Sitting at my desk and noticed the “Trust” rock I wrote about several posts ago. It’s funny how, in years, I have rarely turned the rock over. I never had a reason to until today. After picking it up, I noticed a bit of white paint peaking around the side, so I flipped it over. I forgot that I had written “Encouragement!!” on the other side. Now, I really want to know the full story about the rock. What was the assignment that day, and why did I write encouragement on the other side instead of something else? Life is truly interesting. I have to do better at leaving myself notes. Lol
This is the Facebook memory I shared with my other post.Here’s the front of rock today (7 years later).Here’s the backside.
All I can think of is I must have known I would need encouragement to rebuild trust.
Or maybe the two aren’t even related. Perhaps I just needed encouragement.
Good Morning☀️ It’s Self-love Saturday and I decided to sleep in.😌 I hope you decided to do the same.💕
Here’s what I wrote six years ago—
The “social media find” I shared on March 22, 2019. Image credit: Unknown.
When I tell you this Facebook memory is so timely! Although it’s been six years, I feel it more than ever today. You see, next Saturday, I will be attending our state’s annual dietetics conference, where I will be introduced as the incoming president for 2025–2026.
Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel at the moment. Seems like I have been going nonstop since taking on the role of president-elect. So much has changed since I was last president (2016–2017), and even more is changing now that our government is moving in a different direction. We are a nonpartisan organization and have to move as such. Meaning, my personal feelings and opinions have to take a backseat during this ride. It’s a lot, but I’m up for the challenge. As I have asked myself so many times throughout my adult life, “How did I get here?” Laughing. My life and its adventures. As Mario from Mario Bros. would say, “Here we go!”
Honestly, who would have thought I wasn’t done with this part of my life? If I didn’t know it then, I can certainly say it now, this role is a significant part of my dream and future endeavors. I’m not sure where God is taking me—ONLY He knows—but I’m here for it!♥️
Treasure your gifts. Not gifts, as in talents, but the gifts—the people—God has placed in your life. They are irreplaceable and one of a kind. Whether for a season or a lifetime, God placed them in your life for a specific purpose that only they can fulfill. Never take them for granted. Life is much too short and precious not to treasure them.
As I mentioned last night, I was with my two hearts (daughter, 30, and son, 21). Words can’t even begin to describe the way I feel about them. As a child, I always longed to feel loved unconditionally and accepted for me. One of the things we talked about last night was me always dancing to the beat of my own drum. I never quite fit in, even when it came to my own family. I thought and moved differently. Not so differently that I didn’t blend in, but different enough to know I didn’t fit. Well, here I am 30 years later with two adult children, and I finally feel the love and acceptance I longed for. They’re not cookie cutters of me. As we often joke, we couldn’t be more different, but we’re so much alike. All three of us dance to our own beat, and we don’t judge. We embrace each other’s uniqueness.
Y’all, they are my gifts.🥰🥰
This was taken in January during my daughter’s 30th birthday weekend.
On another note—I know I never mentioned anything else about celebrating the 30–year breakthrough or rebirth I was experiencing leading up to my daughter’s birthday. I intentionally stopped celebrating when I noticed she had made her celebration mine. I explained to her that I had already lived and celebrated my 30th; the weekend and occasion were all hers. And we celebrated her! Yes, her birthday felt like a great release for me. I finally felt free to release myself from being a mother, provider, and caregiver to being me—a woman taking care of me.🦋
I pray you are treasuring your gifts. Also remember this too—something that took me far too long to realize—YOU are also a gift. Yes…YOU!
This post has been in my drafts since January 8, 2022. I wrote it for another blog, but can’t locate the link. Glad I saved it here. This was my mother.
Title: Momma, I See You
I was born to a teenage mother, who was born to a teenage mother, who was born to a teenage mother. Yep.. three generations of teen moms. My mother was 14 years old when she became pregnant with me and 15 when she gave birth. What’s ironic is my grandmother was also pregnant. Not only was she about to birth her eighth child at 30, but she was also about to become a first time grandmother. Can you imagine being 30 years old with eight children and your first grandchild on the way? Oh… and my great grandmother, my grandmother’s mom, had 12 children at the time and she was only 43. Y’all, I’m 47 with two children. Had my first child at 21 and my second at 30. Just thinking about what it must have felt like being a teenage mother is unimaginable, let alone having multiple children and grandchildren by the age of 30.
Well, a few years ago, during one of my mom’s frequent visits to the emergency room, I thought about what it must have felt like to be responsible for another life at such a young age. When I arrived at the hospital, she was in so much pain. Every time the nurses touched her she moaned. I wanted to help but couldn’t. Finally the doctor gave her something to ease the pain and she fell asleep. I didn’t leave. I just sat there watching her sleep. Honestly, it was like watching a stranger. The person I saw lying there wasn’t the loud, strong, opinionated woman I knew. This woman was vulnerable, tired, and broken. That’s when it hit me that she was so much more than my mother, she was a woman.
