Seems like the older I become the more death seems to bother me. I’m not saying I wasn’t bothered by it before, but it was just different. When I was younger I believed I would live forever. Now that I’m almost 50, I see things differently. I often feel like I’m in a race against time. Will I achieve my goals before death takes me away from here? I try not to think about death, but it’s hard not to. A week ago, one of my mom’s long-time friends passed. Two weeks before that, a couple my family used to attend church with, died within days of each other. Their son and I were classmates. Then, two days before Ms. Cicely Tyson passed, one of my friends texted me that her dad had just passed unexpectedly. It’s like death is lurking everywhere. Honestly, it’s becoming a little too much.

Y’all, I have so many questions that only God can answer. Am I in a race against death? Will I die before I achieve my goals? Will I live to see my dreams come to fruition? What is God’s definition of “fulfilling your purpose”? Because I believe we could possibly have two completely different definitions. Sometimes I feel like I should stop pursuing my dreams, goals, and purpose, and just settle where I am. You know, just be content with what is. I mean, it would be less stressful. Less time consuming. Less heartbreaking. Less complicated. So why do I want more? Why do I continue to live as if I have 50+ years ahead of me? Why am I still moving forward as if I can have anything imaginable? Why?


My life.



Enjoying the Ride

Since I’m awake I might as well write. December 2020 is finally here. Y’all, we made to the end of the year!

A year ago I shared the attached quote on Facebook. The last sentence says, “And even if you lose, you just can’t lose.” Hmm…

Yesterday I was in a mood. A friend and I were texting about how we remember things versus how they actually happened. I told her that my journal entries always set me straight. I recall things one way, then go back and read journal entries from that period. Almost half of the time my recollections are not quite the way I remembered. Sometimes I was hurt far worse than I remembered, or loved much harder than I remembered. After texting her a few examples of what I thought happened versus what really happened, she said, “Don’t you wish you could go back with the knowledge you have now.” Well, that one statement put me in a mood. For hours all I could think about was why didn’t I do this or that. Why did things not happen for me? Y’all, I wasted hours thinking about things that happened over the last 20+ years. Talk about crazy! Unfortunately, I fell asleep feeling a little down. However, I woke up to several encouraging messages to include this memory.

Even though I looked back and thought about how I could have done things differently, it wasn’t meant to be. What was meant to be, is. I wanted more. My vision was higher and still is. I refused to settle. So yes, I suffered heartbreaks and what seemed like failures, but my story is not over. I only have one life and I refuse to settle for less than God’s absolute best. So am I losing? Nah.. I’m winning!

God is good. Enjoying the ride!



This Death Thing Is Something Else!

Another day, another death. Saturday’s news caught me off guard. I knew it was coming but didn’t know when. Just as I arrived in town to celebrate my aunt’s 64th birthday, I received the text. My friend had passed. It’s still hard to believe she’s gone. But, this morning, as soon as I was coming to terms with her death, I received another text that one of my brother’s best friends had died.

You know, I really don’t know what’s happening with me and this death thing. I have never taken death this hard. I would cry after I heard the news then I would go on about my day. Something changed last year. Even before my brother’s death. I don’t know what happened, but it did. It all began around this same time last year. I know because I have been reading my Facebook memories. Ha! I refuse to read my journal entries. I don’t know if I really want to know what was going on. All I know is, something happened. From what I read, I was on this kick about living and pursuing my best life. Then this eerie feeling came over me and I couldn’t shake it for nothing. Days before my brother got sick– sometime around his birthday– I became anxious. Then the day before my brother was admitted to the hospital my mom told me that my uncle, who’s only a week or so younger than me, was sick. I remember weeping for him. Praying that God didn’t take him. Instead, He took my brother who had just celebrated his 46th birthday. I know it was his time to go, but it doesn’t make it any easier to process.

So here I am again, a year later, with people my age dying. Every time someone dies it makes me feel like I’m just wasting my life. Like time is just ticking away and I’m not accomplishing anything. I know things are happening, but they’re not happening fast enough. I need for this COVID thing to be over. I want to visit my sister. I want to travel. I have a world of things left to do.

Whew!! How did I go from being so strong over the years to being so emotional? Honestly, I’m really not feeling this “emotional” Shaun. Right now I need the Shaun who could bounce back from anything. Where you at, girl??

I don’t think my heart can take another loss.



Hello Sunday

Rest Well

Today’s Hello Sunday is dedicated to a beautiful soul.

The first time we met was almost 20 years ago. We connected instantly! I loved your spirit, your sense of humor, and your style. You were kind, caring, funny, and bossy, which kind of reminded me of myself– minus the sense of style. Lol. I knew we would be friends forever.

As we all know, life happens. Sometimes in our favor and sometimes not. I was supposed to visit you this year, but God had other plans. Although my heart is heavy right now, I refuse to do the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” thing with you because 1) you wouldn’t have it and 2) I am so grateful for the time we spent together.

Whew! There’s sooo much more I would love to say, but your privacy is my priority. Know that you were loved and will be missed. Prayers for your beautiful family. I can’t even imagine what they are feeling. I know you prepared them for this moment, but as you know, grief is a tricky thing. It surfaces when we least expect. Praying God gives your family peace. Although your love and presence cannot be replaced, we will make sure they are loved and cared for.

Rest well my Loving & Affectionate Sister-Friend.❤️



Missing Grandma Sarah

My love.❤️

Moments ago, my mom posted a picture on Facebook of her mom with the caption, “It’s been 23 years but it seems like yesterday. Thank God for memories.” Y’all, the tears are flowing! As my mom said, thank God for memories. I have so many fond memories of our time together. I still cannot believe she is gone. Y’all, I miss her so much.

Note: Sarah is pronounced Say-rah. Gotta say it with a Southern drawl. Respect!



5 O’clock in the Morning

WAKE UP!! We need you!

Nonchalant’s 5 O’clock is ringing in my head. Yes, I took it ALL the way back!

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I’m up thinking about all of these senseless shootings. I heard someone say we have two wars going on in Black communities. And they are absolutely right! If our people aren’t dying by the hands of those who are supposed to protect us, then they’re dying by the ones that are supposed to love us. When and where does it end? Thinking about all of the babies and bystanders who have been killed by arrogant idiots all because their feelings were hurt. Y’all, get out of your feelings and take a timeout!!

Unfortunately, the only way I believe this will end is when those behind the destruction decide enough is enough. When their “so called” leaders are man enough to put an end to this mess. Honestly, community leaders and celebrities can talk until they are almost dead and nothing will change. Change has to come from within.

Now the babies… I still believe there is hope for the babies. That is, if they live long enough to experience it. Y’all, I will never give up on the babies.

BLACK KINGS, please understand, we ARE an endangered species. We need YOU. Please, get yourself together!


5 o’clock in the morning. Where you gonna be?

(Outside on the corner)

You better get yourself together

While you’re wasting all your time

Right along with your mind

Lyrics of Nonchalant’s 5 O’clock Courtesy of