After reading a few journal entries, I’ve discovered the drive behind my faith– optimism. High optimism. Basically, my faith is the strongest when my head is in the clouds. When I believe the impossible is possible. And guess what? That’s exactly when the impossible actually happens. Y’all, when I’m on an optimistic high, the earth moves!
For the past few years – since October 2019 – I haven’t cared for October. But looking back, October used to be my month. It’s the month that I usually attend our national dietetics conference – FNCE. I always looked forward to attending them because they seemed to boost my drive to do more and be more. Y’all, I really feed of off energy. And right now, I feel depleted. Honestly, I feel like the Little Engine That Could. I keep saying, “I think I can. I think I can,” but can’t. Honestly, my adrenaline is gone and I’m running off of vapors. Praying, praying, praying that I find another source of energy.
Wow! Just writing this has been eye opening. I’ve actually been feeding off of their energy… Okay, so how do I produce my own? Asking God
Anyhoo.. me and my “Aha” moments. At least this is a start. Thanks for reading Part 2 of Wednesday Writings.♥️
It’s a little after 3:00 AM and since I’m up, I’ll write. I have so much on my mind. Isn’t it interesting how no matter how much you try to clear your thoughts, even through meditation, when you’re finished, everything comes rushing back. No matter how many inspirational videos I watch, messages I hear or pep talks I get, there’s always one or two things always nagging me. After writing that last sentence I heard, “Where is your faith?”. Interesting…
It’s interesting because there have been times in my life where my faith was so high that nothing around me bothered me. Then there have been times, like now, when my faith has been exhausted. Exhausted…
Y’all, I really need to get away. I’m not used to being so still. One thing I miss about life before COVID, is being able to travel freely and interacting with people. I’m not going to lie, the pandemic did a number on me and I have yet to recover. It’s like I don’t know how to jump back into the game.
Last night I was talking to a friend and she told me about odd jobs she’s taken on just to do something different outside of her full-time job. While we were talking, I considered doing the same. Then when I got off the phone, I was like, I love the flexibility of my life. I can’t even see myself tied to an 8-5 or any kind of rigid schedule. I like creating my own schedule. Funny thing is, when I did work 8-5, I created my own schedule. Had been for years. Outside of scheduled meetings, I was free to operate as I pleased. Looking back, I was pretty spoiled. Now, I can’t even imagine myself working like that again. (Shaking My Head)
Yeah.. times are weird. I thought I would have Nutrition with LaShaundreaB fully launched by now, but life happened. And every time I think about “life” happening, I think about if I was working like I had planned, I wouldn’t have been able to take time off to care for my parents.
Yeah.. life is interesting. I know this is only one small moment in time that my faith is low. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean, I had been on an emotional high for over a year and a half. Maybe it was too high.. if that’s even a thing.
So.. where is my faith?
Umm… I think it’s time I go find it. The good part is, I don’t have to look far or find inspiration or encouragement from some outside source. I have tons of journal entries full of encouragement and acts of faith, love and blessings. I’m sooo grateful God made me who I am. Even though I hate being a loner at times, He’s made it so that I will always be able to make it even if I am alone. It’s times like this that I wish I had a boo to talk to. (Sigh) Again, life!
Thanks for reading another round of my early morning ramblings. Now, let me go read a few journal entries because I hate being in a funk.
Hold on – just a little while longer Hold on – just a little while longer Hold on – just a little while longer Everything will be alright
Pray on – just a little while longer Pray on – just a little while longer Pray on – just a little while longer Everything will be alright
God is working and I’m holding on. I know better days are ahead. This time I’m going to cherish them a little bit more. Smiling
By the way, the premiere of Tyler Perry’s Sistas Season 5 is tonight! Y’all know I get excited about Sistas. It would be so awesome if I could watch and chat from the comfort of my home. Remaining hopeful.
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Please enjoy your Wednesday!
Today would have been my brother’s 49th birthday. Y’all, I just knew we would grow old together. Happy heavenly birthday, Rell.♥️ October 5, 1973 – October 19, 2019
Here’s what I shared on that day three years ago (October 5, 2019) –
Facebook Memory: October 5, 2019
Second message this week about everything happens for a reason. So I must make it today’s social media find. Rest assured God’s got you. He already has everything worked out. Just trust Him. Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s something we must learn to do. Y’all have a blessed day.🙏🏽♥️
This was in response to a post made by TV ONE – “Laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason.”
