It’s been over two years since I’ve been to an in person conference. Although I’m excited to see everyone, part of me wants to remain in my bubble. Y’all, this bubble has become so cozy. I used to love networking and socializing. Lived for it! Now, I only desire quiet, intimate gatherings. Twenty is plenty. I’m pretty sure once I see everyone my attitude will change. However, at this moment, the only thing I’m looking forward to is my hotel room. My how things have changed. Laughing. Guess I better suck it up. I’m attending another conference in two weeks.
Have you ever woke up feeling renewed? Like it’s literally a brand new day, an actual new beginning? Well, this morning, I did! Perhaps it was the six hours of uninterrupted sleep (smile) or a delayed reaction from this day a year ago, the morning after I submitted my letter of resignation. To this day, I still don’t know how I submitted it without a bit of fear or a set plan in place. Y’all, I’m in tears because I KNOW it was God!
So here I am a year later without an ounce of regret. Still on cloud nine. However, the feeling I woke up with this morning is a little different. Today, I’m no longer anxious to take on a million projects. I have no plans of being entrepreneur or volunteer of the year. What I’m feeling is true peace and contentment. Not in a way that I’m not striving to reach new heights, but in a way that I no longer feel rushed. I’m actually going with the flow. I don’t want to mislead you into believing everything has been perfect because it hasn’t. I still have bills, unexpected things continue to pop up, and misfortunes and disappointments happen. However, I no longer allow myself to become stressed or anxious. Now, whenever I feel either creeping in, I remember that I’m not in this alone, God’s got me. That’s when I take a backseat and allow Him to lead. You know, since He knows where He’s taking me. Smile
I’m just going to jump right in. A few days ago, after reviewing several pictures I had taken with a guest speaker at an event, I began criticizing my appearance. Y’all, it was like I couldn’t stop.
I rarely take full body pictures because 1) I do not know how to pose (y’all my poses are terrible 😂) and 2) I’m not comfortable with my weight. So after taking the pictures the guest speaker, I began to openly critique every photo – I looked too fat, too short, the camera wasn’t positioned right, needed a better camera (HA.. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with mine). Y’all, I was on a roll. Couldn’t stop myself. The criticism was flowing like running water. Sadly, it wasn’t until I got in the car that I realized what I had done. Ouch! Up until that moment, I never realized how much I criticized myself. And to do it in public was completely embarrassing! It’s one thing to do it at home (which is still wrong) and another to do it in public. As I sat in my car tearing up, I promised myself that I would never criticize myself in public again. I can only imagine the impression I left. Sigh
Here’s a full body picture from another day. I’m learning that the only way I can fully embrace myself, as well as become more confident, is to stop hiding what I consider flaws and imperfections. And the negative self talk has to go, TODAY! How can I promote self-love if I’m not truly embracing all of me?
For me, there’s something so cathartic about releasing issues into the atmosphere. Once out, I imagine the words braking into fragments until they become tiny particles floating awayinto the universe. Release & Breathe
Thank you for reading! Praying you have a wonderful week.