My life. My world. Love, hope, peace, joy & happiness.
Stand firm on God’s promises. No matter what, don’t waver. If He said it, it will be. It may not look like what you have imagined. Truthfully, it will be greater than you have ever dreamed. Prepare for beyond what you see. It’s coming! ~ Shaun
In a few months I’ll be 49. Y’all, so much has happened during this decade. I lost myself, found myself, then discovered what I thought I wanted for decades wasn’t really what I wanted. Yeah.. I’ll be 49 this year and I’m starting over – new dreams, new goals, new relationships. ~ Shaun
Today I would like to share some of my thoughts and feelings about where I’m at in this stage of life. Basically, I just need to write.
This morning I came across another Facebook memory I shared two years ago. Here’s the quote:
Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.
Author Unknown
Back then I was like, “Yeah! I’m not waiting for nothing or no one. I’m living my best life now!” Fast forward to today, this quote has me feeling some kind of way. Let me explain.
Transparent moment:
For a while now.. I guess you can say for months now.. I’ve been second and triple guessing my feelings. Even after a few sessions of therapy, my therapist says I’m fine. So why don’t I feel fine?
Here’s what I’m feeling or have been feeling, and as strange as it may sound it kind of frightens me – calm, peaceful, relaxed, happy, and loved. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of and it frightens me. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Like why does it frighten me so?
Okay.. back to the quote. When I shared it two years ago, I remember feeling like I really needed to enjoy the space I was in, needed to be more present. I remember constantly waiting for things to happen or trying to make things happen. I spent so much time doing both that I was only living my life in spurts and was always anxious. Now here I am two years later, very present and living in the moment, living the dream.
So why am I so perplexed about where I am in life?
Well, since I was a teenager I have always said, and lived by this – “After I turn 50, I’m going to live my dream.” You see, the first 50 years were supposed to be my test and trial period. My period to make mistakes as well as make the amount of money needed to support and sustain my lifestyle for the next 50 years. And the next 50 were to be spent doing what I actually loved, which kind resembles what I’m doing now but without the millions of dollars I imagined. Yep.. I’ve had it all planned out for decades. Yeah.. planned. I have to laugh because according to my plan and timeline, I’m supposed to be working my butt off trying to figure out how I’m going to live and sustain my dream and I’m here living nonchalantly like 50 isn’t fast approaching. Guess you could say I’m still in the test and trial period so why am I worried. Well, I’ll be 49 this year and time is running out!
Side Note – As I was writing, God reminded me of what I asked for. Last March, as I was sitting at my desk working my butt off, I looked out the window and saw this bird singing. At that moment, I told God I wanted to live as free as a bird, and as clear as day He told me I could. Three weeks later I resigned from my job. Ever since I’ve been living this carefree, basically, euphoric life. He gave me exactly what I asked for but for some reason I keep trying to find fault in it. Maybe, I don’t have to work my butt off trying to figure out how I’m going to support my dream. Maybe all I need to do is leave it in God’s hands while enjoy life.
Note – After I write this blog, I’m going to leave this matter alone because I get the feeling that I’m disrespecting God’s gift every time I bring this up.
Y’all, I’m feeling much better now that I got that all out. Life is really good. Just had another “Aha!” moment. Have I been subconsciously searching for ways to self-sabotage my dream? Would I do that to myself? Hmm.. Something to really think about.
Anyhoo.. thanks for reading and following my random thoughts. Sometimes I just need to get it all out into the universe. I’m so grateful for this space. God is so amazing!
Wishing you an amazing week!
Shaun
Well.. technically this morning – 12:00 AM EST.
My daughter released her debut single, Tell Me!! Y’all, I am beyond proud and sooo excited of her! I saw the work she put into making it. For those who know her know she is a very private person and hates the limelight, BUT she also loves to sing and perform. Conflicting, right? I believe this single is the icing on the cake of years of dreams. It’s one thing to dream and another to follow through. She did it!!
JustOneKi
https://linktr.ee/JustOneKi
Had a crazy dream that I was pregnant. Yes… pregnant!! I had gone to the doctor for something and left with news that I was about to be a mom. I was like, “You got to be lying! I can’t even have babies.” The first and only person I told was my daughter. She kept asking if I knew how far along I was and I didn’t know. I had no clue I was pregnant. The next thing she asked was about the identity of the father. Umm… I didn’t know that either. In the dream, I went from a couple of weeks pregnant to 8 or 9 months before the dad’s identity was revealed. Talk about weird!
What is even weirder is I just read a journal entry from November 25, 2018 where I also had a dream about a baby. In that dream I had had the baby in June, dropped it off at the babysitter’s, and never picked it up. Talk about CRAZY!! Who does that?! I wrote how once I realized I left the baby, which was months later, I was too embarrassed to ask for the address. Y’all, I had forgotten the babysitter’s address!! I wrote that I told my son about my dream and he encouraged me to search online for the interpretation. I’m not sure if I ever did. However, I ended the entry with, “Maybe the baby was part of me. I lost myself and maybe I need to find her again.”
Looking back, I believe that interpretation was pretty accurate. I was losing myself again and I was too embarrassed to let anyone know. As for this recent dream, I’m not sure how to interpret it. I know that I cannot get pregnant so the pregnancy must symbolize something. I guess if I think about it long enough, I’ll find the answer.
As always, I appreciate you reading my random ramblings. Smile. Please enjoy the rest of your week!
Shaun
Facebook memory: September 22, 2019
Good Morning! It’s September 22, 2019. No social media find today, only my thoughts. This weathered, folded note is a journal entry I wrote on September 22, 2014. I call it my “purse note.” I have kept this one, and a few others that I’ve added over time, in my purse for years. I actually read them quite often to make sure I’m on track, especially when I become discouraged.
This morning I just want to say, don’t give up. Don’t settle. No matter how things look, hold on. Because, what’s for you, is already yours. Remember that God’s blessings are better than life! I love y’all.🙏🏽♥️
Honestly, I have not read my notes in a while. Started with one note that I was supposed to read daily. Now I have several ranging from 2014 – 2021. They keep me motivated and encouraged. They remind me that no matter how things appear, I am still on track.
The other day, while reading journal entries from the late 90s, I came across a list of goals I had forgotten I had written. After reading them, I was surprised to see that my goals really haven’t changed much. What I desired to achieve then, I still desire to achieve today. Overall, nothing has changed.
So here is what’s in the photo – a copy of my first “purse note” from September 22, 2014 and my goals from March 30, 1997 (both unedited).
Well, as you can see, I keep and document just about everything. From personal stories to current events, I have them documented somewhere in my journals. Whenever I come across an entry where I have documented major events from someone’s life – births, marriages, etc. – I screenshot the passage and send it to them. They seem to love it.
I love my life.
Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday.
Shaun
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