At this very moment, my daughter and I should be preparing to leave for France. We were scheduled for a noon departure from New Orleans arriving in Paris tomorrow morning, January 27 – my daughter’s 27th birthday.
In September, my daughter casually mentioned that she wanted to spend her 27th birthday in Paris. Well, as a mom who absolutely LOVES birthdays, I started planning. Long story short, we were booked and ready to go then Omicron happened. Although we are both vaxed and boosted, a couple of weeks ago we decided to postpone our trip because we didn’t want to be either denied going (a positive diagnosis seemed almost inevitable) or one or both of us stuck and quarantined in Paris because of a positive diagnosis. It was just too risky, especially since my son wasn’t going (he didn’t want to miss a few days of school.. he’s so responsible – Lol).
I wish I could say we are really disappointed about not going, but honestly, I can’t. The truth is neither of us wanted to leave my son behind and he didn’t want to be left behind. So I guess you can say it all worked out for the best. When we go later this year, he will be going with us. And my daughter, she’s not missing a thing. After canceling our mother-daughter trip, she planned a solo trip to another destination. At the end of the day, I know everything worked out the way it was meant to be.
Obedience. The definition of obedience is – an act or instance of obeying (following the command or guidance of).
As many of you know, I have been on this journey of completely allowing God to lead; to follow his guidance without wavering. Well.. just imagine how that’s going. Sigh
So, there is this little thing called free will, which is the ability to act at one’s discretion. Well, I’m finding free will isn’t always my friend. During this journey, free will has popped up numerous times and continues to pop up whenever – 1) I don’t believe God is moving fast enough or He’s moving way too fast; 2) I believe things are going in the wrong direction; or 3) whenever I flat out don’t want to follow His instruction. Y’all, sometimes free will is a pain and often delays blessings. Ugh!
Last night I was given specific instructions to leave a certain matter alone, to allow God to work so that I could see His glory. Y’all know I love watching God work! Well, that didn’t happen. I kept picking at it. Checking to see if progress was being made. Kind of like putting a bandage on a wound and removing it every couple of hours to see if it’s healing. Uhh.. It won’t if you don’t leave it alone. So, this morning I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t leave things alone. I went in and started manipulating things. I was like, “God, I’m just gonna do this one little thing then give it back to You.” And that’s exactly what I did. And guess what, I feel like I have failed another challenge. Not in a shameful way, but in a way that has me regretting my decision. However, at the same time, I still have the desire to do better. I just have to know how things will turn out if I allow God to lead.
Okay.. y’all, I just had another “Aha” moment. Imagine going into a lab, starting an experiment and when the experiment isn’t moving along fast enough, you decide to manipulate the process. Guess what?! You just altered the outcome. You will never know what could’ve been had you left it alone.
Slowly but surely, I’m learning. If I am going to allow God to lead, I must be obedient. Period.
Thanks for reading! Hope you have a lovely Wednesday!
Manifestation: the act, process or instance of manifesting (to make evident or certain by showing or displaying)
Manifestation. Have you ever thought or spoken (written or verbally) something into existence? If you have, then you know it’s like one of the most thrilling experiences ever (even the negative ones). To be able to see what you put into the universe manifested, is pretty amazing.
Yesterday, director, Matthew A. Cherry, took a picture in front of a billboard with his tweet from June 2012 stating, “I’m gonna be nominated for an Oscar one day. Already claiming it.” Well, in February 2020, he actually won an Oscar for the animated short, Hair Love.It actually happened, to include a little extra (the Oscar)! YAY!!
As a young child, I only heard about the negative side of manifestation. My mom always warned us to be cautious of the things we said because they could come true. She had witnessed it and gave examples. I don’t know about my other siblings, but after hearing her stories, I was always mindful of what I said, especially when I became upset.
Well, as I got older, I began to notice positive things could happen.. or I should say, I became more aware that I could actually think, write or speak things into existence. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true. The kicker is – 1) nothing ever happened as imagined; 2) nothing was ever intentional (always a random thought); and 3) I never saw it coming. There are tons of examples I could give but I’ll only give a few (smile).
The very first major moment I can recall is getting orders to be stationed in Germany. I remember as clear as day sitting in the park writing in my journal asking God to take me far away from home. I was sad and depressed and just wanted to get away. If you have been following me for a while, you know I am very random and spontaneous. Well, one morning I woke up, took out a phone book, found an Air Force recruiter, scheduled an appointment and the rest is history. Nothing was planned. Nothing was contemplated. Just done. Well, during basic training, I was asked to select up to five bases where I preferred to be stationed (my dream list). Although I said I wanted to get away from home, I chose stations that were within a 5-8 hour radius. You know, wanted to be close enough to travel home often but far enough away so that no one could just pop up unannounced.
