Life

Sistas… SMH (Shaking My Head)

Once again my Facebook memories have come through. Laughing. Was going to add what I am about to write to the comment section of one of yesterday’s controversial posts; however, I will add it here instead. It is just too long of a story to add to someone else’s post. I try to be considerate.

Speaking of being considerate, that’s what the controversial post was about. Okay, here is what’s happening on my show, Tyler Perry’s Sistas. So this guy creep, Gary, has been seeing multiple women (because after what just happened I know there are more out there) simultaneously. Well, during last week’s episode, two of them met and one is seven months pregnant! Maybe five…but that’s not the point. She’s pregnant! Long story short, the one who believed she was the main chick, Andi, found out she’s been his side chick the entire time. Baby!!! If I didn’t want to jump through that screen and let Gary have it!!

I had two problems with how everything was handled—1) the way the ladies (sistas) told Penelope (the pregnant fiancée—yep…they are engaged) was way too dramatic and 2) their main focus should have been on Gary the entire time, not Penelope. I really have a problem with women targeting other women with their aggression when the culprit is the man. Anyhoo…they (not really they but Andi’s friend, Danni) cornered the poor girl and forced Andi to tell her that she had also been seeing Gary and had recently (a week ago) ended things with him. Y’all, he bought them both the same things—car, house (one a penthouse) and used the same engagement ring (Andi said “no” so he gave it to Penelope). Just trifling! And to think I had a soft spot for this……. Oooow!!!

Anyway, Andi tells the poor girl about her relationship with Gary and they compare timelines and all. Then, they finally turn their attention to Gary and let him have it. And in turn, Gary basically pooed (trying to keep it nice) all over Andi’s character. Again, I could have jumped through that screen.

Okay…story time…

I have written about my situation with my firstborn’s father before. We were stationed in Germany. He had a pregnant girlfriend I didn’t know about when we got together, but after finding out I stayed with him anyway. I really liked him. Laughing. I even decided to stay with him after he went home on leave and married her. I was hurt. He said he was getting it annulled, and I stayed. When I finally couldn’t take any more of the craziness and decided to leave, I discovered I was pregnant. Ha!! Y’all life can be hilariously cruel at times. Anyway, I got back stateside and went along my merry way as a single mom. So here is where the drama comes in.

One night, after I had gotten off work, I received a phone call from this woman telling she was my baby’s father’s girlfriend. I was like, “Okay.” Then she began to tell me she had been seeing him since he had gotten back stateside. That she was the one who picked him up from the airport. I guess I should add, he was still writing me letters and calling me about the three of us being a family. My baby was about two or three months old at the time. The girlfriend through in the part about her picking him up from the airport because he was supposed to be with me at that time because I was only weeks away from giving birth. He made up some excuse about his mom being sick or something. Nah…she wasn’t sick. Y’all, there is so much more to this story. I know I’ll have to write a book one day.

Anyway, let me not get sidetracked. After she finished telling me her story, she told me she thought she had said too much and didn’t want oh boy to find out what she had done. I thanked her for telling me and told her that I didn’t care if she was telling me out of spite or concern, that conversation would remain between the two of us. Y’all, I really don’t like drama. Plus, she wasn’t the one in the wrong, he was. Well, she told his mom that she had called me and that’s when all hell broke loose. I told her I wasn’t going to say anything. I was going to find a way out of the mess. But no… When I tell you the drama I experienced in my early 20s made me who I am today. I didn’t have, and don’t have, time for nonsense. Everything I experienced hurt like hell, but I knew back then and still know today, God’s got me. Listen, He loves me!!

