We’ve all had déjà vu moments at some point in our lives. It’s like you’re standing somewhere and for a split second you think, “I’ve been here before,” or “I’ve heard this before.” Well, this morning while scrolling through my Facebook memories I found a post I made on March 8, 2019. Y’all, it’s so similar to yesterday’s blog that it’s scary. Wow!! Just take a look at the screenshot. I guess I really needed this message, or perhaps someone else needed it so much so that I had to post it TWICE. Just, Wow!!
Today’s Hello Sunday is based on a random thought. Have you ever felt the need to explain your decisions or beliefs to others without being prompted? Not sure why I asked because I already know you have. All of us have. Like when you tell someone you can’t do something you follow it with “because xyz.” Or you make a decision (good or bad) and feel compelled to provide more details– “I’ve decided to do this because xyz.” Or you explain why you like or dislike something without being prompted– “Girl, I like/dislike xyz because…” Y’all, do we really need to explain ourselves? Are we doing it so that we’re perceived favorably, or so others feel more comfortable with what we do or say?
For me, it’s a little bit of both. When it’s something that directly affects other people, I often feel the need to provide more details because I want them to know there was thought behind my decision(s). On the other hand, I also find myself further explaining my own decisions to include my likes and dislikes, which only affect me. Umm… but why?
Y’all, I just had an “AHA” moment!
It’s the fear of being judged. That’s it! It’s that– “What are their thoughts of me now?” “Do they think I’m considerate or inconsiderate?” “Do they think I’m focused or weird?” I guess, at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter how many details you or I provide, it’s about how the other person perceives or interprets the message. Period.
Well, problem solved! Only provide more information at your discretion, not because you feel you must.
Me unnecessarily providing more information after I’ve just written not to do so. UGH!! It’s after 5:00 a.m. my time and I’m so sleepy. You see, I fell asleep around 8:00 p.m. last night and woke up a little after midnight. So, I’m going to publish this blog and go to sleep. As always, thanks for reading my ramblings.
Didn’t feel like writing this morning. Was going to post a statement about accountability and be done. One of my words for 2020 was consistent and boy am I trying to remain consistent. My other word was sustainable. As we know, you cannot have anything sustainable if you’re not willing to be consistent. Which often means showing up when you don’t feel like it. Anyhoo.. I found this Facebook memory from March 3, 2019 and thought I’d share.
“Good Morning! Here’s today’s social media find. No matter how long it takes, keep holding on. Don’t throw in the towel. I love this quote because it’s so real. It seems like the closer you are to your dream being manifested, the more excuses and doubts fill your head. Whatever calling, or purpose, you have on your life, God will equip you to fulfill it. This is something I have to remind myself of when I start having doubts about what I know I’m supposed to do. Although tempted [to quit], don’t do it (in Joe’s voice😉). God will equip you with everything you need for all occasions. Have a blessed day.”
I’m here to encourage you (and myself– yes, I needed this message too) to remain steadfast. If you’re like me– you’re tired, you want to throw in the towel, or you just don’t feel like trying anymore– don’t give up!
Y’all, I needed this message this morning. Thankful for Facebook memories. Yesterday I posted, “Hang in there. You are stronger and more powerful than you think.” It was a message for yesterday. However, I’m pretty certain it’s definitely a message for future Shaun.
Listen, stay encouraged because God is working. He’s always working.
Yesterday I did something I’ve done many times before; however, this time was different. Yesterday morning I decided to log of Twitter, and I didn’t feel like I was being punished. Usually when I log off, I have to convince myself that it’s for my own good. Y’all, it’s never easy because I always feel like I’m losing my best friend or part of me. Pathetic, right? Well, yesterday I logged off without any regrets and it felt so good!
Oftentimes, I find myself wondering what life was like before social media. What were we doing? There was a time when I was so addicted to the games on Facebook (think this is where it began) that I was checking my farm (Farmville) and cafe (Café World) at work. I remember one of my colleagues asking if I remembered to check my food in my Café. Talk about crazy! Looking back, I couldn’t imagine myself living without my farm or cafe. Now they’re only memories.
