Since Monday, I have been debating on whether or not to write about the late, and most definitely great, General Colin Powell.
Monday morning I woke up feeling wonderful! Had posted my quote for the day – CHANGE begins with me. Then I saw the news – “Colin Powell has died . . .” Y’all, I was not prepared for that news. I know.. death is always unpredictable. I just wish I’d had time to gather and control my emotions before I saw the news. You see, I was already preparing for the 2nd anniversary of my brother’s death, which was yesterday. I knew whose comments and posts to avoid on social media. I had already psyched myself up to be as upbeat as possible this week. Then, I saw the headlines. I couldn’t stop crying. Honestly, I felt like I had lost a very close loved one. The hurt was deep.
So, why such strong feelings?
Well, there are people I admire and then there are those I ADMIRE. He was one of the ones I ADMIRED. He was someone I truly wanted to meet. When Kofi Annan (late Secretary General of the United Nations) died, I had the same reaction. Y’all, I just knew I my heart that I would meet him. The only person I got to meet, who I really admired, was Chef Leah Chase. I was also sadden by her passing, but found comfort in knowing that I got to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I got to tell her how much I admired her. I also walked away with words of inspiration. That’s something I will always cherish. Sadly, I will never have that opportunity with Kofi Annan or Colin Powell.
Today, there are only a few on my list of people to meet. Honestly, I would be devastated if one of them passed without me at least shaking their hand or letting them know how they have inspired me. I really have to stop putting things off thinking that there will always be other opportunities. The reality is life is short and seems be be getting shorter. Whenever the opportunity knocks, I need to go for it!
This morning I woke up with Whitney Houston’s I Didn’t Know My Own Strength playing over and over in my head. Truthfully, how I have made it thus far is a blur. As I look back over my adulthood, I’m amazed at how many challenges I encountered and actually overcame. Some, I thought I would never make it through. Yet I’m here. I made it!
Transparent Moment –
Last night I received a credit alert informing me that my credit score had increased in double digits. In tears as I write. Allow me to share why this is so significant. Here’s my story.
When I was 23 years old, I filed for bankruptcy. At the time, I was a single mom with a debt I believed I could not repay. My daughter was almost two years old and daycare was eating up most of my paycheck – especially when I worked 12 hour shifts on nights and weekends. Therefore, I relied on credit cards to purchase food and necessities and pay bills.
The other day I was looking through old photos and came across pictures of my first apartment. I had moved from a small, fully furnished trailer/mobile home to this huge empty apartment, and the only living room furniture I could afford was two black bean bag chairs and a small stool, which held my lamp. I remember sleeping in my daughter’s toddler bed (I’m short- smile) until I could get a bed of my own. Which, of course, was purchased on credit. Needless to say, by the time my daughter was two, I was drowning in debt. I knew I had to find a way out and I believed bankruptcy was the solution. Some of you may ask why I did not ask for help since I was in the military. Well, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I was constantly being praised for being a young, single mom with my life “together,” so it was hard asking for help. Talk about the stress of trying to be perfect, all while falling apart inside. It was too much!
Just like the day I decided to join the Air Force, deciding to file for bankruptcy was a spontaneous move. I did not have a plan in place nor a lawyer in mind. One day I just woke up and decided to search the yellow pages of the phone book for a bankruptcy lawyer. Listen, one thing about me, when I’m fed up with my circumstances, I will find a way out. Sometimes I do not make the best decisions but I get out. After finding a lawyer who seemed kind on paper (and he was very kind), I scheduled a meeting. Two months and $850 later, the majority of my debt was gone. I still had my car and furniture notes, but I could breathe again. It wasn’t until years later that I actually looked at the amount of debt charged off – $6500. Only $6500 worth of debt. I cannot believe such a small amount of debt caused so much anguish.
Fast forward to about eight years ago. For the second time in my life, I was drowning in debt, but this time I was married and making more money than I ever had. Two incomes and I was living off of payday loans – five payday loans to be exact – three local and two online, plus credit card debt. Yep.. that’s how I was living. I was a mess! I have never been into material things (clothes, shoes, bags, cars, etc.), but I loved to travel and I loved food (and still love both – smile). Honestly, I’m not sure when everything got out of hand, but it did. The sad part is my ex-husband had no idea. He was clueless about what was happening. He never knew how I made ends meet because everything that was in his name was always paid first. I made sure of that.
Months before we separated, I had watched the documentary Spent: Looking for Change . Y’all, that documentary changed my life. I finally felt like I wasn’t the only one who had gotten in over my head and couldn’t get out. So many of the stories resonated with me. The thing that mostly stood out was the sharers willingness to make hard sacrifices to get out of debt. Afterwards, I was inspired to change. Unfortunately, at the time that I chose to clean up my debt, my marriage was also ending. I remember finally paying off my last payday loan only to have my ex reroute his direct deposit to another account. This caused our joint, and my only, account to be overdrawn. All of the automatic payments that came out on the first of the month were either paid through overdraft or returned. I was hundreds in the whole. The only way I knew to get out was to either write more checks (payday loans), try to get a long-term loan, ask him for money (which was what he wanted) or let it ride. I decided to let it ride until the electricity was cut off. Sigh. I’m not going to retell everything that happened during the following months because I don’t want to relive it. Just know that that particular year was one of my hardest – from driving a car that was on its last leg to foreclosure, but I made it through!
Now, here I am seven years after the separation (now divorce), making far less money, in a fairly new house and car (no car note), barely any credit card debt, money in my bank account and savings, bills paid and my credit score increasing. Yesterday, I went to start my car and the battery was dead. Now I’m really in tears. You don’t know how good it felt to be able to purchase a battery without worrying about where the money would come from or what sacrifices I would have to make just to purchase it.