Anyhoo…that was only a small part of a very crazy story. The comment I left underneath the controversial post said I would have handled the situation by sitting down with everyone involved and had an adult conversation; one without all the drama. Y’all, the scene was a mess. “Tell her, Andi! Tell, her!!” Penelope crying her poor little eyes out wanting to know what was happening. It was a mess! But…it did make good tv. I tell you, if a show doesn’t evoke some kind of emotion out of you, it ain’t a real show!! Baby, I was hot but I was okay by the end of the second episode. The writer’s room redeemed itself. Listen, I was about to boycott the show…until the next episode. Laughing

Well, I believe I have written enough. Can’t believe they celebrated 100 episodes a year ago! I was having all kinds of proud momma-fan moments.

Blog by Moi: December 7, 2022

Wishing you a blessed day!

Love you!♥️

Shaun

Life

Humble

This is an humbling moment for me. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in the past and not being able to move forward.

I chose the word humble because it is what I am feeling at the moment. I feel like it is time to step down from this pedestal of internal self righteousness (yeah.. it’s a mind thing) and personally own up to what has been preventing me from fully moving forward. I owe it to myself to do so.

Today, I’m going to share something that I have never shared before nor ever wanted to admit. Y’all, I am at a point in life… year 50… where I am so serious about healing so that I can move forward and freely receive all God has for me. I’m going to try to make this short.

This morning I read my journal entry from this date last year, August 22, 2022. In that entry, I referenced something that had happened several years earlier. Just reading it had me reminiscing about how I felt at that moment, which was seen and appreciated. Up until that incident, I felt small and insignificant. Personally my life sucked. I always put on a good face, but I was pretty down. At that time, I was going through the divorce and the only things that kept me going were my faith in God, the love from my two and social media. The crazy part was my professional life was taking off. Y’all, life was weird.

Anyhoo… Although I was doing well professionally, I hated being in the spotlight. I loved operating under the radar, working behind the scenes and not being noticed. Well, one day all of that changed in the blink of an eye. Literally! When it happened I was elated; however, at the same time I panicked. Honestly, it all happened so fast that I really didn’t know what to feel. I remember feeling ashamed for panicking because what had happened to me was what everyone else longed for. They wanted to be seen. They wanted to be recognized. And there I was wondering how I should respond. Couldn’t enjoy the moment because I was all in my head.

I wish I could say that my life remained the same, but it didn’t. After I realized the magnitude of what had happened… because everyone made sure I knew it was a big deal… I attempted to embrace it the best way that I could. Little did I know that I would begin to lose myself for the second time in a few years. Soon I didn’t know who I was anymore. It was like I became what everyone thought I should be. Before, I was just me doing what I loved doing, supporting what I loved.♥️ Afterwards… I’m not really sure who I became.

Y’all, this is so hard to admit, but I know I have to get it out or I will remain stuck in the past.

Recently, I found myself reverting back to what was. It wasn’t something that I was even aware that I was doing until I woke up one morning and that particular thing was the first thing on my mind. Y’all, I had to check myself real quick. I couldn’t go back. I had worked too hard to find myself again. Then, this morning happened. After reading that journal entry and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, I wanted to go back. You know, just to revisit. Before I could do it, I was reminded of the story in the Bible about Lot’s wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt. Maybe she was just like me. She longed for the comfort of what was. It may not have been what was best for her, but it felt familiar and safe. She knew what to expect and what not to expect. It was home.

Now, here I am moving forward into the unknown. Y’all, at this age things are pretty scary. So much of my life is behind me. I see the 30 and 40 year olds doing their thing. I often wonder what life will be like for me as I move on. Will I ever feel that special again? Will my life ever be as exciting as it was? Because y’all, I am not going to lie, life was pretty exciting… until it wasn’t exciting anymore. Sighing

Well, I guess I can say that after this release I have entered yet another level of freedom. And to think I thought I had released everything before I turned 50. Shaking my head. How many more levels do I have to go before I am actually free?! Laughing

Life is funny… Enjoying this crazy ride!♥️

Shaun

Life

Submit and Commit to the Process

You cannot start, skip the middle (the process), and go straight to the end. Nothing in life happens this way.

