Here is a excerpt from my journal entry written on December 5, 2014:
Do what you need to do and everything else will fall in place. Believe me, God is already working it all out. No one can receive your blessings like you because they will not cherish the significance behind them like you will.
It has been seven years since I wrote that entry. Since then I have received so many blessings and experienced so many phenomenal moments. To others, those blessings and experiences may have seemed small, but for me they were mind blowing. I am forever grateful for everything God has done in my life thus far and look forward to what He is going to do. My assignment back then, which still stands today, is to listen to God and follow his guidance. And guess what?! Everything will fall in place.
The following blog was written by Dr. Eric Perry. I remember reading it when it was originally published. So thankful he shared it again because I really needed this message. Y’all, imposter syndrome is real and from my experience, debilitating. Hopefully Dr. Perry’s blog will help you as much as it has helped me. Enjoy! Shaun
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “I have written 11 books but each time I think ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game…
Being transparent does not mean sharing everything.
As many of you know, I am a big proponent for transparency. I believe that the more transparent a person is, the more human they are. I have always believed that people need to see the struggle or thought process behind the success in order to believe it for themselves. Well, that’s what I believed up until a couple of hours ago. Now, I’m not so sure if that is true.
Here is what just happened to me (yep.. another transparent moment). Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about a venture. She suggested that I pursue something I had done in the past but not really interested in doing now. We discussed it for a while and I was like, nah, the timing isn’t right. Fast forward to two hours ago when I came across a Facebook memory from 2017 of me actually doing exactly what my friend and I had discussed. Y’all already know I’m emotional. So the first thing I wanted to do was share the news with everyone. I wanted to tell everyone that that was where God was leading me. I wanted to share that that particular memory was the confirmation I needed. God instructed me to only tell my friend, the one who I discussed it with. Instead I shared it on Facebook. Immediately I felt convicted. I knew I was not supposed to share it with everyone. You want to know how I knew? Not even 30 minutes before, on another account, I saw this message and saved it.
Yep.. So I went back and made the post private. I did not delete it because it is still confirmation but also a reminder to be obedient. Allowing God to lead sometimes means I cannot be as transparent as I would like to be, and keeping moves to myself does not make me any less human.
It’s not Wednesday yet, but it will be by the time I finish writing. I just need to get this out before I go to sleep. Can’t have this heaviness weighing on me.
Warning: This blog is about one of my favorite television shows. Please feel free to stop reading at any time. Believe me, I know it’s not that interesting. I just need to get this off my chest.
Here we go…
I don’t know why certain things bother me so much. Tonight I was watching one of my favorite shows – Tyler Perry’s The Oval – and there was this scene between this married couple that really upset me. Here’s a little of their backstory:
Richard and Nancy have been married for about 24 years. While Richard was deployed Iraq, Nancy had an affair with Richard’s father and had a son. Nancy kept this secret for over 20 years by pretending he was her nephew. Well, after her son was shot and killed she decided to tell Richard the truth – her nephew was actually her son. AND the only reason she told him was because she needed help with paying for her son’s burial. Can you imagine holding a secret like that for years and only confessing because you’re in a bind? Well, that’s what Nancy did. Honestly, I wasn’t as upset about the secret as I was about how she shared the news. She just blurted it out. No shame. No guilt. No remorse. Just blurted it out. She needed Richard’s help and believed that since he was her husband he was supposed to happily give her the money. She could care less about the weight of the news she had just dropped on him. Talk about trifling!
