Tag: hope

Life

Confidence: Where Did You Go?

Shaun Bradford

Had to stop what I was doing to write this blog. For a few years now, there has been an underlying issue that I have refused to fully address. Whenever it rears its ugly head, I try my best to distance myself from it. The issue – my lack of confidence.

I believe I somewhat addressed this issue when I wrote about an incident that happened in 2017 or 2018 when blew a presentation. I just could not seem to bounce back. Today, I am still dealing with the aftermath of what happened that day. Last year when I co-authored a book, I felt like my confidence had returned. But it really hadn’t. To this day, I still find myself second and triple guessing things as simple as tweets, posts and blogs before, or if, I post them.

This morning, while reviewing a recording of a presentation I gave, I saw it. I saw my lack of confidence! It wasn’t that I was not prepared for the presentation. I had rehearsed it so many times. I knew the material. However, when it came time for delivery, I failed. I am not even sure why I was so nervous. I looked like an amateur. What happened? What happened to my confidence?

I keep saying it was that one failed presentation that caused it, but to be honest, it is an accumulation of things that have happened over the years. For one, going back to college later in life. I rarely felt out of place when I was getting my associates degree. But once I transferred to the college/university world, things changed. As much as I tried to fit in, I never felt like I belonged. The students were younger, more vibrant, and smarter! Honestly, I felt like I had no chance of competing with them. I remember having so much confidence when I graduated from high school. I guess over time that confidence dwindled. Remaining in academia and working with research after graduation did not make things any better. I went from being surrounded by elite undergraduate students to sitting at tables with professors using their “scholarly” voices. I do not blame them one bit for my discomfort. Many never knew how I felt internally. Those who did, intentionally made me feel welcomed. For that, I will forever be grateful.

Back to the downward spiral of my confidence. Social media! Social media really made me feel inadequate. So many opinions. Early on I found myself trying to carefully craft my words before posting. You know, I didn’t want to sound illiterate. And don’t let me get started on grammatical errors. I would literally have anxiety attacks whenever I made mistakes. It was too much! Sometimes it’s still too much.

So, how will I get my confidence back?

Give myself the grace that I give others to be human. I know that God has placed me where I am, and where I have been, for a specific purpose. I can see how my lack of confidence has been a hindrance. So, now that I know what makes me feel inadequate, I have to be intentional about being confident. I have too much to achieve!

As always, thanks for reading! I am going to publish this as written. I cannot continue to allow my imperfections to control me.

Enjoy your weekend!

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

Since Monday, I have been debating on whether or not to write about the late, and most definitely great, General Colin Powell.

Monday morning I woke up feeling wonderful! Had posted my quote for the day – CHANGE begins with me. Then I saw the news – “Colin Powell has died . . .” Y’all, I was not prepared for that news. I know.. death is always unpredictable. I just wish I’d had time to gather and control my emotions before I saw the news. You see, I was already preparing for the 2nd anniversary of my brother’s death, which was yesterday. I knew whose comments and posts to avoid on social media. I had already psyched myself up to be as upbeat as possible this week. Then, I saw the headlines. I couldn’t stop crying. Honestly, I felt like I had lost a very close loved one. The hurt was deep.

So, why such strong feelings?

Well, there are people I admire and then there are those I ADMIRE. He was one of the ones I ADMIRED. He was someone I truly wanted to meet. When Kofi Annan (late Secretary General of the United Nations) died, I had the same reaction. Y’all, I just knew I my heart that I would meet him. The only person I got to meet, who I really admired, was Chef Leah Chase. I was also sadden by her passing, but found comfort in knowing that I got to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I got to tell her how much I admired her. I also walked away with words of inspiration. That’s something I will always cherish. Sadly, I will never have that opportunity with Kofi Annan or Colin Powell.

Today, there are only a few on my list of people to meet. Honestly, I would be devastated if one of them passed without me at least shaking their hand or letting them know how they have inspired me. I really have to stop putting things off thinking that there will always be other opportunities. The reality is life is short and seems be be getting shorter. Whenever the opportunity knocks, I need to go for it!

In honor of General Colin Powell I’ll leave you with this, his 13 rules of leadership (Colin Powell’s 13 rules for how to lead by Share America):

1. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.

2. Get mad, then get over it.

3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.

4. It can be done!.

5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it.

6. Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.

7. You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.

8. Check small things.

9. Share credit.

10. Remain calm. Be kind.

11. Have a vision. Be demanding.

12. Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.

13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

Rest in Power, General Colin Powell
It was an honor to have served under your leadership and command. You will be missed.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Happy Sunday! Wishing all of you a fabulous day. Today I am carrying over yesterday’s suggestion to take things easy. For some reason, I found myself really tense yesterday. I could feel it in my back and neck. My daughter suggested that I get a massage but I declined. Woke up this morning feeling better but still tense. I know what happened. I allowed the mental stress of last week to build up. For months I managed to avoid being super stressed. Then last week it happened. Looking back I can see what happened. Making a mental note not to allow it to happen again. I cannot afford to go backwards. I must continue moving forward.