That was what I wanted. But the joke was on me. Y’all, God really does have a sense of humor and WILL give you what you ask for. When I got my orders, I was asked if I wanted to go to the United Kingdom or Germany. Y’all, I was devastated! I wanted to get away but never wanted to go that far. Since I had taken years of French in high school, I chose Germany because it was close to France. Two weeks after I left basic training, I was in Germany. This all happened – from me writing it down to arriving in Germany – in less than 6 months. That was my first major moment of manifestation.
A few other big moments were – me saying I was going to have my first child at 21, and did; saying that I was going to get married before I was thirty and have my 2nd child at thirty (got married at 29 and had my son at 30); also writing a list of names of people I really wanted to meet and meeting the top two – Marcus Samuelsson and Leah Chase at the same event three months after I wrote it down. There are so many more moments I have experienced that have been just as exciting and rewarding. Maybe one day I’ll share them in a book. Of course it will happen spontaneously. Smile
Y’all, my life is very interesting. To be honest, it seems like the things I randomly think, speak or write actually happens, and the things I’m intentional about speaking or writing rarely happens. I’m not sure why, but that’s how things happen for me. Honestly, my most rewarding experiences have happened after I have randomly thought, spoken or written about them, and have always happened unexpectedly. And y’all, I love it!
I am not sure what will happen next. Can’t even remember if I have thought, written or spoken about anything in a while. Right now I’m just living, being present. Hmm… an “Aha” moment. I am already living in my manifestation. Wow! It is nothing like I imagined, but I am here.. in it! Guess I needed to write it all out to see it. Can’t say it enough, God is so good!
Thank you for reading and please enjoy your Sunday!
So, last week, my son began his final semester of high school. Yes, the count down is real! Well, during our drive to school, I was so hyped, talking a mile a minute about all the things he would be able to do once on his own. Listen, you would have thought it was my last semester instead of his! Well, he was the least bit enthused. He just sat there quietly while I went on and on and on about how great life was about to be for him. After about five minutes or so (yes, that long), I noticed that he wasn’t celebrating with me. I asked what was wrong, why wasn’t he excited. That’s when he asked if I was going to leave him alone. Y’all, it never dawned on me that he may have been nervous. I just assumed he felt the same way I felt during my last semester of high school. Baby, I was ready!! Well, at that point, I reassured him that he would never have to go through life alone. That no matter how old he got, or whatever happened in life, I would always here for him. And that seemed to do the trick. He pepped up and was ready for school.
After I dropped him off, I realized that also meant I would be alone and on my own too. Needless to say, I was no longer celebrating. Gotta love life.
Thought I would share this Facebook memory with you. I posted it five years ago. I cannot say it enough, I am so proud the man my son is becoming. Always respectful, kind, compassionate and attentive. May God’s grace and mercy follow him throughout his life.
Facebook Memory: January 9, 2017
Feeling some kind of way. Don’t know how to explain it. KeShawn picks up on it and asks if I’ve listened to my music today. I asked him, “What music?” He said, “Your Luther.”
All smiles. My kids know me so well. I can listen to music all day. It’s so soothing. And there’s nothing like listening to Luther. ☺️
My babies get me!
Well, that’s it for today’s Hello Sunday. Thanks for reading. Wising you a wonderfully, blessed day!
Shaun
** We (I) decided to celebrate his last semester of high school with a celebratory treat from his favorite sushi place.
Cyndi Lauper/Punk Rock roll & Elvis/Jailhouse rollCrispy Crab WontonsAhi Tuna Salad (wasn’t the best😔)
Yesterday, as my kids and I opened gifts, I could not help but smile as I realized I received what I wanted. No, it wasn’t a man. Smile. It was what I have always longed for, but until yesterday, had not been able to fully articulate. The one thing I have always wanted is to be loved the way I love. To be loved unconditionally. And yesterday I felt it. It’s not like my kids have not always loved me. However, I always felt incomplete because I believed I needed the love of a significant other. Shaking my head – those crazy, yet wonderful, fairytales.Smile. Well, yesterday, their love was enough. I felt complete. Ironically, I don’t need the love of a significant other to feel complete. I already have everything I need. Imagine that! Y’all, it feels like someone flipped a switch from incomplete to complete. Life is so funny. Advice – don’t bother trying to understand it. Believe me, you will never figure it out.