While sitting there, I began reminiscing about my childhood and the sacrifices she had made for me and my five siblings. She always made sure our needs were met even if she had to go without. When I was a baby, she worked in the cotton fields to buy me clothes and pampers. She married a man twice her age, and endured abuse, so that she could support me. By the time she divorced him two years later, she had another little girl to support. Although she had two toddlers, she graduated from high school early and enrolled in college. At 18 she was walking the campus of Jackson State University with two in tow. I still remember attending night classes with her when she couldn’t find a babysitter. During that time she was always learning something new as well as introducing us to new things. For me, that was the most exciting time of my childhood. Also, she was no stranger to hard work. Throughout my childhood, I don’t ever remember hearing her complain about taking on second jobs or not being able to take off for vacations. She did what she had to do to provide for her family. I remember how one year she walked miles to work in the snow, while pregnant with one of my younger sisters. One day she slipped and fell and still went to work. That’s how dedicated and selfless she was. Although she experienced heartaches, disappointments, and abuse, we rarely saw her cry. She was the rock of the family.
Needless to say, by the time I left the hospital I was a changed woman. I saw my mom through a different lens. Not only her but my grandmother and great grandmother as well. I often wonder what kind of sacrifices and compromises did they have to make to ensure their children had everything they needed.
Listen, like most mother-daughter relationships, my mother and I have had our ups and downs. However, it wasn’t until I put myself in her shoes that I was able to better understand some of her experiences and decisions. I will admit that the woman she was throughout my childhood made me the woman I am today, and for that, I’m grateful.
The months I spent with her before she passed were a blessing I didn’t know I needed. I needed that time with her. Even though it was like caring for a child at times, I still knew I was hers. So many times I wanted to climb up in the hospital bed with her.
My momma…
She made us take pictures that day (June 1997). She just had to have a family photo even though we weren’t dressed for one.😅We were so unserious. But it was her day, and there was no way we weren’t going to comply. She was still Momma! We also took pictures with my grandma (her mom). About a couple of weeks later, my grandma suddenly died. The following year, my mom became paralyzed from the waist down.
Life can change in the blink of an eye. Make sure you cherish every moment with those you love.♥️
I debated whether or not to share my interview that aired during last night’s local news because my journey to where I want to be is still a work in progress. Then, while trying to find something to share for my afternoon post, I heard to check the photos I had saved on this date. Y’all, when I tell you God forever amazes me! I wasn’t expecting to find a TikTok video I made three years ago. I don’t even have access to that TikTok account anymore. I lost access about two years ago when I couldn’t remember my password or the email address I used to set it up. So, finding this video today lets me know it’s okay to share the one from last night.
Here’s what I shared on February 8, 2022.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of reading a book to two different groups during “Storytime with a Soldier,”—a monthly event hosted by the African American Military History Museum here in Hattiesburg. The first group included pre-K children, and the other included adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Well, the local news station decided to attend the event and they wanted to interview me. Y’all, I really hate being on camera. And I guess from the look on my face, the journalist knew it too because he asked if I was okay with being on camera, and I said “no,” but I’d do the interview anyway. And I did. I actually did two impromptu interviews yesterday. Yayyy, Me!!🎉
I once said I felt like the purpose of this blog space, “It’s Shaun’s World,” was to share my testimonies in real time, and that’s exactly what I have been doing. When I tell you life is funny and God has a sense of humor. I can’t help but laugh while watching Him with amazement. In the video from 2022, I said I was preparing to be on camera. Did I believe it would actually happen?! No! At least not without me being prepared for it.😂
Y’all, God is sooo smooth. Laughing because all this time I have been calling this my world when in reality, it’s actually His.☺️
Today has been a very busy day. I have been multitasking nonstop since early this morning. I just paused for a moment to catch my breath and share my afternoon post.
The following is an excerpt from last year’s journal entry. It references another journal entry I made in 2017 when I thought about the advice I would give to my five-year-old self. Here’s what I wrote—
“You’re going to have some good days and some bad days. Sometimes you’re going to feel like giving up, but you won’t. You’re a survivor. See every moment as an adventure. It will help you through the tough times. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t settle for less than what you want and what you’re worth.”
Whew… ALL of that has been the story of my life—not giving up, viewing difficulties as adventures, taking leaps, being a survivor/superhuman, and not settling. Yeah…that’s been the story of my life, but now I’m tired. Now, it’s time to advise little Shaun on how to thrive without being that survivor/superhuman. On how to take better care of herself while taking leaps. And still, never settling for less than what she wants and what she’s worth—this part is nonnegotiable.
