Tag: self love

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The Root Cause

Shaun Bradford

Watching the sun rise as I watch For Colored Girls. Y’all, I have not watched this movie in ages. I am so glad I chose to watch it today. Been dealing with a few things and this movie is just what I needed. I keep telling y’all, God is so good. He delivers exactly what we need when we need it.

This movie reminded me that many or our hurts and insecurities are so deeply rooted; and unfortunately, many of us have allowed them to control our lives. It is evident by the way we carry ourselves, the way we interact with others, and our lack of self-love. We may be able to fool others, but we cannot fool ourselves. Y’all, we know we have issues.

Honestly, we will never heal if we do not address the root cause of our problems. Yeah.. we have to start with the root. What happened? What hurt us? Who hurt us? When? How? So many questions. Questions that need to be asked. Questions we have the answer to but are afraid to address. Mostly because the truth hurts. Yet, if we do not address them, we will never heal.

For me, this is going to be a long weekend. I have decided to use this time to reflect and heal.

Note: I am choosing to go down this path on my own. I need to. However, you do not have to. I recommend consulting a professional, licensed therapist. I have used their services before. Y’all, therapy works!

Shaun

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Breathe

Shaun Bradford

This new normal seems to be wearing on me. It is becoming harder and harder to stay focused. I am so tired of online meetings and conference calls. They seem to disrupt my days. I always have to regroup afterwards. My To-Do lists have been replaced by completing tedious work logs, which have added another level of stress to my life. I seem to spend most of my time thinking about how I can show that I am being productive than actually being productive. Ugh! Talk about stressful! All I want to do is, do my job. I want to work without the added pressure.

Then there is the lack of face-to-face interaction with others. I am a people person. I live for saying “Good Morning” as I pass others on the way to my office. It brightens my day. I miss my morning trips to Starbucks and Einstein Bagels. Again, because I get to interact with people. Y’all, I miss having real conversations with colleagues and students. Yes, I am having a difficult time. And I realize others are too. I just wish I could adjust, already!

Anyway, yesterday I had to take a step away from everything and remind myself to breathe. I had to remind myself that after the work day was over, it was OVER. No thoughts about what I had not completed. I had to let it go. After shutting everything down, I gave my 16 year old, who I feel like I have been neglecting, my undivided attention.

I remembered that this is also a new normal for him. He has been out of school for two months. He also misses his friends and teachers. This new normal has to be just as difficult for him. Last night he told me school ended last Friday. How did I not know this? I do not remember receiving an email or text from his school. I wanted to cry. This new normal is anything but normal.

Going forward, I am going to be a little more lenient with myself. I am going to focus on what matters most, my sanity and my children. Life is too short to continue focusing on stressors. So, whenever I become frustrated, I must first remember that I matter; I am loved; and God has me in His hands. Then I can focus on others and work, too.

Breathe.

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May 2019 vs May 2020: Finally Living

Shaun Bradford

Been reading past blogs this morning. As with journal entries, I like to know where I was a year ago. You know, to see if I am on the right path; if I am doing what I said I would do. Below is the link to my blog from May 20, 2019. Little did I know that I was 11 days from my ex-husband finally signing our divorce papers. On that day, I had decided that with or without his signature, I was going to live.

This May, despite COVID-19, I am in a better place – mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. Honestly, during this time last year, I was beginning to feel hopeless. It had been over 4 years since my ex and I had separated, and over a year and a half since the divorce papers were drawn and served. I had not heard from my attorney in weeks. Y’all, I was in a bad place. But on May 20, 2019, something changed. As I said, that was when I decided to live.

Listen, when you give everything to God, miracles happen. Forever grateful.

It’s Time For A Change

Shaun