Tag: ramblings

Life

April’s Rambling

Shaun Bradford

It’s a little after 6:00 AM and I feel like writing. Yesterday, I drove up to spend a few days with my mom. She’s still in the hospital. They are thinking about sending her to a rehab/nursing facility until her wound (Stage 4 pressure ulcer) heals well enough for her to return home. The good news is, they believe all of the infected tissue has been removed and the antibiotics are working.

I haven’t slept much because she doesn’t really sleep much. She can never quite get comfortable. I really did not know what to expect during this stay. After spending over two months in the hospital with her several months ago, and not having a great experience, I arrived a little tense and expected to do more assisting than keeping her company. Unlike before, she’s actually calling the nurses to assist her, which kind of makes me feel useless. But she’s doing right. It is their job to assist her. I’m learning to stay in my place and be okay with it. I’m only here to be her daughter not nurse or caregiver.

On another note… Two of my friends are already celebrating our 50th year. Last year we decided we would celebrate the entire year. Well, they are actually doing it. Both attended concerts last night. One in Chicago and the other in Nashville. I’m not jealous. I love seeing them have a great time. They deserve it! Plus, my daughter has already gotten us tickets to see Beyoncé in New Orleans, so my fun is coming. I just feel like I have not had the chance to celebrate like I thought I would. Which means I have to be more intentional about making things happen because this year is supposed to be EPIC! Listen, you only turn 50 once! Smile

I will note one thing that is happening – I am actually becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin. I know I write about embracing all of me, often; however, I have never really felt it as much as I do now. I’m not as anxious as I used to be. I am no longer second guessing my decisions. I am also becoming less and less concerned about my flaws, or what others would consider flaws. Maybe this year is more about embracing and celebrating my truest self than creating photographical memories. The transformation that is taking place on the inside is far more important.

Well, I am going to end here. I need to find something to eat. Wishing all of you a great weekend.

Love You!♥️

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

It’s a little after 3:00 AM and since I’m up, I’ll write. I have so much on my mind. Isn’t it interesting how no matter how much you try to clear your thoughts, even through meditation, when you’re finished, everything comes rushing back. No matter how many inspirational videos I watch, messages I hear or pep talks I get, there’s always one or two things always nagging me. After writing that last sentence I heard, “Where is your faith?”. Interesting…

It’s interesting because there have been times in my life where my faith was so high that nothing around me bothered me. Then there have been times, like now, when my faith has been exhausted. Exhausted…

Y’all, I really need to get away. I’m not used to being so still. One thing I miss about life before COVID, is being able to travel freely and interacting with people. I’m not going to lie, the pandemic did a number on me and I have yet to recover. It’s like I don’t know how to jump back into the game.

Last night I was talking to a friend and she told me about odd jobs she’s taken on just to do something different outside of her full-time job. While we were talking, I considered doing the same. Then when I got off the phone, I was like, I love the flexibility of my life. I can’t even see myself tied to an 8-5 or any kind of rigid schedule. I like creating my own schedule. Funny thing is, when I did work 8-5, I created my own schedule. Had been for years. Outside of scheduled meetings, I was free to operate as I pleased. Looking back, I was pretty spoiled. Now, I can’t even imagine myself working like that again. (Shaking My Head)

Yeah.. times are weird. I thought I would have Nutrition with LaShaundreaB fully launched by now, but life happened. And every time I think about “life” happening, I think about if I was working like I had planned, I wouldn’t have been able to take time off to care for my parents.

Yeah.. life is interesting. I know this is only one small moment in time that my faith is low. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean, I had been on an emotional high for over a year and a half. Maybe it was too high.. if that’s even a thing.

So.. where is my faith?

Umm… I think it’s time I go find it. The good part is, I don’t have to look far or find inspiration or encouragement from some outside source. I have tons of journal entries full of encouragement and acts of faith, love and blessings. I’m sooo grateful God made me who I am. Even though I hate being a loner at times, He’s made it so that I will always be able to make it even if I am alone. It’s times like this that I wish I had a boo to talk to. (Sigh) Again, life!