Okay, now on to the part about the baby being his father’s. So, after Richard found out about Nancy’s son, he wanted to know the father’s identity. For weeks he begged her to tell him. Every time he asked, she would blow him off saying it didn’t matter because it was in the past. Well the more she blew him off, the worse things got between them. He kept telling her that all he wanted was the truth. Since she wouldn’t tell him, he decided he would have an affair of his own. Nancy found out about the affair – which never happened because the other lady didn’t want to be in the middle of their mess – and confessed that she had slept with his father. Of course Richard became upset because he assumed his father raped her. Ha! Not the case at all! She actually seduced his father. Said she was lonely. Now that really made him angry. Okay, so maybe this is when he tried to mess around on her but his love interest didn’t want to be involved in their mess. Talk about a smart move on her part. She saw the exit and took it. Lol
Anyway, Richard managed to avoid Nancy for weeks until tonight. Tonight he gave in and I lost all respect for him. Yes, I lost all respect for a fictional character. It was as if the sex made him forget the hurt and betrayal. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. So many people were tweeting how happy they were that Nancy finally got her man back. Ugh.. I was not happy at all. In fact, I was pretty upset. How could he give in that easily. Yes, she apologized with words but her actions didn’t show that she was truly sorry. Yes, she continued to try to love on him hoping he would eventually come around; however.. and here’s the kicker.. she never once acknowledged his feelings. Instead she kept telling him that the affair happened years before and that he shouldn’t be upset because she never did it again. But what difference did that make. Whether it happened over 20 years before or the day before, the pain was still the same, especially since he had just found out.
So here’s why it upset me. I believe if someone hurts you and they are truly sorry for their actions, they will selflessly give you time and space to feel, to be, and to heal; and not discount your feelings. Your feelings matter.
I really needed to get that out. I know the characters are fictional and the drama is definitely fake; however, sometimes things are a little too real. I remember being hurt and feeling betrayed. Even though my feelings weren’t acknowledged, they mattered. One thing I regret is not taking the time to feel and heal. Instead I bottled everything up inside and pretended not to hurt. Now I’m feeling. And healing. What a process.
Happy Sunday! Wishing all of you a fabulous day. Today I am carrying over yesterday’s suggestion to take things easy. For some reason, I found myself really tense yesterday. I could feel it in my back and neck. My daughter suggested that I get a massage but I declined. Woke up this morning feeling better but still tense. I know what happened. I allowed the mental stress of last week to build up. For months I managed to avoid being super stressed. Then last week it happened. Looking back I can see what happened. Making a mental note not to allow it to happen again. I cannot afford to go backwards. I must continue moving forward.
On a more positive note! Yesterday, I attended the first day of our national dietetics conference. Honestly, I had no intentions of attending the virtual conference. Virtual experiences just are not the same as in person experiences. Well, at the last minute I decided to attend and I am glad I did. During yesterday’s session, I had the opportunity to chat and tweet with other registered dietitians. Of course it was not the same as interacting with them in person, but it made me feel somewhat normal again. I’m attending more sessions today and tomorrow. Hopefully this is the last year we meet virtually. I need human contact. Smile
You know what, I can already feel the tension easing. This week is going to be a stress-free week because I am going to intentionally make sure it is.
As always, thanks for reading. Please enjoy your week!
This morning I woke up with Whitney Houston’s I Didn’t Know My Own Strength playing over and over in my head. Truthfully, how I have made it thus far is a blur. As I look back over my adulthood, I’m amazed at how many challenges I encountered and actually overcame. Some, I thought I would never make it through. Yet I’m here. I made it!
Transparent Moment –
Last night I received a credit alert informing me that my credit score had increased in double digits. In tears as I write. Allow me to share why this is so significant. Here’s my story.
When I was 23 years old, I filed for bankruptcy. At the time, I was a single mom with a debt I believed I could not repay. My daughter was almost two years old and daycare was eating up most of my paycheck – especially when I worked 12 hour shifts on nights and weekends. Therefore, I relied on credit cards to purchase food and necessities and pay bills.
