Tag: relationships

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Gratitude

Appreciation

A simple “Thank you”

Last night I watched the movie, “Malcom and Marie,” which was a 2-hour dialogue between a couple who had just come home from an awards ceremony. Malcom had won an award for a movie he produced about a 20 year old model/aspiring actress who had overdosed on drugs. Marie.. well.. I don’t care how many ways Malcom tried to spin the story.. Marie was his inspiration behind the movie. I’m not going to give away too much of the movie. I want to give you a chance to watch it because, I don’t know about you, I hate spoilers. So, I’ll just leave you with this:

Most women are nurturers. When we love someone, we tend to put their needs and feelings before our own. From the macaroni scene, to stifling her feelings, until the end, Marie was that woman. But did Malcom notice? Do men notice? Like Marie, most of us suppress our feelings, smile and keep going like we’ve never been hurt or bothered. Is it right? Heck, no! But it’s what we do. It’s who we are. Like most women, Marie didn’t want to steal Malcom’s shine. She just wanted to feel appreciated.

Hmm… Wonder what would happen if we started putting ourselves first?

Women, nurturers, Queens, thank you for your selfless acts of love. For acts that go unnoticed. For the things you do that are second nature. Thank you for holding households together while trying to maintain your own sanity. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for loving hard even when it’s hard to love. Thank you for pressing forward through your tears. Thank you for being that rock. Thank you for the sacrifices you make so that others can excel. Thank you for being you. In my Tupac voice, “You are appreciated!”

Gratitude

Appreciation

A simple “Thank you”

Enjoy your Sunday!

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Short story:

Every morning, as soon as my great-great grandmother stepped foot out of bed, she would grab her huge white bible, flip to Psalm 23, and began reading– well, more like reciting– the entire chapter, aloud. Not a day went by that she didn’t do this. Y’all, I hate to admit this but it wasn’t until a few months ago that I realized this ritual set her mood for the day. That one chapter had her smiling, humming and singing all day long. Well… let’s just say that I choose to believe that’s what had her humming and smiling all day long.

Anyway, a few months ago, I decided I wanted to be like her and establish my own morning ritual by reading a chapter from the book of Psalms. However, I wanted my own chapter because, thanks to her, I already knew Psalm 23 by heart. Plus that was her chapter. Well, I’m not sure how or why I chose Psalm 113; however, once I read it I knew it was for me. Just for me. Here’s a snippet of what gets me going each morning.

Psalm 113:1-3 NIV

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, you his servants; praise the name of the Lord. Psalm 113:1

Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore. Psalm 113:2

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. Psalm 113:3

As I said, this is just a snippet. There are six more verses in the chapter. I don’t know about you but the first three verses have me smiling already. Y’all, there’s just nothing like starting a day with praise.

I love, y’all! Have a blessed week!

Shaun

Life

Twenty-Six

Shaun Bradford

Smiling as I write because first of all, I’m actually a mother; and secondly, I’m a mother of a 26 year old queen. How? When? On most days, I still feel like I’m in my 20s.

So, around this time (6 a.m.) 26 years ago, I was trying to rest but couldn’t get comfortable. I was having contractions but they were only 7-10 minutes apart. The night before I had called my friend Sue, my unofficial birthing partner, to prepare her for what was next. Then, I called my other friend, Trina, who was the only one with a child and “experienced” in childbirth, to give her a heads up. Trina also lived across the street from the hospital so I had somewhere I could chill before checking into the hospital. I remember her saying not to have the baby until she got off work. Like I actually had control over when the baby would come. Y’all, we were so young and naive.

Well, around 2:00 p.m. my contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart. I’m just going to let y’all know, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing! I was following instructions I heard tv doctors give their pregnant patients, “Wait until the contractions are 2-3 minutes apart, then go to the hospital.” Y’all, I hadn’t called a doctor at all! The last time I called the doctor’s office was when I lost my mucus plug and that was days before. However, I did call Sue, who lived 30 minutes away in Ft. Walton Beach.