Truthfully, besides the farm and cafe, I was never that attached to Facebook. I could log off for days and not feel like I was missing anything. But Twitter… Twitter is a-whole-nother story! I love Twitter because it’s fast-paced and so interactive. Talk about exhilarating! It’s a great place to discuss shared interests and get instant feedback. Now, this is where my problem resides– LIVE tweeting. (Y’all, I can’t even say “reside” without hearing “Where the money reside, where the money reside.” Lol) Listen, there’s nothing like LIVE tweeting during my favorite shows! It’s like being in a theater with a bunch of people who like talking during movies. As I said, very interactive. My problem, though, is I can’t seem to turn it off after the shows are over. I want to continue talking about them. Like… for days! I crave the interaction. I’m telling you, it’s addictive. I guess you can say the only good thing is, I like discussing fake drama not real drama. Real drama is a little too much. This is where Twitter becomes overwhelming and I’m forced to log off to maintain my sanity. Which was my reasoning for logging off yesterday.
With that said, yesterday evening I decided to log back on a little before my show, #TheOvalOnBET (just in case you want to tweet with us) came on. Was planning to log off afterwards but I stayed to tweet during my other show Ruthless (no hashtag for this one- y’all ain’t ready- LOL!). Afterwards, I happily logged off. I had gotten my fix and was out of there. Y’all, I’m really proud of myself because I didn’t think I could do it without feeling like I was losing something. Honestly, I’m good until my other show comes on. I guess you can say I’m reclaiming my life! Lol
By the way, two of my favorite shows were renewed for a third season– Tyler Perry’s The Oval and Sistas (#SistasOnBET). I’m so happy for Tyler and the cast! However, I’m even happier for me because I have something to tweet about for another year or so. Yep.. I’m smiling.
Reposted a Facebook memory I shared back in 2018. It was a video of Will Smith talking about happiness and how he and Jada came to the understanding that another person cannot make you happy. Happiness has to come from within. As Will put it, another person can make you smile, laugh and feel good, but they cannot make you happy. And he was absolutely right. It took me years to realize true happiness was a mental state of being, not an emotion.
Growing up, I always believed happiness came from another person. I was always waiting for the day I’d find this guy who would make me happy. I mean, that’s what the women in books and movies always said, “He makes me happy.” What they were really saying was, “He makes me smile, laugh and feel good.” However, whenever the guy broke her heart she became sad and somewhat depressed, but… she always bounced back. So, what happens when the smiles and laughter ends, or your heart gets broken and you can’t seem to bounce back or function?
My ex used to always say he wasn’t happy. So I would try to do things to make him happy. Eventually I said the same thing Will said to Jada, and this was years before Will posted his video. I explained that I could not make him happy, nor was it my job to keep trying. Believe me, it was exhausting. Thanks to the awesome advice I received from my therapist in my early 20s, I knew happiness came from within.
Side note: I need to take a moment and thank my younger self for seeking therapy, especially in the early 90s when Black people were not into therapy. The best part was, my therapist was a Black female contracted through DOD working in Ramstein, GE. I had to add that because God’s strategy is just impeccable. Y’all, He knew long before I did that I would need to seek help and she needed to be the one who provided it. Whew!! So grateful for Ms. Elaine. Because of her, I made it through some crazy times. Listen, I’m still living off the advice she gave me almost 30 years ago.
Anyway.. I need to take a quick nap before I get my day started so I’ll end with this:
1) Please find happiness within yourself. Make yourself smile, laugh and feel good. Believe me, I’ve been on both sides and there’s nothing like being truly happy.
2) If you’re constantly feeling down and/or depressed, please seek therapy. Most of the time it’s not the other person not making you happy, it’s you.
3) However, if the person you’re with never makes you smile, laugh or feel good, you may need to rethink that relationship. Just saying. That’s just my opinion. Lol
As usual, thanks for reading my early morning ramblings. Enjoy your Tuesday.
Last night I watched the movie, “Malcom and Marie,” which was a 2-hour dialogue between a couple who had just come home from an awards ceremony. Malcom had won an award for a movie he produced about a 20 year old model/aspiring actress who had overdosed on drugs. Marie.. well.. I don’t care how many ways Malcom tried to spin the story.. Marie was his inspiration behind the movie. I’m not going to give away too much of the movie. I want to give you a chance to watch it because, I don’t know about you, I hate spoilers. So, I’ll just leave you with this:
Most women are nurturers. When we love someone, we tend to put their needs and feelings before our own. From the macaroni scene, to stifling her feelings, until the end, Marie was that woman. But did Malcom notice? Do men notice? Like Marie, most of us suppress our feelings, smile and keep going like we’ve never been hurt or bothered. Is it right? Heck, no! But it’s what we do. It’s who we are. Like most women, Marie didn’t want to steal Malcom’s shine. She just wanted to feel appreciated.
