On July 19, 2021, I shared the image above with the caption, “Stay strong. Stay focused. You’ve got this.” I even have it pinned to one of my pages.
Stay strong. Stay focused.
Seems like that’s been the story of my life. For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always had to be the strong one. I’ve always had to be the focused one. What would ever happen if I no longer wanted to be the strong one, or no longer wanted to be focused. Would the world fall apart? Would my world fall apart?
Transparent moment…
I’m not sure what’s going on with me. This past week has been mentally and emotionally draining. Last Friday I met up with my sisters and their families for a weekend reunion. It was great seeing everyone and their families. I was solo.
Solo
I didn’t think it would bother me as much as it did. Not even sure why it is bothering me now. This is where the, “Stay strong. Stay focused,” has always come in and rescued me. I would redirect my attention so that I would not feel (even though I am an emotional person) whatever negative feelings I was feeling at the moment. As I have mentioned before, I hate feeling sad or anything negative. So, I tend to seek out positive, uplifting things, which I believe we should. However, do I ever fully process those negative feelings? Hmm… I believe I allow the process to get to a certain point and then pull back. Sometimes I believe I pull back because I was always led to believe God doesn’t want us to feel anything negative.
Y’all, just listening to myself process my emotions have me thinking about the movie, “Inside Out.” I have only seen the first movie but have heard so much about the sequel. Maybe I’ll go see it today.
Anyhoo… let me get back on track. As I was saying, I was led to believe negative emotions were not godly so I would force myself to find positive things or “get over it.” Well, I am tired of getting over it and being strong and being focused. Honestly, it’s not even me, it’s like my soul is tired of me not allowing myself to process those feelings. So, this time, whether I like it or not, it’s happening. I have even found myself being honest this week when people have asked how I’m doing. I have responded with, “Not well. Nothing major. Don’t feel like going into details.” Does it make me appear vulnerable or weak? Perhaps. But it’s the truth. I can hear people saying, “Never let people know when you’re down.” Yeah… that’s what I have done the majority of my life and I am tired. I’m tired of not fully feeling. I believe I have to fully feel and process my feelings before I can move forward. If this means appearing weak, so be it. As I stated in my original message, my purpose is greater than my distractions. And me worrying about what others think is a distraction.
Today, my focus is on feeling every ounce of what I am feeling. No holding back. No redirecting. It’s time to feel so I can fully heal.
That’s all I have at the moment, which I guess is enough. And for those who cringe because you think I am oversharing, please move on. It’s your voices that have kept me from fully feeling. Instead of criticizing me, please send up prayers for a complete healing because it’s what I would do for you. Love you.♥️
Shaun
It’s Shaun’s World 
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