Tag: healing

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

Here is another awesome post that I found amongst my Facebook memories.

Facebook memory – December 22, 2018

In response to a quote by xonecole: “Don’t go back to less because you’re too impatient to wait for more,” I wrote:

Happy Saturday!! Here’s today’s social media find. As Joe [from Tyler Perry’s Madea movies] would say, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it.” Don’t you dare look back and miss out on what’s to come! Believe me, God is working. He’s ALWAYS working! Now, do your part and be patient.🤗 Y’all be blessed.💕 Wait. God’s got you. Your blessing is coming. Don’t look back. Don’t settle. Goals for 2019.

Well, 2019 was a year of so many highs and lows – moments of happiness, anger, euphoria, sadness, loss and depression. It is one year of my life that I absolutely hate revisiting. But as you can see from my post in 2018, it was also one I was so looking forward to. Little did I know, those high, euphoric moments would help me through some of the worst moments in my life.

Now, here I am three years later, still not settling, refusing to go back to what was, and moving forward. And yes, I am still waiting for whatever and whoever God has planned for my future as well as to fulfill His purpose. Without a doubt, I know the best is yet to come. As Bishop T. D. Jakes often says, what God has for you will not be found in what you left behind. It will be found in what is in front of you. Eyes forward.

God’s got me.

Thanks for reading! Wishing you and your families peace and joy.

Be Blessed

Shaun

Life

Trying to Understand Why?

Shaun Bradford

Yes, this is my second time writing today. Had to get this off my chest and see if anyone can help me understand, “Why?”. Why is it so difficult for some – not going to say most or all – men to dissociate their child from the child’s mother? Here’s my story:

After several attempts at watching Christopher Nolen’s A Christmas Wish, I finally finished it. For me, it was unbelievably difficult to watch because I felt like I was the mom in the story having to provide for a child without conditional financial assistance from the father. You see, the father (ex-husband) in the story refused to pay child support, but said he would provide everything the child needed if and when she asked. This was the first issue I had. The next was the father’s plea to the mom – “Why don’t you let me take care of you? You know I still love you.” Which brings me back to my original question, why is it so difficult for men to see the mother and child as two separate individuals? Why couldn’t he take care of the child without associating it with his love for the mom?

After I had my daughter, I refused to ask her father for child support. I was not going to beg him to take care of his child. Plus, just like the father in the movie, he kept saying he wanted to take care of both of us. He wanted us to be together. But he was already with someone else. And when I refused, he decided not to provide for her. He told me if I needed anything, to just ask. Well, I didn’t. I believed if he wanted to take care of her he would do it on his own. I mean, mothers don’t have a choice. We do it whether the father is around or not. Well, after a couple of years of my mom telling me I needed to put my pride aside and seek support for my daughter, I did. I filed for child support before I left for Turkey. The agency reported that they were not able to locate him. Then a few months after arriving in Turkey, I received a letter from him stating if I wanted support, he was going to seek joint custody. My daughter was three years old and had never laid eyes on him nor spoken to him. Not because I would not allow it, but because I chose not to be with him. Y’all, he never even spoke to my baby! From birth, I kept him and his parents informed about her progress. I sent pictures. I wrote letters and neither him nor his family made an effort to have a relationship with her. So there was no way I was going to give him joint custody just to receive a check. So, I chose to raise her on my own.

Fast forward to today and my now ex. Almost the exact same scenario. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Never in a million years did I expect it from him because he knew what I went through with my daughter’s father. So yeah, watching the movie was very difficult. The pain is still very fresh. In the movie, the little girl’s wish was for them to be a family again on Christmas Day, and of course it happened. Well, up until two years ago, I did the family Christmas thing, but ended it because it only gave my ex false hope of us getting back together. Before the next Christmas rolled around, I informed my son that we were no longer going to spend Christmases together. This was also after finally being granted the divorce after over four years of waiting. And guess what? My son was actually okay with it.

Even though it took me several attempts to get through the movie, I did it. It may seem insignificant to you, but it’s an accomplishment for me. Y’all, I really didn’t think I could do it. It hurt too badly. At times I found myself yelling at the television begging the mom not to take him back. Yeah, it was painful to watch.

