Tag: relationships

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Manifestation: the act, process or instance of manifesting (to make evident or certain by showing or displaying)

Manifestation. Have you ever thought or spoken (written or verbally) something into existence? If you have, then you know it’s like one of the most thrilling experiences ever (even the negative ones). To be able to see what you put into the universe manifested, is pretty amazing.

Yesterday, director, Matthew A. Cherry, took a picture in front of a billboard with his tweet from June 2012 stating, “I’m gonna be nominated for an Oscar one day. Already claiming it.” Well, in February 2020, he actually won an Oscar for the animated short, Hair Love. It actually happened, to include a little extra (the Oscar)! YAY!!

As a young child, I only heard about the negative side of manifestation. My mom always warned us to be cautious of the things we said because they could come true. She had witnessed it and gave examples. I don’t know about my other siblings, but after hearing her stories, I was always mindful of what I said, especially when I became upset.

Well, as I got older, I began to notice positive things could happen.. or I should say, I became more aware that I could actually think, write or speak things into existence. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true. The kicker is – 1) nothing ever happened as imagined; 2) nothing was ever intentional (always a random thought); and 3) I never saw it coming. There are tons of examples I could give but I’ll only give a few (smile).

The very first major moment I can recall is getting orders to be stationed in Germany. I remember as clear as day sitting in the park writing in my journal asking God to take me far away from home. I was sad and depressed and just wanted to get away. If you have been following me for a while, you know I am very random and spontaneous. Well, one morning I woke up, took out a phone book, found an Air Force recruiter, scheduled an appointment and the rest is history. Nothing was planned. Nothing was contemplated. Just done. Well, during basic training, I was asked to select up to five bases where I preferred to be stationed (my dream list). Although I said I wanted to get away from home, I chose stations that were within a 5-8 hour radius. You know, wanted to be close enough to travel home often but far enough away so that no one could just pop up unannounced.

That was what I wanted. But the joke was on me. Y’all, God really does have a sense of humor and WILL give you what you ask for. When I got my orders, I was asked if I wanted to go to the United Kingdom or Germany. Y’all, I was devastated! I wanted to get away but never wanted to go that far. Since I had taken years of French in high school, I chose Germany because it was close to France. Two weeks after I left basic training, I was in Germany. This all happened – from me writing it down to arriving in Germany – in less than 6 months. That was my first major moment of manifestation.

A few other big moments were – me saying I was going to have my first child at 21, and did; saying that I was going to get married before I was thirty and have my 2nd child at thirty (got married at 29 and had my son at 30); also writing a list of names of people I really wanted to meet and meeting the top two – Marcus Samuelsson and Leah Chase at the same event three months after I wrote it down. There are so many more moments I have experienced that have been just as exciting and rewarding. Maybe one day I’ll share them in a book. Of course it will happen spontaneously. Smile

Y’all, my life is very interesting. To be honest, it seems like the things I randomly think, speak or write actually happens, and the things I’m intentional about speaking or writing rarely happens. I’m not sure why, but that’s how things happen for me. Honestly, my most rewarding experiences have happened after I have randomly thought, spoken or written about them, and have always happened unexpectedly. And y’all, I love it!

I am not sure what will happen next. Can’t even remember if I have thought, written or spoken about anything in a while. Right now I’m just living, being present. Hmm… an “Aha” moment. I am already living in my manifestation. Wow! It is nothing like I imagined, but I am here.. in it! Guess I needed to write it all out to see it. Can’t say it enough, God is so good!

Thank you for reading and please enjoy your Sunday!

Shaun

Life

Necessary for Growth

Shaun Bradford
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Necessary for Growth
Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

So, last week, my son began his final semester of high school. Yes, the count down is real! Well, during our drive to school, I was so hyped, talking a mile a minute about all the things he would be able to do once on his own. Listen, you would have thought it was my last semester instead of his! Well, he was the least bit enthused. He just sat there quietly while I went on and on and on about how great life was about to be for him. After about five minutes or so (yes, that long), I noticed that he wasn’t celebrating with me. I asked what was wrong, why wasn’t he excited. That’s when he asked if I was going to leave him alone. Y’all, it never dawned on me that he may have been nervous. I just assumed he felt the same way I felt during my last semester of high school. Baby, I was ready!! Well, at that point, I reassured him that he would never have to go through life alone. That no matter how old he got, or whatever happened in life, I would always here for him. And that seemed to do the trick. He pepped up and was ready for school.