The other day I was looking through old photos and came across pictures of my first apartment. I had moved from a small, fully furnished trailer/mobile home to this huge empty apartment, and the only living room furniture I could afford was two black bean bag chairs and a small stool, which held my lamp. I remember sleeping in my daughter’s toddler bed (I’m short- smile) until I could get a bed of my own. Which, of course, was purchased on credit. Needless to say, by the time my daughter was two, I was drowning in debt. I knew I had to find a way out and I believed bankruptcy was the solution. Some of you may ask why I did not ask for help since I was in the military. Well, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I was constantly being praised for being a young, single mom with my life “together,” so it was hard asking for help. Talk about the stress of trying to be perfect, all while falling apart inside. It was too much!
Just like the day I decided to join the Air Force, deciding to file for bankruptcy was a spontaneous move. I did not have a plan in place nor a lawyer in mind. One day I just woke up and decided to search the yellow pages of the phone book for a bankruptcy lawyer. Listen, one thing about me, when I’m fed up with my circumstances, I will find a way out. Sometimes I do not make the best decisions but I get out. After finding a lawyer who seemed kind on paper (and he was very kind), I scheduled a meeting. Two months and $850 later, the majority of my debt was gone. I still had my car and furniture notes, but I could breathe again. It wasn’t until years later that I actually looked at the amount of debt charged off – $6500. Only $6500 worth of debt. I cannot believe such a small amount of debt caused so much anguish.
Fast forward to about eight years ago. For the second time in my life, I was drowning in debt, but this time I was married and making more money than I ever had. Two incomes and I was living off of payday loans – five payday loans to be exact – three local and two online, plus credit card debt. Yep.. that’s how I was living. I was a mess! I have never been into material things (clothes, shoes, bags, cars, etc.), but I loved to travel and I loved food (and still love both – smile). Honestly, I’m not sure when everything got out of hand, but it did. The sad part is my ex-husband had no idea. He was clueless about what was happening. He never knew how I made ends meet because everything that was in his name was always paid first. I made sure of that.
Months before we separated, I had watched the documentary Spent: Looking for Change . Y’all, that documentary changed my life. I finally felt like I wasn’t the only one who had gotten in over my head and couldn’t get out. So many of the stories resonated with me. The thing that mostly stood out was the sharers willingness to make hard sacrifices to get out of debt. Afterwards, I was inspired to change. Unfortunately, at the time that I chose to clean up my debt, my marriage was also ending. I remember finally paying off my last payday loan only to have my ex reroute his direct deposit to another account. This caused our joint, and my only, account to be overdrawn. All of the automatic payments that came out on the first of the month were either paid through overdraft or returned. I was hundreds in the whole. The only way I knew to get out was to either write more checks (payday loans), try to get a long-term loan, ask him for money (which was what he wanted) or let it ride. I decided to let it ride until the electricity was cut off. Sigh. I’m not going to retell everything that happened during the following months because I don’t want to relive it. Just know that that particular year was one of my hardest – from driving a car that was on its last leg to foreclosure, but I made it through!
Now, here I am seven years after the separation (now divorce), making far less money, in a fairly new house and car (no car note), barely any credit card debt, money in my bank account and savings, bills paid and my credit score increasing. Yesterday, I went to start my car and the battery was dead. Now I’m really in tears. You don’t know how good it felt to be able to purchase a battery without worrying about where the money would come from or what sacrifices I would have to make just to purchase it.
Y’all, I have come a long way to get where I am today. It was not easy. Believe me, the struggle was real. I’m so grateful I stuck with God and allowed Him to lead. For real! It was because of Him that I made it. One day I’ll share my entire story. Believe me, it was all God. Yep.. I’m crying. It was ALL God!
As always, thank you for reading. Wishing you an absolutely wonderful day.
Found this quote in a journal entry. Not sure of the context but it must have stood out for me to write it down.
Suddenly is an accumulation of events that happened while you were waiting.
Pastor Joel Osteen
Over the past week or so, I have found lists of goals in random places – journal entries, saved notes, and scribbled on pieces of paper. Every time I find one, I am always amazed at how many goals I have actually achieved without ever revisiting the lists. Honestly, I am not sure how things happen without me actively pursuing them, but somehow they do. Which leads me back to Pastor Osteen’s quote. Suddenly really isn’t something that happens randomly, but an accumulation of events that were set in motion once written down.