Oh.. one of my gifts was a new suitcase. I screamed like a little kid when I saw it. My kids know me oh so well. I guess they are preparing me for my next chapter. It’s almost like they are kicking me out the nest. All smiles. I’m ready!
Also, one of my sisters got engaged, yesterday!!! I am so excited for her! God is good!
Thanks for reading and please enjoy the rest of the holiday season!
Yes, this is my second time writing today. Had to get this off my chest and see if anyone can help me understand, “Why?”. Why is it so difficult for some – not going to say most or all – men to dissociate their child from the child’s mother? Here’s my story:
After several attempts at watching Christopher Nolen’s A Christmas Wish, I finally finished it. For me, it was unbelievably difficult to watch because I felt like I was the mom in the story having to provide for a child without conditional financial assistance from the father. You see, the father (ex-husband) in the story refused to pay child support, but said he would provide everything the child needed if and when she asked. This was the first issue I had. The next was the father’s plea to the mom – “Why don’t you let me take care of you? You know I still love you.” Which brings me back to my original question, why is it so difficult for men to see the mother and child as two separate individuals? Why couldn’t he take care of the child without associating it with his love for the mom?
After I had my daughter, I refused to ask her father for child support. I was not going to beg him to take care of his child. Plus, just like the father in the movie, he kept saying he wanted to take care of both of us. He wanted us to be together. But he was already with someone else. And when I refused, he decided not to provide for her. He told me if I needed anything, to just ask. Well, I didn’t. I believed if he wanted to take care of her he would do it on his own. I mean, mothers don’t have a choice. We do it whether the father is around or not. Well, after a couple of years of my mom telling me I needed to put my pride aside and seek support for my daughter, I did. I filed for child support before I left for Turkey. The agency reported that they were not able to locate him. Then a few months after arriving in Turkey, I received a letter from him stating if I wanted support, he was going to seek joint custody. My daughter was three years old and had never laid eyes on him nor spoken to him. Not because I would not allow it, but because I chose not to be with him. Y’all, he never even spoke to my baby!From birth, I kept him and his parents informed about her progress. I sent pictures. I wrote letters and neither him nor his family made an effort to have a relationship with her. So there was no way I was going to give him joint custody just to receive a check. So, I chose to raise her on my own.
Fast forward to today and my now ex. Almost the exact same scenario. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Never in a million years did I expect it from him because he knew what I went through with my daughter’s father. So yeah, watching the movie was very difficult. The pain is still very fresh. In the movie, the little girl’s wish was for them to be a family again on Christmas Day, and of course it happened. Well, up until two years ago, I did the family Christmas thing, but ended it because it only gave my ex false hope of us getting back together. Before the next Christmas rolled around, I informed my son that we were no longer going to spend Christmases together. This was also after finally being granted the divorce after over four years of waiting. And guess what? My son was actually okay with it.
Even though it took me several attempts to get through the movie, I did it. It may seem insignificant to you, but it’s an accomplishment for me. Y’all, I really didn’t think I could do it. It hurt too badly. At times I found myself yelling at the television begging the mom not to take him back. Yeah, it was painful to watch.
Here is my takeaway from the movie, or what I needed to come to terms with. Yes, some people settle for package deal because that is what works for them. And guess what? It’s okay. Me, I did not accept the package deal so I must accept the consequences of my actions. Lastly, I have to let it go. My son is 18 and my daughter is 26. There has never been a time in their lives that I was not able to provide for them or did not ask for help when I really needed it. I can no longer beat myself up over the relationship/lack of relationship they have with their fathers because I chose not to accept the package deal. Yes, it’s time for me to let it go.
After I had my daughter, I would often ask her father why he could not take care of her without taking care of me. He said because he loved me and all of us should be together. I’m still bewildered.
Just published my second blog. Some may read it. Some may not. Either way, I have to keep up what I’ve started. We shall see. With God’s help, it’ll be done.
Amen
That was four years ago on December 19, 2017. In tears because I kept blogging with or without reads. Slowly but surely I am learning to embrace the things I love doing and to stop chasing things others believe I should. Every day I am reminded that life is so precious and to waste it chasing things I do not love, is not living.
Yesterday, I FaceTimed my aunt (mom’s only living sister on her mom’s side) who is recovering from brain surgery. Y’all, she seemed like a totally different person. She said that she’s just grateful to be alive and intends to enjoy every minute of life. I feel her.
Y’all, God is working. Don’t know if you feel it, but I definitely do. It is as if He is truly making everything new, and I love it!
I am not sure what 2022 holds. Honestly, I am not even worried about it. My plan is to live for today while trusting God to handle the rest. Amen
Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderfully, blessed day.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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