Thanks for reading another round of my early morning ramblings. Now, let me go read a few journal entries because I hate being in a funk.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Yes, I’m here. Just a little late. Decided to wait until later in the day to write. Figured if I waited I would have more to write about. Umm… not so! Now I’m too tired to write. So, from now on, I think I’ll stick with my morning ramblings. Smile

Anyway.. Don’t fret (as if you were – lol)! I won’t leave you with nothing. On October 10, 2017 at 12:57 a.m., I wrote the following in my journal – “Loyalty. That’s all he needs. Good Night.”

Hmmm… I guess loyalty was all he needed. Smile. Gotta love life.

My Life
My World

Have a wonderful week!

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Today’s Hello Sunday is based on a random thought. Have you ever felt the need to explain your decisions or beliefs to others without being prompted? Not sure why I asked because I already know you have. All of us have. Like when you tell someone you can’t do something you follow it with “because xyz.” Or you make a decision (good or bad) and feel compelled to provide more details– “I’ve decided to do this because xyz.” Or you explain why you like or dislike something without being prompted– “Girl, I like/dislike xyz because…” Y’all, do we really need to explain ourselves? Are we doing it so that we’re perceived favorably, or so others feel more comfortable with what we do or say?

For me, it’s a little bit of both. When it’s something that directly affects other people, I often feel the need to provide more details because I want them to know there was thought behind my decision(s). On the other hand, I also find myself further explaining my own decisions to include my likes and dislikes, which only affect me. Umm… but why?

Y’all, I just had an “AHA” moment!

It’s the fear of being judged. That’s it! It’s that– “What are their thoughts of me now?” “Do they think I’m considerate or inconsiderate?” “Do they think I’m focused or weird?” I guess, at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter how many details you or I provide, it’s about how the other person perceives or interprets the message. Period.

Well, problem solved! Only provide more information at your discretion, not because you feel you must.

Me unnecessarily providing more information after I’ve just written not to do so. UGH!! It’s after 5:00 a.m. my time and I’m so sleepy. You see, I fell asleep around 8:00 p.m. last night and woke up a little after midnight. So, I’m going to publish this blog and go to sleep. As always, thanks for reading my ramblings.

My life…

Enjoy your Sunday!

Shaun

Life

Happiness

Shaun Bradford

Wide awake so, you know how I do, I write.

Reposted a Facebook memory I shared back in 2018. It was a video of Will Smith talking about happiness and how he and Jada came to the understanding that another person cannot make you happy. Happiness has to come from within. As Will put it, another person can make you smile, laugh and feel good, but they cannot make you happy. And he was absolutely right. It took me years to realize true happiness was a mental state of being, not an emotion.

Growing up, I always believed happiness came from another person. I was always waiting for the day I’d find this guy who would make me happy. I mean, that’s what the women in books and movies always said, “He makes me happy.” What they were really saying was, “He makes me smile, laugh and feel good.” However, whenever the guy broke her heart she became sad and somewhat depressed, but… she always bounced back. So, what happens when the smiles and laughter ends, or your heart gets broken and you can’t seem to bounce back or function?

My ex used to always say he wasn’t happy. So I would try to do things to make him happy. Eventually I said the same thing Will said to Jada, and this was years before Will posted his video. I explained that I could not make him happy, nor was it my job to keep trying. Believe me, it was exhausting. Thanks to the awesome advice I received from my therapist in my early 20s, I knew happiness came from within.

Side note: I need to take a moment and thank my younger self for seeking therapy, especially in the early 90s when Black people were not into therapy. The best part was, my therapist was a Black female contracted through DOD working in Ramstein, GE. I had to add that because God’s strategy is just impeccable. Y’all, He knew long before I did that I would need to seek help and she needed to be the one who provided it. Whew!! So grateful for Ms. Elaine. Because of her, I made it through some crazy times. Listen, I’m still living off the advice she gave me almost 30 years ago.

Anyway.. I need to take a quick nap before I get my day started so I’ll end with this:

1) Please find happiness within yourself. Make yourself smile, laugh and feel good. Believe me, I’ve been on both sides and there’s nothing like being truly happy.

2) If you’re constantly feeling down and/or depressed, please seek therapy. Most of the time it’s not the other person not making you happy, it’s you.

3) However, if the person you’re with never makes you smile, laugh or feel good, you may need to rethink that relationship. Just saying. That’s just my opinion. Lol

As usual, thanks for reading my early morning ramblings. Enjoy your Tuesday.

Shaun