When she got to my house we grabbed my bag and headed… not to the hospital… but to Trina’s house. According to wonderful doctors like Heathcliff Huxtable, I needed to wait until the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart before heading to the hospital. So I was going to wait. By the time I arrived at Trina’s, I was so hungry. Hadn’t eaten anything all day because I heard some women used the bathroom while giving birth and that was the LAST thing I wanted to do. You see, my obstetrician was FINE!! Whew!! He had muscles everywhere! The last thing I wanted to do was use the bathroom while giving birth. But y’all, I was so hungry. First, I ate a bowl of ramen noodles. Then, I ate a little bit of every sugar-sweetened cereal she had in the house. Honestly, I don’t believe I knew what I was doing. I was in pain. I was trying to wait for the right moment to go to the hospital. Y’all, I was scared. All I knew to do was eat.

Anyway, once the contractions became unbearable, I went to the hospital and checked into labor and delivery. When I got there, I attempted to explained to the nurse that I was in labor. I don’t know what was going on that day but I remember her snapping at me and saying if I wasn’t dilated 4 cm they were going to send me home. That’s all she said and left me standing there. I guess the people in the waiting room felt sorry for me because they were the ones who got me a wheelchair and talked to me until Sue came up (she was parking the car). Everything that happened afterwards happened really fast. When the nurse checked me, I was more than 4 cm dilated. That’s when she actually tried to help. In hindsight, I guess I didn’t appear to be in labor. Like that’s a real thing. Believe me, the contractions were coming and I was in so much pain. But the cramps I endured during my menstrual cycles were far worse. So I just did what I did whenever I cramped, I beared it. I never once screamed or got out of character. I just took it.

Less than 3 hours later my baby was born. And no, I didn’t use the bathroom while having her. Lol. Another crazy thing happened afterwards. Sue asked me if the nurses were playing some kind of joke (told you we were young). Our wristbands had another mother’s name on them. Y’all, we had on the wrong wristbands! Talk about CRAZY!! I’m so happy we got that cleared up or I would have brought home someone else’s baby.

So that was 26 years ago. Today, I’m happy to report that the last 26 years have been just as adventurous, if not more. I have truly enjoyed motherhood. It’s been an honor watching KiSondrea become the woman she is today. I pray that today, and everyday forward, is just as wonderful and adventurous as the day of her birth.

Happy Birthday, Ki! ❤️

Love Always– Mother

Happy 26th!!
Life

Lesson Learned

Shaun Bradford
Quote by Tony Gaskins, 2019

Found this quote in today’s Facebook memories from 2019. In the memory, I had written a long caption about how I had been reading journal entries from the 90s and discovered I hadn’t changed much. I noted that I had grown spiritually and professionally, and was also making better decisions. However, my personality, heart, and spirit hadn’t really changed. I questioned why I had not grown stronger in those areas, meaning, why hadn’t I changed? You see, those were the areas that made me feel inadequate around others. That made me feel vulnerable in certain situations. That made me love harder than I should have. You would think 30 years would’ve made a difference, but it hadn’t.

That was two years ago. Here I am today, same personality, heart, and spirit. At first I asked myself why these characteristics hadn’t changed. You see, over the years I have tried to change them. Tried not to be so sentimental or emotional. Tried not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Tried to fit in by being less silly and more poised. Yeah.. I tried to be everything I wasn’t, everything I’m not. Then it hit me, those aren’t weaknesses. Those are my strengths. They don’t need to be changed. They need to be embraced. The only reason I continue to feel vulnerable while embracing them is because I’m trying to get others to embrace them as well. I guess you can say I’m having an “AHA” moment. Maybe that’s the lesson Tony Gaskins was referring to. I will never be able to move to the next level as long as continue to remain in the presence of those who do not fully accept Shaun. Umm… I believe it’s time to re-evaluate my circle. What’s that old saying– “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” I will no longer try to force myself to fit where I’m not embraced. Period!

Thanks for reading!

Shaun

Life

I Am A Campaigner

Shaun Bradford

A few days ago, my daughter insisted that I take the 16 Personalities test to find out my personality traits. I’ve taken similar tests before, however, I don’t remember them being so accurate. After I took my test, we coaxed my son into taking his. Y’all, we are so different and I love it!

Here’s the link to the test we took– 16Personalities.com. It’s very short (5 minutes or less) and provides feedback in the following areas: strengths & weaknesses, relationships, parenthood, career paths, and workplace habits. If you haven’t taken a personality quiz/test before, I recommend you do so. They’re fun, revealing, and worth taking. Enjoy!

Note: This is only one of many personality quizzes/tests available. I like this one because it’s very similar to the Myers-Briggs test but not as rigorous. Also, it’s free!

