Grateful for the connections I’ve made over my lifetime. Some connections have been brief, while others have been lifelong. The older I become, the more I cherish these connections and the time I get to spend with everyone.
Today, the world lost a wonderful man. He was a father, grandfather, brother, uncle, husband and friend. He was loud, opinionated, always cracking jokes and loved by so many. He will be missed. RIP Daddy E.
Today is also my sister’s 48th birthday. Wish I could be with her.
Yes, y’all. Life and time passes by so fast. Cherish the time you have with others, especially the ones you consider dear.
UPDATE #2: My mom is AWAKE and talking!!! God is soooo good!!! Thank y’all so much for the prayers.♥️
UPDATE: I spoke with my Mom’s ICU nurse a little while ago. She said that my mom actually responded to a few commands this morning. She also held her eyes open for a while. This is all great news!🙏🏽
The past several days have been overwhelming. However, the good news is, my mom is still with us.
As for me, I can’t even begin to describe where I’m at emotionally. Sometimes it feels as if I’m experiencing multiple emotions all at once– frustration, sadness, confusion, and loneliness, then throw in a bit of optimism. Ugh!
Y’all, I’m exhausted but can’t seem to rest. Haven’t had much of an appetite; however, I’m eating because I know I’m supposed to. Basically, I have been forcing myself to eat, drink and sleep. Every time I feel like I have a handle on things, something else pops up.
Yesterday Momma opened her eyes for a brief moment while my sister and I were in the room. Y’all, it felt like a miracle had happened. We were so happy. That was during the first ICU visitation. During each visitation that followed, we expected her to do the same or more but nothing happened. She barely even moved. One of my sisters said we should only speak positively. That negative conversations will only make things worse. She doesn’t want to hear anything other than Momma is going to pull through. Guess what?! This is really difficult to do when you’re the person who has to make the final decisions in case she doesn’t pull through. And that person is me.
Yes, it hurts. It’s painful. It makes me want to scream. ButI’m here. I’m making it. I’m going with the flow. God’s got me. Life…
Y’all, I’m sitting here in awe because I didn’t have to think of something to write about this morning. You want to know why? Because it was already written (well, partially written) three years ago– August 24, 2019. I just love my Facebook memories and journal entries.
Journal Entry– August 24, 2019
“Trust and loyalty are my two greatest fears. Yes, fears. If I trust you, will you hurt me? If I’m loyal to you, will you leave me? Right now I’m learning to trust. Trust isn’t something I’ve ever given to someone easily. It’s sad to say but there are only a few people I completely trust. Really only two, my two [kids]. I know they have my back.”
Now, that was the first part of my entry. Today, I can happily say that trust and loyalty don’t bother me as much as they used to. I believe it was this exact year when I realized trust should be given a chance to be earned (believe me, I wasn’t handing out trust passes) and loyalty didn’t have to be reciprocated. Before then, I didn’t really give many the opportunity to earn trust. Had been hurt too many times before. Same with loyalty. I had been hurt and disappointed too many times. Life
Well, this next part I was kind of hesitant to share because it seemed a bit too personal. However, I decided to share it anyway because it is part of the story, my story. So here it goes. One of my transparent moments. I’ll let you know if my thoughts have changed any, afterwards.
“Will I trust my mate completely? I’m praying that I will and he does the same with me. Complete trust. Complete loyalty. Meaning NEVER talking about the other in ways that degrades the other, or causes someone to look at them unfavorably.”
Hmmm…
“Complete trust.” “Complete loyalty.” Are those even possible?
Ironically, I’ve been thinking about the two (trust and loyalty) a lot lately. I told y’all a few blogs ago that my life follows a pattern– same month, different year, same thoughts.How weird is that? Anyway, a few days ago, I actually had a conversation with God about the two. Then, not even a day later, I had a conversation with someone else about the same exact things- trust and loyalty. As I mentioned earlier (in my journal entry), the lack of trust and loyalty were my two greatest fears.
This time when I asked God the same question I asked three years ago– will I be able to trust my mate completely?– here’s what He had to say. Yes, He talked and I listened. (Smile) He said that He would never entrust me to anyone I could not trust or who wasn’t loyal.He explained that I’m wise enough to know the difference between intentional and unintentional harm, and that I would have to use this wisdom as a guide when assessing true loyalty and trust. People are not perfect, they’re human. They will make mistakes. Also, He assured me that He would never send me someone I cannot fully trust or who wasn’t loyal. It would be beneath Him to do so. Y’all, that last part!!Whew! Listen, God ONLY sends THE BEST! You already know His answer made me smile.
