I cannot believe it’s already the last Wednesday in October! This year has really flown by. Y’all, 2022 is literally right around the corner. I have so many things coming up next year. So many adjustments to make.
First, my daughter will be turning 27 on January 27. Planning something big!
Then, my son graduates from high school in May 2022. We are already applying to colleges, signing up for college tours, and ordering graduation paraphernalia. Not sure if I’m ready for this.
Me.. What do I have planned for myself? Umm.. NOTHING. Which makes me kind of nervous because I knew this time was coming; however, I did not expect it to arrive so soon. I need to start planning for life on my own. Honestly, what will that look like?
One thing I know for sure is that over the next several months I have to be intentional about the moments I have with my two. I will try not to smother them, but I hope they are prepared to be loved on like crazy. Yes, I love my babies.
As always, thanks for reading and enjoy your Wednesday!
Since Monday, I have been debating on whether or not to write about the late, and most definitely great, General Colin Powell.
Monday morning I woke up feeling wonderful! Had posted my quote for the day – CHANGE begins with me. Then I saw the news – “Colin Powell has died . . .” Y’all, I was not prepared for that news. I know.. death is always unpredictable. I just wish I’d had time to gather and control my emotions before I saw the news. You see, I was already preparing for the 2nd anniversary of my brother’s death, which was yesterday. I knew whose comments and posts to avoid on social media. I had already psyched myself up to be as upbeat as possible this week. Then, I saw the headlines. I couldn’t stop crying. Honestly, I felt like I had lost a very close loved one. The hurt was deep.
So, why such strong feelings?
Well, there are people I admire and then there are those I ADMIRE. He was one of the ones I ADMIRED. He was someone I truly wanted to meet. When Kofi Annan (late Secretary General of the United Nations) died, I had the same reaction. Y’all, I just knew I my heart that I would meet him. The only person I got to meet, who I really admired, was Chef Leah Chase. I was also sadden by her passing, but found comfort in knowing that I got to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I got to tell her how much I admired her. I also walked away with words of inspiration. That’s something I will always cherish. Sadly, I will never have that opportunity with Kofi Annan or Colin Powell.
Today, there are only a few on my list of people to meet. Honestly, I would be devastated if one of them passed without me at least shaking their hand or letting them know how they have inspired me. I really have to stop putting things off thinking that there will always be other opportunities. The reality is life is short and seems be be getting shorter. Whenever the opportunity knocks, I need to go for it!
This morning I woke up with Whitney Houston’s I Didn’t Know My Own Strength playing over and over in my head. Truthfully, how I have made it thus far is a blur. As I look back over my adulthood, I’m amazed at how many challenges I encountered and actually overcame. Some, I thought I would never make it through. Yet I’m here. I made it!
Transparent Moment –
Last night I received a credit alert informing me that my credit score had increased in double digits. In tears as I write. Allow me to share why this is so significant. Here’s my story.
When I was 23 years old, I filed for bankruptcy. At the time, I was a single mom with a debt I believed I could not repay. My daughter was almost two years old and daycare was eating up most of my paycheck – especially when I worked 12 hour shifts on nights and weekends. Therefore, I relied on credit cards to purchase food and necessities and pay bills.
The other day I was looking through old photos and came across pictures of my first apartment. I had moved from a small, fully furnished trailer/mobile home to this huge empty apartment, and the only living room furniture I could afford was two black bean bag chairs and a small stool, which held my lamp. I remember sleeping in my daughter’s toddler bed (I’m short- smile) until I could get a bed of my own. Which, of course, was purchased on credit. Needless to say, by the time my daughter was two, I was drowning in debt. I knew I had to find a way out and I believed bankruptcy was the solution. Some of you may ask why I did not ask for help since I was in the military. Well, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I was constantly being praised for being a young, single mom with my life “together,” so it was hard asking for help. Talk about the stress of trying to be perfect, all while falling apart inside. It was too much!
Just like the day I decided to join the Air Force, deciding to file for bankruptcy was a spontaneous move. I did not have a plan in place nor a lawyer in mind. One day I just woke up and decided to search the yellow pages of the phone book for a bankruptcy lawyer. Listen, one thing about me, when I’m fed up with my circumstances, I will find a way out. Sometimes I do not make the best decisions but I get out. After finding a lawyer who seemed kind on paper (and he was very kind), I scheduled a meeting. Two months and $850 later, the majority of my debt was gone. I still had my car and furniture notes, but I could breathe again. It wasn’t until years later that I actually looked at the amount of debt charged off – $6500. Only $6500 worth of debt. I cannot believe such a small amount of debt caused so much anguish.