So accurate!
Life

Enjoying the Ride

Shaun Bradford

Since I’m awake I might as well write. December 2020 is finally here. Y’all, we made to the end of the year!

A year ago I shared the attached quote on Facebook. The last sentence says, “And even if you lose, you just can’t lose.” Hmm…

Yesterday I was in a mood. A friend and I were texting about how we remember things versus how they actually happened. I told her that my journal entries always set me straight. I recall things one way, then go back and read journal entries from that period. Almost half of the time my recollections are not quite the way I remembered. Sometimes I was hurt far worse than I remembered, or loved much harder than I remembered. After texting her a few examples of what I thought happened versus what really happened, she said, “Don’t you wish you could go back with the knowledge you have now.” Well, that one statement put me in a mood. For hours all I could think about was why didn’t I do this or that. Why did things not happen for me? Y’all, I wasted hours thinking about things that happened over the last 20+ years. Talk about crazy! Unfortunately, I fell asleep feeling a little down. However, I woke up to several encouraging messages to include this memory.

Even though I looked back and thought about how I could have done things differently, it wasn’t meant to be. What was meant to be, is. I wanted more. My vision was higher and still is. I refused to settle. So yes, I suffered heartbreaks and what seemed like failures, but my story is not over. I only have one life and I refuse to settle for less than God’s absolute best. So am I losing? Nah.. I’m winning!

God is good. Enjoying the ride!

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday!

Shaun Bradford
Evolve!

Evolve – develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form

Oxford Languages

Evolution is necessary for growth and sustainable success. Times are changing. Mindsets are changing. Technology is forever changing. What once was the best way of doing things 10-20 years ago, no longer works well today.

This is also true with relationships. What once was, no longer is. Meaning, we change, we evolve. Unless you live in a bubble, or are dead set in your beliefs and ways, admit it, you have change. Think about it, there are things you enjoyed years ago that you no longer enjoy today. This is the same with relationships. Most of us love the person we first met. Something drew us to them and things just clicked. However, over time, the relationship became a little more complex. We began to notice our differences in personalities and preferences. Then one of us, if not both, began to change and grow– evolve.

Believe me, evolution can be difficult to accept in relationships especially when you are not growing together. In the end, it is up to us to decide whether or not we accept the other person’s change or resist it. Caution– resistance will cause problems, even result in failed relationships. Honestly, when you think about relationships they are no different than businesses and companies. When businesses and companies do not evolve, they fail. So, if you are in a relationship (any kind of relationship) where someone is evolving, ask yourself if you are willing to accept their evolution or resist it. Just know that resisting it might be the end of your relationship, or the end of what once was.

If you are not evolving, believe me, someone around you is. Face it, evolution is inevitable. You can either accept it or resist it.

Note for those evolving– Evolve! Even if it risks relationships, evolve! You owe it to yourself and God, not to remain the same.

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford
Blessed

Trust the timing of your life.
Trust your intuition.
Trust your journey.
– Author Unkown

I saw this quote on Facebook this morning. It reminded me of my life and my journey.

Trust the timing of your life…

Around the end of August I was invited to write a chapter in a book anthology. I said yes before I could talk myself out of it. I knew if I thought about it, even for a second, I would have said no. This year I promised myself that when opportunities presented themselves, opportunities that I knew I was capable of but afraid of doing, I would do them. I guess you can say I am finally seizing opportunities. Carpe diem!

Trust your intuition…

If it does not feel right, I am not going to do it. Period! My chapter is about my marriage and divorce. So far I have written several versions of the story. Some are more detailed than others. Right now, I am not sure which one to submit. Although it is my story, it also involves my ex-husband. I do not care how our relationship ended, and this is with any relationship, I refuse to publicly humiliate a person. We all have flaws and issues. Umm… Just thinking… this is probably the reason it took me over four years to get a divorce. I refused to be ugly. Ugh! Okay… enough about this.

Trust your journey…

Going with the flow and allowing God to lead. As we all have seen with 2020, life is so unpredictable. No matter what comes or goes, I must always remember that I am in God’s hands, and He is always in control. Whatever He has planned for my future is meant for my good. I will always be victorious!

Well, that’s all I have. Wishing you a fabulous Sunday! Remember to trust the timing of your life, trust your intuition, and trust your journey. God’s got you!

