Life happens, right? And some things are just completely beyond our control. I would say this past week has taught me the meaning of, “Just go with the flow.” However, it’s one lesson I’ve been learning over the past year and a half.
Last night I finally stop resisting it, even the slightest bit. Last night I changed my prayer from, “Lord, I’m tired. Please help me make it.” to “Lord, I know you will not put more on me than I can bear. Please help me handle things from a place of peace.”
Today, I’m going with the flow from a place of peace. Projects that need to get done will be done when I get to them. Deadlines will have to be pushed back, and I’m okay with that. I know that where I am at this moment is where I need to be. God’s got me. Everything will always work out according to God’s plan, which will always be in my favor. ♥️
This morning, I can say that I’m feeling much better physically than I was yesterday. However, mentally and emotionally, I’m about the same. So, here’s some of what’s going on.
Early yesterday morning, my mom was taken to the ER for being unresponsive. My brother, who lives with her, couldn’t wake her up or feel a pulse. Long story short- She’s now in ICU.
She’s still with us but remains unresponsive. She’s also on a ventilator and sedated. Everyone on her medical team keeps stressing that she’s, “very, very sick.” “Your mother is very, very sick.” Of course they told us what was wrong; however, it’s the way they’re all stressing the severity of what’s happening is what has made this ER visit and ICU stay different from the others.
For those who don’t know, my mom has paraplegia. She hasn’t been able to feel anything from her waist down since 1998. Well, over the years, she’s developed many more complications, and these last four years (2018 – now) have been the worse. She has had so many ER visits and hospital stays since then. Fortunately, things calmed down a bit during the height of the COVID pandemic. She did become very ill a few times but the doctors treated her at home.
Now, here we are. Unlike times before when I only contacted immediate family, or a few of her siblings, this time I have contacted her friends and extended family. As I said before, this time feels different.
My prayers have been whatever’s in God’s will, let it be; and let us, her children, be prepared to handle whatever comes – good or bad. Even though my mom is paralyzed, she’s always been independent and strong willed. So some of the decisions we may have to make are going to be very difficult.
At this moment I’m just praying she’s at peace and not in any pain. One of her biggest fears is being in a predicament like this and not being able to tell anyone she’s in pain or uncomfortable. So I’m praying that she’s completely comfortable. Also, praying that we get to see her smile and hear her laugh again, soon.
We love you, Momma.🙏🏽♥️
Please keep our mom and family in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.
Y’all, I’m sitting here in awe because I didn’t have to think of something to write about this morning. You want to know why? Because it was already written (well, partially written) three years ago– August 24, 2019. I just love my Facebook memories and journal entries.
Journal Entry– August 24, 2019
“Trust and loyalty are my two greatest fears. Yes, fears. If I trust you, will you hurt me? If I’m loyal to you, will you leave me? Right now I’m learning to trust. Trust isn’t something I’ve ever given to someone easily. It’s sad to say but there are only a few people I completely trust. Really only two, my two [kids]. I know they have my back.”
Now, that was the first part of my entry. Today, I can happily say that trust and loyalty don’t bother me as much as they used to. I believe it was this exact year when I realized trust should be given a chance to be earned (believe me, I wasn’t handing out trust passes) and loyalty didn’t have to be reciprocated. Before then, I didn’t really give many the opportunity to earn trust. Had been hurt too many times before. Same with loyalty. I had been hurt and disappointed too many times. Life
Well, this next part I was kind of hesitant to share because it seemed a bit too personal. However, I decided to share it anyway because it is part of the story, my story. So here it goes. One of my transparent moments. I’ll let you know if my thoughts have changed any, afterwards.
“Will I trust my mate completely? I’m praying that I will and he does the same with me. Complete trust. Complete loyalty. Meaning NEVER talking about the other in ways that degrades the other, or causes someone to look at them unfavorably.”
Hmmm…
“Complete trust.” “Complete loyalty.” Are those even possible?
Ironically, I’ve been thinking about the two (trust and loyalty) a lot lately. I told y’all a few blogs ago that my life follows a pattern– same month, different year, same thoughts.How weird is that? Anyway, a few days ago, I actually had a conversation with God about the two. Then, not even a day later, I had a conversation with someone else about the same exact things- trust and loyalty. As I mentioned earlier (in my journal entry), the lack of trust and loyalty were my two greatest fears.
This time when I asked God the same question I asked three years ago– will I be able to trust my mate completely?– here’s what He had to say. Yes, He talked and I listened. (Smile) He said that He would never entrust me to anyone I could not trust or who wasn’t loyal.He explained that I’m wise enough to know the difference between intentional and unintentional harm, and that I would have to use this wisdom as a guide when assessing true loyalty and trust. People are not perfect, they’re human. They will make mistakes. Also, He assured me that He would never send me someone I cannot fully trust or who wasn’t loyal. It would be beneath Him to do so. Y’all, that last part!!Whew! Listen, God ONLY sends THE BEST! You already know His answer made me smile.
Trust and loyalty.
Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday and fabulous rest of the week.
When we were younger, we believed we had all the time in the world to do those little things we knew were significant but found insignificant at the moment. Things like living healthier and cultivating meaningful relationships. They were always at the back of our minds, or on our to-do lists, but somehow they never quite became a priority.
Unfortunately, we cannot turn back the hands of time. Those health issues that could have been prevented are now being managed. Relationships that could have worked, or been better, are either long gone or beyond repair. Sadly, time didn’t wait until we were ready. However, the good news is we are still here and have the opportunity to make wiser choices.
Listen, time isn’t stopping nor is it slowing down. So if there is something or someone you value, make it or them a priority. It’s so important that we take advantage of the time we already have, not the time we believe you have. Be sure to make every moment count.♥️ ~ Shaun
This is my first animated drawing! Y’all, I’m creating and it feels absolutely amazing! Can’t wait to see where this adventure takes me.☺️
It’s Shaun’s World 
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