Here is my takeaway from the movie, or what I needed to come to terms with. Yes, some people settle for package deal because that is what works for them. And guess what? It’s okay. Me, I did not accept the package deal so I must accept the consequences of my actions. Lastly, I have to let it go. My son is 18 and my daughter is 26. There has never been a time in their lives that I was not able to provide for them or did not ask for help when I really needed it. I can no longer beat myself up over the relationship/lack of relationship they have with their fathers because I chose not to accept the package deal. Yes, it’s time for me to let it go.

After I had my daughter, I would often ask her father why he could not take care of her without taking care of me. He said because he loved me and all of us should be together. I’m still bewildered.

If anyone has the answer, please let me know.

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

Facebook Memory: December 15, 2018

Last weekend I was in some kind of mood. I kept crying. I felt lonely (but didn’t want to be bothered- lol). I was fed up with school and didn’t feel like completing an assignment. I mean, I was feeling some type of way. Then God began to remind me of His goodness and blessings. At first I wanted to stay in that funk (yes, I was having a real good pity party😆), but it didn’t last long. God let me know that I had so much more ahead of me. I just had to take the first step towards moving forward. That step was to acknowledge His greatness. It’s amazing what can happen when we acknowledge God for who He is– OMNIPOTENT! Whew!!💃🏽 As Pastor [Joel] Osteen says, your chapter doesn’t end here. Turn the page!
PUSH: Pray Until Something Happens

What a word!! So, this particular chapter did not end as expected. It’s okay. Please let go and turn the page. God has already blown your mind many times before. Just imagine what He has waiting in your next chapter.

Of course you will never know if you don’t Turn The Page!

As always, thank you for reading. Wishing you a wonderfully, blessed week!

Shaun

Life

Hello Sunday

Shaun Bradford

Today’s blog is a song by William Murphy, Praise is What I Do.

Praise is What I Do
by William Murphy
Courtesy of Musixmatch

Come on, song goes like this

Praise is what I do
When I wanna be close to You
I lift my hands in praise (oh, oh, come on)
Praise is who I am (let’s declare it church)
I will praise Him while I can
I’ll bless You at all times (I vow)

I vow to praise You (when you gon’ praise Him church?)
Through the good and the bad
I’ll praise You (whether happy or sad)
Whether happy or sad (I will)
I’ll praise You (thank you Jesus)
In all that I go through (yeah)
Because praise is what I do
‘Cause I owe it all to You

Praise is what I do (even when I’m going through)
Even when I’m going through (say, I finally learned church)
I’ve learned to worship You (yeah, yeah)
(And I declare)
No my circumstance (doesn’t even stand a chance)
Doesn’t even stand a chance (’cause my praise)
My praise outweighs the bad (so I vow to praise)

I vow to praise You (I need somebody to wave your hands and declare)
Through the good and the bad (I will)
I’ll praise You (doesn’t matter how I feel)
Whether happy or sad (I will)
I’ll praise You (in all that I go through)
In all that I go through
Because praise is what I do (I owe)
‘Cause I owe it all to You

This section was omitted from the online lyrics but is included in the song.
[Now I just need someone to open your mouth and give Him a crazy praise.
Somebody send the praise to the nation.
Somebody send the praise to Africa.
Somebody send the praise to China.]

Praise is what I do (open up your mouth church)
(It’s what I do)
It’s what I do
(Yes, church open up your mouth and somebody clap those hands and declare)

Praise is what I do
(It’s what I do)
It’s what I do
(Somebody [send] the praise to Germany)
(Somebody [send] the praise to France)

Praise is what I do (it’s what I do, yeah)
(It’s what I do, it’s what I do)
(It’s what I do)
It’s what I do
(Somebody [send a] praise to [Bankhead])
(Somebody [send a] praise to [Buckhead], yeah)
Praise is what I do
(Yeah)

Source: Musixmatch Songwriter: William Murphy III Praise Is What I Do lyrics © Lilly Mack Music, M3m Music

Be Blessed

Shaun

Life

Wednesday Writings

Shaun Bradford

It’s not Wednesday yet, but it will be by the time I finish writing. I just need to get this out before I go to sleep. Can’t have this heaviness weighing on me.