Be Blessed

Shaun

Life

Life & Love

Shaun Bradford

Up thinking and just had to write. 2020 is something else. It is the year for the unexpected. I’m not sure if I’m prepared for what may come next. Praying I am.

Well.. that’s not what I wanted to write about. Last night I watched the most amazing Verzuz battle ever! It was between Brandy and Monica. Y’all, it was like I had stepped back into the 90s. As if their story had picked up from where it left off 20 years ago. I know they said that it had been eight years since they last saw each other, but to me it felt like the 90s versions of themselves meeting up for the first time. The tension was so thick at times that I caught myself holding my breath. I mean, one wrong word and they could have set it off! Y’all, it was really that tense.

Anyway.. for me.. this is where things really became awkward. Brandy decided to read a poem before her song “Missing You.” I believe the first name she read was Kobe Bryant’s. Y’all, for a moment I stopped breathing. She went on to mention GiGi, Chadwick Boseman and a few others. But to mention Kobe knowing his widow is still deep in mourning, and with 1.2M people streaming, was not the time. Believe me, I understood and still understand her pain. If I was in her shoes, I would have wanted to do the same. Well, Monica’s next song was dedicated to Vanessa Bryant. Y’all, it was crazy!

Okay, that was Brandy’s story. Monica had a few awkward moments of her own. The whole Corey “C-Murder” Miller thing was entertaining, yet weird. She was going hard for this man. Said she wanted to wear the t-shirt she had made for him. I believe she kept saying something like she wanted people to say his name until they were saying it backwards. Whatever that meant. Lol. Bae-bé.. she that ride or die for real!! Okay!! Y’all, Free C-Murder now! Ya heard me!

Whew!! Anyway, the entire thing was entertaining and so worth watching. If they do decide to go on tour, it will probably end up like the Bobby Brown and New Edition tours, a hot mess! Lol! Somebody is definitely going to be Bobby.

Anyway, the reason I chose the title, Life & Love, is because I believe both women are living wishing they “would’ve, could’ve, or should’ve” done things differently. Boy have I been there, and trying so hard not to go there again. I’m pretty sure many of you have wished you would have made different decisions about a person you were in love with. Now you are living with the reality of the consequences of your decisions. Last night was really difficult to watch because I could feel what they felt. Like I said, I’ve been there and it still stings!

Okay.. One short story.

There was this guy I was in love with all throughout high school. He rarely paid me any attention until our senior year. That’s when we actually started having conversations. I used to love it when he would stop to say Hi or spend his lunch period in the library talking to me. Made me feel all special. To this day I believe the only thing that kept us from moving forward, besides his girlfriend (hehehe), was my race. I remember him asking if I was mixed with another race. Which was odd.

Umm… Since I never mention names, I’ll just call him “Blue Eyes.” Only a few know who that is, including my kids. They tease me all the time for putting Blue Eyes in the “friend” zone. Life…

Okay.. got sidetracked. Well, during our senior year, I went to several of his football games and all of his home baseball games. Y’all, I loved watching him play sports. Most of the time I was the only Black person at the baseball games. So I kind of stood out. Believe me, he couldn’t miss me. Lol! It was there that I met his mom. One day he approached me and told me that his mom thought I was nice. It’s crazy just remembering these things.

Well, the relationship I had dreamt of never happened. However, I did meet up with him in college. I sat out fall semester, but attended the next spring. During my extended summer break, I met my first boyfriend. That’s when my life became a little complicated. It was a mess. So by the time I attended college, I was so ready to get away from him and his baggage.

I remember walking into my first class, a lecture hall that held 300 students, and seeing two familiar faces and one was Blue Eyes. Y’all! How did that happen?? Hands down it was definitely God! Just thinking about it has me smiling and tearing up. I was so happy to see him. Talk about butterflies! During that semester, after class he would walk me halfway across campus to my next class. Y’all, I was in heaven. But that was only at school. Our relationship never made it off campus. Once I left campus I returned to my dysfunctional relationship with my boyfriend, and Blue Eyes returned to his girlfriend. We were both playing games. He had told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend, and I told him I had done the same with my boyfriend. Which was actually true at the time. You see, we broke up and got back together every other week. Anyway, one evening I happened to pass his girlfriend’s house.. NO, I was not stalking her. Her house was on one of the main roads to Walmart.. As I passed her house I noticed his red Honda CRX in her driveway. Maybe this is too much info. LOL! So he had not broken up with her. It was all a lie. Days following that I decided I had had enough and of everyone and needed to get away, so I scheduled an appointment with an Air Force recruiter. In April 1992, I signed up to join the Air Force after the semester was over.