Fast forward to about eight years ago. For the second time in my life, I was drowning in debt, but this time I was married and making more money than I ever had. Two incomes and I was living off of payday loans – five payday loans to be exact – three local and two online, plus credit card debt. Yep.. that’s how I was living. I was a mess! I have never been into material things (clothes, shoes, bags, cars, etc.), but I loved to travel and I loved food (and still love both – smile). Honestly, I’m not sure when everything got out of hand, but it did. The sad part is my ex-husband had no idea. He was clueless about what was happening. He never knew how I made ends meet because everything that was in his name was always paid first. I made sure of that.
Months before we separated, I had watched the documentary Spent: Looking for Change . Y’all, that documentary changed my life. I finally felt like I wasn’t the only one who had gotten in over my head and couldn’t get out. So many of the stories resonated with me. The thing that mostly stood out was the sharers willingness to make hard sacrifices to get out of debt. Afterwards, I was inspired to change. Unfortunately, at the time that I chose to clean up my debt, my marriage was also ending. I remember finally paying off my last payday loan only to have my ex reroute his direct deposit to another account. This caused our joint, and my only, account to be overdrawn. All of the automatic payments that came out on the first of the month were either paid through overdraft or returned. I was hundreds in the whole. The only way I knew to get out was to either write more checks (payday loans), try to get a long-term loan, ask him for money (which was what he wanted) or let it ride. I decided to let it ride until the electricity was cut off. Sigh. I’m not going to retell everything that happened during the following months because I don’t want to relive it. Just know that that particular year was one of my hardest – from driving a car that was on its last leg to foreclosure, but I made it through!
Now, here I am seven years after the separation (now divorce), making far less money, in a fairly new house and car (no car note), barely any credit card debt, money in my bank account and savings, bills paid and my credit score increasing. Yesterday, I went to start my car and the battery was dead. Now I’m really in tears. You don’t know how good it felt to be able to purchase a battery without worrying about where the money would come from or what sacrifices I would have to make just to purchase it.
Y’all, I have come a long way to get where I am today. It was not easy. Believe me, the struggle was real. I’m so grateful I stuck with God and allowed Him to lead. For real! It was because of Him that I made it. One day I’ll share my entire story. Believe me, it was all God. Yep.. I’m crying. It was ALL God!
As always, thank you for reading. Wishing you an absolutely wonderful day.
Found this quote in a journal entry. Not sure of the context but it must have stood out for me to write it down.
Suddenly is an accumulation of events that happened while you were waiting.
Pastor Joel Osteen
Over the past week or so, I have found lists of goals in random places – journal entries, saved notes, and scribbled on pieces of paper. Every time I find one, I am always amazed at how many goals I have actually achieved without ever revisiting the lists. Honestly, I am not sure how things happen without me actively pursuing them, but somehow they do. Which leads me back to Pastor Osteen’s quote. Suddenly really isn’t something that happens randomly, but an accumulation of events that were set in motion once written down.
Yesterday, I found another list and added updates. Then I made a new list. Can’t wait to revisit it in the future!
Y’all, I hope this all made sense. I really need to stop writing so early in the morning. Especially when I am half asleep. Ugh! I’m on day 137 of continuous blogging and it is also Wednesday, so I had to write. (Smile)
Good Morning! It’s September 22, 2019. No social media find today, only my thoughts. This weathered, folded note is a journal entry I wrote on September 22, 2014. I call it my “purse note.” I have kept this one, and a few others that I’ve added over time, in my purse for years. I actually read them quite often to make sure I’m on track, especially when I become discouraged.
This morning I just want to say, don’t give up. Don’t settle. No matter how things look, hold on. Because, what’s for you, is already yours. Remember that God’s blessings are better than life! I love y’all.🙏🏽♥️
Honestly, I have not read my notes in a while. Started with one note that I was supposed to read daily. Now I have several ranging from 2014 – 2021. They keep me motivated and encouraged. They remind me that no matter how things appear, I am still on track.
The other day, while reading journal entries from the late 90s, I came across a list of goals I had forgotten I had written. After reading them, I was surprised to see that my goals really haven’t changed much. What I desired to achieve then, I still desire to achieve today. Overall, nothing has changed.
So here is what’s in the photo – a copy of my first “purse note” from September 22, 2014 and my goals from March 30, 1997 (both unedited).
Goals. Dreams. Motivation.
Well, as you can see, I keep and document just about everything. From personal stories to current events, I have them documented somewhere in my journals. Whenever I come across an entry where I have documented major events from someone’s life – births, marriages, etc. – I screenshot the passage and send it to them. They seem to love it.
I love my life.
Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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