never thought he’d go to college. He stuttered constantly and had dyslexia (back then they didn’t know what it was). He was able to go to college on a track scholarship (yes- my daddy could run!). He said he studied so hard to make it through college; while selling snacks from his dorm room (what can I say, it’s in his blood 😁). One of his most prized possessions is his thesis. He said he worked his butt off to complete it.
He ended our conversation by telling me to go after what I want in life. He told me to never give up on my dreams no matter how impossible they may seem or who doubts me. He said people will laugh, but keep trusting God. It may take years, but it’ll come to pass. NEVER give up!
On that day, he gave me the boost I needed to pursue all of my dreams. So, if you see me reaching for other galaxies, you know where I got it from. Yes- I’m my father’s child. Happy Father’s Day, Alton Sutton!
Y’all, I love my Daddy! I cannot wait to spend today with him.
Hellooooo Sunday! Y’all, in 10 days I will be 47! Like.. really.. almost 50. Like, almost half a decade! WHAT?! Y’all, I’m finally excited!!!
This month started off very depressing. I did not feel like celebrating, at all. All I wanted was for this month to pass. Actually, I wanted this year to hurry up and pass. Over the years, I have always said that I loved adventures. Well, 2020 has been one great adventure, and I am ready for this adventure to end. Honestly, I don’t even think we have reached the apex yet. I believe we are still climbing. I just pray that whatever is to come does not rock this world more than it has already. Hopeful.
Okay… that was getting dark. Back to my birthday. Last year, I spent my birthday volunteering at a summer camp teaching 4th graders about the benefits of choosing healthier snacks. So when asked if I could teach a class on that day, I immediately agreed. Y’all, I was on cloud nine! I felt like a kid again. Like I was a little girl preparing to play school with my siblings and little cousins. It brought out the child in me. I could not wait to start planning.
That was my celebration with the kids. At the end of the week, I celebrated with friends and family. I called it my freedom party– 46 & FREE! Exactly seven days before my birthday, the judge signed my divorce papers! I was FINALLY free!! So I celebrated!
A little over a week later, my best friends came down and we took a girl’s trip to Essence Festival. Talk about a wonderful birthday! I had so much fun.
So, what will I do this year? I am finally excited enough to start planning. My children and sisters have been asking me all month what I want to do. Happy to say I have made a few decisions. I plan to spend the day of my birthday at the zoo with one of my sisters and her children. I really want to see them have fun. Children tend bring out the kid in me. Y’all, they have me acting all crazy and Ilove it! Then, that weekend, I plan to spend it with another sister and niece. Not sure if I will do anything in between. Will definitely spend time with my two babies.. umm.. I mean– young adults. Lol
Y’all, I am truly blessed. God has blessed me to live this long, so why not celebrate. Oh… before I end, last night I dreamt I had dyed my hair cotton candy pink for my birthday. Hmmm….
Y’all, I might even surprise myself for my birthday! Lol. NOW, I’m excited!