Short story…

When I was a teen, I wanted to play the piccolo. My sister and one of the girls at church played the flute. Well, I did not want to be like them (always had to be difficult different). I wanted to play the piccolo. Everyone I asked about how I should get started said that I would have to learn to play the flute first. Y’all, I wasn’t even in band or interested in playing other instruments, but I was drawn to the piccolo. I believe it was because it was so tiny and cute. I’m a sucker for tiny, cute things. Well, starting with the flute was not going to happen so I never played the piccolo. One day I’m just going to buy one and teach myself to play. That’s what YouTube is for, right? Laughing

Anyhoo… this is how my life has been since as far back as I can remember. I want what I want and I want it how I want it. Don’t judge me. Over time I have gotten better. Listen, I hate all of the in between stuff. I say I love watching God work (the progression) in my life; however, sometimes I feel He can skip a few steps. Y’all, my patience for getting from points A to Z is very short. Not sure if it’s my attention span (because I swear I have ADHD), or if I am just impatient. Either way… at 50 years old… I am finally completely submitting to God’s plan (I might get sidetracked every now and then– Lol) and following all of His steps. If I want XYZ, I have to go through the entire process. Y’all, I have to stop being so stubborn. Ugh!

My mantra for this current season is “I am submitting and committing to the process.”

Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Love you.♥️

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Today is the first Wednesday of the year! Which means I have well over 100 (closer to 200) more Wednesdays of writing. I know it sounds like a lot, but I can do it. I will get it done. Smiling

Not really sure what I want to write about today. Yesterday, I realized I didn’t do an end of year review for 2022. So many people had posted wonderful videos recapping their 2022 and I didn’t post a thing. Even on New Year’s Eve, I only posted three things that really summed up my entire year – I conquered fears, found myself again and released control. And truthfully, that about sums up everything that happened last year.

This year has already started off differently than past new years. This year actually feels different. It’s like I’m seeing things differently. It’s as if my entire life is changing before my eyes and I actually feel it happening. Honestly, it’s the most present that I have ever been. Maybe it’s the awareness that I’ll be 50 this year. Maybe my entire being feels it. It’s so hard to describe. It’s such a wonderfully, strange feeling.

Short story—

At some point during my teenage years, I imagined myself living two drastically different lives – the first 50 years and the remaining 50+ years. As you can see, I have always seen myself living a very long life. Smile. The first half was for… Y’all, basically it was for doing what I have done – find myself and retire. Y’all, that was just an “Aha” moment. At the time that I declared I would live two lives, I didn’t refer to it as “finding myself.” I always thought of it as this exploratory phase. During my first 50 years, I would take chances and try different things until I discovered what I liked and didn’t like; what I wanted to do and didn’t want to do. Then I would take all of this information and experience and decide how I wanted to live the second half of my life. Listen!! You don’t have to believe me, but God will give you exactly what you ask for and most times you don’t even know He’s doing it. Sitting in awe right now! It wasn’t until late last year that I even realized I retired before I was 50. For some reason, I hadn’t really recognized my retirement from the military as the “retire before age 50” that I had asked for. When I tell you God forever amazes me!

So, Year 50 is loading. Although I still have several months to go, I can already feel the change taking place. I know most of you reading this probably think I’m crazy, but I am so serious. My life is changing.

I know how I imagined myself living the second half of my life. Not going to share. I don’t have to speak it into existence because I already spoke it decades ago. I’m just going to take it all in and let it happen.

Well, I guess you can also mark this as my first “random rambling” for the year. As always, thanks for reading. Remember to stay present and your day!♥️

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Y’all, I had some kind of day yesterday. I’m not going to go into details, but it ended with me verbally declaring over and over, “I will not be defeated! I AM a child of God.” By the end of the night, the things I was stressing about had disappeared. Well.. they hadn’t actually disappeared, they were definitely still there; however, I no longer felt overwhelmed.