On a more positive note! Yesterday, I attended the first day of our national dietetics conference. Honestly, I had no intentions of attending the virtual conference. Virtual experiences just are not the same as in person experiences. Well, at the last minute I decided to attend and I am glad I did. During yesterday’s session, I had the opportunity to chat and tweet with other registered dietitians. Of course it was not the same as interacting with them in person, but it made me feel somewhat normal again. I’m attending more sessions today and tomorrow. Hopefully this is the last year we meet virtually. I need human contact. Smile

You know what, I can already feel the tension easing. This week is going to be a stress-free week because I am going to intentionally make sure it is.

As always, thanks for reading. Please enjoy your week!

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

This morning I woke up with Whitney Houston’s I Didn’t Know My Own Strength playing over and over in my head. Truthfully, how I have made it thus far is a blur. As I look back over my adulthood, I’m amazed at how many challenges I encountered and actually overcame. Some, I thought I would never make it through. Yet I’m here. I made it!

Transparent Moment –

Last night I received a credit alert informing me that my credit score had increased in double digits. In tears as I write. Allow me to share why this is so significant. Here’s my story.

When I was 23 years old, I filed for bankruptcy. At the time, I was a single mom with a debt I believed I could not repay. My daughter was almost two years old and daycare was eating up most of my paycheck – especially when I worked 12 hour shifts on nights and weekends. Therefore, I relied on credit cards to purchase food and necessities and pay bills.

The other day I was looking through old photos and came across pictures of my first apartment. I had moved from a small, fully furnished trailer/mobile home to this huge empty apartment, and the only living room furniture I could afford was two black bean bag chairs and a small stool, which held my lamp. I remember sleeping in my daughter’s toddler bed (I’m short- smile) until I could get a bed of my own. Which, of course, was purchased on credit. Needless to say, by the time my daughter was two, I was drowning in debt. I knew I had to find a way out and I believed bankruptcy was the solution. Some of you may ask why I did not ask for help since I was in the military. Well, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I was constantly being praised for being a young, single mom with my life “together,” so it was hard asking for help. Talk about the stress of trying to be perfect, all while falling apart inside. It was too much!

Just like the day I decided to join the Air Force, deciding to file for bankruptcy was a spontaneous move. I did not have a plan in place nor a lawyer in mind. One day I just woke up and decided to search the yellow pages of the phone book for a bankruptcy lawyer. Listen, one thing about me, when I’m fed up with my circumstances, I will find a way out. Sometimes I do not make the best decisions but I get out. After finding a lawyer who seemed kind on paper (and he was very kind), I scheduled a meeting. Two months and $850 later, the majority of my debt was gone. I still had my car and furniture notes, but I could breathe again. It wasn’t until years later that I actually looked at the amount of debt charged off – $6500. Only $6500 worth of debt. I cannot believe such a small amount of debt caused so much anguish.

Fast forward to about eight years ago. For the second time in my life, I was drowning in debt, but this time I was married and making more money than I ever had. Two incomes and I was living off of payday loans – five payday loans to be exact – three local and two online, plus credit card debt. Yep.. that’s how I was living. I was a mess! I have never been into material things (clothes, shoes, bags, cars, etc.), but I loved to travel and I loved food (and still love both – smile). Honestly, I’m not sure when everything got out of hand, but it did. The sad part is my ex-husband had no idea. He was clueless about what was happening. He never knew how I made ends meet because everything that was in his name was always paid first. I made sure of that.

Months before we separated, I had watched the documentary Spent: Looking for Change . Y’all, that documentary changed my life. I finally felt like I wasn’t the only one who had gotten in over my head and couldn’t get out. So many of the stories resonated with me. The thing that mostly stood out was the sharers willingness to make hard sacrifices to get out of debt. Afterwards, I was inspired to change. Unfortunately, at the time that I chose to clean up my debt, my marriage was also ending. I remember finally paying off my last payday loan only to have my ex reroute his direct deposit to another account. This caused our joint, and my only, account to be overdrawn. All of the automatic payments that came out on the first of the month were either paid through overdraft or returned. I was hundreds in the whole. The only way I knew to get out was to either write more checks (payday loans), try to get a long-term loan, ask him for money (which was what he wanted) or let it ride. I decided to let it ride until the electricity was cut off. Sigh. I’m not going to retell everything that happened during the following months because I don’t want to relive it. Just know that that particular year was one of my hardest – from driving a car that was on its last leg to foreclosure, but I made it through!

Now, here I am seven years after the separation (now divorce), making far less money, in a fairly new house and car (no car note), barely any credit card debt, money in my bank account and savings, bills paid and my credit score increasing. Yesterday, I went to start my car and the battery was dead. Now I’m really in tears. You don’t know how good it felt to be able to purchase a battery without worrying about where the money would come from or what sacrifices I would have to make just to purchase it.

Y’all, I have come a long way to get where I am today. It was not easy. Believe me, the struggle was real. I’m so grateful I stuck with God and allowed Him to lead. For real! It was because of Him that I made it. One day I’ll share my entire story. Believe me, it was all God. Yep.. I’m crying. It was ALL God!

As always, thank you for reading. Wishing you an absolutely wonderful day.

Be Blessed

Shaun