After I dropped him off, I realized that also meant I would be alone and on my own too. Needless to say, I was no longer celebrating. Gotta love life.

Thought I would share this Facebook memory with you. I posted it five years ago. I cannot say it enough, I am so proud the man my son is becoming. Always respectful, kind, compassionate and attentive. May God’s grace and mercy follow him throughout his life.

Facebook Memory: January 9, 2017

Feeling some kind of way. Don’t know how to explain it. KeShawn picks up on it and asks if I’ve listened to my music today. I asked him, “What music?” He said, “Your Luther.”

All smiles. My kids know me so well. I can listen to music all day. It’s so soothing. And there’s nothing like listening to Luther. ☺️

My babies get me!

Well, that’s it for today’s Hello Sunday. Thanks for reading. Wising you a wonderfully, blessed day!

Shaun

** We (I) decided to celebrate his last semester of high school with a celebratory treat from his favorite sushi place.

Cyndi Lauper/Punk Rock roll & Elvis/Jailhouse roll
Crispy Crab Wontons
Ahi Tuna Salad (wasn’t the best😔)
Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Yesterday, as my kids and I opened gifts, I could not help but smile as I realized I received what I wanted. No, it wasn’t a man. Smile. It was what I have always longed for, but until yesterday, had not been able to fully articulate. The one thing I have always wanted is to be loved the way I love. To be loved unconditionally. And yesterday I felt it. It’s not like my kids have not always loved me. However, I always felt incomplete because I believed I needed the love of a significant other. Shaking my head – those crazy, yet wonderful, fairytales. Smile. Well, yesterday, their love was enough. I felt complete. Ironically, I don’t need the love of a significant other to feel complete. I already have everything I need. Imagine that! Y’all, it feels like someone flipped a switch from incomplete to complete. Life is so funny. Advice – don’t bother trying to understand it. Believe me, you will never figure it out.

Oh.. one of my gifts was a new suitcase. I screamed like a little kid when I saw it. My kids know me oh so well. I guess they are preparing me for my next chapter. It’s almost like they are kicking me out the nest. All smiles. I’m ready!

Also, one of my sisters got engaged, yesterday!!! I am so excited for her! God is good!

Thanks for reading and please enjoy the rest of the holiday season!

Shaun

Life

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays

Shaun Bradford

Wishing you and your families a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of holidays. Enjoy!

P.S. Santa did not deliver my gift, but I’m fine. I still have my babies (young adults) to love on. Maybe next year.☺️

Shaun

Life

Trying to Understand Why?

Shaun Bradford

Yes, this is my second time writing today. Had to get this off my chest and see if anyone can help me understand, “Why?”. Why is it so difficult for some – not going to say most or all – men to dissociate their child from the child’s mother? Here’s my story:

After several attempts at watching Christopher Nolen’s A Christmas Wish, I finally finished it. For me, it was unbelievably difficult to watch because I felt like I was the mom in the story having to provide for a child without conditional financial assistance from the father. You see, the father (ex-husband) in the story refused to pay child support, but said he would provide everything the child needed if and when she asked. This was the first issue I had. The next was the father’s plea to the mom – “Why don’t you let me take care of you? You know I still love you.” Which brings me back to my original question, why is it so difficult for men to see the mother and child as two separate individuals? Why couldn’t he take care of the child without associating it with his love for the mom?