Yesterday, I found another list and added updates. Then I made a new list. Can’t wait to revisit it in the future!
Y’all, I hope this all made sense. I really need to stop writing so early in the morning. Especially when I am half asleep. Ugh! I’m on day 137 of continuous blogging and it is also Wednesday, so I had to write. (Smile)
Good Morning! It’s September 22, 2019. No social media find today, only my thoughts. This weathered, folded note is a journal entry I wrote on September 22, 2014. I call it my “purse note.” I have kept this one, and a few others that I’ve added over time, in my purse for years. I actually read them quite often to make sure I’m on track, especially when I become discouraged.
This morning I just want to say, don’t give up. Don’t settle. No matter how things look, hold on. Because, what’s for you, is already yours. Remember that God’s blessings are better than life! I love y’all.🙏🏽♥️
Honestly, I have not read my notes in a while. Started with one note that I was supposed to read daily. Now I have several ranging from 2014 – 2021. They keep me motivated and encouraged. They remind me that no matter how things appear, I am still on track.
The other day, while reading journal entries from the late 90s, I came across a list of goals I had forgotten I had written. After reading them, I was surprised to see that my goals really haven’t changed much. What I desired to achieve then, I still desire to achieve today. Overall, nothing has changed.
So here is what’s in the photo – a copy of my first “purse note” from September 22, 2014 and my goals from March 30, 1997 (both unedited).
Goals. Dreams. Motivation.
Well, as you can see, I keep and document just about everything. From personal stories to current events, I have them documented somewhere in my journals. Whenever I come across an entry where I have documented major events from someone’s life – births, marriages, etc. – I screenshot the passage and send it to them. They seem to love it.
I love my life.
Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday.
I have been writing a lot lately. Guess you can say I have had a lot on my mind. Those darn journal entries! Lol.
Last year during quarantine, I found a few journals I had forgotten about. Well, last night I decidedto read one from a couple of decades ago. Have you ever been in love with someone who did not feel the same? I’m not talking about being in a relationship where love is clearly one sided. I’m talking about being in love with a friend. A friend who, from what I read, sent out so many mixed signals. From everything I wrote, one would assume he was somewhat in love with me too, or was he just teasing me – if so, how cruel! The reason I say this is because of some of the things he did and said were not things you would do and say to a friend, but to a lover. Eventually, I told him I loved him. Y’all, I don’t remember doing this and cringed while reading it – how embarrassing! The only reaction from him, that I recorded, was him ghosting me for a week or so then he was back like I never confessed my love for him. And we carried on as usual – late night phone calls when we couldn’t sleep. Going places together. Him cooking for me. Teasing each other. I mean, nothing changed except I learned to keep my feelings to myself.
Eventually, I left that duty station and we remained in touch. After I found myself missing him like crazy, I decided to find someone who would make me forget about him. Boy was that a mistake – a big one! Word of advice, don’t listen to people who tell you the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. From my experience, that NEVER works. Believe me, more than likely you will end up regretting it.
Today, I still talk to my friend, who is now happily married. Until last night, I honestly had forgotten about how in love I was with him. Years ago, when we reconnected, I felt like I had found an old friend. Never once did I think, “I was in love with him.” Now, I will say, I always told people he would have been the one I would have married had he asked. Honestly, I would have done it without hesitation because he was my best friend. I loved being with him and everything about him.
Side note – Y’all, I was really in love with this guy and completely forgot about it. Hilarious!
Anyhoo… talk about transparency. I’m pretty sure if he were to read this, he would know it is about him. It’s okay, though. Those feelings are long gone. I am just happy to be his friend and so happy he found love. One day, the same will happen for me.
Okay.. I believe this is enough transparency for today. Maybe for the year. As usual, thanks for reading my ramblings. Wishing you a fabulous week!
It’s Shaun’s World 
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