On another note…
During a meeting today, someone referred to me as middle–aged. I was like, “Who? Me?” Then I thought about it, I am over half a century old soooo… I must be middle–aged. Smile
Y’all, why am I wide awake like it’s 8:00 in the morning and not around 1:00 AM. Shaking my head. I had basically written a whole book about my Bell Biv Devoe experience only to decide not to share it. Believe me, it wasn’t anything juicy, just more than I needed to share. Anyhoo, I’ll share the Facebook memory that prompted it.
Facebook Memory: August 16, 2014
When I say I was devastated! I must have made that post after midnight because I said they had already performed that night. Well, they actually performed later on that day. The video I saw on the website was an advertisement.
As I said in the post, I had never won anything before winning those tickets. I always refer to them as a gift from God. For years I had wanted BBD or New Edition to perform at one of my birthday parties and the day before my 41st birthday I won tickets to the Jackson R&B Festival. Y’all, I didn’t even know who was performing until after I won the tickets. So, BBD being included in the lineup was the best surprise. Although I had to wait almost two months before I got to see them, it was so worth the wait. Great memory!
Was looking back through my Facebook memories a little while ago. I try not to spend so much time in the past, but that’s where I find a lot of my answers. Saw the following memory this morning, but didn’t pay much attention to it. However, this evening, it caught my eye.
April 18, 2019
As you can see, I had one of my “Aha” moments. This was when I realized I had been making decisions based on pivotal moments in my life.
It was in April of 1994 that I had decided to make a few life changes. Little did I know, life was about to change me. I’ll say it was around this time in April that I had received orders (a new military assignment) to go to Florida. I was about to leave Germany and my trifling boyfriend. Already had in my mind how I was going to be FREE! We had just broken up and I felt like I finally had a handle on life. Well, by the end of the month, and I know the exact date, I was back with him.
Long story, short… I really need to write a book. Maybe in my 80’s or 90’s. That night will forever be etched in my memory. It’s the night he told me he was going to give me what I wanted…a baby. I laughed it off. For over a year I had wanted to be pregnant, but it never happened. Yeah… I was young and naive, but I really wanted a baby. I wanted someone who would love me unconditionally—and she actually does (my blessing🥰).
Six weeks later, I went to the doctor’s office for one thing and left with what seemed to be the worst news of my life, I was pregnant. Y’all, I had already made up my mind that I was moving on. Then…BAM!!
From that day on, even until recently, most decisions I have made have been somewhat based on what happened for me—no longer going to use “to me”—during that time. My baby became my priority. She became my life. Then the divorce happened, and she and my son became my life. Every decision I have made has been somewhat based on them. They have been trying to get me to enjoy life for myself, but I have been hesitant. Honestly, I am not really sure how to live as a single person. However, I believe it is finally time that I learned.♥️
The last three weeks have been mentally and physically exhausting. Like, for real. On most days, I know I was on autopilot—operating without even thinking, doing what I have been programmed to do since childhood (take charge). At least, that’s how it felt. Here’s an overview of what happened:
My sister had a healthy baby boy. Both left the hospital healthy (so we thought). Two days later, she was in the ER diagnosed with postpartum heart failure, then sent home to follow up with a cardiologist. Two days after that, the baby had jaundice.
Before my sister could follow up with the cardiologist, she was back in the ER. This time they consulted with her OB doctor and was diagnosed with postpartum preeclampsia. Which was more accurate. She stayed in the hospital a few days and was released after her vitals and bloodwork were back to normal.
That was my first hospital stay since my mom passed.
While all of this was happening with my sister, my stepmom was having health issues, which were getting worse. She was sick while my sister was in the hospital, but I couldn’t be with both. Had to decide which needed me the most. It was a lot.
Well, last week…last Wednesday to be exact, my stepmom had to have emergency surgery. I stayed with her from Wednesday until Sunday. She was discharged yesterday, but she still isn’t well. It will probably be several weeks before she’s moving around again.
So, that was my last two to three weeks. Oh… and I was still working during all of this. So very thankful for remote work and the ability to make my own schedule. These are truly luxuries that are often taken for granted. Even being single with grown children is a privilege; however, it is also taxing at times. As my daughter advised me, before I jump up and do anything else, I need to be still and take care of myself, first. And I am doing exactly that.
That’s all I have for you today. Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday.
Y’all, why did I fall asleep early only to wake up thinking it was at least 4:00 AM? Laughing. Since it’s after midnight I might as well share a post. Will write my Hello Sunday later. Good Night!♥️ ~ Shaun
Facebook Memory: January 28, 2022
It’s your story and your life. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Be sure to control and PROTECT your narrative. And ALWAYS keep the pen!
P.S. It’s perfectly fine to edit and rewrite. Remember, it’s YOUR story and YOUR life!
Always, always, always keep the pen! Never let anyone else write your story.♥️
It’s Shaun’s World 
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