Hmm… Wonder what would happen if we started putting ourselves first?
Women, nurturers, Queens, thank you for your selfless acts of love. For acts that go unnoticed. For the things you do that are second nature. Thank you for holding households together while trying to maintain your own sanity. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for loving hard even when it’s hard to love. Thank you for pressing forward through your tears. Thank you for being that rock. Thank you for the sacrifices you make so that others can excel. Thank you for being you. In my Tupac voice, “You are appreciated!”
I really should be asleep, but since I’m awake I’ll write. Was having a crazy dream about the rock band KISS, rappers Kid n Play, and eating dry cornbread in some fancy hotel room. Woke up coughing and reaching for water. I bet I can’t find KISS, Kid n Play, or dry cornbread in one of those dream book. Y’all, even while asleep, I’m being entertained. Gotta love life!
Anyhoo.. Yesterday I came across a photo I had taken at a conference. It was a picture of one of the speakers’ slides which read, “Preparation. Protection. Promotion.” I remember the speaker saying these are the steps God takes us through each time we embark on something new. First, we’re prepped for it. Meaning, we go through all kinds of tests and trials until God believes we’re ready to move to the next phase- Protection.
God’s protection zone is usually uncomfortable because it’s where nothing appears to be happening. You’re still in the preparation phase but you think you’re ready to shine. You know, it’s where you keep saying, “God, I’m ready!” and He responds with, “Not yet.” I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve gone through years of saying “I’m ready, Lord.” Only to hear Him say, “Be still. Not yet.” I’ve learned from experience that when He says to be still, I need to be still. It means I’m being protected. His method of protection reminds me of a parent protecting a child from touching something hot. The parent constantly tells the child not to touch the object because they’ll get burned. But once the parent turns their back, the child touches it. Lol. As I said, I’ve learned from experience to listen.
The protection phase isn’t as bad as it sounds. It’s where you get to make mistakes and no one seems to notice. You get to try what works and what doesn’t work. I guess you can say it’s the “trial and error” phase of the journey. The only problem I’ve had with this phase is that, in some situations, it can become too comfortable. Sometimes it becomes so comfortable that when God says it’s go time, you refuse to move. You make excuses for not moving forward. As usual, I’m not just writing this for you; as I write, God is speaking to me, too.
So, once God says you’re ready– which, from my experience, is when you feel the least prepared– comes the promotion. Promotion is scary, yet exhilarating; especially if you like adventures! However, promotion comes with a cost. Promotion comes with more exposure. More vulnerability. More responsibilities. As Biggie said, “Mo money, mo problems.” However, as Fred Hammond said, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.” Y’all, I’m so grateful I have God in my corner. When the problems come, or I encounter situations that seem unbearable, He reminds me that I can handle anything that’s thrown my way because I’m His child. I’m royalty!
This year I’m walking into new adventures standing tall knowing that God’s with me every step of the way. Ready or not Shaun, it’s game time!
As always, thanks for reading my early morning ramblings. Now it’s time to go back to sleep.
Every morning, as soon as my great-great grandmother stepped foot out of bed, she would grab her huge white bible, flip to Psalm 23, and began reading– well, more like reciting– the entire chapter, aloud. Not a day went by that she didn’t do this. Y’all, I hate to admit this but it wasn’t until a few months ago that I realized this ritual set her mood for the day. That one chapter had her smiling, humming and singing all day long. Well… let’s just say that I choose to believe that’s what had her humming and smiling all day long.
Anyway, a few months ago, I decided I wanted to be like her and establish my own morning ritual by reading a chapter from the book of Psalms. However, I wanted my own chapter because, thanks to her, I already knew Psalm 23 by heart. Plus that was her chapter. Well, I’m not sure how or why I chose Psalm 113; however, once I read it I knew it was for me. Just for me. Here’s a snippet of what gets me going each morning.
Psalm 113:1-3 NIV
Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, you his servants; praise the name of the Lord. Psalm 113:1
Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore. Psalm 113:2
From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. Psalm 113:3
As I said, this is just a snippet. There are six more verses in the chapter. I don’t know about you but the first three verses have me smiling already. Y’all, there’s just nothing like starting a day with praise.