HA! That was yesterday…

Honestly, I have no idea why I check my emails at 3:00 AM, but I do. Ugh. It’s definitely a habit I need to break. Well, this morning I opened my email and the very first one hit me like a ton of bricks. Whew! Unlike yesterday when I allowed things to get me all worked up, I immediately began declaring – again, verbally – that I AM a child of God and I WILL NOT be defeated!

Y’all, I truly believe words have more power when they’re spoken, when they’re released into the universe. Now.. this goes for negative words too. So, be careful of what you release.

Today, at this very moment, I am declaring —

NOOOO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER! I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND HE’S GOT ME!!

Listen, if you’re also going through some things, please feel free to make the same declaration, verbally. Change it up however you like. Just make sure you get it out into the universe.

Well, there’s nothing I can do right now about that email so I’m going to publish this blog and go back to sleep. God’s got me.

Y’all have a blessed day.♥️

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Hey Y’all! This is like day 30 something that I’ve been blogging from this oh so comfy hospital futon. Gotta love it!

I keep telling myself I’m built for this. That God will never put more on me than I can bear. Sometimes I believe it, then other times I’m not so sure.

I always say I love watching God work – referring to the great things that I see Him doing in other’s lives. However, with that said, I also know that they’re human and can’t possibly be exempt from difficult times. I refuse to believe that they’re that special because I KNOW God loves me! Therefore, I’m considering this one of those difficult moments that I have endure before I get to greatness. Yes.. greatness! My God doesn’t play small. He always plays BIG. Smiling

Side note: When I speak about greatness, I’m not referring to notoriety, but my own personal feeling of achievement. Right now, it seems like I have eons to go. However, I must remember that God’s blessings will always make up for whatever time I feel I have lost.

Okay y’all, I’m going back to sleep. It’s early. I’m only awake because my mom keeps calling me to change the channel and asking when are they bringing breakfast. Y’all, she doesn’t want my peanut butter crackers. Said that’s for healthy folks. And she can’t see or hear the tv to know what’s on, but I keep turning it anyway. Funny and fun times from this hospital room. Can’t help but laugh. This too will pass.

Praying you have a lovely Sunday!

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Smiling because this particular Facebook memory is soooo timely!

This week, Tyler Perry (yes.. I’m writing about Tyler again- lol) has two productions premiering. Tonight we get a sneak preview of his new show Zatima, which is a spin-off of Tyler Perry’s Sistas. Tomorrow, the first season premieres on BETPlus. Then Friday, his movie, A Jazzman’s Blues, premieres on Netflix. What a birthday month!! Y’all know I love birthdays and this is like top tier of birthday celebrations. Doesn’t get any better than this! Or does it?!

Anyhoo.. back to my Facebook memory. A few blogs ago I wrote that from what I could tell from A Jazzman’s Blues’ trailer, the movie is definitely Oscar worthy. Well, here’s what I wrote two years ago, the day after Tyler and his foundation won the Emmys’ Governors Award.

Facebook Memory: September 21, 2020

I have to brag on Tyler Perry for a minute. Yeah..yeah.. yeah.. I know, I do it all the time. But you have to understand what last night meant. He received his first Emmy, y’all! He received it in spite of the criticism he receives daily, ESPECIALLY from fellow artists. You don’t have to like Tyler, or his work. However, you must acknowledge that he’s doing something right. This man puts in the work!

Y’all, this is proof that God will move mountains to make sure you receive what you deserve. As Tyler is notorious for saying, “All you need is ONE yes from God.” So don’t let criticism, disappointments or hate stop you from pursuing your dreams. Shake it off and keep moving. Because NOTHING, and NO ONE, can stop God’s plan for your life. But most importantly– NOTHING WILL STOP GOD’S PURPOSE!

Whew!! I got chills reading my own post! Laughing.

Looking forward to seeing where this leads. I’m so excited for Tyler!

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Not my will, but God’s.