Y’all, I have come a long way to get where I am today. It was not easy. Believe me, the struggle was real. I’m so grateful I stuck with God and allowed Him to lead. For real! It was because of Him that I made it. One day I’ll share my entire story. Believe me, it was all God. Yep.. I’m crying. It was ALL God!
As always, thank you for reading. Wishing you an absolutely wonderful day.
Found this quote in a journal entry. Not sure of the context but it must have stood out for me to write it down.
Suddenly is an accumulation of events that happened while you were waiting.
Pastor Joel Osteen
Over the past week or so, I have found lists of goals in random places – journal entries, saved notes, and scribbled on pieces of paper. Every time I find one, I am always amazed at how many goals I have actually achieved without ever revisiting the lists. Honestly, I am not sure how things happen without me actively pursuing them, but somehow they do. Which leads me back to Pastor Osteen’s quote. Suddenly really isn’t something that happens randomly, but an accumulation of events that were set in motion once written down.
Yesterday, I found another list and added updates. Then I made a new list. Can’t wait to revisit it in the future!
Y’all, I hope this all made sense. I really need to stop writing so early in the morning. Especially when I am half asleep. Ugh! I’m on day 137 of continuous blogging and it is also Wednesday, so I had to write. (Smile)
Good Morning! It’s September 22, 2019. No social media find today, only my thoughts. This weathered, folded note is a journal entry I wrote on September 22, 2014. I call it my “purse note.” I have kept this one, and a few others that I’ve added over time, in my purse for years. I actually read them quite often to make sure I’m on track, especially when I become discouraged.
This morning I just want to say, don’t give up. Don’t settle. No matter how things look, hold on. Because, what’s for you, is already yours. Remember that God’s blessings are better than life! I love y’all.🙏🏽♥️
Honestly, I have not read my notes in a while. Started with one note that I was supposed to read daily. Now I have several ranging from 2014 – 2021. They keep me motivated and encouraged. They remind me that no matter how things appear, I am still on track.
The other day, while reading journal entries from the late 90s, I came across a list of goals I had forgotten I had written. After reading them, I was surprised to see that my goals really haven’t changed much. What I desired to achieve then, I still desire to achieve today. Overall, nothing has changed.
So here is what’s in the photo – a copy of my first “purse note” from September 22, 2014 and my goals from March 30, 1997 (both unedited).
Goals. Dreams. Motivation.
Well, as you can see, I keep and document just about everything. From personal stories to current events, I have them documented somewhere in my journals. Whenever I come across an entry where I have documented major events from someone’s life – births, marriages, etc. – I screenshot the passage and send it to them. They seem to love it.
I love my life.
Thanks for reading! Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday.
Facebook memory: September 8, 2018 – Caption and picture.
How many of you have tried to rush things and God said, “Be still” or “Be patient”?
Be Still Be Patient God’s Working
I’m not going to lie, I have been feeling pretty low for a few days now. Can’t seem to stop crying. I keep asking myself where is my life headed. Honestly, it seems like my ambitions and dreams have shriveled up. All I’m left with is nothingness. Like, I feel nothing. I want nothing. I’m just here.
Yesterday, my son said I needed to get out the house and go somewhere, anywhere. I was like, all I’ve been doing is going. He said I needed to go somewhere for myself, not to take care of things for someone else. So, we drove down to the coast for lunch. He was right, I needed to do something for me. Now, here I am laying here with my thoughts. I just can’t seem to stop crying. I’ve been patient with myself for years, so why am I not further along? I don’t want to die without achieving my dreams; however, right now, I don’t have any drive to move forward. None. I just want to be.
I know this moment will pass. It always does. But it’s becoming harder and harder to bounce back. This is hard to admit but I’m beginning to feel hopeless. Just being transparent.
It is Wednesday and the very first day of September! I just love welcoming in new months. I always feel like it is an opportunity to start afresh.
This month, I challenge you to leave the woes of August behind and embrace what September has to offer. Looking forward to new experiences and new opportunities. Let’s do something different, something exciting and new. Why is the theme song of “Love Boat” playing in my head – Gotta love life.
Starting a little late, today. Decided not to rush things. Months ago I added “LaShaundreaB’s Wellness Wednesdays” to my calendar. I added it to ensure I did something just for me at least once a week. Whatever I wanted to do. Whether that was pampering myself, reorganizing my closet, watching a good movie, reading a book, or just relaxing. I knew I would need time to slow down and breathe. So today, I am sticking with my schedule. I am taking care of Shaun, first. No rush. Everything else can wait.
A few years ago, a question was circulating on different social media platforms – “What advice would you give your five year old self?” The answer I gave then, is still the same today; however, I would add:
Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to make and learn from mistakes. Take more leaps of faith. Save more. Invest more. There’s going to be this thing called social media. Learn to manage it, don’t let it manage you.
Here’s what I originally shared back in 2017 (I believe).
What would I tell my 5 year old self?
You’re going to have some good days and some bad days. Sometimes you’re going to feel like giving up, but you won’t. You’re a survivor. See every moment as an adventure. It will help you through the tough times. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t settle for less than what you want and what you’re worth.
You will always be a little different than others. You’re unique. Embrace it! Travel. Love. Have fun. And ALWAYS put God first. He’s so awesome. The things He’s going to allow you to experience are going to blow your mind. Girl, just enjoy life. And guess what? I love you.
What advice would you give your five year old self?
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