After I had my daughter, I refused to ask her father for child support. I was not going to beg him to take care of his child. Plus, just like the father in the movie, he kept saying he wanted to take care of both of us. He wanted us to be together. But he was already with someone else. And when I refused, he decided not to provide for her. He told me if I needed anything, to just ask. Well, I didn’t. I believed if he wanted to take care of her he would do it on his own. I mean, mothers don’t have a choice. We do it whether the father is around or not. Well, after a couple of years of my mom telling me I needed to put my pride aside and seek support for my daughter, I did. I filed for child support before I left for Turkey. The agency reported that they were not able to locate him. Then a few months after arriving in Turkey, I received a letter from him stating if I wanted support, he was going to seek joint custody. My daughter was three years old and had never laid eyes on him nor spoken to him. Not because I would not allow it, but because I chose not to be with him. Y’all, he never even spoke to my baby! From birth, I kept him and his parents informed about her progress. I sent pictures. I wrote letters and neither him nor his family made an effort to have a relationship with her. So there was no way I was going to give him joint custody just to receive a check. So, I chose to raise her on my own.

Fast forward to today and my now ex. Almost the exact same scenario. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Never in a million years did I expect it from him because he knew what I went through with my daughter’s father. So yeah, watching the movie was very difficult. The pain is still very fresh. In the movie, the little girl’s wish was for them to be a family again on Christmas Day, and of course it happened. Well, up until two years ago, I did the family Christmas thing, but ended it because it only gave my ex false hope of us getting back together. Before the next Christmas rolled around, I informed my son that we were no longer going to spend Christmases together. This was also after finally being granted the divorce after over four years of waiting. And guess what? My son was actually okay with it.

Even though it took me several attempts to get through the movie, I did it. It may seem insignificant to you, but it’s an accomplishment for me. Y’all, I really didn’t think I could do it. It hurt too badly. At times I found myself yelling at the television begging the mom not to take him back. Yeah, it was painful to watch.

Here is my takeaway from the movie, or what I needed to come to terms with. Yes, some people settle for package deal because that is what works for them. And guess what? It’s okay. Me, I did not accept the package deal so I must accept the consequences of my actions. Lastly, I have to let it go. My son is 18 and my daughter is 26. There has never been a time in their lives that I was not able to provide for them or did not ask for help when I really needed it. I can no longer beat myself up over the relationship/lack of relationship they have with their fathers because I chose not to accept the package deal. Yes, it’s time for me to let it go.

After I had my daughter, I would often ask her father why he could not take care of her without taking care of me. He said because he loved me and all of us should be together. I’m still bewildered.

If anyone has the answer, please let me know.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Just published my second blog. Some may read it. Some may not. Either way, I have to keep up what I’ve started. We shall see. With God’s help, it’ll be done.

Amen

That was four years ago on December 19, 2017. In tears because I kept blogging with or without reads. Slowly but surely I am learning to embrace the things I love doing and to stop chasing things others believe I should. Every day I am reminded that life is so precious and to waste it chasing things I do not love, is not living.

Yesterday, I FaceTimed my aunt (mom’s only living sister on her mom’s side) who is recovering from brain surgery. Y’all, she seemed like a totally different person. She said that she’s just grateful to be alive and intends to enjoy every minute of life. I feel her.

Y’all, God is working. Don’t know if you feel it, but I definitely do. It is as if He is truly making everything new, and I love it!

I am not sure what 2022 holds. Honestly, I am not even worried about it. My plan is to live for today while trusting God to handle the rest. Amen

Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderfully, blessed day.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

There is no way I can go into another relationship broken. I must realize there is no knight in shining armor to rescue me from myself.

Journal Entry, December 12, 2014

Whew! What a statement! “. . . there is no knight in shining armor to rescue me from myself.”

Several weeks ago, I watched an Oprah interview with Will Smith. It was about the release of his new memoir, WILL. Y’all, before the interview was over, I had already preordered his book. Much of what he said during his interview resonated with me so much that I just had to hear more!

Like Will, I’m a dreamer and a lover. I have always envisioned my life playing out a certain way. In his book, he mentioned Dallas was one of this favorite nighttime soap operas when he was younger. He said he always wanted to own a ranch like Southfork and imagined his wife riding up to the family house on her horse. Listen, that was me. I had the same dream. I was the wife. I was Sue Ellen. Lol. As we know, real life is not scripted. We have to factor in others’ feelings, desires, wants, needs and dreams. And most of the time theirs are different from ours. I believe when we fail to embrace people for who they are, our beautifully, scripted dreams become tarnished, which eventually leads to unnecessary heartache and disappointment.