Below is a Facebook memory from three years ago. Today, I needed this reminder. Everything I do is to support God’s purpose. It’s not about me.

Facebook Memory September 14, 2019:

Have you ever asked God why He chose you? I have. Sometimes I still do. Y’all, we were chosen for a reason. He chose us, with all of our imperfections, to fulfill whatever purpose He has. He’s so awesome!

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I do know I was chosen for a reason. For this, I’m forever grateful.

To this day, I still don’t know what lies ahead. So much has happened since I made that post. I didn’t know I would suffer one of the biggest heartbreaks of a lifetime. I didn’t know that I would be a coauthor in a book. I didn’t know that I would finally take the leap and leave my job– without a backup plan. I didn’t know that I would be one of the primary caregivers for all three of my parents. I didn’t know that by resting in God, and truly allowing Him to lead, that I would experience such peace. Y’all, I actually feel like a Queen at times. Smiling. I haven’t had to want for anything. God is sooo good.

Today, I’m still perplexed about why God chose me. Why He entrusted me with so many responsibilities, while treating me like royalty. I pray that I’m making Him proud. I pray that I’m doing a good job fulfilling His purpose.

Shaun

Life

Provisions Beyond Expectation

Provisions beyond our expectations. That’s what God provides. And somehow He always manages to sneak in a little something extra – lagniappe.

Expect the unexpected!

So.. I only intended to write a few lines and share today’s quote; however, I cannot publish this without sharing a snippet of my testimony. You see

Four years ago (August 23, 2018), I was searching for a house to lease. The one I had moved into after my separation had served its purpose. Plus, I needed more space (my son had outgrown his room). Well, I found a house, but could never reach anyone to inquire about it. At the time, my daughter worked for a realty firm so I asked for assistance with finding another contact. Y’all, I really wanted the house. Unfortunately/fortunately she couldn’t, but she did find another house in the same subdivision. One that had just been listed. The one I’m currently living in now.

Four years ago, I wrote about my experience while viewing the house. The house far exceeded my expectations. Not in size – because it’s tiny – but in the details. Not details others would notice but the ones only God knew.

Before losing my first home, I had plans to remodel. Had drawn them out. Had picked colors. Then, the foreclosure happened (couldn’t afford it after my separation). The first place I moved into exceeded my expectations. I had asked for specific things and God provided a little more. When I moved from there, He gave me what I had asked for and again, a little more. You see, I asked for the basics. The things I could think of – number of bedrooms, bathrooms, 2 car garage, front porch – the basics. But He provided the details. From the brick pavers in my kitchen to the exact color of my bathroom (things I had planned for the remodel), this house had it. It didn’t end there. There were so many tiny details that made me smile. Y’all, on that day, I felt so loved. And I still feel loved. To this day, as He always has, He continues to do little things that make me smile. I’m forever grateful and blessed to have His love.

By the way, I dodged a bullet by not getting the other house. Every few months some maintenance company is digging around or working on an issue at or near that property.

Listen, thank you for reading! I just had to share my story. Have a wonderful day.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Can’t believe it’s been 30 years!

On this date 30 years ago, I embarked upon a journey that would change my life forever. Never in a million years did I imagine I would join the military. Never! It was one of many spontaneous leaps I would make over the past 30 years. Y’all, I am beyond grateful that I took that leap.

Thirty years…

Today I feel as if I’m embarking on another journey. Not sure where the next 30 years will take me; however, I know they will be just as adventurous. Also, I would like to note that a few thing’s have changed since 1992. I’m finally at peace. I know who I am and Whose I am. And I’m no longer afraid. God is good.

Here’s to the next 30 years and beyond! Speaking nothing but blessings over my life. Amen

Y’all enjoy your day!

Shaun

I was so into college basketball back then. Or was it Grant Hill? Lol! Y’all, I was so lost in Basic Training but I always made time to take blinding selfies.😊 And Base Liberty was EVERYTHING! That’s when we could wear a little makeup and earrings.