Trust and loyalty.
Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday and fabulous rest of the week.
Decided to use the quote that initially accompanied the graphic. It’s a much needed reminder that I control the pen that’s writing my story.
Lately, I’ve been warring between disconnecting so that I can fully recharge or staying connected so that I won’t lose connections. There’s this fear of starting over and disappointing others that has me hesitant to disconnect, yet I know it’s necessary.
Today will be my 459th consecutive blog. Believe me, ending this streak is one of the most difficult decisions I have to make. And social media… Listen, I can’t even begin to describe how difficult it’s going to be logging off social media. Sadly, it’s become an integral part of my life. Y’all, I have upcoming events and community information to share on Mississippi Thriving. I have content to post for Nutrition with LaShaundreaB. Daily posts for Shaun’s Daily Inspiration. Morning greetings for my sistas in We Are Sistas. Sunday tweets with my e-church family during Sunday service. Shows and movies to promote. Issues to support. Y’all, there’s so much that I do– that I LOVE doing– that I’m finding it difficult to take a break from. Honestly, I feel like I’m abandoning my friends, followers and community– as if I’m abandoning my tribe.
Side Note: I believe I have blogged about this before, but until recently (like a year or so ago), I suffered from abandonment issues. I always felt like those I cared about most would abandon me. Well, it’s the same way I feel about disconnecting to recharge. Even though I know I’m not abandoning anyone, I don’t want them to feel as if I am. I know that probably sounds a bit crazy, but the fear of abandonment so real.
Well, with everything said…
Y’all, I need to press pause and take an indefinite break. I need to take a moment to fully recharge. Operating on half empty just isn’t working anymore. I know it may sound like farewell, but it’s not. I assure you that I will return.
Last week I experienced another major life shift. Unlike nine years ago, I felt the shift and didn’t panic. I felt it and actually smiled.
You see, when I turned 40, my life began to change. Actually.. it began to unravel. I can even tell you when the shift happened. It was on my 40th birthday. I was disappointed because my birthday was not what I had always imagined– wasn’t even close. I know it sounds shallow but it was a big deal, a very big deal. Honestly, I tried to convince myself that I could live with the disappointment, but I couldn’t. All I could think about was a life of being asked to be content with disappointments. This prompted me to ask myself, “Shaun, where do you see yourself in ten years?”. I also asked my ex the same. Well.. guess what?! We are both exactly where we said we saw ourselves being. Hmm… life is interesting.
I didn’t see it then, but I see it now, that was when my marriage actually ended.
So that was a major shift.
Well, last week, after returning home, I felt another shift. I thought I was returning home to the babies I had left. Yeah.. I know, they are not babies but they will always be my babies. Anyhoo.. I returned home to two young adults. Adults who had been doing their own thing while I was gone. I’m not going to lie, it took me a minute to adjust to the change, but only a minute. When I finally accepted that things had changed, I was like, “I like this.”
Listen, I’m smiling as I write because I spent the last year wondering how I would survive being an empty nester. Wondering what life would be like with only myself to care for. Well, I can happily and confidently say, I’m gonna be alright. I’m so looking forward to this next chapter.
Happy Wednesday! Today’s blog is a hodgepodge of Facebook memories I that I’ve shared on this date over the years.
Okay.. Here’s the memory dump!
“In time it’ll be revealed.”
My response to a video Bishop T.D. Jakes shared:
THIS MESSAGE RIGHT HERE!!💃🏽 I am unique. There’s no other like me. There will never be another like me. God placed me in this world to fulfill a purpose that only I can fulfill. He made me exactly who He wanted me to be. So when you see me doing me, know that it’s all a part of God’s plan. He’s shaping me and molding me to fulfill His purpose. Whew!!
“What’s for me, is for me.”
This is all I have for you today. Hopefully you were as blessed by the memories as I was. Listen, knowing that what’s meant for me will not miss me and I’m the ONLY one who can fulfill a specific purpose, makes me want to sing and dance. Y’all, I’m blessed.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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