Warning: This blog is about one of my favorite television shows. Please feel free to stop reading at any time. Believe me, I know it’s not that interesting. I just need to get this off my chest.

Here we go…

I don’t know why certain things bother me so much. Tonight I was watching one of my favorite shows – Tyler Perry’s The Oval – and there was this scene between this married couple that really upset me. Here’s a little of their backstory:

Richard and Nancy have been married for about 24 years. While Richard was deployed Iraq, Nancy had an affair with Richard’s father and had a son. Nancy kept this secret for over 20 years by pretending he was her nephew. Well, after her son was shot and killed she decided to tell Richard the truth – her nephew was actually her son. AND the only reason she told him was because she needed help with paying for her son’s burial. Can you imagine holding a secret like that for years and only confessing because you’re in a bind? Well, that’s what Nancy did. Honestly, I wasn’t as upset about the secret as I was about how she shared the news. She just blurted it out. No shame. No guilt. No remorse. Just blurted it out. She needed Richard’s help and believed that since he was her husband he was supposed to happily give her the money. She could care less about the weight of the news she had just dropped on him. Talk about trifling!

Okay, now on to the part about the baby being his father’s. So, after Richard found out about Nancy’s son, he wanted to know the father’s identity. For weeks he begged her to tell him. Every time he asked, she would blow him off saying it didn’t matter because it was in the past. Well the more she blew him off, the worse things got between them. He kept telling her that all he wanted was the truth. Since she wouldn’t tell him, he decided he would have an affair of his own. Nancy found out about the affair – which never happened because the other lady didn’t want to be in the middle of their mess – and confessed that she had slept with his father. Of course Richard became upset because he assumed his father raped her. Ha! Not the case at all! She actually seduced his father. Said she was lonely. Now that really made him angry. Okay, so maybe this is when he tried to mess around on her but his love interest didn’t want to be involved in their mess. Talk about a smart move on her part. She saw the exit and took it. Lol

Anyway, Richard managed to avoid Nancy for weeks until tonight. Tonight he gave in and I lost all respect for him. Yes, I lost all respect for a fictional character. It was as if the sex made him forget the hurt and betrayal. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. So many people were tweeting how happy they were that Nancy finally got her man back. Ugh.. I was not happy at all. In fact, I was pretty upset. How could he give in that easily. Yes, she apologized with words but her actions didn’t show that she was truly sorry. Yes, she continued to try to love on him hoping he would eventually come around; however.. and here’s the kicker.. she never once acknowledged his feelings. Instead she kept telling him that the affair happened years before and that he shouldn’t be upset because she never did it again. But what difference did that make. Whether it happened over 20 years before or the day before, the pain was still the same, especially since he had just found out.

So here’s why it upset me. I believe if someone hurts you and they are truly sorry for their actions, they will selflessly give you time and space to feel, to be, and to heal; and not discount your feelings. Your feelings matter.

I really needed to get that out. I know the characters are fictional and the drama is definitely fake; however, sometimes things are a little too real. I remember being hurt and feeling betrayed. Even though my feelings weren’t acknowledged, they mattered. One thing I regret is not taking the time to feel and heal. Instead I bottled everything up inside and pretended not to hurt. Now I’m feeling. And healing. What a process.

God is good.

Shaun

Life

Perceptions

Shaun Bradford

Perception – a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression

Question – If you perceive something to be true, is it actually true?

Social media has opened my eyes about the way we perceive things. Even when in agreement, we never truly understand the other person’s full perspective unless we ask, or they explain it in detail. Most of the time we assume that because we are in agreement, our perspectives are the same. When in reality, they are not.

Honestly, perceptions can be very deceptive. Especially when we attempt to interpret another person’s feelings or words. Have you ever wondered how someone perceived you based on your words, feelings or actions? Do you believe their perception would be accurate if they never spoke to or interacted with you? More than likely, not. So why do we assume our perceptions of others to be true?

My advice, if you really want to know how a person feels, or understand the meaning behind their words or messages, ASK. Also, people change over time. Just because they said something or felt a certain way a year ago, doesn’t mean they feel the same way today. Again, ASK.

As always, thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your day!

Shaun