When I got married, like Will, I had this picture in my head of how my marriage would be. In other words, I had created my own fairytale. You see, the story began years earlier with both of us in his aunt’s wedding (true story). We were in the wedding picture – he was the ring bearer and I was a flower girl. Perfect set up, right? So when we were reintroduced 20 years later, I was like, “This is it! This is my story.” After two months of talking on the phone and me imagining this 6’3, built dude on the other end, we finally met. He was not what I had imagined. And I am pretty sure I wasn’t what he had imagined either. Sadly, he did not have my heart, he only had my imagination. Instead of me letting go, I felt too embarrassed and obligated to see things through. Plus I was obsessed with my crazy timeline. So I got married.

Even in the marriage, I kept imagining how things could be. I was going to be Donna Stone or June Cleaver (both were homemakers on old sitcoms). Unlike them, I was a professional; however, I still imagined myself as the loving, supportive wife and homemaker. Then reality hit. He kept saying he was not happy. For the longest I could not figure out why he was not happy. I thought I was being a “good” wife. But in actuality I was just playing a role. My heart was not there. Years later, around the time I wrote my journal entry (2014), he told me he always knew I didn’t love him but chose to marry me anyway believing one day I would fall in love with him. Hmm.. sounds like Aaron from one of my favorite shows, Tyler Perry’s Sistas. Anyhoo, it never happened.

Back to my opening statement. There is no knight in shining amor who can rescue Shaun from the fairytale. Only Shaun can rescue Shaun. Will’s memoir was the perfect reminder. Life is not perfect and people are not created to live as characters inside our world. Do I still want a life similar to Sue Ellen (nah.. she was an alcoholic and JR was hell), Donna or June? Honestly, with the exception of Sue Ellen, absolutely! Donna and June weren’t just tv characters. They were Madear and Momma Kate. They were the women I spent most of my time with as a little girl. It’s them that I dreamt of becoming.

Last night, I told the kids that I am already living the life I have always imagined. No, there is no Alex, Ward, Big Daddy (Robert Campbell) or Mr. Sonny Mane (William Moore). There’s only me, my children and God, and I am absolutely loving life. Even without a husband, I am already living the life I have always dreamed. I guess you can say, I’m finally, finally free!

Thanks for reading!

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

Thy will be done.

How often have you said, “Thy will be done,” lately? Me, I haven’t. Haven’t said it in a while. I used to say it all of the time, especially when I set out to do something new – new job, new venture, new collaborations, new relationships. I used to pray and ask God if it were in His will to allow it to happen and if not, please allow it to pass. Well, what happened? Why did I stop using my disclaimer (that’s what I call it)?

The answer that comes to mind – I thought I could force whatever I wanted into something that would fit God’s will. I saw the vision. I somewhat know the purpose. However, instead of waiting on God before moving, I thought I would make my own moves to get there. For someone who is always talking about allowing God to lead, I seem to keep falling short in certain areas. It’s as if I do not trust Him with certain aspects of my life. I know that whenever I say, “Thy will be done,” it opens up the doors for any and everything that could possibly happen. In other words, it frightens me. I have witnessed people lose loved ones, become paralyzed, get cancer, and so much more. To me, and I am just being honest, saying that one phrase opens the door for unknown (sometimes bad) things to happen. You could become ill like Job (in the Bible) or get hit with a life that you did not want, something miserable. As I wrote those last few words, God reminded me that Job’s story did not end with him being down. Because of his faithfulness and unwavering belief in God, God restored everything he lost and added more. Job did not live out the rest of his days sick and down, he lived a happy life.

So, who is to say that my worst days are not behind me. Maybe I have already seen my worst. Up until a year or so ago, I used my disclaimer quite often, and God always saw me through the tough times – ALWAYS. Therefore, I must believe that the best is still to come, not the worst. I have to know that saying, “Thy will be done,” releases the shackles I have placed on God and will allow Him to do great things in my life. It is not in His will for me to suffer but to be prosperous. However, I must believe this. And I know from experience, if I only imagine the worst, I will never be open to receive the good. Been through this before. It’s all about mindset.

Lord, Thy will be done.

As always, thanks for reading!

Be Blessed –

Shaun