Seems like the older I become the more death seems to bother me. I’m not saying I wasn’t bothered by it before, but it was just different. When I was younger I believed I would live forever. Now that I’m almost 50, I see things differently. I often feel like I’m in a race against time. Will I achieve my goals before death takes me away from here? I try not to think about death, but it’s hard not to. A week ago, one of my mom’s long-time friends passed. Two weeks before that, a couple my family used to attend church with, died within days of each other. Their son and I were classmates. Then, two days before Ms. Cicely Tyson passed, one of my friends texted me that her dad had just passed unexpectedly. It’s like death is lurking everywhere. Honestly, it’s becoming a little too much.
Y’all, I have so many questions that only God can answer. Am I in a race against death? Will I die before I achieve my goals? Will I live to see my dreams come to fruition? What is God’s definition of “fulfilling your purpose”? Because I believe we could possibly have two completely different definitions. Sometimes I feel like I should stop pursuing my dreams, goals, and purpose, and just settle where I am. You know, just be content with what is. I mean, it would be less stressful. Less time consuming. Less heartbreaking. Less complicated. So why do I want more? Why do I continue to live as if I have 50+ years ahead of me? Why am I still moving forward as if I can have anything imaginable? Why?
Smiling as I write because first of all, I’m actually a mother; and secondly, I’m a mother of a 26 year old queen. How? When? On most days, I still feel like I’m in my 20s.
So, around this time (6 a.m.) 26 years ago, I was trying to rest but couldn’t get comfortable. I was having contractions but they were only 7-10 minutes apart. The night before I had called my friend Sue, my unofficial birthing partner, to prepare her for what was next. Then, I called my other friend, Trina, who was the only one with a child and “experienced” in childbirth, to give her a heads up. Trina also lived across the street from the hospital so I had somewhere I could chill before checking into the hospital. I remember her saying not to have the baby until she got off work. Like I actually had control over when the baby would come. Y’all, we were so young and naive.
Well, around 2:00 p.m. my contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart. I’m just going to let y’all know, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing! I was following instructions I heard tv doctors give their pregnant patients, “Wait until the contractions are 2-3 minutes apart, then go to the hospital.” Y’all, I hadn’t called a doctor at all! The last time I called the doctor’s office was when I lost my mucus plug and that was days before. However, I did call Sue, who lived 30 minutes away in Ft. Walton Beach.
When she got to my house we grabbed my bag and headed… not to the hospital… but to Trina’s house. According to wonderful doctors like Heathcliff Huxtable, I needed to wait until the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart before heading to the hospital. So I was going to wait. By the time I arrived at Trina’s, I was so hungry. Hadn’t eaten anything all day because I heard some women used the bathroom while giving birth and that was the LAST thing I wanted to do. You see, my obstetrician was FINE!! Whew!! He had muscles everywhere! The last thing I wanted to do was use the bathroom while giving birth. But y’all, I was so hungry. First, I ate a bowl of ramen noodles. Then, I ate a little bit of every sugar-sweetened cereal she had in the house. Honestly, I don’t believe I knew what I was doing. I was in pain. I was trying to wait for the right moment to go to the hospital. Y’all, I was scared. All I knew to do was eat.
Anyway, once the contractions became unbearable, I went to the hospital and checked into labor and delivery. When I got there, I attempted to explained to the nurse that I was in labor. I don’t know what was going on that day but I remember her snapping at me and saying if I wasn’t dilated 4 cm they were going to send me home. That’s all she said and left me standing there. I guess the people in the waiting room felt sorry for me because they were the ones who got me a wheelchair and talked to me until Sue came up (she was parking the car). Everything that happened afterwards happened really fast. When the nurse checked me, I was more than 4 cm dilated. That’s when she actually tried to help. In hindsight, I guess I didn’t appear to be in labor. Like that’s a real thing. Believe me, the contractions were coming and I was in so much pain. But the cramps I endured during my menstrual cycles were far worse. So I just did what I did whenever I cramped, I beared it. I never once screamed or got out of character. I just took it.
Less than 3 hours later my baby was born. And no, I didn’t use the bathroom while having her. Lol. Another crazy thing happened afterwards. Sue asked me if the nurses were playing some kind of joke (told you we were young). Our wristbands had another mother’s name on them. Y’all, we had on the wrong wristbands! Talk about CRAZY!! I’m so happy we got that cleared up or I would have brought home someone else’s baby.
So that was 26 years ago. Today, I’m happy to report that the last 26 years have been just as adventurous, if not more. I have truly enjoyed motherhood. It’s been an honor watching KiSondrea become the woman she is today. I pray that today, and everyday forward, is just as wonderful and adventurous as the day of her birth.
It’s Shaun’s World 
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