That week, my emotions were all over the place. My anxiety level was like a ten. You know how you can feel something about to happen but can’t pinpoint what? I remember being so anxious that entire day, and the days that followed, were even worse. Didn’t know I would actually laugh at the confusion. Not really. Smile through the tear. Boy did I do a lot of crying, but of course I kept smiling. One thing that I couldn’t seem to do was focus on the “everything happens for a reason” part. HA! One thing I forgot to do was take my own advice and trust that God knew what He was doing. Honestly, I’m still confused about that part. Only God knows the lessons and reasons behind everything that happened.
Yeah.. October 2019 was a month I truly wanted to forget. Hands down, it was one of the worst months of my life. Y’all, I honestly didn’t think I could see another October and not feel some kind of way. I’m so thankful time takes away the sting. That God loves us enough to make sure we heal from pain.
Smiling because this particular Facebook memory is soooo timely!
This week, Tyler Perry (yes.. I’m writing about Tyler again- lol) has two productions premiering. Tonight we get a sneak preview of his new show Zatima, which is a spin-off of Tyler Perry’s Sistas. Tomorrow, the first season premieres on BETPlus. Then Friday, his movie, A Jazzman’s Blues, premieres on Netflix. What a birthday month!! Y’all know I love birthdays and this is like top tier of birthday celebrations. Doesn’t get any better than this!Or does it?!
Anyhoo.. back to my Facebook memory. A few blogs ago I wrote that from what I could tell from A Jazzman’s Blues’ trailer, the movie is definitely Oscar worthy. Well, here’s what I wrote two years ago, the day after Tyler and his foundation won the Emmys’ Governors Award.
Facebook Memory: September 21, 2020
I have to brag on Tyler Perry for a minute. Yeah..yeah.. yeah.. I know, I do it all the time. But you have to understand what last night meant. He received his first Emmy, y’all! He received it in spite of the criticism he receives daily, ESPECIALLY from fellow artists. You don’t have to like Tyler, or his work. However, you must acknowledge that he’s doing something right. This man puts in the work!
Y’all, this is proof that God will move mountains to make sure you receive what you deserve. As Tyler is notorious for saying, “All you need is ONE yes from God.” So don’t let criticism, disappointments or hate stop you from pursuing your dreams. Shake it off and keep moving. Because NOTHING, and NO ONE, can stop God’s plan for your life. But most importantly– NOTHING WILL STOP GOD’S PURPOSE!
Whew!! I got chills reading my own post! Laughing.
Looking forward to seeing where this leads. I’m so excited for Tyler!
Below is a Facebook memory from three years ago. Today, I needed this reminder. Everything I do is to support God’s purpose. It’s not about me.
Facebook Memory September 14, 2019:
Have you ever asked God why He chose you? I have. Sometimes I still do. Y’all, we were chosen for a reason. He chose us, with all of our imperfections, to fulfill whatever purpose He has. He’s so awesome!
I don’t know what lies ahead, but I do know I was chosen for a reason. For this, I’m forever grateful.
To this day, I still don’t know what lies ahead. So much has happened since I made that post. I didn’t know I would suffer one of the biggest heartbreaks of a lifetime. I didn’t know that I would be a coauthor in a book. I didn’t know that I would finally take the leap and leave my job– without a backup plan. I didn’t know that I would be one of the primary caregivers for all three of my parents. I didn’t know that by resting in God, and truly allowing Him to lead, that I would experience such peace. Y’all, I actually feel like a Queen at times. Smiling. I haven’t had to want for anything. God is sooo good.
Today, I’m still perplexed about why God chose me. Why He entrusted me with so many responsibilities, while treating me like royalty. I pray that I’m making Him proud. I pray that I’m doing a good job fulfilling His purpose.
Grateful for the connections I’ve made over my lifetime. Some connections have been brief, while others have been lifelong. The older I become, the more I cherish these connections and the time I get to spend with everyone.
Today, the world lost a wonderful man. He was a father, grandfather, brother, uncle, husband and friend. He was loud, opinionated, always cracking jokes and loved by so many. He will be missed. RIP Daddy E.
