Today, I am beginning a little late. Decided everything else could wait. I needed to spend some quality time with God. Do not get me wrong, I talk to God all day long; however, while I’m talking, I’m also doing a million other things. So if my focus is not solely on God can I truly say I’m spending time with Him? Hmm…
Well, I began today a bit differently. In stead of me doing a lot of talking– asking a thousand questions and trying to figure things out– I sat still and listened. If you did not know, so many answers can be found while sitting still and giving God your undivided attention. You should try it!
So, yes.. today, I sat still, listened and found my answers. I hear You, God. Smiling
It’s 3:45 AM and I have been awake for over an hour now. Can’t sleep. I seem to have so much on my mind. If you have read my last few blogs, you know I’m going through some kind of transition. Every time I think I have it figured out, or a name for it, things change and I find myself back at square one trying to figure out what’s happening to me.
Am I lonely? Been house sitting for my sister for over a month and a half now with very little physical human contact. Pepé, her dog, provides some company, and as much as she’s grown on me, she’s still not human.
The next question I’ve asked myself is, am I depressed? I know depression comes in many forms. Perhaps I’m experiencing depression and not know it.
Am I bored? Now that one is difficult to answer. I have plenty that’s keeping me busy, but is it fulfilling? And at this moment the answer is, NO!
Before I began writing, I was searching for receptionist jobs. I have never been a receptionist before, but I do have experience with customer service. I mean, that’s what I have been doing almost my entire adulthood, serving others. I’m thinking being a receptionist, even part-time, will fill the need for physical human connectivity. Plus, it’s something totally different from anything I’m currently working on. I need variety in my life.
I can also volunteer, which I plan to do more of when I get back home. Volunteering will give me a chance to interact with more people without a certain time commitment.
As you can see, I have a lot on my mind. How do people make it without physical human contact? I kind of feel like I felt those first few months after the COVID-19 lockdown except my children were home with me then. This time I’m all alone. Am I becoming a recluse?
Perhaps I’m just homesick.
I’m going to go ahead and end here. I’m finally sleepy. I would attempt to review and revise but it probably won’t do any good. Too tired. I just needed to talk. Thanks for reading/listening. Enjoy your day.
Seems as if the atmosphere is shifting and it’s shifting at an extremely fast pace. Maybe it’s only in my world. I do have a lot going on. Well, what seems like a lot at the moment. Most of it is related to transition. I’m transitioning from a full-time caregiver/parent to as needed. At the moment, I’m not really sure how to cope with this awkwardness. Of course I have plenty of things to work on and keep me busy, but socially there’s a void. There’s a void that I’m not exactly sure how to fill. It doesn’t make it any better that I no longer have coworkers or work in a public space. I’m a very social person but even being on social media is different. The connections don’t provide the same feelings as in person connections. They don’t fill the void.
Y’all, I’m just thinking as I write. I know in an hour or two I’ll feel differently. However, at this very moment, I feel alone. Crazy part is, I don’t want to text, call or video chat, I need physical, human interaction. I need to feel their energy (positive only). I’m tired of going to the store just to see and interact with people. Yes, I strike up conversations with random people. I know that I can always volunteer, but I want to be around people who don’t need me. I want to be around people who want to socialize. Even if we’re only watching a movie or in the same space. Guess I need to be more careful about what I put out into the universe because the last place I want to end up in is jail. Lol. I kinda scared myself with that last statement– watching movies or just in the same space with people. Whew! You never know how the universe will answer.Gotta be more careful. Anyhoo.. I really have to figure this one out.
Well, that’s as much as I feel like writing. Thank you so much for reading. Enjoy your day!
Two days before my 49th birthday! YAY!! This week, I decided not to post any pictures. Been focusing on other things, so I haven’t been very photogenic. But, I guess I could have used one of my favorite filters. (Laughing)
Anyhoo.. I didn’t intend to write about taking pictures or my birthday. I wanted to discuss “The Process.” During my morning scroll through my Facebook memories, I came across one of the first quotes I shared, “Focus on the PROMISE, not the PROCESS.” This got me to thinking about the last year. What’s had my focus, the promise or the process? Hmmm…
Honestly, I believe it’s pretty even. At different times, I have given one more attention than the other. Which, thinking back, was necessary. I believe when I originally wrote the quote– because I wrote it as a reminder to myself– I had become frustrated with trying to get my business up and running.
Side note: The downside of spontaneously resigning was trying to figure out my next move. Even though I already had a consulting business, it was for small contracts only. Something I could do on the side. My business was never set up to be my sole source of income.
So, at the time that I wrote the quote, I was feeling lost and discouraged. That’s when I had to encourage myself to focus on the promise and not the process. Had I focused on the process, I don’t believe I would have made it this far without returning to the corporate world.
Today, I’m not where I want to be with my business; however, I’m getting there. Over the past year, I have spent unnecessary money and time following rabbit holes trying to find my niche. If you have been reading my blogs for a while, then you have been on this journey with me. Y’all know I love EVERYTHING!! Yeah.. I’m pretty transparent about that. Y’all know I be all over the place so thanks for riding with me. (Laughing) Listen, life would be so boring if I just stuck with a plan.
Anyway, I promise you this ride is going somewhere. However, now instead of going 100 miles/hour, I’ve slowed it down to a steady 30 miles/hour. Also, I have cut back on the detours and side adventures. Just because that outlet mall has a few different stores doesn’t mean I have to go exploring. (Smile)
I know some of you may be wondering why I didn’t seek professional assistance from a business consultant. Well, I did. Several. The problem was, I had no idea of where I wanted to take my business. I was all over the place. At one point I didn’t even want to do anything nutrition related and it’s my profession. Honestly, I truly feel bad for wasting their time. They really tried to help. What I did gain was insight on how to narrow down my focus to providing a few services rather than trying to save the world.
Okay, back to the process. At this moment, I’m very much focused on the process. The promise is just too big to think about at this time. However, whenever I find myself becoming discouraged again, I’ll switch my focus. I now realize there has to be a balance between the two.
As always, thanks for reading and riding along. Y’all enjoy your day!
It’s Shaun’s World 
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