Afterward making my decision, I remember avoiding Blue Eyes at all cost. I didn’t want to talk to him. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. But why? It wasn’t like I was actually available. Before the semester ended we had our last conversation. I don’t know how we ended up in that stairwell. I remember us sitting there talking and I told him that I was joining the Air Force. Y’all, he said something that pierced me to my heart. He said, “All you’re going to do is end up pregnant and alone.” Guess what, I did.

For years I tried to find him. As far as I know, he’s not on social media. He was always a very private person, so this is not surprising. I did find an address and phone number. I never called. Was too afraid he would be like “Umm… I don’t remember you.” Y’all, up until last year, he was my “would’ve, should’ve, could’ve,” guy. I had to let him go. Praying he’s okay.

Unfortunately, Brandy’s opportunity ended many, many moons ago. Kobe met the love of his life and moved on. Ouch!! Monica.. well, her and Corey both made decisions they probably wish they wouldn’t have. But he’s still here, and now she has the opportunity to try again. I pray this turns out better than she’s ever imagined. Although Brandy insists that she’s good being alone, something I find myself saying often, I hope she finds someone who will love her like the queen she is. Y’all, we all deserve that kind of love.

No time to edit. Hope you enjoy my ramblings. Love y’all!

Shaun

Life

Expect the Unexpected

Shaun Bradford

Last week I wrote, Trusting God’s Plan. Two days ago, Pastor Steven Furtick posted, “This is the year of things we didn’t expect. Don’t underestimate God’s ability to bring something beautiful out of our unmet expectations.” Both are confirmation that letting go and allowing God have total control will yield the best outcome.

Letting go means not thinking about what is to come, or how a certain story will play out. If you are anything like me, you sit and think, “If I do this, this will happen.” And “this will happen” usually leads to 100 different scenarios. Lol.

Story time! I promise to keep it short. Lol

Sunday I wrote about a situation with my neighbor and his dog. Monday morning I decided that I was going to knock on his door and ask him not to tie his dog to my tree. Had the entire scene played out in my mind. Actually, I had several scenes played out. You know, “If I say this, he’ll probably say blah blah blah.” Well, let me tell you how it actually went down. As I was heading to work, he and his wife were walking the dog. The wife had stopped to talk to one of our neighbors and he was talking on the phone. Y’all, everything happened so fast. I flagged him down and got his attention. Afterwards, I explained that my son was taking classes virtually and that I worked from home most days, and how the dog’s barking was interfering with our work. He quickly apologized and returned to his phone conversation, and I went on to work. None of that happened as I thought it would. I wish I could say that it ended there, but it didn’t. All morning I kept replaying the scene over and over in my head. Kept wondering what he thought of me. What his wife thought of me. Did they think I was rude? Was I rude? Couldn’t I have waited to address the issue? I mean, this really bothered me. I kept hearing God say, “Let it go,” but I could not let it go. Thankfully I became engrossed in something I was working on and forgot about the situation. When I got home, I went over and introduced myself (something I should have done before the incident), and I apologized for being so abrupt that morning. They also apologized and said they didn’t know anyone lived in my house. Umm… how could they not know, but… okay. As I walked back home, I noticed that they had removed the leash from my tree. Smiling

I said all of that to say, when I finally gave it to God, He worked it out. Is anyone else hearing, “Turn it over to Jesus, he will work it out. He can. He can. Work it out”? Y’all, I hear songs all day long. Lol.

Anyhoo.. I did not expect that outcome. I expected some kind of pushback that never happened. None of the scenarios that preoccupied my mind that morning, or even the day before, were close to what actually happened. But isn’t that how it usually happens. Nothing ever happens the way we imagine. Which means we really need to concentrate more on being present and less on what will happen next. Y’all, it is sooo freeing to just let go and let God do His thing.

Along with Pastor Furtick’s post was this image that said, “Are you missing what God wants to give you because of what you thought He was going to do?”

Expect the unexpected.

Be Blessed,

Shaun