Today is also my sister’s 48th birthday. Wish I could be with her.
Yes, y’all. Life and time passes by so fast. Cherish the time you have with others, especially the ones you consider dear.
UPDATE #2: My mom is AWAKE and talking!!! God is soooo good!!! Thank y’all so much for the prayers.♥️
UPDATE: I spoke with my Mom’s ICU nurse a little while ago. She said that my mom actually responded to a few commands this morning. She also held her eyes open for a while. This is all great news!🙏🏽
The past several days have been overwhelming. However, the good news is, my mom is still with us.
As for me, I can’t even begin to describe where I’m at emotionally. Sometimes it feels as if I’m experiencing multiple emotions all at once– frustration, sadness, confusion, and loneliness, then throw in a bit of optimism. Ugh!
Y’all, I’m exhausted but can’t seem to rest. Haven’t had much of an appetite; however, I’m eating because I know I’m supposed to. Basically, I have been forcing myself to eat, drink and sleep. Every time I feel like I have a handle on things, something else pops up.
Yesterday Momma opened her eyes for a brief moment while my sister and I were in the room. Y’all, it felt like a miracle had happened. We were so happy. That was during the first ICU visitation. During each visitation that followed, we expected her to do the same or more but nothing happened. She barely even moved. One of my sisters said we should only speak positively. That negative conversations will only make things worse. She doesn’t want to hear anything other than Momma is going to pull through. Guess what?! This is really difficult to do when you’re the person who has to make the final decisions in case she doesn’t pull through. And that person is me.
Yes, it hurts. It’s painful. It makes me want to scream. ButI’m here. I’m making it. I’m going with the flow. God’s got me. Life…
Y’all, I’m sitting here in awe because I didn’t have to think of something to write about this morning. You want to know why? Because it was already written (well, partially written) three years ago– August 24, 2019. I just love my Facebook memories and journal entries.
Journal Entry– August 24, 2019
“Trust and loyalty are my two greatest fears. Yes, fears. If I trust you, will you hurt me? If I’m loyal to you, will you leave me? Right now I’m learning to trust. Trust isn’t something I’ve ever given to someone easily. It’s sad to say but there are only a few people I completely trust. Really only two, my two [kids]. I know they have my back.”
Now, that was the first part of my entry. Today, I can happily say that trust and loyalty don’t bother me as much as they used to. I believe it was this exact year when I realized trust should be given a chance to be earned (believe me, I wasn’t handing out trust passes) and loyalty didn’t have to be reciprocated. Before then, I didn’t really give many the opportunity to earn trust. Had been hurt too many times before. Same with loyalty. I had been hurt and disappointed too many times. Life
Well, this next part I was kind of hesitant to share because it seemed a bit too personal. However, I decided to share it anyway because it is part of the story, my story. So here it goes. One of my transparent moments. I’ll let you know if my thoughts have changed any, afterwards.
“Will I trust my mate completely? I’m praying that I will and he does the same with me. Complete trust. Complete loyalty. Meaning NEVER talking about the other in ways that degrades the other, or causes someone to look at them unfavorably.”
Hmmm…
“Complete trust.” “Complete loyalty.” Are those even possible?
Ironically, I’ve been thinking about the two (trust and loyalty) a lot lately. I told y’all a few blogs ago that my life follows a pattern– same month, different year, same thoughts.How weird is that? Anyway, a few days ago, I actually had a conversation with God about the two. Then, not even a day later, I had a conversation with someone else about the same exact things- trust and loyalty. As I mentioned earlier (in my journal entry), the lack of trust and loyalty were my two greatest fears.
This time when I asked God the same question I asked three years ago– will I be able to trust my mate completely?– here’s what He had to say. Yes, He talked and I listened. (Smile) He said that He would never entrust me to anyone I could not trust or who wasn’t loyal.He explained that I’m wise enough to know the difference between intentional and unintentional harm, and that I would have to use this wisdom as a guide when assessing true loyalty and trust. People are not perfect, they’re human. They will make mistakes. Also, He assured me that He would never send me someone I cannot fully trust or who wasn’t loyal. It would be beneath Him to do so. Y’all, that last part!!Whew! Listen, God ONLY sends THE BEST! You already know His answer made me smile.
Trust and loyalty.
Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday and fabulous rest of the week.
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